Legend
The "Two Cow Philosophy"
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous
AN ANARCHIST: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A NAZI: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
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Liberal Arts Major
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~ Ogordemir ~
"The sciences have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age." ~ H.P Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu
Editor
...How... how does one BUILD a herd of cows?
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The Credo of Little Mac: Any time not spent doing ZE UPPERCUT is time that could be better spent doing ZE UPPERCUT.
"...Your animal analogies have grown tiresome!" ~Godot, Phoenix Wright 3
Editor
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows/2
Neon Genesis Evangelion
You thought the show was about owning two cows but it turns out... well, you have no idea what the show was about.
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The Credo of Little Mac: Any time not spent doing ZE UPPERCUT is time that could be better spent doing ZE UPPERCUT.
"...Your animal analogies have grown tiresome!" ~Godot, Phoenix Wright 3
DSB Moderator
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