Editor
Fun fact 2: You can't edit posts in closed topics anymore. You used to be able to. This also caught me off-guard.
Fun fact 3: The auto-close function auto-defeats the ability to edit a topic in order to unclose it. Sorta misses the point of even having that option. This caught me the MOST off-guard.
TFN, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway.
Let us continue where we left off.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Shion: The cheap-ass enemies were-
KOS-MOS: Shion forgot that we had giant armored battle machines at our disposal.
Shion: That's-
Jr.: All in favor of ousting Shion as party leader, effective immediately?
KOS-MOS: Aye.
Ziggy: Aye.
chaos: aye.
Jr.: Aye.
MOMO: Aye.
Shion: Oh come on, MOMO can't even talk right now!
MOMO: ...
Shion: That's better. Also, you guys can't do this. First of all, who would replace-
Jr.: I nominate myself.
KOS-MOS: I also nominate myself.
MOMO: ...
chaos: i suppose i nominate myself as well.
Shion: There, you see. You need me in charge because I'm the only one who can unite-
Ziggy: I second chaos.
chaos: wait, what?
KOS-MOS: I'm willing to allow this.
Jr.: Works for me.
MOMO: ...
chaos: wow, i don't know what to say. i won't let you guys down.
Shion: But.
Shion: But.
Shion: My authority... gone. My main character status... fading. My giant cake... never got a slice...
[The team, under chaos' supervision, quickly solves the elevator puzzle, which is really too horrible to qualify as either a puzzle OR an elevator.]
chaos: team! progress report!
Ziggy: All nearby random encounters have been cleared out.
Jr.: Progress towards overlying dungeon puzzle is going smoothly.
KOS-MOS: Location of next boss has been confirmed. Sending you the virtual map now. Also noted are the locations of every save point within the Song of Nephilim.
MOMO: ...
chaos: all right, so that just leaves shion. i sent her on item duty fifteen minutes ago, she should be back by now.
[Meanwhile, two enemy REALIANS are conversing...]
Calx: So there I was, upside down, stark naked, tied to a tree, and there's this Minotaur Gnosis right in front of me. So I turn to Vive and I say, "well, at least we ain't fighting Tiamat!"
Vive: My god! What happened next?
Calx: So, as you know, Vive was being chased by bees, right? So what she does is she takes out the honey and throws it at the Minotaur! The bees and Minotaur start fighting, and during the confusion I manage to break my ropes.
Vive: The bees fought off the Minotaur?
Calx: Well, for a while. But the thing was, the only thing that can stop a Minotaur Gnosis one hundred percent of the time is-
Vive: Musical theatre! Of course!
Calx: Right, and now that I was untied, and Vive was back, we were able to pull it off just in time! Haha. Still the best honeymoon ever. Isn't that right, Vive?
Vive: Am I Vive? I thought you were Vive.
[SHION appears, wearing a GROUCHO disguise.]
Shion: 'Ello guvna! Fine day ta be protectin' Mistah Albedo, eh wot?
Calx: Sure is, fellow Realian!
Shion: Mistah Albedo sent me down 'ere to examine the ol' supply depot. Could you point me in its direction?
Calx: Sure thing. It's... waaaaaait a second. Realians don't wear glasses. Or grow mustaches. Or have stereotypical accents! Nothing about this adds up at all!
[SHION cuts off CALX's head with her SHOCK BLADE.]
Shion: You didn't see anything!
Vive: Okay!
[SHION runs off.]
Vive: ...So anyway, what were you saying, Calx?
[SHION enters the supply depot.]
Shion: Okay, now to just gather up all the items, nice and easy. No enemies on the radar... Should be fine.
[SHION starts blowing up the crates.]
BOSS FIGHT:
ATHRA 26 SERIES
Athra: I AM ALBEDO'S FOURTH EVIL EX-BOYFRIEND
Shion: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-wait, what?
Athra: YOU HEARD ME! Prepare to die, Shion!
Shion: Challenge accepted. I'm pretty sure I can take you.
[3 seconds pass.]
Shion: WHY HASN'T ANYONE COME TO HELP ME
[20 minutes pass.]
Shion: I HAVE GAINED AN OPENING IN ITS DEFENSES BY ALLOWING IT TO STAB ME IN THE HEART AND FACE
[SHION limps back to the rest of the party.]
chaos: shion, you're late. i gave you the simplest task and you couldn't even handle that.
Ziggy: Tsk, how incompetent.
Jr.: Shion you are the absolute worst.
Shion: If anyone needs me... gonna be passed out on the floor... if I don't make it... tell Albedo... to kill you all...
[SHION collapses.]
Jr.: I like her better this way.
KOS-MOS: I estimate a 17% increase in difficulty of movement with Shion unconscious.
Jr.: I still like her better this way.
KOS-MOS: Of course, we could avoid that by leaving her behind entirely.
Jr.: That's why I like her better this way.
[The group heads forward, solving some bridge puzzles and trying their best to avoid the encounters that get 8-10 turns in a row and thus completely wreck the party no matter what.]
KOS-MOS: Boss fight ahead.
chaos: any save points nearby?
KOS-MOS: There is one immediately afterward.
chaos: naturally.
BOSS FIGHT:
RIANON SE
KOS-MOS: Boosts have been disabled. Changing battle parameters to accomodate for this.
chaos: jr., steal that shield armor!
Jr.: Can do, chief.
chaos: kos-mos, lay down some supporting fire and heal as needed!
KOS-MOS: Understood.
chaos: momo, full heal duty!
MOMO: ...
[The boss eventually goes down.]
chaos: that was remarkably painless. who would have guessed that shion was the one holding us back all along?
KOS-MOS: I suspected as much from the beginning.
Ziggy: Likewise.
Jr.: It was supposed to be a secret?
MOMO: ...
chaos: that was a rhetorical question, guys.
[The party continues forward and finds a rather obtuse, yet remarkably easy to solve, puzzle involving musical notes.]
KOS-MOS: Analyzing puzzle... Successful. Puzzle solution: 1 green, 3 blue, 4 red.
chaos: got it.
[This connects all three towers and grants access to an elevator to the bottom.]
chaos: it occurs to me that leaving shion behind may complicate our escape plan.
Jr.: That was not lost on me.
chaos: especially because of the high probability that this place will go critical as soon as we defeat the boss.
Jr.: That had also not escaped me.
chaos: we may want to go back and collect shion before then.
Jr.: She'll be fine.
chaos: how will-
Jr.: Well, we'll be fine, at least, and to be fair, we're the important ones.
[They enter the final chamber and see ALBEDO holding MOMO. The MOMO that was in the party turns into KIRSHWASSER and begins to choke JR.]
Jr.: Why... isn't... anyone... HELPING ME?!
chaos: i'm too polite to hit a woman
Ziggy: I'm too busy staring at Albedo in mild disgust.
KOS-MOS: You are not Vector personnel.
Jr.: Fucking... hate you all...
[JR. breaks his limiters, knocking KIRSHWASSER to the floor. ALBEDO begins to absorb information from MOMO again.]
Jr.: Knock that shit off. Final warning, yo.
Albedo: I'm calling your bl-
[JR. shoots ALBEDO in the head.]
Albedo: ...Okay, I deserved that.
Jr.: You deserve so much worse. Trigger the boss fight already so I can go to town on you for real.
Albedo: Nope, I'd rather enjoy my cutscene invulnerability.
[ALBEDO continues absorbing MOMO.]
Albedo: You know what your problem is, Rubedo? You've forgotten what it means to LIVE! What it means to be in pain! Pain is life, Rubedo, and you've lived in peace for too long! But soon, I'll make you remember who you really are!
Jr.: Oh just shut the fuck up, Albedo. You're just a freak contaminated by U-DO, while I'm a main character. We've both played Final Fantasy VII. We both know how this is gonna go down.
Albedo: Contaminated? More like... evolved! And main character? You're a supporting character at best! Exactly the kind that will die in the final act to give the REAL main character a boost in resolve!
Jr.: I'll show you who the main character around here is!
[JR. reduces ALBEDO to a fine red paste, but he regenerates.]
chaos: he's a u.r.t.v., just like jr. they were created for the purpose of eliminating u-do!
Albedo: Who do?
chaos: you do!
Albedo: I do!
chaos: do what?
Albedo: Have the ability to duck season rabbit season you.
chaos: ...wait.
chaos: ...
chaos: carry the one...
chaos: oh, you bastard.
[ALBEDO continues absorbing MOMO! The rest of the party is still just standing around! Even JR.'s not doing much! MOMO's going to have to save herself at this rate! He's still absorbing her! You'd think the party would have done something by now!]
Albedo: One more layer... Just one more layer, and then I'll have everything inside of her. Now then, I wonder how much more she can take?
The player: That's actual dialogue, by the way. I am literally in disbelief that this game is rated Teen.
Jr.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[JR. fires a blast of light from his body in all directions, encompassing everything. ALBEDO sees MOMO's memories.]
Joachim Mizrahi: My powers are at their limits. This is all I can do... Entrust you with this task. You'll meet them, soon...
[ALBEDO sees memories of all the characters, but when KOS-MOS appears, he's booted back into the real world and JR.'s attack knocks him away.]
Albedo: Urgh... Getting knocked into a wall... My one weakness...!
Jr.: MOMO! Are you okay?!
MOMO: ...did you seriously just ask me that. do I look okay.
[ALBEDO gets into his AGWS, the SIMEON - one of the lesser known EEVEELUTIONS.]
Albedo: Everything makes sense now... Come on, then, Rubedo! Let's play for a little while longer!
Jr.: Not good... MOMO's still not up to fighting... Hey guys, any of you ready to help me yet?
Ziggy: I'm still too busy staring.
KOS-MOS: You are still not Vector personnel.
chaos: and this really seems like something that should be handled by non-party leaders, so i'm out.
Jr.: FUCKING HATE YOU GUYS
Albedo: What's the matter, Rubedo? Abandoned by the cavalry so soon? What a fitting end!
[The SONG OF NEPHILIM begins to rumble, followed by a crashing sound every few seconds. Suddenly, the DOMINION TANK crashes through the ceiling and falls onto the SIMEON.]
Shion: I DISCOVERED A WAY TO BYPASS THIS DUNGEON'S FIENDISH PUZZLES
KOS-MOS: Vector personnel detected. Shifting to battle mode.
Jr.: Fucking FINALLY.
BOSS FIGHT:
SIMEON
Albedo: You're all so frail! Rubedo, can you survive this next attack? AIRD E!
Jr.: That all? The random encounters here are tougher than you!
Albedo: What's the matter, Ru- wait, what? Really?
Jr.: Um, yeah.
Shion: By a significant margin.
KOS-MOS: They possess both comparable overall HP and a far greater ability to inflict damage.
Albedo: ...
Albedo: You're lying.
Shion: Nope.
Jr.: Would we lie about this? It's the most embarrassing fuckin' thing. Repeatedly killed by doofy looking robots.
Albedo: ...
Albedo: In... in any case, next turn-
Shion: ALBEDO, I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU, AND I'MMA NOT LET YOU FINISH, BUT BOOST 1 IS THE BEST SPELL OF ALL TIME
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
KOS-MOS: BOOST
Jr.: BOOST
Shion: Of all time.
[The SIMEON gets the CRAP beaten out of it.]
Albedo: .........
Albedo: What the FUCK was that?!
Shion: Now get out of that tin piece of crap so we can beat you the old fashioned way.
Shion: To death.
Albedo: Sorry, we've entered a non-interactive cutscene now! I'm suddenly 100x stronger!
Jr.: You're not the only one with cutscene powers!
[Cut to the DURANDAL...]
Gaignun: Jr.! Don't! His cutscene powers outclass yours!
[Back to the SONG OF NEPHILIM...]
chaos: jr.! don't play into his hand! i really think that if we just stand around for a while longer without interfering with him at all, he'll just drop dead spontaneously!
[MOMO wakes up. She touches the last surviving KIRSHWASSER.]
Kirshwasser: Daddy... you were always his favorite... The rest of us... always wished... we could be you...
MOMO: But we're all... supposed to be the same... I mean, aside from the obvious physical differences, and me having a unique name while you all have the same name, but uh... I'm really not sure where I was going with this.
[JR. is losing his fight against ALBEDO.]
Albedo: Come on, come on, come on! You're too slow! You're too- you're too- you're too slow! C'mon step it up! You're too slow!
Jr.: Albedo...
Albedo: IS THAT THE BEST A USER CAN DO
Albedo: WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING? YOUR TRICKS ARE USELESS
Albedo: IS THAT THE BEST A USER CAN DO
Albedo: SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT
Jr.: I SWEAR TO GOD ALBEDO
[Their energy blast tug-of-war begins to die down.]
Jr.: MOMO?!
MOMO: Albedo... you took so much from me, but I absorbed a part of you as well! Now I have cutscene powers too!
Albedo: Is that so?
MOMO: My sisters... they all cared about you, and you betrayed their trust!
Albedo: Your sisters?! Their trust?! Everything is just as your dear daddy wanted it! Isn't that right, Rubedo?
Jr.: Oh my god do you EVER shut the FUCK up, Albedo?! Say anymore and you'll... you'll... Shion, where am I going with this?
Shion: You'll pay for this, Albedo! Those girls - they were living people with hopes and dreams of their own! You had no right to throw them away like toys! Only I get to do that!
[A BIRD-FACED MAN appears.]
BFM: Still spouting that self-righteous crap?
Shion: Oh go away Virgil nobody even likes you.
BFM: I- wait, what?
Shion: I'm not buying this for a second Virgil.
BFM: Ignoring you now. Albedo, quit dicking around and do your job.
Albedo: Fiiine.
Shion: Too chicken to blow off your job constantly, Albedo?
Albedo: Some of us take our work seriously, Shion!
[ALBEDO leaves in his SIMEON, which really shouldn't be operational at this point, but oh well.]
Jr.: Oh, you're not getting away from me!
[JR. runs after ALBEDO, but hits BFM's AT FIELD.]
BFM: DENIIIIIIIIIIED.
[As ALBEDO leaves, he remembers when he was diving into MOMO's memories.]
Albedo: So this is the Y-Data...
KOS-MOS: Get out. Now.
Albedo: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
[NAKED SHION appears.]
Albedo: Oh Jesus Christ I'm going I'm going!
[End of flashback.]
Albedo: He really didn't want anyone going in there, so he put in the one thing that everyone would avoid... Very interesting.
The writer: I need to mention this. I was using the Script FAQ on GameFAQs to refresh my memory of all these cutscenes, and came across this:
Then, the screen shows Shion naked and covering her beast.
The writer: And I thought everyone needed to share that mental image. You're welcome.
[We now return to SHION's group.]
Shion: Seriously Virgil, get out of our way.
BFM: I'm not Virgil... but you can call me that if you like. Names are meaningless, tools to deceive oneself, don't matter compared to the truth, blah blah blah.
Shion: Wow, you are really stupid. Names literally don't mean anything. They're just used to allow us to refer to things more easily and be understood by others. But names themselves have no greater "meaning" and nobody pretends they do.
BFM: ...Regardless, what matters is how you perceive things. The slightest shift-
Shion: But names can change how you perceive things, you moron! Why do you think cultures that have different words for blue and green can more easily differentiate between those colors?
BFM: But-
Shion: You're literally just making shit up to stall us!
BFM: Guilty. So are we gonna do this boss fight now or-
Shion: Wait!
[SHION and company run out of the boss room, backtrack to the first tower, save their game, and return.]
BFM: ...
Jr.: ...You know, it occurs to me that we could have just left at that point.
Shion: ........................is it too late to do that now.
BFM: Yes.
BOSS FIGHT:
EIN RUGEL
Ein Rugel: HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW FORM SHION?
Shion: You're like a terrible Seymour Guado.
Ein Rugel: What do you mean, I... oh god, now I can't unsee it.
Shion: Except you're not as good of a character. Prepare to be sent. To the afterlife. Via a sending. That wasn't "ascending" by the way, it was... You know what, it's easier to just say I'm going to kill you.
Ein Rugel: Not if I use this awesome attack of mine (that by the way leaves me vulnerable to status conditions)!
Shion: .......I don't believe you.
Ein Rugel: No, really, it says it right on the screen!
Shion: There's no way any boss fight in this game is at all vulnerable to status effects. I've played this game, I know about this game. It's just not gonna happen.
Ein Rugel: No, really, try it!
Shion: No, fuck you.
Ein Rugel: C'mon.
Shion: No.
Ein Rugel: C'mooooon. Just one little status effect?
Shion: .......Fine. Jr.?
Jr.: All his magic has been sealed.
Ein Rugel: SURPRISE, I'M NOT IMPEDED BY THAT AT ALL!
Shion: sigh.
[They defeat EIN RUGEL anyway.]
BOSS FIGHT:
DOPPELWOGEL
Doppelwogel: LUCKILY I HAVE YET ANOTHER FORM SHION
Shion: god.
Jr.: So, what, you went from a crazy eastern deity thing to... some kind of... weird harpy?
Doppelwogel: THIS IS MY FURSONA
Jr.: ...god.
Doppelwogel: IT IS A BIRD... WOLF... THAT IS ALSO A DRAGON. A BIRDWOLF DRAGON.
Shion: So what's your gimmick now? Being the most boring boss in the world?
Doppelwogel: I AM HUGELY RESISTANT TO ETHER ATTACKS
Doppelwogel: BUT I ALSO FLY, THUS AVOIDING MOST PHYSICAL ATTACKS
Shion: So your gimmick is that you're the most boring boss in the world.
Doppelwogel: ...YES.
Shion: Just checking. Jr., it's all you.
Jr.: LAST SYMPHONY!
Jr.: AND NOW ANOTHER LAST SYMPHONY, WHICH CHANGED A LOT FROM THE FIRST!
Jr.: AND NOW A THIRD LAST SYMPHONY, WHICH WAS NOBODY IN AMERICA HAS PLAYED!
Jr.: AND THEN A FOURTH LAST SYMPHONY, WHICH A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW AS LAST SYMPHONY 2!
Jr.: AND THEN A FIFTH LAST SYMPHONY, WHICH IS OVERSHADOWED BY LAST SYMPHONY 4 AND 6!
Jr.: AND THEN LAST SYMPHONY 6, WHICH A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THE MOST OF ALL!
Jr.: AND THEN FAN FAVORITE LAST SYMPHONY SEVEN!
Jr.: AND THEN LAST SYMPHONY EIGHT, WHICH SOME PEOPLE DISLIKE BECAUSE-
Doppelwogel: Gags more boring than my own boss fight! MY ONE WEAKNESS!
[They defeat the DOPPELWOGEL.]
BFM: Welp, I'm somehow unharmed, and Albedo has escaped, so I think I'll leave now.
Shion: Wait! What are you trying to accomplish?! Why did you come here?!
BFM: ..............To stall for Albedo. This has been said, like, three times.
Shion: ...Um.
BFM: ...
Shion: ...
BFM: ...
Shion: Look, can we start over?
BFM: Okay.
Shion: Wait! Before you go... say something cryptic!
BFM: Fine. The laws by which we are governed are just too different. [to chaos] Isn't that right, boss?
BFM: And one more crypticism for good measure: Shion! Come to that time, to that place! You know what I mean.
Shion: I really don't.
BFM: I'll be waiting!
Shion: You'll be waiting a long time considering I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
[BFM exits.]
KOS-MOS: The Song of Nephilim has ceased all functions. The Rhine Maiden is currently cleaning up all remaining Gnosis. We can leave now. That was not a question, either.
[They do.]
Jr.: MOMO, are you okay?
MOMO: I really shouldn't be, but I am because JRPG.
Jr.: Fantastic. Wanna watch the Song of Nephilim get the shit blown out of it?
MOMO: kay
Jr.: chaos, will this put the Kirshwassers to rest?
chaos: well, their thoughts and feelings now exist within momo, so...
MOMO: Wait, what was that?
Kirshwasser: Hey MOMO.
MOMO: ...
Kirshwasser: Hey.
Kirshwasser: Hey.
Kirshwasser: Hey MOMO.
MOMO: What.
Kirshwasser: We're inside your head MOMO.
MOMO: ...I know, Kirshwasser.
Kirshwasser: Hey.
Kirshwasser: Hey MOMO.
Kirshwasser: Hey.
MOMO: ...What, Kirshwasser.
Kirshwasser: You should
Kirshwasser: go talk to Shion.
Kirshwasser: She's awesome.
MOMO: oh, god.
[They shoot the SONG OF NEPHILIM, but...]
Albedo: REJECTED
Jr.: what the
Albedo: HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW TOY JR.?
[The PROTO MERKABAH appears under the SONG OF NEPHILIM.]
Juli Mizrahi: No! That was supposed to be destroyed!
Helmer: Impossible...
MOMO: The Proto Merkabah... The place where I was born...
[On a mysterious ship...]
BFM: Goddammit, Albedo! You don't take your work seriously at all! You are such a liar!
Voice: Never mind that. Come back, Virgil.
[BFM removes his mask. He is VIRGIL.]
Virgil: fuckin' can't believe shion called this shit. Anyway, Voice, I don't take orders from you, and stop talking in my head.
Voice: No, fuck you.
Virgil: ...Fine. But next time, I'm doing things MY way: stupidly.
Voice: That's the plan.
[Back to the characters who are ostensibly our heroes.]
MOMO: blah blah blah i was built on proto merkabah but...
Juli Mizrahi: ...that wasn't its original purpose. ...you know, I have no idea how I knew to finish that senstence, considering I can't hear them, but uh. Its real purpose was to discover the true answer to life, the universe, and everything. We dropped it into the Abyss, but now its back, which is I guess our fault for not just destroying it outright.
[ALBEDO uses the PROTO MERKABAH to junk the FEDERATION fleet and a bunch of GNOSIS.]
Shion: It's just like when KOS-MOS got all enigmatic and used her vacuum function!
Albedo: This thing, the Song of Nephilim, and the Zohar are all parts of a single apparatus.
Jr.: How do you know this?
Albedo: Because I'm the main villain! Also stole it all from MOMO.
100-Series Realians: The weapon's retargeting! It's aimed at the capital of Second Miltia!
Albedo: Unfortunately it'll take a few minutes to charge, so why don't you guys get in here and we can have a climactic final boss fight?
[JULI MIZRAHI contacts the DURANDAL.]
Juli: save_us.shion
Shion: Well, at least people have FINALLY started to realize that I'm the only one who can get shit done around here.
Juli: There's a small exhaust port on the side of the... You know what, no, just go inside and beat up Albedo until the credits roll.
Shion: CAN DO
Shion: But first!
[SHION runs off to the ROBOT ACADEMY and returns some time later.]
Shion: All right guys, I'm back, final dungeon time. Let's roll out.
chaos: um, pretty sure i'm still in charge here.
Shion: What. But I saved all your asses!
Jr.: Yeah, but that doesn't excuse you being terrible every single moment of every day since we met.
Ziggy: I voted for chaos and I stand by that.
KOS-MOS: Likewise.
MOMO: Agreed.
Shion: MOMO that wasn't even you! That was Kirshwasser!
MOMO: Eh.
Shion: Anyway, I move for a revote.
Jr.: I don't know about that. What platform are you running on?
Shion: The "elect me or get Erde Kaiser'd" platform.
Jr.: ...
MOMO: ...
KOS-MOS: ...
chaos: ...
Ziggy: ...
Jr.: To be fair, that is a damn good platform.
Ziggy: I'm not convinced. What do you plan to do to improve human/Realian relations if elected?
Shion: SUMMON ERDE KAISER ON THEM
Ziggy: ...
Jr.: ...
MOMO: ...
KOS-MOS: ...
chaos: ...
Ziggy: Welp, I'm ready to change my vote.
Jr.: Sounds good.
MOMO: I never wanted chaos to be in charge anyway.
chaos: i had a good run.
KOS-MOS: I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Shion: KNOCK KNOCK
Random encounter: Who's there?
Shion: ERDE KAISER
Random encounter: Erde Kais-*Erde Kaiser'd*
Random encounter: You there! Halt!
Shion: GUESS WHAT
*Erde Kaiser*
Random encounter: hum-de-dum, here i am being a random encounter, i sure hope no heroes come and bump into-*Erde Kaiser'd*
Shion: HEH
Random encounter: I AM A DEMON
Shion: If only I had some way of summoning Erde Kaiser.
*Erde Kaiser*
Shion: Oh, right.
[SHION's group falls about 40 feet.]
Shion: WHY DID I JUMP OFF THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
[slam]
Shion: i am somehow completely unharmed
BOSS FIGHT:
PROTO DORA
Shion: Well, mostly unharmed.
Jr.: Bad news, Shion. Check his HP.
Shion: Question marks?! Goddammit, that's code for "more than 9999." What are we going to do now?
Jr.: We could fight it the old fashioned way.
Shion: I don't follow.
Jr.: Using attacks other than Erde Kaiser.
Shion: ...Um.
Jr.: Look just spam Square and Circle until his HP becomes a real number.
Shion: Got it!
Proto Dora: IMMUNE TO BEAM ATTACKS
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: ...
Jr.: ...
Shion: So... did anyone bring a-
Jr.: goddammit you guys
[They eventually beat the PROTO DORA and make their way to the HOLOGRAM OBSERVATORY.]
KOS-MOS: All observable space appears to be projected here.
Shion: Quick! Zoom in on a girl's locker room!
All: ...
Shion: Oh like it's a surprise to anyone at this point.
All: ...
chaos: i believe the word we're all looking for is "......anyway". that dark area must contain lost jerusalem, our homeland that nobody has been able to ever find.
Shion: We lost a planet.
chaos: yes.
Shion: We lost our HOME planet.
chaos: yep.
Shion: That doesn't make any sense at all, even within the context of this game.
chaos: well-
Shion: No, we're moving on.
[They move on.]
MOMO: This is the room where I was born.
Shion: Fascinating. You guys do realize Albedo is going to destroy Second Miltia in a few minutes, right?
MOMO: Because of this place... Daddy died...
[She remembers a vision of a number of GNOSIS appearing.]
MOMO: And then a lot of other people died too. And then even more people died later. If this place is an abomination, does that make me an abomination as well?
Shion: Yes.
MOMO: ...
Shion: Or not, I dunno, I'm kind of distracted by the whole "ALBEDO IS GOING TO BLOW UP MY HOME UNLESS WE GET MOVING" thing.
[They go even deeper into the PROTO MERKABAH.]
Shion: Ah, vaguely angelic enemies. We really must be near the final boss. Well, nothing left to do except-
*Erde Kaiser*
[They go down an elevator.]
Shion: I've had it with these motherfucking random encounters on this mother-
*Erde Kaiser*
[They enter the reactor.]
Albedo: You all took your sweet time, didn't you?
Shion: Fucking hate everyone.
Albedo: Now then, shall we continue where we left off?
[ALBEDO generates a crazy blue aura.]
Jr.: What is THAT?
Albedo: This is the power of will!
Shion: You mean the Will to Power.
Albedo: Shion, you're Human, All Too Human, to correct me!
Shion: Yes, but to misspeak like that would be The Birth of Tragedy.
Albedo: Hmph. In any case, allow me to educate you On the Genealogy of Morality. This power exists within everyone. What you're witnessing is just your perception of it. And you know what? Perception and pain are but one in the same.
Shion: Albedo, these are some rather Untimely Meditations.
Albedo: Fine, then! FEEL MY PAIN FOR YOURSELF!
Shion: ..............................Gay Science.
BOSS FIGHT:
ALBEDO
Albedo: I am the infinite challenge run! I am not an anti-event flag! I am the perfect boss!
Jr.: Albedo you are the absolute worst.
Shion: This really isn't challenging at all.
Albedo: Well, you asked for it!
[ALBEDO one-shots JR.]
Shion: ...I take it back.
[ALBEDO beats KOs KOS-MOS and the newly revived JR.]
Shion: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
[ALBEDO KOs Shion.]
Jr.: Well, good thing she revived us first.
KOS-MOS: Yes.
[JR. and KOS-MOS defeat ALBEDO.]
Jr.: So... so yeah, what are your motives again? Something about sailing the darkness of the cosmos with Miltia as your vessel?
Albedo: Wrong. I'm doing all this... as a gift for you!
Jr.: And you couldn't just buy me chocolates like a normal person?
Albedo: Fourteen years ago... Because you closed yourself off from us, the mental link was broken, and we had no choice but to succumb to the Song!
Jr.: All right, so I screwed up.
Albedo: Yes! And now you must atone with your life! Although honestly, I'm grateful to you.
Jr.: Funny way of showing it. Asshole.
Albedo: I alone was able to find my way to a whole new world... That's all I seek. It's quite simple.
Jr.: Then explain it.
Albedo: Nope. Instead, prepare for the final boss.
Shion: Oh you poor, deluded bishonen. The only thing that was even making this sporting was my not summoning Erde Kaiser. Now get down here so I can finish you.
Albedo: Oh, you won't be fighting me!
[ALBEDO reveals that he fused the REACTOR with a GNOSIS.]
Shion: But.
Shion: But...
Shion: WHY?!
Albedo: You must destroy this to stop the Proto Merkabah!
Shion: No, hold on, this shit offends me as a scientist.
Albedo: Farewell. I'm sure we'll meet again in the sequel... if you survive, that is!
[ALBEDO leaves.]
Shion: ...what was that about a sequel?
THE FINAL BOSS:
SOPHIE PEITHOS
Shion: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT A SEQUEL?
Jr.: Pay attention, Shion, we've got a boss fight here.
Shion: No we don't.
*Erde Kaiser*
Shion: There, now let's follow-
Sophie Peithos: STILL ALIVE HERE
Shion: god
[SAMUS ARAN appears and blasts the SOPHIE PEITHOS with a SUPER MISSILE. She then collects the SKY TEMPLE KEY it was holding.]
Samus: Hey there, sorry about that, just needed to grab this thing for this guy named U-Mos.
Shion's mind: U-DO + KOS-MOS = U-Mos (?)
Samus: Oh, and my bad about Ariadne, too, that tends to happen to places I set foot on.
[The PROTO MERKABAH begins to shake.]
Samus: ...Case in point.
All: ...
Samus: ...
All: ...
Samus: Bye!
[SAMUS runs off.]
Ziggy: We should escape. Soon, if possible.
chaos: bad news, everybody. the proto merkabah is going to collide with second miltia. anyone got a plan?
KOS-MOS: If we detach all sub-components, the Proto Merkabah should break into pieces small enough to be vaporized on impact. But to do that, we'll need to get to this place's core.
Shion: Cannon's Core reference in three... two...
MOMO: That would make me Shadow, so no, we're not doing that.
Shion: Aww.
[They reach the CONTROL ROOM.]
MOMO: Bad news. After initiating this thing, it takes one minute before we're all boned. We can't make it back to the Elsa in that amount of time.
Ziggy: Is there any other way?
MOMO: Let me check my memory banks.
Kirshwasser: We know another way, but you have to ask us nicely.
MOMO: ...
MOMO: No, there's no other way.
Jr.: Who was the engineering genius behind that?
MOMO: My father.
Jr.: ......awkward.
KOS-MOS: It is not a problem. I will remain behind.
Shion: What? No! What if we run into another boss? chaos should stay behind, half the time the game doesn't even remember he exists.
chaos: hey!
KOS-MOS: It is fine. At top speed, I can return to the Elsa in under one minute.
Shion: But-
KOS-MOS: You all, however, we will be very screwed no matter what you decide, unless you get moving right now.
Shion: Welp.
[They begin to leave.]
Shion: KOS-MOS...
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: If you don't make it back alive, I'll kill you!
[They run back to the ELSA as the PROTO MERKABAH begins to fall apart. SHION waits just outside the ELSA for KOS-MOS.]
Matthews: Everyone back? No? Well, time to leave anyway.
Jr.: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
[A piece of debris hits the ELSA.]
Jr.: Never mind. Get us outta here.
[The ELSA begins to leave. SHION jumps back inside.]
Shion [into intercom]: Hey. Hey. I can't help but notice we're moving. You might want to fix that.
Matthews: No can do.
Shion: What's that you say? "Shion, please summon Erde Kaiser"?
Jr.: A brilliant plan with only one detail overlooked.
Shion: What's that?
Jr.: KOS-MOS had all our Ether Kits.
Shion: ...
Shion: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
[The ELSA pulls away.]
Voice of Nephilim: Shion, it'll be all right. You just have to BELIEVE!
Shion: ...Captain! The wall! 400 meters to the port side! Take us in close!
Matthews: Why?!
Shion: To indulge my curiosity!
Tony: Got it! Port side, 400 meters!
[The ELSA moves in close just as KOS-MOS blasts through the wall. SHION grabs her hand and tries to pull her in.]
Shion: Why... didn't... I... ask... for help?! Nephilim, I blame you for this!
Nephilim: Eh.
[Just as SHION loses her grip on KOS-MOS' hand, ZIGGY grabs her instead.]
Ziggy: I have decided to take some initiative and become an awesome character again for the first time since the Pleroma.
KOS-MOS: Too little, too late.
Ziggy: Eh.
[Back inside the ELSA, SHION and KOS-MOS are catching their breath.]
Shion: KOS-MOS, I really need to put you on a diet.
KOS-MOS: Ha ha! It is humorous because I am a robot.
Shion: ...Jerk.
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: ...
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: Hugs?
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: One hug?
KOS-MOS: One hug.
[They hug.]
The player: d'awwwwwwwwwww
The writer: d'awwwwwwwwwww
The readers: WE STILL HATE SHION
[Meanwhile, everyone is doomed.]
Tony: WHY CAN'T THIS SHIP GO ANY FASTER
Tony: WHY CAN'T THIS SHIP WORK ANY BETTER
Tony: WHY CAN'T THIS SHIP SURVIVE ANY LONGER
Shion: What's going on?
Tony: We're all gonna die.
Shion: Still?
[Meanwhile, in the HANGAR FOR ENIGMATIC CHARACTERS...]
Voice of Nephilim: What will you do?
chaos: the same thing i've done all game. absolutely nothing.
[KOS-MOS arrives.]
chaos: you're...? wait!
KOS-MOS: Relinquish your pain... unto me...
chaos: ...that doesn't mean anything!
[She exits the ELSA.]
Shion: KOS-MOS! Get back here right now! I did not go to all the trouble of saving you just to have you sacrifice yourself anyway.
KOS-MOS: I am happy... to be of service.
[KOS-MOS now has blue eyes yet again. She activates crazy angel wings and shields the ELSA.]
Nephilim: Huh.
Boy we haven't seen before: ...
Wilhelm: Well then.
Shion: KOS-MOS! KOS-MOS!!!
[The ELSA makes it through the atmosphere in one piece.]
Matthews: What the... Hey! Turn on the secondary bow camera!
[They do. KOS-MOS is standing on the ELSA.]
Shion: KOS-MOS...
[The credits begin to play.]
Shion's mind:: Oh, this... This is nice, this is end, okay. What exactly just happened? Oh grea... here's the R&B credits song, oh good. Um, there's some things still unresolved here, guys! How did I survive the Gnosis attack? What happened to Albedo? Is Nephilim a deity... or a Realian... or hell, was that all in my mind? What's KOS-MOS? Is that some sort of a Nietzschean thing? Err... um... What are the Gnosis, really? Okay, okay, okay. We have to change the future, we're the only ones who can, okay, I got that, good, okay. Now, now let's analyze that. If I were to change the future, how the FUCK would I do it?! How would I even know if I had done it until it was too late?! Uhh, is this how you end this game? I mean, is this where we go from here? Okay, the sequel better sure as hell make up for all this, I'm telling you right now, 'cause I'm stuck out here with a bunch of people I hate and who also hate me even more! You ran out of hour long cutscenes too, didn't you, ya bastards?!
[Elsewhere...]
Gaignun: Judging from the circumstances, it's clear that the U-TIC Organization's target is on Miltia.
Helmer: Pardon my French, but: no shit.
Gaignun: There's a vortex of temptation and obsession that draws them in... and Albedo is being drawn in as well.
Helmer: Albedo?! He's still alive?!
Gaignun: ...Or maybe he's just a nutjob.
Helmer: Always a possibility.
[Still elsewhere...]
Albedo: That was fun! Now, ma peche just needs to link up with the UMN, and my objective will be complete. Well, one of my objectives, at least. My primary objective of being fuckin' creepy was achieved long ago! ...Hey, who am I even talking to?
[Even more elsewhere...]
Wilhelm's Bird-Faced Companion: Albedo is gate-jumping. Is that acceptable?
Wilhelm: Sure thing. He's the only one who can open the door to Abel's Arc, after all. I mean, he might do something nutty like the nutjob he is, but that's what I have all you for, right? Still, it's a shame to relegate him to such a minor role...
WBFC: "Main villain" is a minor role?
Wilhelm: Shush, I was trying to be mysterious.
WBFC: At the END of the game?
Wilhelm: Yes.
[Significantly less elsewhere...]
KOS-MOS: MISSION COMPRETE
[KOS-MOS gives a thumbs up.]
Shion's mind: All right Shion, this is it, the last line of the game. It's all you. You can do this. Just one awesome parting line and you'll be completely redeemed in the minds of the entire fanbase. Ready? ......Now!
Shion: Good morning, KOS-MOS!
Shion's mind: GODDAMMIT
TO BE CONTINUED [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
I think this is the other edit location. Is there where Albedo was absorbing data from MOMO by causing that light effect from his hand to MOMO's head? In the original/uncensored version, he just rams his hand through her into her internal organs to physically access the data.
[ALBEDO gets into his AGWS, the SIMEON]
For reasons I'm not quite sure, the game takes a long time to tell you what Simeon is. Which is weird because it'd be harmless to tell you back then. Simeon is not an AGWS. It's a mech in the "class" E.S. which is way superior to AGWS.
Shion: Oh go away Virgil nobody even likes you.
I do! Virgil a Top 4 Xenosaga character, tbqh. Though, true, he hasn't shown it yet.
Shion: Except you're not as good of a character.
...Man, even at this point Virgil is a superior character to Seymour, tbqh.
Shion: We lost our HOME planet.
chaos: yep.
Shion: That doesn't make any sense at all, even within the context of this game.
What.
Yes, it does. I mean, it probably hasn't been explained yet (or maybe the database mentions it by now) but it's totally plausible with the kind of stuff the game has shown so far.
Albedo: I am the infinite challenge run! I am not an anti-event flag! I am the perfect boss!
The original line is Albedo referencing his immortality/regen. Telomerase being, IIRC, being a part of DNA whose degeneration over time is, or at least was, believed to play a role in aging.
[ALBEDO one-shots JR.]
>Literally allowed Albedo to one-shot one of your characters.
I two-shotted Albedo with Jr. last time I played. Had MOMO and KOS-MOS stay out of it. It's really an easy fight.
Jr.: Pay attention, Shion, we've got a boss fight here.
And the only other battle music in the game. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
...and the party just stood around and watched this happen.
wow.
In light of stuff like that (and even the censored version), I don't think my interpretation of the party as apathetic jerks is too far off.
For reasons I'm not quite sure, the game takes a long time to tell you what Simeon is. Which is weird because it'd be harmless to tell you back then. Simeon is not an AGWS. It's a mech in the "class" E.S. which is way superior to AGWS.
Huh.
So it's a Big while the AGWS are generic Megadeuces, then.
I do! Virgil a Top 4 Xenosaga character, tbqh. Though, true, he hasn't shown it yet.
Nobody in-character likes Virgil. Prove me wrong. <_<
...Man, even at this point Virgil is a superior character to Seymour, tbqh.
You and your anti-Seymour propaganda.
What.
Yes, it does. I mean, it probably hasn't been explained yet (or maybe the database mentions it by now) but it's totally plausible with the kind of stuff the game has shown so far.
I don't buy this at all. The only way it makes sense is if the portion of the human race Xenosaga focuses on is just a small part of it, and this particular portion has lost the location of their home, and isn't in contact with any OTHER parts of the greater human race. But if it's just "nope, no human knows where the Earth is, lol", then it doesn't make any sense. SOMEONE would keep track of that ****.
>Literally allowed Albedo to one-shot one of your characters.
I two-shotted Albedo with Jr. last time I played. Had MOMO and KOS-MOS stay out of it. It's really an easy fight.
Jesus Christ what level were your characters/techs, etc.
At least Albedo has fairly low defenses. You won't even believe how boring it was to chip away at Proto Dora/Doppelwogel/etc for ~150 damage a hit.
And the only other battle music in the game.
And some pretty good music it is, too. [/spoiler]
By the way, Xenosaga Episode 2 is in my possession now. is this awesome y/n
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
So it's a Big while the AGWS are generic Megadeuces, then.
...Wait, there was a difference between those two? I thought they were the same!
I'd have said something more like, "E.S. are Gundams and AGWS are those fodder mechs."
Although, strictly speaking, aside from AGWS there is also AMWS. AGWS being Anti-Gnosis Weapon System (or something like that) and AMWS being Anti-Mech Weapon System, so really AGWS aren't even intended for mech-to-mech combat I don't think.
Nobody in-character likes Virgil. Prove me wrong. <_<
I could, but I don't want to spoil future games!
I don't buy this at all. The only way it makes sense is if the portion of the human race Xenosaga focuses on is just a small part of it, and this particular portion has lost the location of their home, and isn't in contact with any OTHER parts of the greater human race. But if it's just "nope, no human knows where the Earth is, lol", then it doesn't make any sense. SOMEONE would keep track of that ****.
Either the database has started to explain this and you didn't read it, or the game just hasn't brought it up yet - and thus any explanation would be spoilers, but there are reasons for this. Now, I'm not saying you may like the reasons, and admittedly, off the top of my head, there's one thing I can't explain, but I do actually believe it had to have been addressed and it really is just a matter of me not remembering.
Jesus Christ what level were your characters/techs, etc.
I'm not going to try and load XS1 up again, but I think my main team's levels were in the high 30s or low 40s. As for how I did it - Jr. + Angelic Requiem + Bravesoul (An Accessory that increases your physical attack damage as your HP gets lower.) Angelic Requiem is the only (IIRC) tech in the game that does Physical Attack Damage from the air (Hit: All). Hilarity ensues.
And some pretty good music it is, too.
Yes. [/spoiler]
By the way, Xenosaga Episode 2 is in my possession now. is this awesome y/n
Conditional Yes - Only if you have, or will soon have, Xenosaga III.
Because otherwise I have no idea why you'd want to play Xenosaga II! Honestly, I feel like the story in XS2 is superior to XS1, but that battle system... that battle system.
You are going to practically need to have a complete/near-complete understanding of it to have a chance. You can actually probably get through Disc 1 without it, but things reach absurd levels by then.
I can try to help out there with what I remember, and there's also a grinding point I'd highly recommend, that, IIRC, occurs near the beginning of Disc 2 that I'll probably mention if you want me to.
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
I'd have said something more like, "E.S. are Gundams and AGWS are those fodder mechs."
Although, strictly speaking, aside from AGWS there is also AMWS. AGWS being Anti-Gnosis Weapon System (or something like that) and AMWS being Anti-Mech Weapon System, so really AGWS aren't even intended for mech-to-mech combat I don't think.
Well, all Bigs are Megadeuces, but not all Megadeuces are Bigs. And it's clear which ones are a step above the others. <_<
...I actually recall learning that AGWS meant Anti-Gnosis Weapon System at some point, but after a while I think I just started hearing "AGWS" and thinking "oh that's their name for giant robot, ain't it". >_>
Either the database has started to explain this and you didn't read it, or the game just hasn't brought it up yet - and thus any explanation would be spoilers, but there are reasons for this. Now, I'm not saying you may like the reasons, and admittedly, off the top of my head, there's one thing I can't explain, but I do actually believe it had to have been addressed and it really is just a matter of me not remembering.
I don't think I looked at the database since like... roughly around the Encephalon. <_____<
I'm not going to try and load XS1 up again, but I think my main team's levels were in the high 30s or low 40s. As for how I did it - Jr. + Angelic Requiem + Bravesoul (An Accessory that increases your physical attack damage as your HP gets lower.) Angelic Requiem is the only (IIRC) tech in the game that does Physical Attack Damage from the air (Hit: All). Hilarity ensues.
Huh, that's actually around the level my characters were. (I think we ended the game at like 38 or so, despite starting the Proto Merkabah at like 30.) But I never got that accessory, I'm pretty sure, so I guess that would explain it. [/spoiler]
Conditional Yes - Only if you have, or will soon have, Xenosaga III.
It's hard to find, especially considering I'm only looking to pay around $20. <_< But I wouldn't have even played Episode 1 if I wasn't planning on eventually playing 3.
Because otherwise I have no idea why you'd want to play Xenosaga II! Honestly, I feel like the story in XS2 is superior to XS1, but that battle system... that battle system.
Welp, hopefully there's a glitch/item/spell/etc that I can find and abuse the hell out of.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
If there is, I don't know of it!
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Final team:
Blobfish the Seismitoad
Snidington the Serperior
Megazard the Druddigon
Sandabird the Sigilyph
Earbud the Audino
Adorabug the Galvantula [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
laughing-lasses.jpg
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Audino @ Leftovers
Thunder Wave
Attract
Return
Blizzard/Wild Charge/Shadow Ball/etc. (Changed as the situation demands via TMs.)
That thing is absolutely unstoppable.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
I pretty much only use Pokemon that look cool (This is also the reason I can't beat Red considering my team consists of Scyther and Lugia, the rest are HM slaves/levelup pokemon)
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Editor
The big problem is that most of its cute Pokemon evolve into uncute things. =/
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
[Spoiler for Golden Sun: Dark Dawn, click to show]-A flood of nostalgia hits me as soon as the title screen music starts playing. yesssssssssssss golden sun
-blah blah blah the world was bad but then it was good but then it was bad but then it was good but then it was bad but then it was good but now it's becoming bad again
-"For while Alchemy brings life, it has also unleashed chaos."
...the xenosaga char- oh goddammit this is why normal people capitalize their proper nouns monolith soft. (and yes, i am AWARE of the hypocrisy there, shut up.)
-I'm not sure I'd quantify Isaac as "a person of few words but strong convictions". I don't think either one of those really gels with Golden Sun 2. <_<
-haha oh wow garet time has not been friendly to you. nice mustache /laugh
-Matthew checked the pot. Matthew got an Herb!
[/running gag. possibly the first kenri-brand running gag.]
-tyrell, get down from there
you can't fly
you're not even a bird
-I think Karis is hitting on me. I don't think there's any other explanation for "I'm going to give you a tutorial for how to put on clothes. First, watch me..."
-I like how even the in-game summary of Golden Sun 1 leaves out the first 50 or so minutes of the game and doesn't even pretend that the Masked Man being Felix was a plot twist. <_<
-One of my favorite lines from any work of fiction is still "Sorry to eavesdrop, but I've got really big ears."
Karis' "DEAL WITH IT." line about eavesdropping is pretty good too, though.
-I'm convinced that the dialogue options/emotional response system/whatever you want to call it is a dig at WRPGs. Like, that's its entire reason for being in here. You get four options, but all of them lead to something you didn't expect and cause the other characters to get mad at you.
Or maybe I'm just bad at this.
-am i at least getting exp for these forced tutorial battles, i hope?
-Garet seriously man, this is embarrassing. I know Isaac was being needlessly obtuse but there are only so many Fireball targets. And yet you chose empty air over the giant pulsating flower. okay then.
-"We should have a very long, involved conversation next to this PSYNERGY BLACK HOLE."
...actually, that's completely in-character for Adult!Isaac, and something he'd probably do just to piss off Garet. Never mind.
-yesssssssssssss kraden best npc (except maybe alex)
-...I am surprised (and pleased) that the game actually justified why the characters look so young despite being ~47. I was actually going to comment on that earlier but figured "nah, it's just a JRPG being a JRPG".
-I like how Isaac seems to regard dangerous, world-spanning quests the same way most people regard boarding school, or being in the Boy Scouts. "You kids aren't disciplined enough. Go on this quest that will take you to the very ends of the earth, that'll straighten you out."
-ugh, giving us a bunch of djinn and access to high level summons only to take them away. such a dick move. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
yessssssssssssssssssssssss
-tyrell, get down from there
you can't fly
you're not even a bird
oh god tyrell.
Better than Garet, at least!
Karis' "DEAL WITH IT." line about eavesdropping is pretty good too, though.
Karis is a top-tier (Golden Sun) character. Unfortunately for her, she isn't even the best Jupiter Adept in the game.
-I'm convinced that the dialogue options/emotional response system/whatever you want to call it is a dig at WRPGs. Like, that's its entire reason for being in here. You get four options, but all of them lead to something you didn't expect and cause the other characters to get mad at you.
Or maybe I'm just bad at this.
No, in the beginning this happened to me too. Eventually though it seemed to start acting more "logically" IMO.
-Garet seriously man, this is embarrassing. I know Isaac was being needlessly obtuse but there are only so many Fireball targets. And yet you chose empty air over the giant pulsating flower. okay then.
lol garet.
...actually, that's completely in-character for Adult!Isaac, and something he'd probably do just to piss off Garet. Never mind.
I'm telling you, GS2 was when Isaac realized his calling in life was to be a professional troll. He was new at it in GS2, and hence bad at it there, but by Dark Dawn he's a pro.
...I also maintain that he is actually Lloyd Reed and that Dark Dawn is a FE7 prequel or alternate universe where he's been sent on a solo mission by his father to investigate Mount Aleph for the Black Fang.
-yesssssssssssss kraden best npc (except maybe alex)
There is no NPC in the first two games anywhere near Alex. At all. Dark Dawn might introduce the NPC who comes the closest, but even then Alex is still way ahead. Dark Dawn does introduce the only character who is probably superior to Alex though.
-ugh, giving us a bunch of djinn and access to high level summons only to take them away.
Summons are for casuals, tbqh.
Oh, by the way, perhaps the biggest annoyance with Dark Dawn is its love of mini Point of No Returns, where if you pass them, you're not going to be able to go back and get Djinn/Summons you missed. Do you want me to try and alert you when I think you're getting close to them? (Or alternatively, just to tell you where they are in the least spoiler way I can right now) [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Advanced
By the way, is anyone getting a 3DS? I might be getting one on Thursday along with, uh, Super Street Fighter 4 (what a stellar lineup) so if anyone wants to try that out with me it mite b. cool.
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
[Spoiler for GSDS, click to show]Summons are for casuals, tbqh.
Summons are for people who don't like random encounters.
Oh, by the way, perhaps the biggest annoyance with Dark Dawn is its love of mini Point of No Returns, where if you pass them, you're not going to be able to go back and get Djinn/Summons you missed. Do you want me to try and alert you when I think you're getting close to them? (Or alternatively, just to tell you where they are in the least spoiler way I can right now)
As in you're never able to go back, or just prevented from going back for a while?
I guess if there's important stuff that you can permanently miss, it'd be nice to know about it, so... whatever works for you, there. The chances are pretty good that I'll screw up and miss something anyway, though. >_> [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
With the exception of two, maybe three, bosses you can pretty much beat everything just by spamming normal attack. On a few bosses you might have to actually heal. Only the 2-3 aforementioned ones can really provide any kind of challenge.
As in you're never able to go back, or just prevented from going back for a while?
Never able to go back. And there's a few of them.
I guess if there's important stuff that you can permanently miss, it'd be nice to know about it, so... whatever works for you, there. The chances are pretty good that I'll screw up and miss something anyway, though. >_>
I'll tell you the first one then, unless you really do want all of them.
PoNR1: When the fourth party member joins. (Note: 99% sure that by this, it means once that party member joins it's too late. Actually strictly speaking, it's a little before this IIRC. If you play through this section, it's not too hard to spot that you've hit a kind of PoNR.)
What you should have by then:
2 Jupiter, Venus, and Mars Djinn
1 Mercury Djinn.
Summon: Zagan [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Karis: Yelling isn't helping. We need to calm him down.
Karis: SNAP OUT OF IT, TYRELL!
*Karis punches him in the back of the head*
........so what, yelling is bad, but yelling and physical violence is A-OK?
-this psynergy theme park is taking longer to beat than the actual first two games in the series
-thank you just gonna take my card and be on my way (do I have to do that again? really?)
-DS confirmed more powerful than PS3 because it has gondola-rendering technology
-Man: Someone help my son!
Karis: I'll throw a tornado at him!
Man: That'll help?
Karis: It's like help.
-So do I need to keep lugging around these Sun Saga books or is there a way to like stash them somewhere?
-Mercury Djinn already? Huh. I'm not complaining, I guess!
-oh god, there are still djinn that you find via random encounter. that's awful. why would they bring that back. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
I carried them around the whole game. ...I'm not sure if they'd count as "Artifacts" so you could sell them and they'd show up in the inventory of all shops. I guess you could test it if you want.
-oh god, there are still djinn that you find via random encounter. that's awful. why would they bring that back.
Aww yeah. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
-...you know, i might as well go back and do the ****in' training grounds again, just in case the prize is like a djinn or something.
-all that for a water of life. really. damn you golden sun.
-God I love puzzle-based dungeons. Take notes, Final Fantasy. (No, the Cloisters of Trials don't count.)
-GET EQUIPPED WITH
GRIP STONE
-Rief: A psynergy-consuming vortex? There's no part of that I don't like! I'll just get EXTREMELY CLOSE TO IT
Karis: Good news, Tyrell. We've finally found someone dumber than you are.
Tyrell: Gee, thanks.
Karis: ...Of course the bad news is that I'm like 90% sure he's going to end up in our party.
-wow, that was a fair fight. karis got paralyzed on turn one and remained paralyzed for basically the entire fight. about halfway through matthew got paralyzed as well. i'm actually amazed tyrell didn't job up a storm there.
-...is that ****ing kisame from naruto. spiky hair, blue skin, popped collar, sword on his back... yep.
-OH COME ON THAT'S NOT EVEN A FULL MASK THIS TIME. At least Felix had some deniability (actually no he didn't, but he was slightly better off than this).
That is Piers, right?
-...So is there any reason we're not allowed to, like, use Psynergy to blast that machine? It seems like it would be the correct thing to do in this situation.
-QUICK SMASH THAT BOX THERE MIGHT BE TREASURE INSIDE
-Blados: Ha! With those rocks in the way, you can't get back through the cave! As we all know, there is no magic way of moving large objects.
Karis: There's magic.
Blados: ...No there isn't shut up. You're trapped in this part of the continent like rats in a cage. There's no escape!
Karis: Actually, we'll just watch how you get back and then do that.
Blados: ......
Karis: What a poorly conceived plan. On every level.
Blados: ..................
Karis: I actually feel a little bit sorry for you.
Blados: ..................................
Karis: ...is he crying?
-So is Rief a mistranslation of Leaf or is he actually supposed to be called that?
-For those keeping track at home, we're now on the detour of the detour of our original quest. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
IIRC, Rief's name in the JPN version is "Crown"
And lol Rief.
-For those keeping track at home, we're now on the detour of the detour of our original quest.
Aww yeah.
And obviously you just hit the first PoNR. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
...so during localization they chose to replace that with an... equally terrible name? I guess?
And obviously you just hit the first PoNR.
I still say there's gotta be Psynergy we could use to get back through there. <_<
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-yesssssssss you can sell sun saga tomes (and the gate card) and they'll get stocked as artifacts
-Karis: Tyrell, you used Psynergy in public again! You said you'd stop that!
Matthew: He used it responsibly and in front of other practicing Adepts. I don't see a problem here.
Karis: Stop encouraging him, Mattew!
Matthew: But-
Rief: Well, I agree with Karis.
Matthew: You were using Psynergy too!
-ah, the ol' "djinni hiding on top of the city walls" trick
-Hmm, there's a weird rock in one of the buildings here in Harappa that I can't seem to interact with yet.
-Well, that town was a total bust. I blame you for this, Rief.
-****ing Djinn that are just out of reach. Such a tease.
-LOOKS LIKE HIS BARK WAS WORSE THAN HIS BITE HAR HAR HAR
-there seems to be a puzzle here but I think I need Frost to actually do it.
-****ing Djinn that are just out of reach. And given that this one is a Mars Djinn, and my current lineup is 3 Venus/3 Mars/2 Jupiter/2 Mercury, I probably won't be getting it for a while.
-So this whole time, nobody has been able to figure out this puzzle to get the forge back online? Seriously? It wasn't even obtuse! These guys would be baffled for years if their televisions happened to get unplugged.
-so let me guess, we're going to have to repair the alchemy forge, then repair the alchemy well, then on our way to repair the alchemy windmill and alchemy excavator we'll run into another party who will convince us that repairing these things is actually the wrong thing to do...
-All right, Sun Mask in a labyrinth. Let's do it. detour of detour of detour of original quest is go. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
I think there's another Djinn here that you're going to need to be careful about. Actually, it's one you probably mentioned, assuming that "****ing Djinn that are just out of reach." occurred twice because you saw two.
The Venus Djinn, Brick, is an odd case. There's kind of a "mini" PoNR involving it, where once you pass it, that Djinn, and only that Djinn, is missable. The moment you get the Frost-equivalent, get that Djinn before doing anything else. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
The Djinn on the city walls was some Mars Djinni, I think it was Cinder or something like that (the one that revives a character). I got that one.
The first one I couldn't quite reach was inside the mountain that leads up to Passaj; that was Bark, and you get it by looping back around and then avoiding one of those air streams that push you back. I got that one.
The other one I couldn't quite reach was a Mars Djinn just outside of Passaj, which I can't figure out how to get to and assume it involves repairing the forge.
...I don't recall even seeing another Venus Djinn. <_< [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Okay, in Harapa there's a Djinn you can get with the combination of the Frost-equivalent and Growth. It occurs to me now that Brick may not be visible outside the city (and honestly the idea that there were two visible Djinn in the city struck me as odd, but your write-up totally made it seem that way to me!)
Anyway, I'll even tell you what to do. Well, some of it.
If you enter Harapa from the East, instead of entering the city properly, if you stay outside the main wall to the south, I think, you'll hit a plant you can use Growth on. That should put you on the walls. You'll still need the frost equivalent to get to wherever exactly the Djinn happens to be, which might be in a house or something, but in any event make sure you do this the moment you get the Frost-equivalent. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
smh
golden sun progress sometime tonight
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
and a shitty lineup of games
and a shitty battery life
i think i'm going to wait now.
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
the gba's launch killer app was... a mario port
and then the ds' launch killer app was... a mario port
...Well, at least I assume a new PilotWings game beats that.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-oh hi there Ether GET IN MY PARTY thank you
-So I was told to go to Ouroboros in Kaocho and find the Sun Mask but I can't get through the Ouroboros so I have to go to Ayuthay to ask a guy how to get through Ouroboros but I can't get into Ayuthay so I have to go to Kaocho... to uh...
...
i am officially abandoning the "detour of detour" etc gag as of right now.
-Two Djinn in Kaocho that I can see but can't get to yet? master tier trolling
-haha, this guy needs to fire his guards. "are you the adepts?" "yep" "oh okay go on in"
-Karis: SHUT UP TYRELL
Tyrell: I didn't even say anything!
Karis: OH MY GOD TYRELL DO YOU EVER SHUT UP OH MY GOD
-Listen up Goblet or whatever your name is. We've got absolutely no reason to do anything you say. You should just hurry up and start subtly manipulating us, it'll expedite things a tad.
-I'm not sure whether I'm annoyed or pleasantly surprised that discussing our plan to screw over the villains right in front of the villains turned out badly for us. On one hand, we really, really deserved it, but...
-That was literally the worst death trap I've ever been caught in, and believe me there is a heavy competition.
-oh haha you can get the venus djinni, that stumped me for a bit. pretty clever.
-...huh, I actually didn't get it the way I was supposed to. EXTREMELY MINOR SEQUENCE BREAKING... or something.
-So... Amiti's father was Alex, right? Extremely powerful, mysterious, and Amiti has blue hair... sounds like Alex to me.
-oh dammit, amiti's not even a full party member? I guarantee he would be more useful than half our current party.
-You got: the ability to dry up water! (no, you can't substitute with a fireball spell, or just knock the cup over, you need this particular psynergy) [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic