|
# 001 Liberal Arts Major
However, I found the topic and the issue a lot more important to myself than the first. Which is odd, because the first one basically included this same idea.
Anyway, if you didn't follow that, New Article. :o
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
Enjoy your 5 EXP and 5 Karma forced onto you for this piece of writing!
+++
http://i15.tinypic.com/4c1rtwh.jpg
If only the Catholics would really see the light.. *sigh*
Liberal Arts Major
+++
http://i15.tinypic.com/4c1rtwh.jpg
If only the Catholics would really see the light.. *sigh*
Liberal Arts Major
I figured more than once would just be annoying.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
...I just noticed I've got the majority of Suggested Messages now. <_<
+++
http://i15.tinypic.com/4c1rtwh.jpg
If only the Catholics would really see the light.. *sigh*
Liberal Arts Major
Now back to work for me.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
At the very least, I am always interested in constructive input.
I had to put constructive in there because otherwise it just invited a joke post.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
Oh, the witticisms!
Anyway, standard-fare warning that there may be angst in this article. I don't know, last time I said that, it turned out people thought it wasn't as bad as I thought it. Naturally though, since I think this article will be better in this regard, watch as it becomes an angst-fest. These opening segments are annoying to write [and read, I imagine], you know? So - to the story!
It didn't turn out to be very angsty. If I hadn't deleted all my articles, then stuffed them deep, deep into the recesses of my hard-drive just in case I ever want to commit suicide via total IQ destruction, I would show you what angsty is.
In the meantime I can only recommend you read Nausea.
[Insert witty opening catchphrase here]
How about: "lol u c wut i did thar?"
Ok, so let's really start now, so, here's what we have, xp wants to be in a relationship, however, he's a hopelessly foolish romantic... or so he thinks, because this is all hypothetical due to the whole not having competent (if any) social skills to actually verify this.
Your lack of social skills just means you're clumsy. Who knows - you might secretly be a paradigm of romance. Which actually won't get you far now-a-days. Rather, I suggest you secretly be a paradigm of passionate, animalistic jungle sex. Wear a tee-shirt that says that just so everybody can secretly find out.
But seriously, yeah, you can't be much of a romantic if you lack social skills. After all, it's hard to romance somebody you're afraid of.
A bit of a flash forward to present day, so we've established that - Here's the trick, I find the idea of "asking out" someone you don't know to be absurd, or at the least, pointless.
That depends on how you interpret the idea of "asking out". The purpose of dating when you're older is to get to know someone better - someone you otherwise would likely not have had anything to do with. (Also sex.) It can have the same purpose at our age; just make sure you're actually going to go somewhere and do something. Also realize that under this interpretation you are simply asking somebody on a date - you are not initiating a steady relationship. That occurs best on, say, the third or fourth such date.
If you do feel inclined to do that, make sure you and the person in question have something intellectual in common: a love of history, an interest in languages, a desire to beat Zelda: TP. Anything, really. Through this medium you can sustain a conversation.
(IBOMGButTheFriendZone)
The friend zone doesn't exist. In fact, from my experience, girls at this age are more likely to want to "date" somebody they've known as a close friend for a shorter period of time. Thus, you get Andrea and Brandie taking an interest in me (both of which did so after only a few months of closeness), and on the other hand "Jill" (who knew Pavel for a while before any sort of romantic desire was forced into the relationship, and who quickly collapsed said relationship due to lack of interest) and "Jenny"* (who isn't close enough to Pavel to have been interested in him) screwing Pavel. This is why "asking [someone] out" is important: it generates closeness, which generates openness, which generates a "relationship", which possibly generates sexuality. Because, if you think about it, a "relationship" is really just 'really solid friendship' + 'sex'. You can always have a platonic relationship, of course, but the 'sex' aspect has a powerful effect on the foundation of the friendship, and on the desire to stay close.
I've actually examined this topic at length in the past, during my relationship with Andrea, because we were both curious as to what made our relationship tick. (If you'll pardon the aside, this was partially what caused things to end so poorly, because she never quite understood the mechanics at work, so she believed our friendship was strong enough to survive after she went all Holy and Righteous and cut off my 'sex'. Our friendship was actually quite strong, but the sexual attraction between us was such that her desire to remain chaste would create so much tension between us we could effectively never see each other again in private. This, combined with the fragility of our fledgling 'sex'-free dating schedule, meant we were basically screwed no matter what either of us did, unless she gave up her desire for chastity. Which she would never do.)
Ah, the power of sex.
* Not their real names, because Pavel's paranoid.
Actually, more precisely, I probably mean that you know each other's interests and personalities pretty well, from interacting with each other, not trying to assemble vague observations.
Exactly. That's the purpose of "going out". Try it; you'll like it. (Or you'll hate it. That's also a possibility.)
You may have guessed the imminent problem I'm about to mention if you've put together this article and the last one. Since my social skills/anxiety is against actually being assertive/confident and initiating the acquaintance, my hope would fall to them being either in my group of friends, or pretty close to my friends' groups of friends. Problem, my friends, at least when we're in a group, are all guys. Or, at least 99% of the time. So, uh, well, I haven't come up with a solution yet.
Solution: group get-together! Find someone you like who is relatively close to your own social sphere, have some "friends"/acquaintances do the same, and go somewhere. Hell, you all don't even have to ask the person you specifically like, or one of you could simply coordinate the whole thing. This allows you to get to the know the person without actually confronting them directly, which should in turn grant you the level of comfort necessary to approach the girl directly.
Note that this plan fails if (a) your "friends" all suck, (b) there ARE no girls anywhere remotely close to your social sphere, (c) if the event turns out to be a disaster, and/or (d) if during the event you fail to actually engage in a conversation with this person, group conversation, tributary to the group conversation, or one-on-one talk (obviously the best option) regardless. So make sure none of those points are valid before attempting this.
What makes this worse, is my fluctuating mood. When I'm in a good/happy mood, my confidence, optimism, and determination shoot through the roof, and I think to myself, "Heh, I'm over this, I actually have the confidence and other social skills to do this. (This would be meaning initiate acquaintance if you aren't following me)", however, then, inevitably, at some time my mood will drop back down to normal, or even crash a bit, and I'll be back to, "God damnit, I'm screwed.". If that wasn't enough, I remember the feeling of confidence and all that, and seeing that evaporate just makes me feel worse and more self-esteem goes down. This is a typical cycle that repeats itself, though it naturally makes sure that I don't have the confident part at a time where I'd ideally like to try and use it.
It's quite likely your inopportune loss of confidence occurs at the wrong time at the wrong place because subconsciously, or in the back of you're mind, you're having second thoughts about your plans on the basis that you suck. Because otherwise you're just vaguely bipolar.
If a lack of confidence is really what's screwing you, attempt to sever the connection between your social skills (which - remember - you don't have!) and your confidence, relocating your confidence to a much safer, warmer nest within your talents. Your low points seem to occur when you define yourself by your propensity to fail at the task at hand rather than your ability to ultimately succeed in the "big picture". Once you realign your thinking you should be able to avoid such cycles because your confidence remains aloof and undeterred. (Just telling yourself "omg i r asum?!", however, is bound to fail, because deep inside you realize you're not "asum" at all, at least when it comes to social networking.)
Also, take it from Pavel and myself: rejection is fine. Even repeated rejection, if Pavel is anything to go by (he's 0-6, I think). If you fail to make an acquaintance with someone, go on and do it again with someone else. These people mean nothing to you until you've had a few dates, anyway, so knock yourself out, and remember: a position of apathy is the best position.
Despite the sarcastic intent I had behind that title, I'm perfectly aware that it is true. I'd be insane to suggest that only I have this problem and not like... nearly all adolescents at one point or another, but hey - I like to write about things that interest me/are on my mind, and well, this is way up there, if not the thing on my mind.
That's what TFN is here for.
That, and second-rate text-based MMORPG's.
Anyway, I'm sure the sooner this ends the better for anyone who's reading.
Nah, I would have liked more to comment on. >_>
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
Indeed. I rather liked the title. >_>
It didn't turn out to be very angsty. If I hadn't deleted all my articles, then stuffed them deep, deep into the recesses of my hard-drive just in case I ever want to commit suicide via total IQ destruction, I would show you what angsty is.
Well, I wrote that before I actually wrote the story, and while I had a general idea on what it was about, once I start writing, all bets are off on whether or not it stays as it planned. However, writing spur of the moment based on vague notions beforehand is obviously superior to planning things out.
In the meantime I can only recommend you read Nausea.
Read what? =(
How about: "lol u c wut i did thar?"
Yeah, but I just used it before. Unless you meant to have used it in the very beginning in bold.
Your lack of social skills just means you're clumsy. Who knows - you might secretly be a paradigm of romance. Which actually won't get you far now-a-days.
Oh, I'm not saying it would, in fact, I know it probably wouldn't, I was just giving some background.
But seriously, yeah, you can't be much of a romantic if you lack social skills. After all, it's hard to romance somebody you're afraid of.
That's the other neat thing of writing the story in real time, as I was writing that sentence, I thought... oh wait, that's a better way to phrase, and yet I didn't feel like backspacing, because I was trying to keep everything as it was in my train of thought, rather then add more opportunities to subconsciously alter things.
That depends on how you interpret the idea of "asking out". The purpose of dating when you're older is to get to know someone better - someone you otherwise would likely not have had anything to do with. (Also sex.) It can have the same purpose at our age; just make sure you're actually going to go somewhere and do something. Also realize that under this interpretation you are simply asking somebody on a date - you are not initiating a steady relationship. That occurs best on, say, the third or fourth such date.
Yeah, I don't think I ever quite realized that until a few days ago. The problem with deducing off of public reaction is that it seems everyone in my school treats, "Going out" as "Steady Relationship". Tricky little jerks probably did that just to screw my perceptions up. >_>
If you do feel inclined to do that, make sure you and the person in question have something intellectual in common: a love of history, an interest in languages, a desire to beat Zelda: TP. Anything, really. Through this medium you can sustain a conversation.
Desire to beat TP? I already have. >_>
But yeah, I sort of knew that. Even I saw the idiocy of being with someone who you have nothing in common with.
The friend zone doesn't exist. In fact, from my experience, girls at this age are more likely to want to "date" somebody they've known as a close friend for a shorter period of time.
Damnit, LUE is on it too!
Seriously though, I had personally felt this way, in the sense that if it were me, I'd think like that. However, I also considered, well, other people don't think like me on a number of other things already, so who is to say I'm right here?
* Not their real names, because Pavel's paranoid.
>_>
[Damn character limit.]
Liberal Arts Major
Exactly. That's the purpose of "going out". Try it; you'll like it. (Or you'll hate it. That's also a possibility.)
Easier said than done though. =(
Solution: group get-together! Find someone you like who is relatively close to your own social sphere, have some "friends"/acquaintances do the same, and go somewhere. Hell, you all don't even have to ask the person you specifically like, or one of you could simply coordinate the whole thing. This allows you to get to the know the person without actually confronting them directly, which should in turn grant you the level of comfort necessary to approach the girl directly.
New Problem: I can't possibly see something both groups would want to do. (Well, for most situations. In a select rare few, I might.)
Note that this plan fails if (a) your "friends" all suck, (b) there ARE no girls anywhere remotely close to your social sphere, (c) if the event turns out to be a disaster, and/or (d) if during the event you fail to actually engage in a conversation with this person, group conversation, tributary to the group conversation, or one-on-one talk (obviously the best option) regardless. So make sure none of those points are valid before attempting this.
*Looks at option (d)*
xp is so screwed
It's quite likely your inopportune loss of confidence occurs at the wrong time at the wrong place because subconsciously, or in the back of you're mind, you're having second thoughts about your plans on the basis that you suck.
Very possible. In fact, very probable. >_>
Because otherwise you're just vaguely bipolar.
Yeah. =(
If a lack of confidence is really what's screwing you, attempt to sever the connection between your social skills (which - remember - you don't have!)
I started laughing right here. XD
and your confidence, relocating your confidence to a much safer, warmer nest within your talents. Your low points seem to occur when you define yourself by your propensity to fail at the task at hand rather than your ability to ultimately succeed in the "big picture".
Thinking ahead? Whenever I do that, I think too far ahead. >_>
Once you realign your thinking you should be able to avoid such cycles because your confidence remains aloof and undeterred. (Just telling yourself "omg i r asum?!", however, is bound to fail, because deep inside you realize you're not "asum" at all, at least when it comes to social networking.)
=(
Also, take it from Pavel and myself: rejection is fine. Even repeated rejection, if Pavel is anything to go by (he's 0-6, I think). If you fail to make an acquaintance with someone, go on and do it again with someone else. These people mean nothing to you until you've had a few dates, anyway, so knock yourself out, and remember: a position of apathy is the best position.
Apathy is indeed awesome.
That's what TFN is here for.
That, and second-rate text-based MMORPG's.
Indeed. <_<
Nah, I would have liked more to comment on. >_>
Yeah, but at that point my train of thought started dying down, so I was running out of material. I'm sure some other day it'll start again about something. >_>
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
Another reason group affairs are awesome - they avoid those characterizations while accomplishing essentially the same thing.
But yeah, I sort of knew that. Even I saw the idiocy of being with someone who you have nothing in common with.
Yes, well, Pavel doesn't, so one must make sure of these things. >_>
Seriously though, I had personally felt this way, in the sense that if it were me, I'd think like that. However, I also considered, well, other people don't think like me on a number of other things already, so who is to say I'm right here?
Who is to say you're wrong? I obviously can't say how your particular social environment functions, but I've been party to two such environments (actually four, but two are lacking in data) in two places in the country, and as far as I can tell, only the exceptionally popular girls aren't so concerned with closeness, because they're moderately close to everyone they'd date and they have the self-confidence to see themselves through anything, really. All the girls whose closest friends consist of a small circle of girls with some boys in the periphery are loathe to exit that little sphere of security.
Easier said than done though. =(
True, true.
New Problem: I can't possibly see something both groups would want to do. (Well, for most situations. In a select rare few, I might.)
Everyone likes to eat, and most people like to watch movies. These are two simple options that should fit almost every group, unless you have the weirdest group imaginable.
xp is so screwed
I think your actions within a group context aren't so predictable as that. It'd be kind of hard to ignore her of she's participating herself. >_>
Thinking ahead? Whenever I do that, I think too far ahead. >_>
More like "thinking elsewhere".
=(
~_^
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Editor
...Aside from the obvious?
---
"If I don't live diligently, I can't die. So I will fight. Even if... I have no chance of winning." ~Shinji Ikari, RE-TAKE
Liberal Arts Major
...Pass.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
Yet they seem more complicated and harder to pull off. =(
I'd almost say it sound easier to just ask someone yourself than try to coordinate a group thing.
Yes, well, Pavel doesn't, so one must make sure of these things. >_>
Of course.
Who is to say you're wrong?
Past experience? >_>
I obviously can't say how your particular social environment functions, but I've been party to two such environments (actually four, but two are lacking in data) in two places in the country, and as far as I can tell, only the exceptionally popular girls aren't so concerned with closeness, because they're moderately close to everyone they'd date and they have the self-confidence to see themselves through anything, really. All the girls whose closest friends consist of a small circle of girls with some boys in the periphery are loathe to exit that little sphere of security.
Yeah, but I think I happen to be on the...
Damnit, I need a draw function.
Me --- P --- C --- T
P = Periphery
C = Circle
T = Them
Like, if what you called "the boy(s) on the periphery" is that P, I'm friends with said P, but not in the... orbit... of... the circle.
...Or something.
Like, I can see the periphery, I'm friends with periphery, but I'm still outside the circle.
Like, in all cases. I could probably analyze this with all my friends and have the same sort of result every time.
Easier said than done though. =(
Everyone likes to eat, and most people like to watch movies. These are two simple options that should fit almost every group, unless you have the weirdest group imaginable.
Yes, but the coordination/organization part seems to be just too damn complicated.
I think your actions within a group context aren't so predictable as that. It'd be kind of hard to ignore her of she's participating herself. >_>
Oh, I'd pull it off. I'm skilled like that.
More like "thinking elsewhere".
=(
~_^
I'm missing the joke. =(
Problem, my friends, at least when we're in a group, are all guys. Or, at least 99% of the time. So, uh, well, I haven't come up with a solution yet.
...Aside from the obvious?
I'm also not sure exactly what you mean (though I have two main ideas), but either way - No.
...Aside from the obvious?
...Pass.
This helps confirm that my "No." idea is correct.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Provisional
---
You suck! -Crowd
Your mother taught me how! -Kurt Angle
Juggernaut, bitch.
~~
Burgess [Z?] http://blog.myspace.com/burgess51
I smell like smoke because I have walked through fire.
New Moderator
I'd almost say it sound easier to just ask someone yourself than try to coordinate a group thing.
Then more power to you. Group affairs are only useful if you couldn't pull off a one-on-one meeting.
Past experience? >_>
Your experience is biased! >_>;;
Yeah, but I think I happen to be on the...
Damnit, I need a draw function.
Me --- P --- C --- T
P = Periphery
C = Circle
T = Them
Like, if what you called "the boy(s) on the periphery" is that P, I'm friends with said P, but not in the... orbit... of... the circle.
...Or something.
If I understand it correctly, you work more like this:
You - Your Friends - Everyone Else
>_>
Like, I can see the periphery, I'm friends with periphery, but I'm still outside the circle.
Hence my suggestion that you meet one or more of these people; the only way to join the periphery/circle is to fratrenize with its members.
Easier said than done though. =(
A recurring theme.
Yes, but the coordination/organization part seems to be just too damn complicated.
I'm missing the joke. =(
So am I. =(
___
~ Ogordemir ~
When I feel like being awesome in another way.
Message last edited by Silvas on 12/7/2006 at 02:33:30 PM
Liberal Arts Major
Yeah. I'm thinking the one major problem is the psychological foothold in my mind that tells me "asking out" even by the definition you've corrected me with, is just not something you just come out and mention. There needs to be a decent amount amount of interaction/getting to know beforehand.
And that interaction stuff... Yeah, that's the whole problem. =(
Your experience is biased! >_>;;
Well, you asked. >_>
If I understand it correctly, you work more like this:
You - Your Friends - Everyone Else
>_>
Yeah, sort of. My version was just focused on a single person though, hence the complications involving...
Yeah... what you said. >_>
Hence my suggestion that you meet one or more of these people; the only way to join the periphery/circle is to fratrenize with its members.
Let me clear this up.
M - P - E
E = Everyone Else
"These people" is part of the E, not the P, right?
A recurring theme.
Actually, I just forgot to delete that when I pasted your post to respond.
I'm missing the joke. =(
So am I. =(
You made a ^_~ face, I'm thinking that you made some kind of joke, and I missed it. >_>
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
In which case you're totally screwed until you can get over that semantic hurdle, barring of course the random girl that might take an interest in you and thus spare you the need to get over your inability to initiate the necessary relations.
Let me clear this up.
M - P - E
E = Everyone Else
"These people" is part of the E, not the P, right?
"These people" = E, yes; however, ME is apparently unobtainable for you at the current hour, so we have to find an intermediary. MP works, as does PE, so MPE is... your only hope?
Actually, I just forgot to delete that when I pasted your post to respond.
>_>;
You made a ^_~ face, I'm thinking that you made some kind of joke, and I missed it. >_>
Nah, that was just a placeholder. I was attempting to hide my inability to produce an answer to whatever, but apparently I suck too much.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
I think that's been the theme of the articles. =(
"These people" = E, yes; however, ME is apparently unobtainable for you at the current hour, so we have to find an intermediary. MP works, as does PE, so MPE is... your only hope?
Miracles are also worth hoping for.
Nah, that was just a placeholder. I was attempting to hide my inability to produce an answer to whatever, but apparently I suck too much.
I see.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
I'm just confirming your conclusions.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
I feel a bit better now, after sleeping, but the last hour of school, and for about an hour after after that, it was pure hell. As in, I just wanted to cry for no reason for two hours.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
...You seem to have quite a few neurological problems.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
Although I thought I've mentioned the bipolar part in the past as well.
It's mainly that, and the social anxiety.
Well, that, and a penchant for sinus problems, but that isn't really relevant.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
And I thought my acne was bad. :(
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Editor
I just bottle up all my feelings inside where they can fester as a mental illness and/or ulcer.
---
"If I don't live diligently, I can't die. So I will fight. Even if... I have no chance of winning." ~Shinji Ikari, RE-TAKE
Liberal Arts Major
I do that most of the time as well, this caught me off guard in the fact that it was considerably harder to handle.
---
xp1337: Your former local puppet admin.
"This is the light of my soul, a sacred territory upon which no one may intrude." - Kaworu, NGE.
Liberal Arts Major
You're my kind of person.
___
~ Ogordemir ~
Buddha promised me Nirvana and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
"Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people." ~ Oscar Wilde