Advanced
Kenri's opinion is correct.
I loved SoTC but oh my fuck that was a badly designed boss. I wanted to destroy the CD from how long it took.
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"A man chooses. A slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
Editor
The turtle is [Spoiler for SotC boss solution, click to show]the one you have to control like the Loch Ness monster in Super Mario 64. I think the geyser one is different, but it's been a while so I can't remember for sure.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Anyway, I uh... beat Ico.
...I'm not really sure what to say about it. It's stunning in every sense of the word. Hauntingly beautiful. Totally captivating. Emotional and suspenseful. Fun, clever, and entertaining. There wasn't a single moment in the whole game I didn't enjoy.
If you've been reading my topics for long, you'll know that even with games I enjoy, I usually focus on the negative aspects. It's more amusing that way, and besides, I'm generally really bad at giving praise. But the only truly bad thing about Ico is that it's too short. Otherwise, it's simply beyond comparison.
...It's entirely possible that Ico could be the best game ever made.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
From what I gathered: the story, if it's more minimal than SotC, would appear then to be almost nonexistent. You define the controls as average. You said the combat was bad, and the puzzles were simple... >_>
It sounds like Super Mario World but with worse gameplay or something! >_>
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Again, this works in its favor. At least to me.
You define the controls as average.
They're inoffensive, which is about the best you can ask for, as sad as that may be. In the past year, I've only played like two or three games with controls I'd legitimately call "above average". *shrug*
You said the combat was bad,
The combat is bad, but there are probably about 15 fights in the entire game, and you have the gamebreaking mace for half of them. It ranks up there with "swinging from ropes" in terms of importance. <_<
I mean, yes, I'd love if it was more fun, but the way the game works, you can't even die from combat. The game would have to change significantly to make the combat not suck, and at that point I'd rather it was just removed entirely.
and the puzzles were simple... >_>
As in, the puzzles are mostly things like "how do I get to that window" or "how do I get Yorda across this gap", rather than, say, "how do I maneuver myself across this chessboard in such a way that causes the two stone knights to move to the two end points simultaneously, without getting myself crushed in the process".
It sounds like Super Mario World but with worse gameplay or something! >_>
I still stand by my Metroid Prime comparison. <_<
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-The opening FMV is gorgeous. I remember when this game came out, Nintendo Power's review of it stated that the FMVs were nearly PS2 quality. It's true. Simply amazing.
-CoM picks up right where KH1 left off, with Sora and company chasing after Pluto. Cut to night, everyone's asleep. Sora wakes up and sees a cloaked figure. He says that up ahead lies something Sora needs, but he may lose something very dear. Isn't that, like, exactly the fortune Cait Sith gave to Cloud in Gold Saucer? <_<
-The figure disappears, and we cut to someone sketching a giant castle. Then Sora and company enter the castle for real. So... is this whole game going to end up being a dream?
-Goofy, Donald, Jiminy, and Sora all independently got the feeling King Mickey would be here, in this castle. Well, that's as good a reason as any to barge in, I suppose.
-Black cloak reappears. Donald thinks he's a Heartless and tries to magic it up. But the magic does nothing. As in... it doesn't work at all... .......It does even less than in KH1.
-Cloaky says that this is Castle Oblivion, and we lost our memories upon entering. Thus, our spells and abilities are all gone. This ranks up there with "Samus gets blasted into a wall and all her weapons malfunction" in terms of convenient plot devices used to justify us not curbstomping the early game, but whatever.
-Cloaky gives us a card and tells us we can use it to enter illusions of worlds we've already been to. Despite hearing this, it will take Sora until the end of the first world to fully comprehend it. If not longer. World's dumbest locksmith, etc.
-In Traverse Town, Doofy and Gonald are missing. At least I think those were their names. You know, memories, gone, etc.
-Tutorial battle. So you can move around freely, double tap a direction to dodge roll, B is jump, and A uses the card on the top of your deck. You can cycle through your deck at will with L and R. Each move uses up a card, but holding A recharges your deck.
-After the battle, Donald and Goofy are back. Cloaky says Sora will have to go alone from here. This isn't really true. The team will still appear during cutscenes. Also, it's not like they were ever useful in KH1 so...
-You need to use cards to open doors to proceed through the worlds. What card you use affects what's in the next room. In this case, I used a save room card.
-fightan heartless
-Eventually I make it to a room with Leon. There is an incredibly painful conversation where Sora forgets that A) they're in an illusion of Traverse Town and B) Castle Oblivion. As in, loss of memories. So Sora and Leon go back and forth trying to figure out if they know each other or not and whether this is a castle or a town. And it's just terrible to read. And worse, there will be two more conversations like this, one for Aerith and one for Yuffie.
(Now would be a good time to recall what Leon said at the end of KH1, by the way: "We may never meet again, but we'll never forget each other." You see, this is a deep and meaningful plot with much foreshadowing.)
-Luckily, the conversation with Cid is abbreviated. It's basically: "Hey, Sora! ...Wait, how do I know your name? Guess you just look like a Sora." "No, my name really is Sora. Hi, Cid!" "Well, I am world famous, makes sense you'd know my name!"
That doesn't SEEM abbreviated, but compared to the other previous conversations about this...
-Cid: When the bell tower chimes, the boss will appear. So, I am OUTTA here!
Sora: time to go chime the bell tower then
But then it happens anyway, to save them the walk. Also because, you know, memories.
BOSS FIGHT:
GUARD ARMOR
...Yeah bosses in this game are gonna be a problem. I'm not sure if this guy can even cause damage, he just took forever to kill.
-After the battle, the FFVII characters are basically like: "We're incapable of understanding very simple plot devices, so we'll just have to trust Sora to figure them out." And Sora's like, "No problem, guys, I've got it covered! Now I'll just move on to the next world where I'm SURE everyone will remember me!"
-Aerith sticks around to give Sora some advice about illusions trying to trick him, but then it turns out she wasn't really there. MIND SCREW.
-After a bit more grinding, we exit to Castle Oblivion proper. Cloaky shows up to battle us, but then Axel intervenes, saying he was getting bored, what with Cloaky hogging the hero.
"My name is Axel. Commit it to memory."
...everything I know is a lie.
BOSS FIGHT:
AXEL
...Okay, maybe boss fights won't be a problem. Axel, unlike the Heartless, has to actually recharge his deck periodically. And by "periodically" I mean "always", and I just kept hitting him over and over when he tried to do it. And he never learned to get some distance or anything. Hilarious.
-We get some world cards and we assume we'll need them to advance. Axel shows up again to confirm our suspicions. The party is surprised he's alive.
Sora: So you were just testing us?!
...Um. Sora. He DID say he was testing your strength before the battle started. There's no reason to be surprised about it, especially considering your track record with this sort of crap. (Admittedly, Sora did quite well in KH1, in regards to beating people he didn't have to - Leon, Darkside, Cerberus, etc.)
Axel: The light within the darkness. You've lost sight of it, Sora. You've forgotten forgetting.
That's not true at all! I remember... uh... ****, I knew I should have written it down. Something about Kingdom Hearts being waffles, right?
(On a side note, Axel's line right there ranks up with "Soul wrought of terra corrupt" from Dirge of Cerberus in terms of killing my will to care about the story.)
-Axel exits and Goofy says they'll be fine because, remember when they stormed that other castle? With all the contraptions? But nobody else can remember it. Dammit, guys, Hollow Bastion! It was the best part of Kingdom Hearts! Remember? You had to help Winnie the Pooh find his friends Jack Skellington and Sephiroth by winning 10 rounds of Jungle Slider?
</spoiler>
-Stopping there. Okay guys, where am I going next? Choices are Halloween Town, Monstro, Agrabah, Wonderland, and Olympus Coliseum.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
So, I dunno.
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Anyway, just pick one, I don't think it matters much. Unlike KH1 there's nothing that shows the world's difficulty, that I can find, at least.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
-We quickly meet Pinocchio and blah blah blah Geppetto is also here. Riku doesn't seem to be showing up, though, which is awesome.
-oh god. there was nothing to say about Monstro the first time, there's double plus nothing to say about it this time.
-We eventually reach the Parasite Cage room and find Pinocchino. He had run off, or something. You're really not missing out on anything by me not giving you a play-by-play of this world's deep and meaningful story. It's really hard for me to care about helping these people when A) I've already helped them and B) none of this is real. Anyway, we convince Pinocchio to go back to Geppetto, but then RUMBLING HAPPENS
BOSS FIGHT:
PARASITE CAGE
This is such a dumb boss. First of all, the floor will deal damage to you and break your cards if you stand on it, so you have to ride little platforms around. Second, if you card break the Cage, it will IMMEDIATELY toss out an 8 and card break you (because nothing in my deck beats an 8). Like, before you can even get a single attack off. So card breaks actually work AGAINST you. Luckily, its attacks didn't deal a whole lot of damage, but still.
-I should probably explain the level up system. Each time you level up (and you have to collect the experience when it's dropped in battle now - thanks, Square!) you can A) increase your HP, B) increase your deck capacity (it's called like CP or something but deck capacity is what I know it as from assorted YGO games), or C) learn a new Sleight. C) is only available sometimes, the rest are always available. I don't really have any cards to swap into my deck yet (for some reason, this game with a card-based battle system has yet to give me more than a handful of new cards - thanks, Square!), so I've been throwing everything into HP and the occasional Sleight.
What are Sleights? Sleights are special three card combos that I almost never use because I just never think about it. <_<
-Anyway... We decide that we can escape by causing enough of a commotion that Monstro sneezes us out. ...I'm pretty sure sneezing doesn't work that way, for multiple reasons, but uh... sure. And we do, via a battle with a bunch of respawning enemies. "yay" Time to leave this god-forsaken world.
-Back in Castle Oblivion. They're still trying to remember the name of Hallowed Babylon. In a rare moment of intelligence, they decide to check Jiminy's journal, only to find that all the pages are now blank. I imagine this is the result of a meeting in the Square-Enix offices that went down like this: they had the entire story written up and planned out and were all patting themselves on the back, when the janitor brought up that Sora could just check Jiminy's journal. One firing later, they added a single line of dialogue saying that, no, Castle
-The party eventually decides that, ohmigosh, they must be losing their memories!
I'd just like to point out that the name of this place is Castle Oblivion.
Castle Oblivion.
Also, you were OUTRIGHT TOLD you'd lose your memories upon entering! Multiple times!
-Sora: So if we keep going, we'll lose our memories... No wonder they call it Castle Oblivion!
The last horse finally crosses the finish line. *golf clap*
-As a note, for about two seconds while this was going on, the scene cut to a young blonde girl with a drawing pad in another room. Actually, there were no stairs behind her, so it was probably the top floor. IIRC we got a brief glimpse at her, or maybe just her sketchpad, in the opening.
-Sora's not sure if he wants to keep going, considering they really just barged into this place on a whim, have no concrete reason for being here, and stand to lose all their memories, possibly without a way to get them back. But Goofy says that, no matter what, they can't lose their memories of their friends. As proof, he brings up the time Sora turned into a Heartless, and yet didn't forget about everyone.
Because THAT proves that amnesia has a special friend-memory-exclusion-rule in place. Makes perfect sense.
-On a side note...
ob
Editor
-Oh, we also need to finish the preliminaries to qualify for the main event. How very "unexpected".
-After we run off, guess who shows up?
...
save_us.hades
-Hades tells Cloud to off Hercules and he'll restore his memories. But... wait. What. This world was created from Sora's memories. Yet Cloud is aware he lost his, and Hades promised to restore them. But this didn't happen in the original story so how... Hades shouldn't. And Cloud.
...
*explodes*
-So, I finally got a card that let me create a Moogle Shop. Here, you can trade Moogle Points - picked up during worlds - for booster packs of cards. Finally, my deck is looking somewhat respectable.
-I clear the areas and eventually find Phil. As usual, he doesn't want to let us compete. But it turns out we're the only ones who cleared the prelims, so it's us or cancel the games. He eventually relents. But then!
"The games have a new challenger. Name's Cloud."
yesssssss
-Anyway, apparently Sora, Cloud, and Herc will be racing to the finish. Not sure how that works, and I'm too tired to find out right now.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
BOSS FIGHT:
CLOUD
Also known as "Sleight whore". You'd really think these characters would eventually run out of cards. He almost kills me - first time in the game that's happened - because he kept breaking my Cure card. Ah, well.
-Despite losing, Cloud is gone after the battle... somehow... We find him behind another plot door, having lost to Hercules. It took me about 15 seconds to find him, and I'm just going to assume his actual fight with Hercules took place entirely in that time frame.
-So Cloud says that Herc is tired too and that they're going to continue fighting. Sora decides to back Herc up. But then Cloud lets slip that he's trying to get his memories back, causing Hades to show up. Hades is annoyed that Cloud wasn't strong enough to beat Herc.
Hades: You, my spiky-haired friend, are fired.
Amazing.
-Hades blasts everyone and prepares to finish Herc off, but Sora intervenes.
Sora: C'mon, Herc, how can we go one-on-one if you're in the Underworld?
Hades: Good point, kid. Guess you'll just have to go with him!
Hades is too witty for this game.
BOSS FIGHT:
HADES
Hades is tough. When he gets down to about 10% health, his attacks become superpowerful, and he permanently stays in his red form (just like in KH1, he has a blue form and a stronger red form). He also loves Sleights. Just, all the time. Sleight Sleight Sleight Sleight Sleight Sleight. Even if you're not anywhere nearby. The good thing about this is that he actually does run out of cards, so if you can stall until then... yeah.
(Actually, I think it would be pretty cool if this game had a pacifism challenge, where you had to defeat every enemy by decking them without using any attacks. I know Touhou games let you stall bosses to death and in Summon Night you can run any enemy out of durability for their weapons and beat them that way... though I forget if doing that actually defeated them, or just made them much, much easier for the rest of the fight. Either way, it would be fun to have an option like that here.)
-Phil and Herc say the games are cancelled because everyone's tired out. Herc tells Sora they'll have a real match later. Cloud gets up, apologizes, and tries to make a quick exit, but Sora spouts some crap about how some memories are too important to ever lose, so of course Cloud will find his... eventually. That's how memories work! Cloud's like "yeah sure fine take this card just stop talking to me". The card he gave us was a "Cloud" summon.
...
so does this mean we're dating now, or...
-Anyway, this world is over. Back in Castle Oblivion, more painful dialogue about remembering things. Sora has unfortunately not forgotten about Riku.
-Cut to Axel and Larxene, a blonde... person... that my gut says is female, but you can never be too sure in a game like this. Larxene asks why Axel's so interested in Sora. Axel says Sora became a Heartless and yet didn't lose his mind. Only one other person has ever done that, he says. As if he'd know? *shrug* Also, we have a name for Axel's organization... it's called the Organization!
...
Catchy!
-Back to Team Locksmith. Sora says he'll never forget Kairi because he still hasn't returned her good luck charm. Then he sees a mental image of Kairi (oh god not this **** again), but for a moment she morphs into the Castle Oblivion blonde girl. Who, I should mention, basically looks like a genderswapped Joshua from TWEWY. In fact, this whole game is oddly reminiscent of TWEWY to me. <_<
-But enough of that. Onward to Wonderland.
-The big plot difference here is that Alice is on trial for "aiding the Heartless" and stealing the Queen's memories, as opposed to the Queen not knowing about the Heartless and thinking Alice stole her Heart. The other big difference is that Sora has wised up to the golden rule of JRPGs:
All problems can be solved by finding the right person and beating them up.
And thus, when asked how he knows Alice is innocent, he just says "Because I'm the thief." and a battle begins.
Sora. I don't say this often, but... you are awesome. Keep it up.
BOSS FIGHT:
CARD SOLDIERS
Not really a boss fight but eh. There are like 9 card soldiers you have to fight. It's... easy. Though they do hit fairly hard.
-During the commotion, Alice ran off and/or was kidnapped. The Queen sends a bunch more cards after us.
Donald: I think we've been trumped!
...
I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
-Sora decides they should just run rather than fight more of these guys. That is an... adequate plan. I guess. The fight would have taken like 30 seconds, tops. But eh.
-Through another plot door, we find Alice. She asks if Sora's really the thief.
Sora: No, it's just... Okay, you're new to JRPGs, I get it. How can I explain... I'm Don Quixote, you're Dulcinea.
Alice: ...I don't get it.
Sora: Exactly.
-This world is awesome to Sora. The Cheshire Cat shows up and drops a lot of cryptic hints regarding memories, eventually telling us that the Queen of Hearts won't stop hounding us until we get her memories back. And, I swear to god, Sora's like, "That sounds like a lot of work! I think I'll just stay away from her instead!"
Sora. You are quickly becoming the best character in this game. Keep it up.
-Anyway, we do end up undertaking the quest, for Alice's sake.
-We enter the Bizarre Room through another plot door and run straight into the Queen of Hearts. le sigh
-Luckily, a Dues Ex Machina saves us. The Queen loses her memories of why she was after us. You know... I really think it's just a coincidence, but I will point out that, in Castle Oblivion, "to lose is to find and to find is to lose". She found us, but lost her memories of why she was looking for us in the first place. Eh? Eh?
-A huge Heartless shows up. Sora's like, "So this is what stole the Queen's memory!" ...While that does make sense from a dramatic point of view, I don't see why Sora would assume it. But, whatever.
BOSS FIGHT:
TRICKMASTER
Going through these worlds in like... half reverse order was an awesome idea. Trickmaster is a pushover compared to Hades. I just kept card breaking it over and over and it couldn't do anything. <_<
-The Queen is still pissed at the gang until Alice is like, "Um but your majesty, you ordered us to destroy that Heartless as a test of loyalty. Don't you remember?"
And it... works. Go Alice. The Queen leaves, quite pleased with herself.
-So basically, that was what Wonderland should have been like in KH1. Actually, Monstro was sorta an improvement too. This game really isn't that bad. >_>
(I'm shipping SoraxAlice now, by the way.)
-Back in Castle Oblivion, Alice's memory trick has made Sora question his own memories. He tries to recall the name of the blonde girl he remembered during his Kairi hallucination, but can't quite manage to.
-On the next floor, Sora remembers. He says there was another girl on Destiny Islands that he was friends with. Jiminy says this is the first time Sora's mentioned her. Sora says that she went away when he was little, and that's why he's forgotten about her until now. He still can't remember her name.
I'm going to point out everything that's wrong with this. And it's a fairly sizable list.
1) That girl's name was Selphie. Wakka and Tidus were also there. It was not just "the three of you". You idiot.
2) Jiminy, YOUR MEMORY IS GONE. How would you know if Sora had ever mentioned this girl before?
3) She "went away"? What the fuck. It's Destiny Islands. The whole goddamn point was that you CAN'T leave! That's why Riku had to open his heart to darkness in order to escape! That's why Sora and Kairi had to plot device their way out!
4) What part of this situation makes you believe these memories are genuine? What part of this is not suspect in every possible capacity? HOW DUMB ARE YOU?
-Anyway... for no reason, STATS!
Level 20
HP 215
CP 425
5F - Castle Oblivion, Hall
Time: 3:09:33
Worlds completed: Monstro, Olympus Coliseum, Wonderland
-On to Halloween Town!
-So the story in Halloween Town is that Dr. Finkelstein created a potion that restores one's "true memories", free of any bias or change that comes naturally with age. But just one sniff of the potion caused the Heartless to appear. And now the potion has gone missing.
-It's worth mentioning that I have a third partner here: Jack. From what I can tell, Jack's cards work a lot like Donald's, though.
-Behind the second plot door, we find Sally with the potion. She's worried what will happen if someone drinks it, which is a reasonable concern, I'd say. Before she can give it back, Oogie Boogie appears and steals it. Dude can move fast when he wants to. Then he runs off.
-I finally found a Sleight I actually like using: Blizzaga. Blizzard + Blizzard + Blizzard = Blizzaga, a huge ball of ice that can one-shot just about any enemy I've faced so far, and often hits multiple enemies at once. It's great.
-Behind the next plot door is Oogie's roulette game, as in KH1. Oogie drinks the potion, and, surprise surprise, he goes insane or something. Boss fight time.
BOSS FIGHT:
OOGIE BOOGIE
This boss fight, if you understand what to do, is really easy. He'll roll dice at you that can turn into various attacks. These are always 7s. Break three of them, that's 777, and the gates lower, and you can beat him up. The only reason this might be tricky is because, when you're not attacking him, his health bar is completely full for some reason. No, he hasn't recovered health, it just looks that way. I don't know why. So you might think what you're doing isn't working, when really it is. You should never take damage during this fight. It's that easy.
-Back in the lab, the Doctor says Oogie drank nearly all of the potion. Sora considers asking for the rest of it, but decides he wants to find his true memories on his own. A more logical reason to reject it would be because it clearly doesn't work at all, but whatever. The Doctor determines that true memories are scary and thus drinking the potion caused Oogie to become overwhelmed with fear... This sorta makes sense, but, again, I think it's more likely the potion is just a failure.
(Actually, a theory I've heard is that the Heartless showed up because Sora showed up - the potion was just a coincidence. And Oogie freaked out because he gained true memories, which in this case would reveal that he's just a figment of Sora's imagination created by Castle Oblivion. Maybe? I dunno.)
-Back in Castle Oblivion, Sora talks more about that girl. I simply can't explain how little I care about this subplot. Just... stop it, game.
-Axel and Larxene are talking about their sinister plan. It involves Sora's memories, which have now taken root, or... something. Axel goes off to fight with Sora again, but Larxene stops him, saying it's her turn.
Axel: Remember, Larxene. Our job is to deliver him in one piece.
Larxene: But who says I can't have my way with him first?
...i am so turned on right now
-Axel tells Larxene not to kill him because he's partly one of them, and they'll need him if they want to take the Organization. Ominous!
-Oh, but I guess we're not fighting her yet? Ah well. Next up: Agrabah.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-We defeat them, but more just spawn in. He calls Genie out to destroy the Heartless.
-Genie: There ain't nothing I can't make right as rain. Well, if we had rain, that is. But enough dry jokes.
emot-suicide.gif
-Aladdin says that he's trying to get to the palace, but there are a lot of Heartless in the way.
...
So.
Let me get this straight.
Aladdin used one of his wishes to defeat a group of Heartless.
So that he could venture onward to the palace... which he KNOWS will be protected by a bunch of Heartless?
.......................
SO WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WISH THAT AGRABAH WAS A HEARTLESS-FREE ZONE OR SOMETHING?
It's like the KH writers are just TERRIFIED of these wishes undoing their carefully crafted plot so they just try to use them up as quickly as possible and hope the audience doesn't give it any more thought than they did.
-Through the next plot door, we find Jasmine conveniently being attacked by Heartless. Also conveniently, "we'll never make it in time." Aladdin wastes yet another wish to take out more fodder Heartless. We find Jasmine unconscious, but unharmed. But then more Heartless show up. Aladdin is about to waste YET ANOTHER wish, when Sora jumps in and basically says, "that's stupid, YOU'RE stupid, let us handle this and try not to hurt yourself."
-After taking the Heartless down, Jaffar poofs out of nowhere and whisks the lamp away. Then he uses his first wish to steal Jasmine away as well. *sigh*
-We've got a plan! Sora and company charge through the next plot door to confront Jaffar. As he prepares to deal with them, Aladdin jumps down and Jaffar, for some reason, is forced to use a wish to stop him. And now he's only got one wish left, which he can use either to win Jasmine's heart, or get rid of us!
...Except... you can't wish for someone to fall in love with you, so... Uh. This isn't a dilemma at all. In any case, Jaffar wishes to become a genie, thinking that will solve his problems.
BOSS FIGHT:
GENIE JAFFAR
This is the same fight as in KH1, only better, because you can actually tell where the lamp is. Of course, the fight sucked in KH1, and no amount of minor improvements will make it not suck here, so...
I also like how the ALL-POWERFUL GENIE got off like three attacks the entire fight because I kept breaking all his cards.
-So Jaffar is defeated... somehow... none of that made any goddamn sense, but whatever. And Aladdin uses his last wish to free Genie, and Genie gives us a Genie summoning card for being so awesome. The end. Back to the castle, ASAP.
-Larxene shows up and taunts Sora about forgetting the girl's name. She says the bad guys are holding the girl in this castle, and Sora, being the hero, has to go rescue her. But then she says there's a catch, and flashsteps through Sora and company, owning them thoroughly in half a second.
Larxene: I'M a bad guy, so you have to go though [sic] me!
"Though" makes no sense in this context, so either the proofreaders missed this or "though" is slang for some sort of lewd act that I'm not familiar with. It's Larxene, so I'll assume the latter.
-While Larxene was owning Sora, he also dropped his Oathkeeper pendant. He looks over at it and asks if it's his. Uh-oh. Larxene asks who gave it to him. Sora answers... "Namine". SURVEY SAYS...
*bum-bum-ba-buhhhhhhhh*
Ooooh, that's a shame, Sora. But we really enjoyed having you on the show!
-Larxene taunts Sora about forgetting Namine's name, and threatens to smash the Oathkeeper. This causes Sora to bitchslap Larxene away from it with his Keyblade. Note that, when Larxene owned everyone, there was movement blur, indicating she was going super-fast. For Sora, nothing. Just on the ground on his back one moment, smacking Larxene the next. Pretty awesome.
BOSS FIGHT:
LARXENE
Larxene is... obnoxious to fight, to say the least. Her entire strategy is to just stun lock you. Her Sleight is a homing vortex that draws you in and then deposits you in front of her, paralyzed for several seconds. She can blast you with lightning from halfway across the stage, and has a 27 hit physical combo that she can chain with itself that you can't even escape by breaking her cards. Did I mention she's also super-fast and constantly on the move? Yeah.
The worst part is, none of her attacks do any damage. They're all worthless. So she's really annoying to fight, but also never a threat. What an "entertaining" combination.
-After thoroughly kicking her ass, she gives us some more world cards and exits stage right. Sora is pissed at her. I think this is the first time in the series he's been legitimately pissed off.
-As we climb higher in Castle Oblivion, Axel and Larxene have a charming conversation.
Larxene: Whew... Throwing the battle back there really wore me out.
Axel: Throwing the battle? Looks to me like you plain old lost the battle.
Larxene tries to correct him, but a new figure shows up to take Axel's side: Vexen.
-Oh god, Vexen is a scientist and he's interested in Sora. Axel thinks it's just excuse for Vexen to test his... follower/toy/experiment, something like that. In any case, Axel says it's fine, and even tosses him a card. Before we cut back to Team Locksmith, another figure enters the room. It looks like... Riku?
...
I swear to god, if Riku has allied himself with yet another group of people who are obviously evil...
-Sora is EXTRA MOTIVATED now that he knows Namine is being held prisoner! You know, the Organization really didn't have to go through all this trouble. They could have just showed up, said "hey Sora, we've got some random chick on the top floor, and we're going to do eeeeevil things to her unless you rescue her!" and Sora would do all this anyway because he's a sucker. I mean, he went through HOW many floors of this crap without even having a reason for being here in the first place?
-Anyway, our next set of worlds is: Neverland, Atlantica, Hundred Acre Wood, and Hollow Bastion.
-Preliminary world ranking: Wonderland > Olympus Coliseum > Halloween Town > Monstro > Traverse Town > Agrabah
Wonderland was a huge step up from Wonderland in KH1, so it nets first by default.
Olympus Coliseum was the most complex world by far in terms of involving us in the plot, and it has Cloud and Hades. Second.
Halloween Town was fun to play, so it gets third.
Monstro was a step up from Monstro in KH1, but it's still Monstro, so it's stuck at fourth.
Traverse Town, dialogue aside, was okay. But the dialogue was awful. Fifth.
And Agrabah was basically a 45 minute long utterance of the word "derp", with a lousy boss and the most annoying enemies thus far. Easy sixth.
-We're doing Hundred Acre Wood first because there are no enemies. It's... boring. Long story short: We had to reunite Pooh with his friends. (Again.) I learn Synchro, Idyll Romp, Bind, and Confuse. I also got an Elixer and a Spellbinder, and the summon Bambi. Not a bad haul.
-Riku shows up once we return to Castle Oblivion proper. He says Namine doesn't want to see Sora, and that he's getting pretty sick of Sora himself.
You know, the reason I hate Riku so much, is that he's pretty much a paranoid, jealous wifebeater, but without the alcohol. And Sora keeps going back to him, thinking that THIS time will be different, THIS time Riku will go straight, treat him right, and remember his birthday. But no, it's always bullshit like this:
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU
The worst part is that he's not even a challenge. He pretty much just sits there and does nothing while somehow also managing to run out of cards.
-Riku runs off like a little bitch and we chase after him. Jiminy says he was acting strange, as if the Heartless were controlling him again. Goddammit Jiminy stop helping Sora rationalize. He was an asshole before he even knew the Heartless existed. Jiminy then adds that Castle Oblivion makes people forget, so Riku must have just forgotten that he and Sora are friends.
Yeah.
Because this isn't exactly how he has always acted, every time we've talked to him. No. It MUST be the amnesia.
Sora resolves to take Riku back yet again. I die a little inside. I could really go for a good SoraxAlice fanfic right now.
-One good thing does come out of the cutscene: the party tells Sora to stop being emo because it's obnoxious as hell. This causes Sora to say: "I'll save Namine, Riku, AND the king... and I'll do it blindfolded!"
...You know, the way I play this game, a blindfold really wouldn't be all that much of a detriment. <_<
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-Ariel swims by, tells us we didn't see her, and swims off. She had something sparkly in her bra. I... don't even know what to say about that. The group pursues.
-...augh, the encounters here last about twice as long as they need to.
-I should probably point out that:
1. I still don't have a second Cure card.
2. My best item is still a level 8 Potion.
3. Blizzaga no longer one-shots everything.
The rest of this game is going to be torture unless I can get some better cards.
-Behind the first plot door, we find Sebastion the crab. He says Ariel ran away, and the trident is missing as well. The group thinks Ariel must have stolen it. And... what, hidden it in her bra? I don't even want to know how that works.
-I create a moogle shop and find that I can now spend extra points to get packs that are... better, I guess? Let's give it a shot with a super-expensive magic pack.
Hey! Another Cure spell!
It's level 4 and shiny!
emot-suicide.gif
-Through the next plot door, we find Ariel saying she never should have taken Triton's trident. Ursula shows up and says she did the right thing. Here's the scoop: Flounder has gone missing and is apparently in the world of humans. Ursula said she'd rescue him if Ariel let her borrow the trident for a while. Ariel tells Ursula she needs some time to think. Ursula exits, and Sora basically says, "Um, Ariel? You're an idiot. Don't trust Ursula. You idiot."
-Sora agrees to go with Ariel to help her confront Ursula.
-So I finally created a White Room and did the dumb mushroom minigame... and my reward was that one of the cards in my deck was made premium. What. That's terrible! That's not a reward at all! That's like... the complete opposite of a reward!
I mean, I got super lucky and had one of my Blizzards turned premium, and since I use those in Sleights anyway it actually is sorta useful, but still. Fuck you, White Mushrooms.
-Through the next plot door we find Ursula. Ariel asks for proof that handing over the trident will save Flounder. You can see where this is going. Ursula kidnapped Flounder, and actually does let him go when Ariel gives her the trident. Of course, we could have just kicked her ass BEFORE she became super-powerful, but whatever. This works too.
BOSS FIGHT:
URSULA
This is basically what the boss fight against biggie-sized Ursula in KH1 should have been. Beat up her tentacles and then you can jump and attack her face. The Mickey card for this fight destroys all her tentacles and drops her down to your level for a few seconds, very useful. (I don't know if I mentioned this, but some boss fights have Mickey cards; they drop from the sky like friend cards and, when used, confer an advantage. Some are super useful, like this one. Some are not useful at all, like the Trickmaster Mickey card, which... spawns a table. yay.)
Anyway, this boss fight was really fun, if easy.
-Sora tells Ariel that she should just tell Triton that Ursula stole the trident. But Ariel says that she's proud of what she did - she made the wrong decision, but did it to help her friend. So she's not going to lie. It's a surprisingly touching scene. (Also, Sora then lies about having condoned lying. And thus, no lesson was learned.)
-Back in Castle Oblivion proper... oh god dammit, go away Riku nobody likes you. Riku tells Sora to go away, dammit, that's my line! Sora says WHAT ABOUT OUR FRIENDS???? But Riku's like "I forgot about those losers ages ago." He says that Sora has as well; it's just what this castle does to people. All Riku cares about now is protecting Namine. I'm not sure whether Riku is in on this whole Namine plot or if he's just been suckered as well. Anyway, Riku goes to leave, when...
Sora: Hey, Riku! *draws Keyblade, dons smug grin* Mind if I jog your memory?
Goddammit Sora the overconfidence and puns are supposed to be MY gig. Why does everyone keep stealing my material.
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU
Basically the same as the first Riku fight, except he jumps around a lot now. Annoying.
-Riku: Too bad, Sora. Nothing's coming back to me. Maybe you should try hitting a little harder.
No, your memories did come back - you just forgot because the next hit gave you a concussion. Next time I'll make sure to hit you an odd number of times.
You see, Sora? THAT'S how it's done.
-Sora suggests that they work together to help Namine.
Riku: That's so like you. Always trying to worm your way into my heart.
Sora: Whoa, whoa, time out! When did I ever do that?
Riku: Hmph, you probably forgot. It never mattered to you how I felt!
...so
it's canon, then, is it
-After Riku runs off... "Learned Warpinator!"
...
Warpinator having a good day! Not get shot once.
Wait, that's Waspinator. Goddammit.
-As we climb higher in Castle Oblivion, cut to Namine.
Namine: ...
Axel: Heh heh. I know exactly how you feel.
"I, too, have a love of ellipses."
Axel tells Namine that "Nobodies can't be somebodies." But then he tells Namine that there must be something she can do. The scene then fades to black.
-Goofy [on Riku and Sora]: The more you fight the closer you must be!
Guys, this relationship is seriously unhealthy. We need to stop encouraging Sora's behavior. He needs to get help.
-During Atlantica I got a Door to Rewards card. These let me open special plot doors that lead to treasure; there's one on each floor. However, I couldn't open the one in Atlantica because I didn't have enough normal cards to meet its other requirement, so I'm taking the opportunity now to go back and get the treasure in Traverse Town. And it is... a Lionheart Keyblade. Yay? It's like level 2, but at least now I can get them in packs... The trip was also awesome because I snagged a level 8 Cure, which went into my deck immediately.
-Into Neverland we go. The party quickly deduces that they're on a ship. Tinker Bell shows up, and they decide to follow her. Clearly, Sora's a graduate of the Fron School of Chase-Fairies-Around-For-No-Adequately-Explained-Reason.
-Sora: Is it just me, or are all the rooms starting to look the same?
Starting? Sora's memory loss must be worse than we thought; he's forgotten the entire rest of the game up til now!
-Through the first plot door...
Peter Pan: Tink, what are you doing! You weren't supposed to bring the pirates WITH you!
Hey! I'm not a pirate! I'm just... uh... borrowing this game. From the internet.
-They quickly get things sorted out. Well... sorta. The party has forgotten why they're here. Also, there was this:
Sora: Wait, so if you thought we were pirates... This must be a pirate ship!
...I don't think you can blame that on memory loss. I think that's just the World's Dumbest Locksmith earning his title.
-Through the next plot door, we find Wendy. She says she wants to go home to London, causing Peter to storm off.
-We tell Wendy to stay where she is while we go make a distraction on the deck. This will help her escape because... I don't know. I honestly think the party is just ditching her because she's sort of a bitch.
-I spend like 400 moogle points on cards and get total crap. I haven't gotten this many useless cards from booster packs since I stopped playing Yu-Gi-Oh.
-On the deck, Captain Hook spots us. He calls us friends of Peter Pan, causing the party to ignore him while they debate amongst themselves whether they're Peter's friends or not, eventually deciding that, no, they really aren't. It's great. This whole world has basically been what JRPGs would be like if the heroes just didn't give a **** about anything.
-We prepare to fight Hook anyway, presumably just for the EXP, when he reveals his trump card: he's got Wendy, and is in the process of making her walk the plank. He apparently forgot that Peter Pan can fly, and is promptly made a fool of.
BOSS FIGHT:
CAPTAIN HOOK
This is probably one of the game's better boss fights. Hook has a variety of normal, non-obnoxious attacks, and will only Sleight you when it's advantageous for him to do so, rather than just constantly. Also, the boat rocks back and forth, sort of like Lylat Cruise in Brawl. This has the effect of screwing with the hit detection. Well, screwing with Hook's hit detection. Mine was just fine. Which is awesome.
-blah blah blah Peter doesn't want Wendy to forget him when she grows up but Sora says that memories engraved in the heart never truly disappear. We get a Tinker Bell summon card.
-When we return to Castle Oblivion proper, Riku is... not there. Which saves us the trouble of kicking his ass, I guess.
-As we climb the stairs, the scene cuts to Axel, Larxene, and Vexen. Larxene says Riku isn't taking Vexen's orders anymore. Axel suggests that maybe he's just hiding as part of an elaborate plan to lure Sora further into the castle. Man, even the other characters hate Vexen. <_<
-Cloaky shows up to stop the argument. I guess his name is Marluxia. He takes off his hood, revealing...
...
......his hair is silly
-Marluxia says that Vexen's experiment has failed. Vexen refers to Marluxia as Number 11. Oh god, they have ranks? Vexen is Number 4. Marluxia says that Namine and the castle have been entrusted to him; defy him and it's treason against the Organization. Marluxia says that he's going to report Vexen's failure to "the Superior"... unless Vexen can eliminate Sora personally. Vexen reluctantly agrees and warps away. Axel warns Marluxia that Vexen will really do it, causing Marluxia to go over to Namine and taunt her that "[her] hero is about to be wiped from existence". He also mentions a promise Sora made to her. Wow, this sure is a plot heavy conversation that I really couldn't care less about. <_<
-Back to Team Locksmith. Jiminy says it's not too late and that they should turn back. Uh, we've already forgotten, like, everything. We passed "too late to turn back" like 7 floors ago. Sora says he can't turn back because he made a promise to Namine when they were little, that he'd protect her if she ever needed help.
...
So, my new theory about Kingdom Hearts, is that it represents what was happening in Cloud's mind during Instrumentality.
-Last world of this set: Hollow Bastion. Can I get a "yessssssssss"?
-We walk in on Beast and Belle having an argument. Beast says he came here to rescue her. Belle says she never asked him to come, and to leave before Maleficent finds him. Then Belle exits. We try to cheer Beast up, but he says nobody could ever care about a beast like him. He then walks off. I'm sorry, but fuck you, Chain of Memories. Get this emo bullshit outta here. Beast is supposed to be GAR.
-We find Belle through the first plot door. She says she's been kidnapped by Maleficent. She won't explain why she sent Beast away. We're forced to hide when Maleficent shows up. Belle makes a reference to not falling into Maleficent's trap. Maleficent says she'll make Belle "BEG for his help", before they both poof away. Curiouser and curiouser!
-Through the next plot door, we find Maleficent threatening Belle. She says that Beast will come running as soon as he hears Belle scream in pain. Geez, and this is supposed to be a kid's game. >_> Luckily, Team Locksmith to the rescue!
Maleficent tells Sora to go away unless he wants to join in the screaming. This causes Beast to show up. Belle once again tells him to go away. Beast says that this form was his punishment for being selfish, and Belle was the only one who ever loved him... so he'll take her away from here, even if she hates him for it - his final selfish act. Or, in other words, GAR Beast is back.
Maleficent says that this calls for a change of plans - Beast's heart is more beautiful than Belle's, so she'll take it instead. She shoots a ball of energy at Beast, but Belle leaps in front of it. She disappears, her heart floating into Maleficent.
...oh dear. this is going to get ugly, fast.
Aww. Maleficent warped away. Beast, you really need to start shounening it up. I was really expecting a roar/resolve powerup that would cause the castle to start shaking and debris to start levitating into the air.
-Anyway, Sora and Beast join forces. Let's do this.
-Through the next plot door we find Maleficent... more importantly, I can finally be through with this godawful world. Why is it godawful? 1) It's nothing like Hollow Bastion in KH1, being ugly and boring. And 2) it has Defenders, the worst enemy in the game so far. Easily. You can't hurt them AT ALL from the front, even with magic. It takes Sora a couple seconds to maneuver around a Defender to its backside. It takes a Defender one frame to turn to face Sora. AUGH. Plus, they're so huge that they end up guarding attacks that aren't even aimed at them, so you pretty much have to take them out first while being repeatedly ganked by all the other enemies. And so help you god if there are two Defenders at once...
Anyway. Blah blah blah time to fight Maleficent.
BOSS FIGHT:
DRAGON MALEFICENT
Wow, how fantastic. The hardest boss from Kingdom Hearts 1 - if only because she can just chain gank you to death without you being able to do anything - is the hardest boss (thus far) in Chain of Memories, if only because she can just chain gank you to death without you being able to do anything. She has one move where she stomps the ground. This WILL hit you. There's no way around it. You can't jump to avoid it and it has no max range. You CAN card break it... but if she spams it, then even that won't help you. And she WILL spam it. And the basic rules regarding her ground stomp attack, and you trying to heal, are:
1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
Thus, after trying unsuccessfully for several minutes to heal back to a comfortable level of health, I just decided, screw it, and rushed her. The other problem with this boss is that the screen (and Maleficent herself) will sorta glitch out constantly, and the hit detection becomes... well, there is none. Whether you'll hit her or not is basically up to change. Sora's supposed to auto-target the nearest enemy, but I'm pretty sure that feature took one look at this battle and said "screw THAT, I'm outta here."
Still, it's not too hard. Didn't die, at least.
-blah blah blah Beast is reunited with Belle. Very touching, whatever, I am so ready to be done with this level.
-Is that the world exit I see? FUCK YES IT IS. BAM. We never have to go back there ever again!
-Vexen is waiting for us in Castle Oblivion proper. He reveals that he was the one who sent Riku after Sora, causing Sora to immediately jump to the conclusion that Vexen is controlling Riku. As if this isn't how Riku always acts? But whatever. Kick his ass, Sora.
BOSS FIGHT:
VEXEN
Heh. Pretty amusing boss. His Sleight is a blast of ice that freezes you, and you have to mash buttons to escape. It does quite a bit of damage and is fairly annoying. Thing is... it's super easy to break. I mean, just in general, but also because he telegraphs it with the most feminine laugh of all time. Hilarious. He has a shield, like the Defenders, so you can only attack him from the back, but... I dunno. I sorta liked this boss. Probably because it was really easy and I just kept breaking his Sleights over and over. I almost feel bad for the guy. <_<
-Vexen says that while we were fighting, he was delving into Sora's memories. And he created a world card from the memories of the other side of Sora's heart. If we want to fight him for real, we'll have to go to that world. Then he vanishes, leaving us the world card. I don't have a problem with that! I'll go anywhere but Hollow Bastion.
-Cut to Axel, Larxene, and Marluxia. Larxene says that Vexen is being rash and that, if Sora finds out about "the other side", it's game over. Axel says it'll be fine if he just passes through without figuring it out. Marluxia says they'll leave this to Namine and that, for the meantime, Axel knows what to do.
Axel: No, I don't. Maybe you could spell it out for me.
Heh.
Marluxia tells Axel to rid them of the traitor. Axel says there's no taking that order back later and leaves in a hurry.
-Next world is... *drumroll* ...Twilight Town. Where we will no doubt be teaming up with Edward Cullen.
-Upon entering Twilight Town, the group wonders where they are. Sora says he's never been here before. How would you KNOW? You LOST your MEMORIES. Idiot.
-Donald suggests that maybe he just forgot this place like he did with everywhere else. Of course, you realize, this means Donald is the smartest. I want to cry but there aren't enough tears...
-Sora talks about the time Namine gave him her good luck charm (the Oathkeeper, again). Blah blah blah don't care. Only thing of note is that, for a moment, everything fades to black and Namine shows up. She apologizes to Sora for causing all of this. Seems he didn't hear her, though.
-Man, the enemy variety here stinks. Shadows, Soldiers, and Air Soldiers. Disappointing.
-Through the first plot door. Sora's talking about how this place feels familiar, but he's sure he's never been here before. Vexen shows up. He asks Sora which feels more real: his familiarity with Twilight Town, or his memories of Namine. Sora answers Namine. Vexen laughs. Vexen insists that the other side of Sora's heart remembers this place.
Vexen: If you remain bound by the chains of memory, and refuse to believe your heart... then you may as well throw your heart away.
Houston, we have a title.
-Vexen says that Sora isn't fit to exist, "just like my Riku". This causes Sora to get all defensive and jealous. Sora! He's a wifebeater! You're better off without him! You need to move on! You've got friends who care about you! You... Sora, are you listening to-
BOSS FIGHT:
VEXEN
*sigh*
Anyway, I basically find this guy hilarious to fight because he's just so incompetent. I decided to play defensively and just keep breaking his Sleights until he ran out of cards. After a while he started trying Sleights with combined levels of <7. He never learned. It was great. >_>
-Vexen says that if Sora continues to pursue Namine, he'll become Marluxia's pawn. Sora asks who Marluxia is, but before Vexen can answer, Axel kills him. I know it's traditional for the genre, but I never fail to be stunned by how the heroes just sit there and watch this kind of crap happen. It's not like they're not interfering because, hey, one less enemy to deal with now; they always get pissed off afterwards!
Sora: What ARE you people?!
Axel: Wish I knew the answer to that myself.
And Axel vanishes. Dude, he's said like 5 times now that they're Nobodies. It's not just a reference to how well they do in Character Battles, you know!
-And... that's the end of Twilight Town. Huh.
-We leave, and the scene cuts to Larxene, Axel, and Marluxia. Seems they're all in on the coup together. Until now, I figured Marluxia wasn't. Ah well. They tell Namine to just layer the memories, one by one, and try not to hurt Sora's feelings. <_<
-Back to Team Locksmith. They head forward, and are once again blocked by Riku. Sora says that Vexen's dead and so Riku is free now. Riku says he's protecting Namine because that's what his heart tells him to do; it has nothing to do with Vexen. The following scene is transcribed exactly as it happens in-game:
Riku: On the night of the meteor shower... -> Namine was scared that a meteor would hit the island. -> So I promised I'd protect her. -> That's why I won't let you go any further, Sora!
>Press "So I promised I'd protect her."
Sora: HOLD IT! When you promised you'd protect her... you had a toy sword, didn't you?
Riku: What?! There's no way you could have known that!
Sora: OBJECTION! I know... because I made the same promise!
Riku: Ack!
Judge: Mr. Riku, what is the meaning of this?
Riku: You... you're lying! Namine and I were alone that night!
>Present "good luck charm"
Sora: TAKE THAT! If I never made that promise with her... Then why do I have her good luck charm?
Riku: ..........................
Riku: villainous-breakdown.gif
(Actually, he pulls out an identical Oathkeeper and says Sora's is a fake. Yeah, because this situation isn't completely suspect in every way. No, it must be that Sora just happened to create a fake version of an item he's never seen before - according to Riku - for just this occasion.)
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU
Yeah, I ran him out of cards too. awesome_face.jpg
-Riku runs off without another word, dropping his Oathkeeper charm. When Sora picks it up, it turns into a world card for some reason.
-Sora tries to move on to the next floor but Donald and Goofy stop him. They want to think this whole situation through. Basically, the conversation is as follows:
Donald: Sora, this entire situation doesn't make any goddamn sense whatsoever. You are so clearly walking into a trap that you couldn't be any more walking into a trap if you saw a giant bear trap on the ground and decided to walk into it. Why don't we just sit down and, for once, actually THINK before doing something intensely stup-
Sora: THERE'S NO TIME! I HAVE TO SAVE NAMINE!
Donald: sigh
-Sora throws a fit and says he's going on ahead, with or without Goofy and Donald. I should probably point out that I really, really hate Sora in this game (at least whenever the main plot is involved; he's usually pretty decent in the subworlds). He's really about on the level of KH1 Riku. First he was emo, now he's pissy, and throughout the entire game he's been dumber than a bag of spatulas. It must take SKILL to write a character this fundamentally terrible in every capacity.
-Cut to Axel. He tells Namine that she's all Sora's got left, and also that Marluxia isn't here right now to stop her from stopping this. She runs off. Then he strikes a terrible pose and says that all the actors are in place and it's time for them to give him "one hell of a show".
-Sora actually ditched Donald and Goofy. Jiminy objects, but, for the first time in the series, someone tells Jiminy to shove it.
-The next world is: Destiny Islands!
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie show up. Sora remembers them, but forgets their names. Luckily, he picks them up during the conversation. Eventually, the trio departs to give Sora some alone time with "her" - they specifically avoid giving a name, which makes me think they mean Kairi, not Namine.
-Enemies here have a lot of health. I had to upgrade my deck with two more Blizzards just so I could spam Blizzaga Sleights and make the fights end in a reasonable amount of time.
-Through the first plot door, Sora comes upon the small island that housed the Riku fight in KH1. And... Riku is there. Oh god. This is terrible. I'm going to lose 7 more times here.
-Oh, excellent. It's Destiny Islands Riku, not DARKNESS Main Plot Riku. This means he's only sort of an asshole, instead of completely an asshole. Sora fumbles through the conversation with little tact, actually saying stuff like "this must be the Riku from my memories" out loud. This causes Riku to say Sora's stuck in the land of make believe. He questions how Sora's ever going to take care of "her" if he keeps acting like this. Before Sora can ask where "she" is, the island starts rumbling. Riku runs off to warn the others, while Sora runs off to take care of "her".
-Through the next plot door, Sora shouts that the island is breaking up, and is immediately thrown into a battle with a familiar foe...
BOSS FIGHT:
DARKSIDE
Darkside has a lot of health. Up til now, the most health a boss has had is two bars. Darkside has four. He's really easy, though - he alternates attacks.
Energy ball - Break this
Punch - Jump over shockwave, beat up on fist
Energy ball - Break this
Punch/shadow summon - Avoid initial punch, beat up on his face
Repeat
It takes a while, but it's very simple.
-So Sora finally comes face to face with... Namine. So all that avoiding proper names and foreshadowing was for nothing, I guess. Blah blah blah tearful reunion. But then Namine apologizes for meeting Sora like this, and a second Namine appears. The two Namines argue for a while, and finally the second one tells Sora to look into his heart and find the person he cares most about. There's an FMV. Sora looks at the Oathkeeper pendant, and sees Namine with her back turned to him... but as she turns around to face him, she morphs into Kairi.
-When the FMV ends, Sora's in a different part of the island. He still can't quite remember Kairi, so he runs off in search of Namine.
-Sora exits to Castle Oblivion proper. Namine's waiting. Sora admits that there's someone else who's more special to him than Namine is, but he can't remember her name. Namine's about to explain, when Riku shows up and says HE'LL be doing the explaining around here!
Riku: Plain and simple - your memory is a train wreck!
choo choo
-Riku says he's the one who's supposed to protect Namine, but Sora and his memories keep getting in the way. Then Riku attacks.
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU
Dude, if you wanted me to care about these fights, you should have showed up less often and not sucked. Right now the appropriate ending to this fight would be Yeager shooting you out a window.
And for the first time this game, a battle with Riku is actually difficult! In fact, this is the first battle in the game I'd actually call anything other than "easy". He still has his pathetic Dark Firaga Sleight, but now he also has a ridiculous Dark Aura Sleight, which is basically like Super Sonic from Brawl. He'll stun lock you and hit you over and over, and this attack does a ton of damage, so it's a big problem. And when the attack ends, it creates a bunch of bursts of fire - which rarely hit, but do a lot of damage if they do.
I died here like... twice, maybe three times. The only way I could win was to run him out of cards - that Sleight is just too powerful otherwise - but the problem is, you can't really heal until he's out of cards, or he'll just break it. Speaking of healing - no Cura/Curaga Sleights for you, because there aren't any friend cards in this battle, because you ditched Goofy and Donald. Well, you could still do it, but you'd run out of cards fast. So, yeah, it's tricky.
-Riku is sprawled out on the floor after the fight, and approaching him triggers a cutscene where he stands back up and one-shots Sora.
...
Yeah, fuck you, game.
-Riku prepares to finish Sora off (go on, do it. make my day.), but Namine yells STOP and there's a flash of light and Riku crumples to the floor.
Sora: What did you do to Riku?
Larxene: She broke his heart. More like smashed it, really.
-Sora is worried about
Larxene: You want me to tell you? Gee, I don't know... I just HATE spoilers...
Amazing.
Sora continues demanding an explanation.
Larxene: It'll kill you to hear this - but I can live with that.
Larxene... I like you. I think I'll kill you last.
-Larxene explains that this Riku was a fake created by Vexen.
...
Makes perfect sense.
-Larxene says that Fake!Riku had no memories, so Namine just created some. This is her power, see - she can rearrange memories, or even create new ones.
Larxene: The girl you've been dying to protect... is a manipulative witch who shackles people's hearts with phony memories!
Evidence for my theory grows with each passing cutscene.
-Sora puts two and two together and realizes that he's been deceived; his memories of Namine are all fake.
Larxene: Binding you in the chains of your own memory was central to our trap.
Yes, we get it. That's the title of the game. You can stop now.
-Larxene says they almost had Sora, but then Axel screwed their plans over at the last second. So Comic Relief and Blonde Chick aren't as perfect partners as they seemed after all. Man, what happened to you guys? You used to be such a good team when you were in the Turks.
-Larxene advances on Sora, but Namine gets in the way. Instead of, I dunno, using her ****ing REALITY MANIPULATION powers, she just sorta stands there and is promptly bitchslapped outta the way. Sora's pissed. Larxene can't understand why.
Sora: I still made a promise. I promised Namine I'd keep her safe. Maybe my memories are fake. But they're still mine, and I'm gonna be true to them!
Larxene: ...
[insert Sora's dumbfounded "You're stupid!" line from KH1 here]
-Larxene decides to kill Sora for being dumb, but at the last second she's thwacked out of the way by Goofy, while Donald tosses a Cure to Sora. Damn. Getting owned by the sidekicks. Larxene... I am disappoint.
BOSS FIGHT:
LARXENE
This boss isn't as hard as Riku - not even close - but she does have one thing going for her. Don't go to the sides of the screen. Just don't. If you do, she can stun lock you to death. Period. Doesn't matter how much health you have left, or what cards you have left, she will kill you if you go to the edges of the screen. Otherwise, she's pretty much a joke.
-Larxene fades to nothingness. Truly, she was the best of us.
...
-Namine summarizes the situation to Donald and Goofy. We can get our memories fixed up if we can get to the thirteenth floor. Namine says that Marluxia has been keeping her locked up in this castle, and that's why she had no choice but to do as he said and manipulate Sora. Sora tells her not to feel bad, but instead of saying something that makes sense, like, "You had no choice in the matter", he says that his fake memories feel real so if she cries, he'll feel like he failed in protecting her. Yeah, it's dumb. But whatever. We've got RESOLVE and we've got a plan. Go up one floor, kick Marluxia's ass, kick Axel's ass, save the girl, save the world, all in a day's work! Hit it.
Kingdom Hearts: Memories of Nobody
COMING SOON
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-At this point, I'm pretty much avoiding as many encounters as I possibly can, because even with Trinity Limit, it's so obnoxious to fight enemies here. Takes forever. So I move through the rooms as fast as possible and synth non-combat rooms if I can. *shrug* As I charge onward, we cut back to the 12th floor, where we abandoned Namine. Marluxia has shown up. "whoops"
-I synth a bunch of rooms with only treasure in them. So sick of combat. Eventually there's another scene, this time with Marluxia and Axel. Marluxia calls Axel a traitor, Axel plays dumb. Turns out Axel was a double agent for the Organization all along; he only killed Vexen to earn the trust of Marluxia and Larxene (and because no one likes Vexen). Then Axel draws his chakrams, saying that Marluxia ordered him to eliminate all traitors and he's going to follow through with that order.
-I finally get to the first, and only, plot door, and... it requires a level 1 blue card.
I don't have a level 1 blue card.
I HAVE TO GO GRIND FOR A RANDOM DROP AGAINST THE ENEMIES ON THIS FLOOR
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
-Okay, I killed everything in Castle Oblivion (20+ encounters, probably) and no level 1 blue cards were dropped.
...................
You know what? Fuck you, game.
>enable code
>give all
It was a stupid mechanic anyway.
-Through the plot door, finally. Axel is about to attack Marluxia, but he hides behind Namine. Axel says that won't stop him.
Marluxia: *clears throat*
Axel: Oh, god. Is Sora behind me?
Sora: No. I'm in front of you.
Axel: Ack!
Marluxia basically says "Sora! He was trying to hurt Namine! Get him!" and then takes Namine and warps away like a little bitch. Axel comments that Sora became Marluxia's puppet after all. Sora says that he's going to kick Axel's ass and then Marluxia is next. <_<
BOSS FIGHT:
AXEL
This fight is actually really easy if you know what to do. Basically, it's the opposite of the fight against Larxene - you should ALWAYS be by the edges of the screen. If you are, his Firetooth Sleight, which normally is aggressively homing (and does crazy damage), will instead do a variant that is easily dodged with a dodge roll. His other Sleight, Fire Wall, is likewise easily dodged with a dodge roll from the edge of the screen (or can be broken at your leisure). So he'll run out of cards super fast, and you'll be able to own him.
The thing is, even when he's out of cards, Sleights are still worthless against him - because he's got plenty of 0s - so you'll have to heal one Cure at a time. This is a problem with the entire system, not just this battle. Similarly, card breaks won't help you against him at all, because he'll just card break you right back - again, with a 0. There was one exchange during the fight that involved probably 8 card breaks, one immediately after another. This is a sign that the system is broken. I basically had to wait for him to reload his deck, then hit him while his deck was shuffling, because that was the only time he couldn't swap to a 0 at light speed and card break anything I tried.
-After his defeat, Axel says that it was worth saving Sora after all. Sora asks what he means, but Axel warps away without answering. We're plopped down in Castle Oblivion - the world - again, and there's no exit immediately obvious (normally, after a world's boss, you'd be dropped in a previously inaccessible room that contains the exit). So I dunno where to go! And I'm not going to try to find out right now!
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Attack cards:
Lionheart (9)
Three Wishes (9)
Oathkeeper (9)
Wishing Star (9) x2
Pumpkinhead (8)
Fairy Harp (8)
Olympia (8) x2
Spellbinder (8)
Fairy Harp (7)
Crabclaw (0)
Wishing Star (0)
Magic cards:
Premium Blizzard (0)
Premium Blizzard (5)
Blizzard (6)
Blizzard (5) x2
Thunder (7)
Cure (7)
Cure (8)
Item cards:
Potion (8)
Mega-Potion (7)
Monster cards:
Jafar
-Pretty generic deck. Focuses on Blizzaga spam while having enough Keyblades to beat faces in. Thunder is basically splashed in for no real reason. Jafar provides a temporary buff that prevents my attack cards from being broken, no matter what - very useful in certain situations (usually at the very beginning of the fight, when bosses are total Sleight whores).
-So it turns out there is an exit from the Castle Oblivion world, we just took the wrong branching path and so we have to go synth more rooms to get to it. sigh
-We confront Marluxia. He tells Namine to erase Sora's memories. If that happens, his heart will collapse... for some reason... but it can be rebuilt in a way that will still allow Marluxia to control him? Or something. I dunno. I can't even joke about this making perfect sense.
-Namine says no. She's not going to hurt Sora after he forgave her. Sora tells her to go ahead and do it, and he'll beat Marluxia even without his memories. This would be badass if it wasn't so stupid. <_< Marluxia tells him he's an idiot and that he'll become a lifeless shell, like the fake Riku.
???: Guess again.
Rikutwo ninjas into the room and attacks Marluxia!
Sora: Riku!
Riku: No, not Riku. Just someone's pet project.
(Rejected dialogue: "No, not Riku. Riku's superior. Superior Riku.")
-Marluxia says that Rikutwo has nothing left. Rikutwo says that he never had anything to begin with... except his promise to Namine, even if it is fake.
Marluxia: You would chain your heart with false memories? Cast your heart's freedom aside? You turn from the truth because your heart is weak. You cannot defeat me!
Marluxia poofs a cherry blossom petal into... a pink scythe. God, you are the least intimidating villain ever. It's not enough that it looks like you glued adorable fluffy dogs to the sides of your head, now you're going to attack us with a scythe that looks like it was stolen from Barbie?
BOSS FIGHT:
MARLUXIA
We are fighting Byakuya. Seriously, his strongest Sleight is Senbonzakura. It's hilarious.
Compared to most recent fights, this one is really, really simple and easy. There's no real trick to it. Just... beat him. The only thing is, he has a lot of 9s and 0s, but you don't even have to play defensively like with Riku and Axel. His most dangerous attack isn't a Sleight, but a supercharged slash - it stops time for a split second mid-swing, which makes dodging or breaking it really tricky, and it does a lot of damage for an ordinary attack.
-Oh god, I spoke too soon. We're not fighting Byakuya, we're fighting Aizen! All we did was destroy an illusion of Marluxia! Sora tells Rikutwo to take care of Namine while we take out the real Marluxia, who is just behind a set of doors.
Marluxia: Drown in the heart-lorn world of nothingness! I shall scatter your heart to the empty winds!
"Bankai."
...And... yeah. That really is what this is. He's riding on top of a giant suit of armor/mecha that's dual-wielding scythes.
THE FINAL BOSS:
BANKAI MARLUXIA
He has three forms, but the first two only have like one health bar each; they go down really fast. First you break one scythe, then the other, then he goes into his third form, which is trickier. Now you can attack Marluxia directly. But he's ONLY vulnerable for a few seconds after a card break. So basically, you card break him, then jump and hit him a few times, and repeat. He has a bunch of different attacks, but the real trick is to just break everything and take potshots at him until he drops down to your level. Jump on his mech, and now it's much easier to hit him after breaking his cards. But his mech will start flying faster and faster until the wind is too strong and you get pushed off. Then the cycle repeats. He still has his Cherry Blossom Sign: Perfect Cherry Blossom of Marluxia attack, but it's not a Sleight anymore, so you can break it much more easily.
It's probably the best boss in the game, even if it's really, really easy.
-Sora exits Marluxia's boss room, and seals Castle Oblivion's Keyhole. ...Uh. I'm not sure how that works. Wasn't this just a castle that existed in some other world? Wherever he was dropped off after KH1, I mean. ...Speaking of which, where the hell WAS that? And why would the Organization just happen to be chillaxing in whatever world he got tossed into?
-Anyway, Rikutwo says he's not real and tries to leave, but Sora stops him and says that even if he's not real, his heart is. It's a surprisingly touching scene, considering the characters involved. Then Rikutwo leaves. Wonder if we'll be seeing him in KH2? (coughyeahrightcough)
-The party asks if Namine can restore our memories with her fake impossible magic. She says that just because we've forgotten something, doesn't mean it's gone - and that remembering one thing leads to remembering another, and another...
Namine: Your memories are connected, linked in a chain. Those same chains are what anchor us all together.
Trivia: This game's title is Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories.
-Namine says she can restore our memories by undoing the links she made, and reconnecting all the original links. This, conveniently, will remove all memories of what happened in this castle, and of Namine. Hands up if you're surprised.
...
Yep.
-Namine tells Sora he has to choose which memories to keep - his original ones, or the ones of the castle. Sora, don't listen to the script! They're just trying to write this game out of continuity because it's a cheap GBA cash-in and they're afraid nobody will play it! Don't be a tool of Square-Enix!
Sora: Put me back the way I was.
*sigh*
-They have to sleep in special crystal lotuses or something to get their memories back. Jiminy makes a note in his journal saying to thank Namine after they wake up, because otherwise they won't remember to. Yeah because your journals stayed so intact the first time. Also, why can't you just record the entire adventure, that way you can just read what happened and none of this will matter?
Sora makes Namine promise that they'll be friends for real once he wakes up. She says he'll just forget.
Sora: I won't. Even if you take apart the chain of memories in my heart, the links will stay there. This memory will always be inside me somewhere.
I think that's the first time the title has been dropped in its exact wording. Also, way to go Sora, throwing the plot device back in Squeenix's face like that. ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
(Well, except this is a cop-out within a cop-out that basically allows them to either internally retcon the game or not, depending on how well-received it is. But still.)
-Namine says that Sora made a promise to someone else, and that if he can remember her, she'll be the light in the darkness of his memories... or something. Sora gets in the crystal and there's an FMV of him remembering all his friends, ending with Kairi. Cut to credits.
-i had been waiting 14 and a half hours for simple and clean
-After the credits is a still of Sora sleeping, and the following text:
fading memories
reconstructed memories
and a dream -
a dream of you
in a world without you
That's very nice and all but it makes no sense. Ah well, par for the course.
-Well, game's over, it's been fun, time to start Kingdom Hearts 2... wait, wha-
Kingdom Hearts:
Chain of Memories
Reverse/Rebirth
...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-So, in Reverse/Rebirth, we're playing as Riku. I'm going to warn you all now: I couldn't bring myself to finish Etna mode in Disgaea because I just hate Etna so much. And Riku is about on Etna's level. So no guarantee I finish this. That said, everything I've heard suggests that Riku's story is better than Sora's in every way.
-Riku wakes up for the first time after closing the door at the end of KH1 in one of the most pointless sacrifices of all time. He's in a... gray void or something. Ominous Silhouette Man says that the king is somewhere far away. He says that this is the safety of sleep, and that Riku can either stay here or go forward into the danger of the truth. LIGHT AND DARKNESS BLAH BLAH BLAH MORE LIGHT AND EVEN MORE DARKNESS. This is a lateral move from CHAIN OF MEMORIES BLAH BLAH BLAH MEMORIES IN A CHAIN.
Riku: You talk like I'm some sort of demon of the dark.
Well, let's see:
First you opened your heart to darkness, causing the Heartless to appear and destroy your home island, because you were fuckin' bored or had cabin fever or some shit.
Then you aligned yourself with a witch named Maleficent who had created a team of a bunch of guys who were obviously evil, in order to fight the Heartless, even though Maleficent was in control of the Heartless, and not shy about this fact. (What the fuck were you thinking?)
Then you accepted a darkness-based powerup because you were jealous of the kid who went around hitting people with a giant key and yet still managed to get closer to succeeding at your goal than you did. You continued to believe that you were in the whole thing for Kairi's sake even as you were sabotaging your best friend who was also trying to save Kairi, for no apparent reason other than because you're a gigantic douchebag.
This, in turn, got your ass kicked, so you opened your heart to yet another darkness-based powerup from a clearly evil, mysterious, cloaked man who turned out to be the creator of Heartless. At this point, your whole motivation of "fight the Heartless for Kairi's sake" disappeared and was replaced with "act like Silver from Pokemon and be an asshole to the main character for no reason". But it didn't matter, because you were now being controlled by the main villain, who... uses darkness-based powers, natch.
After Ansem was defeated, you elected to get sealed into the dark void that was home to the Heartless for no adequately explained reason.
So, no. You're not a demon of the dark. You're just a goddamn retard and I hate you.
-Riku exits the gray void and heads to the first world, Hollow Bastion. It's a memory construct blah blah blah. Riku seems to catch on to this quicker than Sora did. He asks if he'll run into people he knows here. Ominous Silhouette Man says yes... ordinarily. Riku asks what he means by "ordinarily" and gets no reply.
Riku: Fine. But it'd better be you I run across next, Voice. I'm sick of talking to thin air.
"First you need to appear in person so I can see how clearly evil you are. Only then, and only if you are sufficiently evil in an incredibly obvious manner, will I trust you completely."
-So let's talk about Riku's gameplay. You can't change his deck. It's pretty rockin', though. He can also just reload his deck instantly with no charge time. Outside of battle, he runs faster than Sora and jumps higher than Sora. He also uses a ****ing sword instead of an oversized key. At level up, he can increase HP, AP (attack power), or DP (darkness power). My feeling with any stat where you don't know what it does is to ignore it, so I pumped his HP for a few levels and then got to work on AP. Also, we're on B12 and heading upwards, towards the front door, presumably.
-Through the first plot door, the game tries to pass off the library tileset as Riku's bedroom. He had a bedroom in Hollow Bastion? XD
Ominous Silhouette Man: And you lived here, tempted by the darkness she [Maleficent] offered. You cast away your home, your friends, everything... But at least they gave you a nice room.
Wow. That was a verbal bitchslap of Algus-esque proportions.
-Through the next plot door, Riku asks the voice why there aren't any people in this castle. Voice says that Riku cast away people in favor of the darkness. Riku counters that he cast away the darkness too. Voice retorts with the equivalent of "oh so you were too much of a bitch to even follow through with being a bitch, then." He adds that this castle is only populated by the remnants of darkness Riku couldn't quite rid himself of. Riku says he got rid of all the darkness, causing Voice to laugh.
Voice. I like you. You are already the best original character in this franchise. Don't blow it.
-Through the final plot door, Riku finds Maleficent. Oddly enough, she knows she's a figment of Riku's memories. She says that, within Riku's memory constructs, he can only meet other people who opened themselves up to darkness.
Maleficent: Be grateful you have someone to keep you company. Your heart is empty. Were it not for the darkness in your heart... you would be completely alone.
Riku: That's sounding pretty good right about now.
what are you doing riku stop being awesome
...wait
continue what you're doing, riku!
-Maleficent tries to offer Riku more DARKNESS, but he says he's been through rehab and he's clean from now on. Riku says that if the only people he'll meet here are people of the dark, he'll just destroy them one by one.
Maleficent: Then don't forget to take yourself out last.
"No, Riku. You are the demons."
-Riku says that he's at war with himself or something to that effect. Maleficent says she'll destroy him with the power of DARKNESS.
BOSS FIGHT:
DRAGON MALEFICENT
She didn't get her first attack off until she was two hits away from death. You can imagine how well that worked out for her.
-Exiting to Castle Oblivion proper. Voice says he needs Riku to accept the darkness... if Riku is to serve him again. Voice is Ansem. Goddammit. I take back everything good I said about you.
Riku: Ansem... Just as I thought.
Ansem: You don't seem surprised.
Riku: You always were chatty when it came to darkness.
The game has moved on to self-parody.
-Riku says there won't be an "again" and attacks Ansem, but gets reiatsu'd. Ansem says that Riku is so weak he couldn't even defeat Sora... and that was with darkness on his side. Or, in other words:
Ansem: yo pot
Riku: wha-
Ansem: ur black
-Riku says "Excuse me for... being weak..." which is probably one of his better lines in terms of making me care about him. (Kenri trivia: A little bit of humility goes a long way towards making me like a character.) Ansem tells Riku to SUBMIT. Riku refuses.
Ansem: Only the darkness can help you now.
???: You're wrong!
Oh god, I recognize that silhouette...
-King Mickey appears as a little ball of light and enters Riku's body. He says that the light will never abandon Riku.
Ansem: You think some feeble light can save you from the darkness I command? Fool!
BOSS FIGHT:
ANSEM
What a joke fight. <_< King Mickey appears as a friend card. It heals Riku and reshuffles his deck. Pretty nice. Ansem goes down like the loser he is.
-Ansem creates some world cards.
Ansem: Advance through the worlds they beget, and you will come to understand... Chasing the light will not distance you from the dark. You cannot run.
Riku: Who's running? Give me the cards. I'll enter those worlds. And in the end, if I haven't given up... I win.
...So yeah, this Riku, the one we have right here? Actually likeable. Why couldn't KH1 Riku be like this?
-Ansem "tempers the darkness in Riku's heart", allowing him to enter Dark Mode. Then Ansem warps out.
-As Riku heads upstairs, cut to a couple of Organization members. Lexaeus, Vexen, and Zexion. They're holding an idiotic name competition and, let me tell you, it's anyone's ballgame right now!
-Zexion detected two presences below. One, a fake Maleficent. Two, someone who took out the fake Maleficent, who smells the same as "the Superior". Um. What. They're as baffled as I am, and decide to bide their time for now.
-Back to Riku. He feels like the darkness is taking hold of him again. King Mickey shows up in illusion mode to give him a pep-talk. King Mickey says that the light of Kingdom Hearts will show Riku the way. And he promises that he'll show up for Riku eventually, and that Riku needs to fight the darkness until then. D'awwww.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Soul Eater (4)
Soul Eater (5)
Soul Eater (6)
Soul Eater (7)
Soul Eater (8)
Shadow
Maleficent
Five cards, and I have to reload. Laaaame.
-Luckily, Traverse Town is really short and has no plot! Wait, that last part isn't lucky... Or maybe it is, I don't even know anymore.
BOSS FIGHT:
GUARD ARMOR
lol guard armor
-As Riku heads upstairs, Zexion and Vexen have a conversation. Zexion has identified the other person as Riku. Vexen says he was lost in the darkness when the door to Kingdom Hearts was sealed (and thus, shouldn't be here).
Zexion: Riku once shouldered the darkness. Perhaps that made him half-dark.
...what.
Did you actually mean to say that, or did that sequence of words just sort of fall into place at random?
-Vexen says that that's why he smells like the Superior. So... the Superior is Ansem, then? I don't get it. (Actually, I know exactly what's going on, but let me have my fun.)
-Vexen says that Riku merits further research. Zexion is more concerned with why he broke into their home and started wrecking up the place. Vexen says that he "resonated" with Sora and that's why he's here. Makes perfect sense? You decide. It seems like Vexen has already clued on to Marluxia's betrayal. His plan is to capture Riku as a trump card against Sora. Yeah because that worked so well in KH1 mirite
-Next is Monstro. I have a bigger deck - 20 attack cards - but nothing above a 7. And lots of 1s, which is a problem.
BOSS FIGHT:
PARASITE CAGE
It's the toughest boss so far (of Riku Mode), but still not too bad.
-I'm assuming that, from here out, all the plot of Riku Mode will be in Castle Oblivion proper, with none in the subworlds. Ah, well. >_>
-Back in the castle, Riku is confronted by Vexen. Riku asks if he's with Ansem. Vexen says he's half-correct.
Vexen: He is Ansem and he is not - which is to say he is nobody.
Riku [pointing his sword at Vexen]: Nobody, huh? Sorry, riddles aren't my thing. Try making some sense.
*nods approvingly* Riku has a zero tolerance policy for cryptic bullshit.
-Vexen says that Nobody!Ansem is neither light nor dark, but the twilight in between. Vexen adds that the same goes for himself. Vexen says they have a lot in common. Riku says that maybe that's true, but that he's currently in the business of kicking darkness' ass...
BOSS FIGHT:
VEXEN
...and right now, business is booming.
Yeah, this is still a joke fight.
I should probably explain Dark Riku - sometimes, if you're getting too many of your cards broken or taking too much damage, you'll enter Dark Mode. This basically turns you into a walking god. I think you get a different - and better - deck, and your basic combo lets you teleport and do an awesome jump slash that hits multiple times.
-Vexen says that the darkness coursing through Riku is tremendously powerful, and that, from the fight, he got all the data he needed. He then vanishes, leaving Riku to feel like a sucker. Which is basically Riku's default state, but yeah.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
BOSS FIGHT:
JAFAR
Still worthless.
What is nice about this is that, when you beat a boss, their enemy card goes straight into your deck and stays there, instead of changing like the rest of it. Jafar's enemy card is great, so I'm glad to have it. In fact, I really should have done Agrabah before Monstro, so I could have Jafar for Parasite Cage. Ah, well.
-Riku climbs higher in Castle Oblivion while Zexion and Lexaeus talk amongst themselves. Vexen is creating a replica of Riku. Marluxia is using Namine to turn Sora into his puppet. They determine that they can't trust Marluxia or Larxene, and probably not Axel either.
-Neverland. My deck is fairly strong, but it has a cluster of 2-1-0-1-2 right in the middle that is so obnoxious.
BOSS FIGHT:
CAPTAIN HOOK
Definitely the most dangerous boss in Riku's game so far, if not as annoying as Parasite Cage. He nearly killed me because Riku's only method of healing is through King Mickey cards. I basically Sleighted those 1s and 2s out of my deck ASAP and then went into Dark Mode and crushed him.
-As an aside, Riku shouldn't have run into Captain Hook here. Hook specifically rejected darkness in KH1. He wouldn't associate with the Heartless at all, and upon defeat, he was just chased off by the crocodile rather than being consumed by darkness.
-Back in Castle Oblivion, Riku runs into Rikutwo! Rikutwo says he's a replica created by Vexen. Riku says he's a fake; Rikutwo says he's superior because he's not afraid of anything.
Riku: Are you calling me a coward?
Rikutwo: You ARE a coward. You're afraid of the dark!
Riku sleeps with a nightlight.
-Rikutwo basically says that he controls the darkness, while Riku's darkness controls him.
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU REPLICA
Fun fact: Riku gets a different deck for boss fights in Castle Oblivion proper.
Another fun fact: This deck contains three 9s.
The most fun fact of all: In Dark Mode, 9 + 9 + 9 = Dark Aura
-Riku [smug grin]: Hey, FAKE. I thought you were gonna wipe the floor with me.
lolz
-Rikutwo says he'll get stronger and stronger and defeat Riku next time they fight.
Riku: Sorry, you missed your chance. I'm finishing you first, right here!
yessssssss
Sadly, this refreshing display of intelligence does nothing but get Riku reiatsu'd. Rikutwo talks about how awesome DARKNESS is and then leaves. After he's gone, Riku calls him a punk. Riku - world's worst trash-talker.
-Rikutwo talks to Vexen. He's being sent after Sora, next. Rikutwo doesn't seem to give a damn about Sora, considering him just a stepping stone on the way to defeating Riku. Yeah, we'll see how well that works out for ya, kiddo.
-Riku runs into Ansem next. Ansem says that Rikutwo is what Riku should be; thus, Riku's the one who's being fake. Ansem says that Riku is afraid of the dark, and that's why he's been fighting it so desperately in the card-worlds. Riku calls Ansem out on his brilliant mind game plan being the equivalent of shouting "you're too chicken to accept the darkness. BWAK BWAK CHIIICKEEEENNNN"
-Ansem tosses him some more world cards and exits. The next four worlds are: Wonderland, Olympus Coliseum, Halloween Town, and Atlantica. Has Riku even been to any of these places?
-Halloween Town. This place has obnoxious design. You think you can just go down the center and then have an easy road to the exit and the boss room (7 rooms total), but no, each row of rooms is sealed off from the others, so you have to go down each individually (9 rooms total... or if you don't realize this until you've already gone down the center, 11 rooms).
-Time for the easiest boss in the world!
BOSS FIGHT:
OOGIE BOOGIE
lol
-Back in Castle Oblivion proper. Cut to the same cutscene we already saw in Sora's story, with Vexen, Larxene, and Axel, and Riku('s replica) showing up at the end... Only this time the scene continues. The card Axel gave Vexen is that of Destiny Islands. They say they can use this card to get their hands on the real Riku's memories and remake Rikutwo's heart. Rikutwo doesn't like this plan because he considers Riku a wimp. Vexen says he's going to do it anyway. Larxene taunts Rikutwo, causing him to attack... and she just slaps him away with little effort. Larxene says to relax; Rikutwo's memory of getting owned will be erased along with everything else. The scene closes with Rikutwo shouting NOOOOOOOOOO~!
-Olympus Coliseum is next. The deck is: 12356789 and then a million 1s. It seems pathetically weak until you realize that your world-specific enemy card is Powerwild, which reverses all card values for a single reload. All those 1s become 9s.
BOSS FIGHT:
HADES
Yeah, fuck you, Hades. I focused on breaking his cards until I could enter Dark Mode, then used Powerwild and just spammed Dark Aura.
-Remember what I said about Hook? Ditto for Hades. Dude was never consumed by darkness, he shouldn't be here.
-There's a scene with Larxene, Namine, and the newly rebuilt Rikutwo. Rikutwo swears to destroy anyone who harms Namine, and leaves. Namine tells Larxene that Sora will never forget Kairi. blah blah blah
-Wonderland. My deck is 345345345345. I'm not fighting anything with that. Screw it. Time to blitz through the level, ignoring everything!
BOSS FIGHT:
TRICKMASTER
Slightly annoying because you have such an awful deck, but it's still an easy boss, so whatever.
-Back in Castle Oblivion, the scene cuts to Zexion and Lexaeus. Vexen is dead, and Sora is growing more powerful and falling right into Marluxia's hands. They determine that killing Sora won't be necessary because they'll have Riku. Or something.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-And the boss is fairly annoying here, too.
BOSS FIGHT:
URSULA
Luckily, a King Mickey card (the anti-boss type, not the Riku exclusive type) combined with the Maleficent enemy card took care of Ursula pretty well.
-Riku exits to Castle Oblivion proper and immediately runs into someone he recognizes as a nobody. It's Lexaeus. He tells Riku to cast aside his fears and embrace darkness. Riku's like, "lol no."
BOSS FIGHT:
LEXAEUS
Dude has a Diviner. Look at it, it's totally a Diviner.
He's also a really, really poorly designed boss. He has a constant Broly Armor effect - this means he doesn't flinch from your attacks - which is amazingly broken (hence why it's named after the guy whose power is maximum) and should never be in any video game ever. That would be bad enough, but he ALSO has multiple homing attacks. So, for the first time in Riku's life, he's forced to play defensively and repeatedly card break Lexaeus with his four 0s. Luckily, Riku has his superpowered Dark Mode (though it's not quite as useful here as it normally is, because Dark Aura can't stun lock Lexaeus), so he doesn't have to play as defensively as Sora would have to. No waiting for Lexaeus to run out of cards, just card breaking into Dark Mode, spamming Sleights, and repeating.
-Lexaeus says that he might have lost, but when he dies, the darkness within him will "billow forth and devour" Riku. Sure enough, he vanishes, and Riku gets consumed by a black void. Riku, upon waking up, wonders where he is.
??? (Ansem's silhouette): I can see... I can see clearly!
"Now the rain is gone! I can see allllll the obstacles in my waaaaay!"
-blah blah blah Ansem says he's going to consume Riku. King Mickey shows up and tells Riku to fight him off. Then Riku wakes up back in Castle Oblivion. He calls out for King Mickey, but gets no response.
-Riku climbs further up Castle Oblivion while Axel and Zexion have a nice chat. Vexen's dead over on Sora's side of the story, as is Larxene, and Lexaeus bought it over on Riku's side. Axel wonders who's next, Zexion quips "maybe you". Axel says that Sora already kicked his ass, so that won't be happening again. He's betting on Marluxia going down next, at Sora's hands. Zexion says Axel only thinks this because he's arrogant enough to believe that anyone who could defeat him must be unstoppable... or something to that effect. Regardless, they determine that, if Sora takes out Marluxia, they won't need Riku.
Axel: Good luck disposing of him. You want to take on someone who wasted Lexaeus?
Yeah, I'm pretty awesome. :)
-Zexion says that that's not how he does things, and asks if Axel got the data on Riku's home. Scene fades to black.
-On the next floor, there's an explosion. Riku determines that someone powerful just died. Zexion shows up and tells him Sora just killed Marluxia. Zexion asks if Riku wants to meet Sora in this state, while struggling with Ansem's hold on him. Blah blah blah the Keyblade master must fight the darkness, who cares. Zexion tosses Riku the Destiny Islands world-card and exits.
-Riku heads into Destiny Islands. He immediately sees Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie, but they vanish without saying a word.
-We met as soul mates, on Destiny Islands / We left as inmates, from an asylum...
-Through the plot door, Riku sees Kairi, but she quickly vanishes just like the others. Zexion shows up and says that Riku shouldn't have expected anything else. All he can remember are dark things, so he only meets dark beings in his memory worlds; his memories of his home are completely gone. Hey so THAT'S why this place looks completely different. It's not this game being lazy, it's this game being lazy and then adding a two-second justification!
-Riku says he remembers Wakka, Tidus, Selphie, Kairi, and Sora, and that they're his friends. Zexion says Riku threw his friends away and destroyed his home and that maybe it's his own actions he's forgotten. The scene changes to the night the Heartless attacked Destiny Islands. Zexion says it's all Riku's fault the Destiny Islands were destroyed, because he opened his heart up to the darkness. Zexion points at Past!Riku and tells Present!Riku to look at what he is. Past!Riku then morphs into Darkside.
Riku: This... this can't be ME?!
No, Riku. You are the recycled bosses.
And then Riku was a BOSS FIGHT:
DARKSIDE
...This guy is the ****tiest boss. He really is. He doesn't even have the massive amounts of health he did when Sora fought him, and Riku's jump is good enough to just constantly hit him in the face.
-When the battle ends, Riku finds himself alone. Then Sora ninjas in out of nowhere and quickly beats Riku's stupid face in, saying blah blah blah LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE BECOME BY SHRINKING AWAY FROM THE LIGHT. There's an energy pulse and Riku is transported to a white void. Riku says he's fading. But then, suddenly... Kairi shows up!
Kairi: You can't fade. No power can defeat you - not the light, not the dark. So don't run from the light - and don't fear the darkness. Both will make you stronger.
Riku: Darkness, too?
Kairi: Especially darkness. Because that power is yours alone.
-Riku can use his darkness to find his friends if he stares into it, unflinching. He awakens his inner darkness and dons his incredibly dumb looking skirt and spandex... THEN CUTS THE WHITE VOID OPEN WITH HIS SWORD!!
Sora: Im... Impossible!
[Sora transforms into Zexion]
Zexion: How did you find me in the light!
Riku: You reek of the dark. Even the light can't block out that smell. I followed the darkness right to you.
That's how science works!
-Zexion says that, despite Riku's protests, he's just another darkling. Riku says he knows who he is now, and slashes Zexion!
Riku: I'm the kind of guy who doesn't do sequential bosses if I can just murder them in a cutscene. Now fuck off with you.
Zexion teleports away, wounded, but not dead, leaving Riku alone.
-Back in Castle Oblivion, we're treated of a scene of Zexion teleporting into his safe room.
Zexion: No one's ever worn the darkness the way he does. It's NOT POSSIBLE!
At least, he thought it was his safe room. In stroll Axel and Rikutwo. Zexion screams like a girl before he realizes that this one's the replica. He says they can use Rikutwo to defeat Riku. Axel tells Rikutwo that he just needs power Riku doesn't have, then he can defeat Riku and become real. Or something. It doesn't make any more sense the way Axel says it, I assure you. He then sends Rikutwo after Zexion.
Axel: Sorry, Zexy. Saving you doesn't seem half as entertaining as observing Sora and Riku.
And so, Zexion is unceremoniously killed off. Guess he was...
*takes off sunglasses*
Too Zexy for his life.
-Back to Riku. Ansem's still haunting him. He levitates Riku's body into the air, saying that now that Riku has accepted the darkness, it's effortless to control him.
King Mickey: Did somebody call for a dues ex machina?!
-King Mickey breaks Ansem's control over Riku and says that that should hold off Ansem for a while, whatever he did. This time King Mickey is here in person. Riku is obviously relieved. King Mickey says he promised he'd come eventually. Riku asks how he escaped from behind the door of darkness.
King Mickey: Uh, you can just walk around.
Riku: ............what.
King Mickey: It's not like it led to a room or anything, it was just a big door in the middle of a black void. It took me, like, two seconds to walk around it. I'm only late because I was level grinding against Darksides.
Riku: ......................
King Mickey: Nah I'm just messin' with you. It's really something even dumber than that.
-King Mickey explains that a world card magic'd itself into the realm of darkness and showed him the way to Riku's heart.
-The next world is... Twilight Town.
........
I haven't played more than half the games in this series and even I know that that makes no sense at all.
-Riku doesn't remember this place, and asks King Mickey if he does. He gets no reply. Then Ansem shows up. Ansem says the King isn't here, and that Riku must fight him alone. Riku draws his sword for a moment, then puts it away. Ansem asks if he's given up already.
Riku: You're not Ansem.
Hands up if you're surprised.
...
Yeah, no way Ansem could be as clever as Voice. (The Ansem Riku recently met in the realm of darkness was the real Ansem, by the way - this is the one from the beginning of the game, who started him out on this whole quest. At least, I think that's how it breaks down.) Riku says that the real Ansem smells DARKER than this one, or some crap, I dunno. NotAnsem says Riku is correct and morphs into... Voldo from Soul Calibur. Huh. (Seriously, screw you Tetsuya Nomura.) He says his name is DiZ.
-DiZ says that Riku exists in the twilight, rather than in light or darkness, and that he wants Riku to meet Namine then choose. Riku asks who Namine is, but DiZ says he'll just have to meet her and find out. He then warps away.
-Through the first plot door (omg, yes, there's more than one), Riku comes face to face with his doppelganger. Rikutwo says no matter how much power he gains, he still feels fake. Or, in other words: "You know all that character development I got in Sora's story? For some incredibly baffling reason, it doesn't apply anymore."
BOSS FIGHT:
RIKU REPLICA
As you can imagine, this was a pretty tricky boss fight, considering Rikutwo is basically the same as you except always in Dark Mode. I died once when Rikutwo was about one combo away from death, and narrowly won the rematch.
-So Rikutwo fades away, asking Riku where his heart will go, considering it's fake. Riku says it'll probably go the same place his heart will.
...
So, basically, this was the KH writers going, "Oh no, we accidentally created a very interesting character. We'd better arbitrarily ignore all the character development he received so that we can shoehorn him into fighting the protagonists again in order to kill him off. Because we wouldn't want this game to actually be relevant later or anything!"
-Through the next plot door, Riku finds Namine in the stasis chamber. Sora is stowed away in the crystal lotus already. Riku has a piece of dialogue here, to Namine, that's something like "So, that was you" - presumably referring to the "Kairi" that visited him recently. Namine explains Sora's side of the story to Riku. Namine says that Riku has a choice to make: she can seal Ansem inside his heart, but he'll lose all memory of darkness, going back to the way he was on Destiny Islands, I guess. After much deliberation, Riku says that needs to tell Sora off for sleeping when he should be protecting Kairi, and he can't do that if he loses his memory.
Riku: Keep your lock. I'd rather just finish Ansem off once and for all.
*nods approvingly* Attaboy, Riku.
-Namine says that hoped Riku would say that.
Namine: I want you to face the darkness, because you're the one who can.
-Yeah, Illusory!Kairi was Namine. Riku tells Namine to look after Sora and leaves.
-Exiting Twilight Town, Riku runs into King Mickey, who already knows about Riku's choice. DiZ told him. King Mickey says he feels like he must have met DiZ somewhere before. Riku asks DiZ who he is.
DiZ: Nobody... or anybody. It all depends on whether you choose to believe in me or not.
So... DiZ is Tinker Bell?
-DiZ tosses Riku a card that will draw Ansem out of his heart, so they can have a final, climactic showdown. Riku moves on ahead, up to floor B1. King Mickey says that Ansem doesn't stand a chance against the two of them, but Riku says there's no point in him doing this if he can't do it alone. Riku says that if he loses, Ansem will possess him, and King Mickey will need to destroy them both. King Mickey says he'll save Riku if that happens, no matter what. D'awwwww.
-The final world card leads us to... Castle Oblivion.
Riku: ...So why would a world card made out of the darkness in my heart lead to a memory construct of the top floor of Castle Oblivion, which I have never been to?
Ansem: Listen, we have all these assets and I'll be damned if we only use them ONCE.
-Riku calls Ansem out immediately, but Ansem's like "IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR FRIENDS, SUPERMAN, SOLVE MY MAZE!"
-More importantly, I encounter a Neoshadow here, which finishes off my D Report.
-Castle Oblivion is, thankfully, only three rooms long. Also, my deck is pretty good.
-The final plot door of the game requires... 13 levels worth of cards. Get it, because Organization 13 (more like... 8, now, but whatever). So very clever.
-Through the plot door, Riku calls Ansem out once again, and this time Ansem actually shows up. Ansem asks why Riku would accept darkness but deny him; Ansem claims that they're both alike. Ansem asks if some part of Riku is still afraid of the dark.
Riku: Wrong. The truth is... [draws sword] ...you just really stink.
.......................
Riku, I take back everything good I've ever said about you.
(An explanation of that line: Throughout the game, Zexion and Riku have repeatedly displayed the ability to use darkness to "smell" people or things; it's also been repeatedly stated that darkness itself has a very distinct scent to people with this power. I've just been sort of glossing over it because I figured it was unimportant and also very stupid. Turns out, it was all a huge set-up for this one punchline.)
-This, though? This is awesome:
Ansem: You're a fool to choose a fight with me. You've been conquered by me once before. You should know what sort of power you face.
Riku: Oh, I do. I used all the power you had to give and still lost to Sora. [dons smug grin] I'm not impressed.
The best part is that Ansem!Riku was a much tougher boss fight than Ansem alone. Doesn't matter which form of Ansem; all of them were jokes.
-Anyway, let's do this.
THE FINAL BOSS:
ANSEM
This is an absurdly unfair fight. Basically, any time you attack Ansem, he has a 50% chance of taking no damage because his shoulder critter will block. He also has the enemy card Sleightblind active, which basically means he can pull Sleights out of nowhere whenever he wants without having to prep them beforehand (so you can't get a 0 ready). One of his Sleights is a series of attacks that will kill you if it's not broken, no matter how much HP you have. Finally, he will break any King Mickey cards you find, so no healing once your Oogie Boogie enemy card runs out.
Now, you can still get off a King Mickey if you're really, really lucky; in fact, that's the whole theme of the boss fight. Just close your eyes, mash buttons, and hope the game is generous enough to let you win. Strategy is out the window here. Sleights? Broken. Combos? Guarded. Healing? Broken. Your enemy cards, beyond Oogie Boogie and Maleficent, aren't gonna help you out. You'll also be going into Dark Mode nonstop, like every 5 seconds, and the best part about this is that, every time Riku goes into Dark Mode, he does a stupid little flip, during which time Ansem will hit him repeatedly and often knock him out of Dark Mode. You can't do anything about this. Sucks for you.
-Riku finishes Ansem off, but Ansem shouts that he gave Riku darkness so his shadow will always remain, and someday he'll return. ...Which was basically Ansem's condition going into this fight, so what the fuck did we accomplish?
-Riku gets consumed by Ansem's "taking you down with me" attack, which makes no sense because Ansem's only lifeline is THROUGH RIKU, so you'd think he'd want Riku to live. However, the King shows up and is like "you don't mind a LITTLE help, right?" and rescues Riku.
-King Mickey asks if Riku's going home now. Riku says he can't because he's still not free of Ansem. King Mickey says that his time with Riku has changed his feelings about darkness; he used to think it was Always Chaotic Evil, but now he has learned that Dark Is Not Evil. They decide to continue traveling together, and King Mickey says that Riku can stop calling him "Your Majesty" and start calling him Mickey.
-Ending FMV. Mickey and Riku meet DiZ on the road leading away from Castle Oblivion. Probably the best conversation in the entire KH series so far unfolds:
Riku: What are you making me choose now?
DiZ: Will you take the road to light - or the road to darkness?
Riku: Neither. I'm taking the middle road.
DiZ: You mean the twilit road to nightfall?
Riku: No... The road to dawn.
-After the credits (and one more round of Simple and Clean), we're greeted by a couple pictures of an enigmatic blonde guy standing on a clock tower. Doesn't look like Neverland's clock tower, though. Huh. I wonder who he could be? Ah, well. I'm sure he's not important.
-The following text then displays:
walking this road
without you
to remake forgotten promises
and meet you at road's end
Pirates of Kingdom Hearts: At Road's End
Coming Summer 2011
-FINALLY the game is over, finished, done with; Riku mode is 100% complete, Sora mode is not 100% complete but fuck that; I AM READY FOR KINGDOM HEARTS 2 if I can even stomach any more of this series at this point which I might not be able to because augh light and darkness and memories on chains and friendship and promises and hearts and twilight and nobodies and WHO THE FUCK WAS NAMINE AND WHY DID SHE JUST RANDOMLY HAVE REALITY WARPING POWERS?
asdfgjkl
</spoiler>
...
So, here are my thoughts on the game, now that I'm finished with it. I might do a real review at some point (no promises), but here's the short of it:
+The story is more complex than KH1's.
-Complexity apparently lives in a duplex with Stupidity, and Stupidity is a moocher who loves to visit Complexity and not leave when socially appropriate to do so.
+The battle system requires considerably more strategy than KH1's.
-That's arguably a bad thing considering the lack of polish the game got.
+Riku Mode is a lot of fun.
-Both Riku Mode and Sora Mode get exponentially less fun as the game gets harder.
-Acquiring cards and deckbuilding are far, far, far too difficult.
-The "innovative" room generation system means that all of the worlds are the same. Literally. Just different coats of paint. It's obnoxious.
+The graphics would probably qualify this as a fairly good looking DS game. They're that good.
+The sound is also quite good.
+It's... it's a lot like TWEWY?
-You should just play TWEWY instead.
In the end, I might pick up Re:Chain of Memories at some point, but probably not for a while.
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
ANSEM
SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMITSUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMITSUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMITSUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMITSUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMITSUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT
</spoiler>
---
"A man chooses. A slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
Advanced
Parasite Cage breaks his Sleightblind, thankfully. King Mickey heals are best used when he reloads his deck, if you can live that long, or if you throw it into a fuckhuge sleight that you use to break one of his. Trickmaster and Jafar are also quite useful for him.
His Dark Shadow move isn't an instant kill but it takes away an entire bar of HP so it may as well be.
</spoiler>
---
"A man chooses. A slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
Editor
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
I completely forgot about Parasite Cage.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
We start out with a trippy FMV set to Sanctuary. It looks gorgeous. They really figured out how to work the PS2 by this point in its life, I guess. Kairi has totally grown up now. How long has this been? It looks like she aged about 5 years. >_> Anyway, there's a greatly abbreviated retelling of KH1's story. By greatly abbreviated I mean it jumps from Destiny Islands to Hollow Bastion. Then it moves on to Chain of Memories. See NOW I'm glad I played it or I wouldn't know what the fuck. Well, I would know even less what the fuck than I currently do. Sora fights dogs-for-hair while Riku fights darkness-for-brains. Those events did not happen simultaneously. That's just ridiculous. You are ridiculous, opening FMV. Also, I don't remember any sort of crystal staircase in Castle Oblivion. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Pokemon: The 3rd Movie, game.
Two black cloaks are talking about cryptic crap. Only one of them is voice acted.
Hey, even more incomprehensible FMVs. I think my TV is dying but then it turns out to just be a special effect. Had me worried for a second.
Lookin' pretty blonde there, Sora. Wait a second... you're not Sora at all! You're an imposter!
Blondie wakes up saying he had another dream about "him". We're in Twilight Town. Oh so this is that guy from the end of CoM, then. Nifty. Three characters are talking about Seifer. I really should probably know who these guys are supposed to be, but the only non-Tactics FF games I've played are FF1 and FFVII. Plus, going off Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie's redesigns, it wouldn't even help me. Whatever. Seifer is going around blaming Blondie + Trio for stealing something, I guess. Oh, and something of the Trio's got stolen. Not only that, the WORD for it was stolen as well, so they're like "All our ----- are gone!" I don't know. This is dumb. They rush off, Blondie tries to follow but collapses. A voice says that somebody's heart is returning. This is so dumb. Chick returns and tells Blondie to hurry up. His name's Roxas.
We're forced to talk to a bunch of people and get accused repeatedly of being thieves. This is dumb, even for a tutorial. We decide to go talk to Seifer. Hey, it's... uh... what's his face from FFIX. Vivi! That's one character I know, at least. There's also a silver-haired chick and a guy who looks like a bodybuilder from Pokemon Colosseum. Eventually, Snow from FFXIII shows up to accuse us of stealing something.
"[The thing we supposedly stole] was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers."
...I stand corrected, this is not Snow, it's Beat from TWEWY. Oh wait, I'm wrong again, it's Seifer. Anway. Seifer tells Roxas to drop to his knees and beg and maybe he'll forgive them. Roxas does so, but I guess it was a ploy to grab a weapon? I dunno. This is all really dumb. I have a choice between a sword, shield, and wand. I take the sword again. Time for a tutorial battle.
TUTORIAL FIGHT:
SEIFER
I beat his stupid face in. Man, you're an even worse tutorial boss than Tidus. You should be ashamed. Go sit in the corner.
Fatty takes a picture of Roxas standing victorious, at which point a Geth Stalker ninjas in and steals the camera. It's the thief! We chase it into the woods, then chase it further to the gates of the Twilight Town mansion (as seen in CoM). Roxas tries to capture it, but the thief unzips its mouth and says "We have come for you, my liege." Roxas doesn't know what the fuck. Battle time.
Try as he might, Roxas simply can't hit the critter. Totally a geth stalker. Eventually a scene triggers where Roxas downloads a Keyblade from the internet (you wouldn't download a car, Roxas!). He still doesn't know what the fuck. He's about as lost as I am, right now. But with the Keyblade in hand, he easily bests the thief and reclaims the stolen pictures.
Back at the trio's base, they discover that all the pictures are of Roxas. That's why everyone thought it was them! Seifer wasn't going around accusing them after all!
Fatty: Wouldn't it be weird if the thief wanted to steal the real Roxas or something?
Fatty read the script in advance and is trying to drop subtle hints. He is failing.
Cut to static screen. "Restoration at 12%." DiZ is talking to a black cloak. The Organization was behind the photograph theft. DiZ reminds me of the "WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORRRRRRRRROW" guy from Futurama, in terms of voice, I mean. He says that Namine must make haste. Cut to Sora being woken up by Pluto at Traverse Town. Oh, I see what's going on. The cutscenes with the weird my-TV-is-dying effects are Sora's memories being re-linked by Namine, but this is affecting Roxas because his name is an anagram of Sora X. (It should be canon that Roxas' last name is Kuri, because then it would be an anagram of SoraxRiku.)
Roxas, from his dreams (which are Sora's memories), determines that the weapon he used is a Keyblade. He picks up a stick and tries to download a new one, but the Keyblade torrent has no seeders. =/ He chucks the stick behind him, nearly hitting a black cloak, who storms off. Whoops.
Back at the base, everyone is eating ice cream bars. Yay. They talk about friendship. Yeah this is great and all but the prologue really should have ended like three hours ago. They decide to go to the beach. But first they need money. After saving, Roxas meets them outside.
Fatty: We're going to go to Market Street!
Roxas: If this involves me wearing a dress, I will kill you all.
Cargo Pants says that they'll enter a tournament in two days. Roxas and Cargo Pants will both make the finals, so then it won't matter who wins, they'll have the money regardless. Until then, I guess we're doing odd jobs. Oh, Cargo Pants is named Hayner. ...So, what, these aren't Final Fantasy characters, then? Missed the chance to name them Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie, tbqh.
I now have a choice of six varyingly awful minigames to play until I have 800 munny. I quickly determine that delivering mail is the quickest and easiest. Those years of playing Paperboy have finally paid off! I have 800+ munny in no time. We meet at the train station, but then, right before the train leaves, Roxas gets his ass kicked by a black cloak and the munny gets stolen. The trio insists that there was nobody there. Later, they're eating ice cream bars up on the clock tower. Roxas whispers "Can you feel Sora?", apparently what the black cloak said to him.
"Restoration at 28%."
OH COME THE FUCK ON. This isn't even half over yet?
Black cloak asks if it's "that hard to make a beach". DiZ says that objects from "that town" must be kept out of the real world, and tells the black cloak to delete the munny pouch. Cut to another FMV that summarizes a bunch of the worlds from KH1. Atlantica, 100 Acre Wood, Halloween Town, Monstro, Agrabah, Neverland... Deep Jungle doesn't make an appearance though, lolz. <_<
Roxas wakes up and sees Namine for a second, but then she disappears. Namine, haven't you ruined enough people's lives? =/
DAWN OF THE THIRD DAY
Roxas finds a note saying to meet at the train station. He goes to meet them, but just as he sees Fatty and Chick, time stops and Namine shows up. She says she wanted to meet Roxas at least once. Roxas doesn't know what the fuck. Namine then wanders off. She is such a bitch. Then time unfreezes. Chick (who I guess is named Olette?) and Fatty are going shopping, leaving Roxas behind to chase after Namine, who he believes is headed for the mansion. As he steps into the woods, more geth stalkers appear. They chase him back into Twilight Town, where Seifer's group attacks them. Roxas' Keyblade torrent still has no seeders so he can't fight back. Then he notices that time is frozen for Seifer's group. Namine shouts at Roxas to use the Keyblade. A geth charges at him, and Roxas finds himself on a painted glass picture of Sora. He has a sword, a shield, and a wand in front of him. Wait... but I thought that this already... oh whatever, we take the sword, again. It pops into a Keyblade. Roxas quickly dispatches all the mysterious enemies.
Roxas opens a chest to find a potion, and a door poofs in front of him. He receives a warning that an entirely different world lies beyond. Maybe the world of Notprologue! That sounds like a great place to go.
More fights against geth stalkers, and eventually a giant one shows up.
"Finally, a boss fight."
BOSS FIGHT:
MYSTERIOUS ENEMY
...Yeeeeeaahhhh, I can already tell that reaction commands are going to be a problem in the future. I hate quicktime events so much. This fight starts out with you fighting him in a cutscene with QTEs, which is always a fantastic way to make me not care at all about a boss. It then gets worse, when you're basically forced to mash Triangle to dodge his crazy lasers while taking potshots at him. How about you just let me dodge the attacks normally, that way it feels like I actually accomplished something, game?
When the beastie dies, Roxas nearly gets absorbed by the darkness, until Namine saves him. She asks if Roxas remembers his true name. Roxas still doesn't know what the fuck. The black cloak then appears and tells Namine to shut up, and that it's best if Roxas doesn't know. Then he tosses Roxas back into Twilight Town, where he's unconscious and being photographed by Seifer's gang (hello, lawsuit). Hayner shows up and is pissed that Roxas missed their beach trip to hang out with Seifer. When they all return to their base, Roxas, being an idiot, doesn't just say "what the fuck, I was unconscious after being attacked for like 14 hours and you guys couldn't take 3 minutes to look for me? It's not like this town isn't made up of three small roads or anything!" Instead he just lets Hayner guilt trip him. Idiot. Anyway, the dumb tournament thing is tomorrow.
"Restoration at 48%."
Black cloak: Was that Namine made of data?
DiZ: No... Namine hijacked the data herself. Look what she's done now. She's totally beyond my control!
Hey, didn't the last guy who tried to control Namine get killed for trying to control Namine? Just something to think about. You idiot. DiZ says that as long as Namine accomplishes her goal, they don't need to worry about what befalls Roxas.
Roxas has another dream of Sora's memories, this time covering Hollow Bastion. After waking up, he hurries over to the sandlot for the Struggle Tournament. The champion is Setzer. ...Who looks way too fucking similar to Ansem. Seriously, at first I thought it was Ansem and I was about to rage so hard.
Our four competitors:
Seifer
Vivi (pronounced "vee-vee", who knew?)
Hayner
Roxas
Winner faces Setzer.
...But before starting, I go beat up Seifer. You know, for old time's sake. :)
Round one: Roxas vs. Hayner. So I guess all that stuff about them meeting in the finals was... I don't even know what it was. Just stupid, I guess. Anyway, before battle, they kiss and make up. Aww, arbitrary solutions to arbitrary problems always make my heart melt.
BOSS FIGHT:
HAYNER
I crush him, 182 to 0. >_>
Vivi then curbstomps Seifer. Heh.
Seifer: That's not Vivi. Thrash 'im. *storms off*
...First, to the back alley! Hey Seifer, I heard you have to get your ass kicked a certain number of times each day to meet your quota, and I thought I could give you a hand with that!
Anyway, back to sandlot, time to take on Vivi.
BOSS FIGHT:
VIVI
I win 108 to 77. ONE HUNDRED EIGHT!
Just as the match ends, time freezes and Vivi turns into a geth stalker. I quickly crush all the enemies. Roxas is surveying the crowd of frozen people, when he hears clapping behind him. It's a black cloak. He says Roxas doesn't remember him, then removes his hood. It's Axel! Hey there, buddy! You know, I just helped Seifer sure up his quota, so if you ever need a hand...
Axel: Talk about blank with a capital B. Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one.
Hey, could you possibly be a bit more cryptic? I almost understood that.
Roxas doesn't know what the fuck, so he asks what's going on. Axel says that this town is "his" creation so he doesn't have time to answer questions. He says Roxas is going with him, conscious or not. Then he'll explain. He advances on Roxas, chakrams drawn. Roxas chucks his Keyblade at the ground and demands to know what's going on. The Keyblade just magics itself back to his hands, though.
Axel: Number 13. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one.
At this point, Roxas determines that it's just not worth trying to solve problems through nonviolence.
BOSS FIGHT:
AXEL
...is this a joke? I kick his ass in about 10 seconds. Roxas, you better not be exhausted in the resulting cutscene or I will be pissssssed...
DiZ magics in. Axel says "so it was you" and throws his chakrams at him. DiZ AT Fields them and tells Roxas that Axel is speaking nonsense. Axel tells Roxas that DiZ is trying to deceive him. They both start shouting "Roxas!" over and over. Roxas just calls out for his friends Hayner, Olette, and Pence. Fatty finally has a name! At this point time unfreezes. Vivi is back to normal; he doesn't know what the fuck. Seems to be a recurring problem. Roxas' next match is against Setzer.
...But first! Hey Seifer! I just fought a really wimpy guy, sorta made me nostalgic for when I used to kick your ass! Heh heh... good times...
Anway, Setzer. He offers to bribe me to take a fall. Roxas says he doesn't care about munny, only EXP.
BOSS FIGHT:
SETZER
...what a joke.
Roxas wins a big trophy with four crystals attached to it. Later, he and the trio are hanging out on the clock tower. Roxas snaps the four crystals off and tosses one to each of his friends. Awwww. Then Olette pulls out some more sea salt ice cream bars, but Roxas is like "I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF SEA SALT ICE CREAM" and commits suicide by jumping off the tower. Ah, well.
Cut to Kairi and Selphie. Selphie asks Kairi to go to the island with her because Tidus and Wakka said no. Except she pronounces it "Tide-us".
*stare*
Selphie.
You just made the list.
List of things to kill (most wanting to kill first):
Selphie
Kairi: Not today, sorry.
Selphie: Aw, why not?
Kairi: Because you can't say your friend's name right, you dumb idiot?
Kairi asks Selphie if she remembers those other two guys who used to be on the island. Selphie can only remember Riku; Kairi can remember Sora, but not his name or what he looks like. Suddenly, Kairi hears Roxas calling for Namine. Static. Then Roxas is falling. Kairi answers him with her telepathy, saying she's not Namine. There's a big conversation between Kairi, Roxas, and Sora, all through telepathy. Cut back to Kairi, who has fainted and is just waking up. This is terrible. This scene, I mean. Go away, Kairi, no one likes you. In fact, I'm not even writing any more about this. We're skipping ahead.
"Restoration at 79%."
That is 21 less percents than it should have been at three hours ago.
Black cloak now has Roxas' crystal. DiZ explains that Roxas' contact with Namine got him in contact with Kairi which in turn put them all in contact with Sora... So, Sora is basically becoming Ichigo v.2, in terms of having way too many miscellaneous losers living in his head.
DiZ explains that Namine is a Nobody who was born differently and thus can affect the memories of Sora and people aligned with him. ...That answers NOTHING. Black cloak asks whose Nobody she is. DiZ says he'll tell him, if black cloak reveals his true name. Black cloak pulls away his hood...
"It's 'Ansem'."
............................
DiZ begins laughing. Yes, DiZ. I, too, find this hilarious.
*ahem*
Hahaha. Haha... ha...
...
Roxas wakes up. He says he was dreaming, but wonders which parts were the dream. Roxas asks the trio if he fell off the tower, they say he'd be dead if he had. They're going to investigate some weird rumors about the town for their summer homework assignment. Blah blah blah who cares. We're stopping there. </spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
Protip: If you just mash triangle you can't fail the QTE no matter what, there is no timing involved whatsoever so long as you're hitting triangle when it pops up.
enjoy your easy, easy game.
---
"A man chooses. A slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
Liberal Arts Major
His name's Roxas.
Best character in the series alert. And it's not even close.
DiZ reminds me of the "WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORRRRRRRRROW" guy from Futurama, in terms of voice, I mean.
Try Count Dooku or Saruman.
I now have a choice of six varyingly awful minigames to play until I have 800 munny.
Pretty sure if you go a decent bit over this (I want to say the number is the total as if Roxas were soloing the entire cost instead of just part of it.) You get additional stat boosts. Nothing too significant, but yeah.
...Yeeeeeaahhhh, I can already tell that reaction commands are going to be a problem in the future.
...XD
Reaction Commands are blamed for making the game way too easy. I never cared because KH1 was already ridiculously easy, so Reaction Commands stopped pretending there was any difficulty and replaced it with more entertaining feats.
And Pfft... the KH2 Prologue is one of the best parts of the series. Although, I admit that it does start slow and you haven't got to the part that puts it into that category quite yet. But really by the tournament, I'm not sure why you'd complain anymore.
</spoiler>
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Based on just the KH2 prologue? No. Maybe best original character, but who exactly would be his competition in that field?
Try Count Dooku or Saruman.
They're not as overly dramatic as the WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORRRRRRROW guy. <_<
Reaction Commands are blamed for making the game way too easy. I never cared because KH1 was already ridiculously easy, so Reaction Commands stopped pretending there was any difficulty and replaced it with more entertaining feats.
I didn't say it was difficult, I said it was going to be a problem.
I have a problem with "press Triangle to watch your character do a cool thing you have no control over!"
Not just in Kingdom Hearts. In general.
Other boss fights seem to have non-idiotic uses of Reaction Commands, though, so we'll see.
And Pfft... the KH2 Prologue is one of the best parts of the series. Although, I admit that it does start slow and you haven't got to the part that puts it into that category quite yet. But really by the tournament, I'm not sure why you'd complain anymore.
You know EXACTLY why I'd complain. You might not agree. But you should definitely know why. >_>
(Though I will admit, the prologue would be more or less fine if it started at the tournament and just went from there.)
--
...So I trust my friends and I play Kingdom Hearts II, and for like 4 million years, I'm stuck in this town called Hollow Bastion. I'm gettin' a little bored, but my friends are like Keep playin', keep playin'! Eventually Disney characters are comin' out of every orifice! It's awesome, just stick with it! So I do, and I go to the bulletin board, and I look at all the jobs, and I do all the errands, and I get enough money to buy a train ticket, to get on the dope ass Disney train to go to the fun fucking part of the game! That's bullshit! It took me like 4 years! I didn't see so much as a Sebastian the Crab for like a hundred millenia!!
*ahem* Just thought I'd add that because I find it hilarious.
So we're now investigating the seven wonders of Twilight Town. Me and Pence racing against Hayner and Olette. Roxas seems to have lost his crystal (because Ansem is a dick). The first wonder is the Spooky Steps. Turns out Rai (the big guy in Seifer's gang) just counted them wrong. The next is the Moans from the Tunnel. Inside the tunnel, we find a bunch of easily defeated Vivi clones. Upon defeating them all, the screen goes static-y for a moment. The real Vivi then shows up and reveals that he was using this tunnel for practice. Mystery solved. As Vivi is leaving, he morphs into a geth, but I think Roxas missed it. Weird.
Next is the Friend Behind the Wall. Roxas locates the wall and is immediately attacked by a bunch of balls shot from the wall. After dodging them and investigating the wall, they stop. Static. Pence shows up and sees the last ball, and, assuming Roxas throws it, says that that solves the mystery. What? No it doesn't! Roxas, enlighten him... oh whatever. Then the wall pulses with darkness, but again, Roxas misses it.
Next is the Animated Bag. It's a garbage bag that moves. There's a dog inside. I know because a nearby NPC is looking for his dog. Roxas defeats it by jumping on it. Static. Then a dog pops out. How "unexpected". The dog wanders off, and transforms into a geth stalker. Yeah, something is definitely wrong, here.
Next is the Doppelganger. Roxas approaches a fountain/waterfall type thing and another Roxas pops out! It's the Water Temple all over again!
BOSS FIGHT:
SHADOW ROXAS
Except much easier than the Water Temple.
Pence finds Roxas sprawled out on the ground. He turns and sees his reflection in the waterfall. Mystery solved. They leave. Then Shadow Roxas appears again, within the waterfall. Insert dramatic chipmunk here.
The whole party goes to investigate wonder #6, a ghost train that appears at Sunset Hill. Soon, Seifer shows up.
Seifer: Why does looking at you always tick me off.
Roxas: I dunno. Maybe it's destiny.
Seifer: In that case, let's be friends. I don't feel like cooperating with destiny.
Can we be friends with benefits? Like, I'll get the benefit of kicking your ass for EXP?
Seifer wanders off, and we see the ghost train! There's nobody on board, for realz! We follow it back to the station. Roxas wants to get on. Hayner says he'll get hurt. When he looks again, the train is gone. The trio doesn't remember there ever being a train there. They head back to the main part of Twilight Town. The rest of the trio are too lazy and jerkish to go with Roxas to investigate the last rumor, at the Twilight Town mansion. Once we get there, it cuts to Roxas having a conversation with Namine in her room in the mansion. She says Axel and Roxas are best friends. She's repairing Sora's memories, but it's affecting Roxas. For Sora to be whole again, he needs Roxas, because Roxas is half of Sora. She says she doesn't know why she has this power.
Roxas asks Namine who he really is. Namine says Roxas was never supposed to exist, hurting Roxas' feelings in the process. Cut to back outside, where Roxas has been zoning out. Roxas points Pence towards the windows, but all Pence can see are the curtains moving. More pointless cutscenes with Roxas and the trio, blah blah blah who cares.
Cut to DiZ and Ansem having a conversation. Ansem asks why DiZ showed Roxas the train. "Because he missed the trip to the beach." Heh. Ansem's memories are starting to fill in, due to Namine's work on Sora. Ansem asks what DiZ wants. "Revenge." DiZ then says that it's time to dispose of Namine, and that Roxas isn't the only one who was never supposed to exist.
"Restoration at 97%."
More dreams, this time summarizing the end of KH1 and the start of CoM. Cut to two black cloaks.
Black cloak 1: I've been to see him. He looks a lot like you.
Black cloak 2: Who are you?
I could probably figure out who these people are if I was better at remembering voices. =/ Cut to... I think this is the city from the ASAS cutscene. A black cloak has Oathkeeper and Oblivion and is using them to destroy Heartless. He tosses Oblivion to a silver-haired, blinded black cloak, and then easily defeats him. Blindy asks why he has the Keyblade. The other black cloak tells him to shut up. End of cutscene.
It's the sixth day. As Roxas gets out of bed, he starts to transform into Sora. He heads to the trio's base but finds that they can't hear him, and he simply passes through them. Looking at a group photo, he finds he's no longer in it.
Soon, Axel shows up. He says he's been given orders to destroy Roxas if he won't return quietly. Roxas says they're best friends, right?
Axel: Sure... but I'm not getting turned into a Dusk for... Wait a sec! You remember now?
Axel says he has to make sure, and asks Roxas what their boss' name is. Roxas can't remember. Which means it's VIOLENCE time. First we destroy some mooks. Then we're about to fight Axel, when time freezes. DiZ speaks to Roxas, telling him to return to the mansion. "The time has come." Roxas calls out for Hayner, Pence, and Olette, but this time it does nothing. As Roxas leaves, Axel mutters that the Roxas he knew is gone.
Roxas gets to the mansion, but is locked out and being attacked by mooks. He remembers Sora using the Keyblade to open locks, and thus gets inside the gate. The mooks pursue him, but a black cloak with a sword warps in to stop them. (Is that Ansem? I dunno.)
Roxas enters Namine's room and sees a picture that causes him to clutch his head. Back to the ASAS place, Roxas says he needs to know why the Keybalde chose him. Axel says he can't turn on the Organization. Now Namine is in the room. Roxas asks if Org. 13 is a group of bad guys. Namine says they're incomplete people who wish to be whole. They're searching for Kingdom Hearts. Roxas asks what's going to happen to him. Namine is about to answer, but she gets digitized mid-sentence. DiZ warps in. He says there's no knowledge that has the power to change Roxas' fate. Roxas says he has the right to know.
DiZ: A Nobody doesn't have a right to know. Nor does it even have the right to be.
A black cloak warps in and says they're out of time. Then Namine warps in. She tells Roxas that Nobodies are only half a person, and that Roxas won't disappear, he'll just become whole, and that they'll meet again. Then DiZ grabs her and they all warp out, leaving Roxas alone.
Roxas uses Namine's sketches to complete a drawing in the library and enter the basement. Roxas clutches his head again. Cut to the entire Org13. Only the people we've met so far - Lexaeus, Marluxia, Vexen, Larxene, Zexion, Axel, and Roxas - are revealed. Everybody seems to be staring at Roxas. Then cut back to the ASAS city. Turns out, Blindy easily defeated Roxas, not the other way around. Cut to DiZ and Ansem with Blackcloak!Roxas. They say they'll give him a new personality and put him in a simulated town until Namine can repair Sora's memories.
Ansem: Poor thing.
DiZ: It's the fate of a Nobody.
Roxas is pissed. He smashes the computers, which causes a door to open for some reason. In the next room, Roxas defeats a bunch of mooks. Axel shows up and creates a ring of fire. Roxas draws the Oathkeeper and the Oblivion to battle him.
BOSS FIGHT:
AXEL
Hey, non-obnoxious QTE usage. Nifty.
Cut back to the ASAS city area.
Axel: Get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!
Roxas: No one would miss me.
Axel: That's not true... I would.
Back to present time. Axel says they'll meet again in the next life. Roxas says he'll be waiting. Then Axel adds "Just because you'll have a next life..." and vanishes. Huh. If that's seriously the end of Axel, I can't see why he has so many fans. >_>
In the next room, Roxas finds the stasis chambers of Donald and Goofy. Moving on, he finds DiZ in the room with Sora's stasis chamber. DiZ says he needs someone who can move about in the realm of light and destroy Org13 - i.e., Sora, not Roxas. Roxas asks who he is.
DiZ: I am a servant of the world. And if I'm a servant, then you should consider yourself a tool, at best.
Roxas attacks DiZ, but it's just a hologram. Roxas says he hates DiZ. DiZ tells him to share some of that hatred with Sora, who is "far too nice for his own good". Roxas says his heart belongs to himself. Now the crystal flower/stasis chamber opens to reveal Sora inside.
Roxas: Sora... You're lucky. Looks like my summer vacation's... over.
KINGDOM HEARTS II
does this mean the prologue is finally, finally over, or do we have another couple of hours doing prologue stuff with sora now. this prologue has been dangerously lacking in fetchquests, why not make sora go gather some assorted foods
(...Also, so that whole spiel from Seifer about fighting destiny, which was then brought up again by DiZ, was just... what, a red herring? What the fuck? Does this game not know that foreshadowing is two step procedure or something?)
Cut to King Mickey disembarking from the ghost train. Now Roxas is in a black void. He calls out Sora's name. Sora asks who's there. But when he wakes up, it's just Goofy and Donald.
...ha ha, sora's voice is all differenty
They can't remember any of Castle Oblivion. They check Jiminy's journal, but just find one sentence - "Thank Namine." Hey guys, remember when I told you to record EVERYTHING ABOUT CASTLE OBLIVION instead of just that one sentence?
No?
Yeah, well, my point is, I hate you.
The group heads into Twilight Town. Sora says he's been here before, but then decides he must've just imagined it. For some reason, the party walks in on Hayner, Pence, and Olette. Blah blah blah pointlessness. On hearing their names, the trio tells the party that a guy with big round ears was looking for them. It's the King! He was at the train station, so that's where we're headed next.
...But first. Hey Seifer! I haven't kicked your ass in over an hour! ...Aww, but some fat guy breaks up the fight, saying to save it for the next Struggle tournament. Jerk.
At the train station, we get attacked by a bunch of geth. We level up like 3 times, but they just keep spawning in. Sora and company quickly tire out (losers), forcing King Mickey to step in and save them. He gives Sora Roxas' munny pouch and tells them to board the train, ASAP. Then he runs off.
Sora determines that if King Mickey's here, Riku must be here too! So they get on the train to go look for him. Because "Riku is here and we should look for him!" and "Get on the train and go somewhere else!" are not mutually exclusive? Whatever. There's an incredibly heavy-handed scene where Hayner, Pence, and Olette show up to see Sora off even though they've only known him for 30 seconds, and Sora starts crying. Yeeeeep. The train takes them to a castle in another world. Pete is at the door. He tells us his entire evil plan without looking behind him to see who we are first.
The master of this tower is a powerful sorcerer, so Pete sent an army of Heartless inside to turn him into a Heartless. Pete is working for Maleficent. At this point, he turns around, and he recognizes Donald and Goofy while they recognize him. Apparently he was causing trouble for King Mickey at some point in the past, so Mickey banished him to another dimension. But now Maleficent has busted him out. He says that Maleficent is gonna help him conquer the universe! Sora and company start laughing and eventually reveal that they already took Maleficent out. This causes Pete to sick some Heartless on us. oh god, frogs
After destroying all the frogs, the party asks Pete who lives here. He says it's Yen Sid. This causes Donald to run off into the tower. Goofy explains that Master Yen Sid is the King's teacher. Sora and Goofy follow Donald, completely ignoring Pete. lol
Oh wait. Checking the Journal, I guess this tower is still part of Twilight Town? Huh. Also note that Yen Sid backwards is Disney, just in case you didn't realize that immediately.
Based on the number of Heartless here, Sora and company come to the conclusion that the worlds aren't at peace after all. Gee, ya THINK? At the top of the tower, they meet Yen Sid, who speaks verrrrrrrrry slooooooooowly. He says that Sora is the key, and that he must go on another adventure, and then another, and then another, until the series becomes unprofitable.
Then he gives an explanation of the enemies Sora will face. blah blah blah Heartless. When a person becomes a Heartless, the empty shell that's left behind sometimes continues functioning and becomes a Nobody. The geth we've been fighting are weak Nobodies known as Dusks. There's also the stronger Nobodies who have banded together to create Organization XIII (well, minus Vexen and Larxene... and Marluxia... and Lexaeus and Zexion... and Roxas and maybe Axel... so really, it's the Organization 6). The King has been travelling from world to world, fighting Heartless and trying to solve the riddle of Organization 13. Which... we already know, right? They said in CoM that they exist to unlock the secrets of people's hearts.
At this point, Yen Sid tells Sora that his clothes look stupid because they're so small on him, and tells him to go talk to three fairies - Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather - in the next room, who will make him some new clothes. We do so, but they squabble over what color to make the clothes. Meanwhile, a crow flies overhead. Sora eventually gets annoyed and tells them to hurry up and decide, resulting in them all blasting him at once. Sora now has a black outfit. I really want the old, colorful one back. One of the fairies then gives him a magical orb that will allow him to assume Valor Form in battle.
...
So wait.
Was Sora just given a Dressphere?
Yen Sid then gives them a gummi ship (I am instantly reminded of Sarda repeatedly giving the Deathtrap to the Light Warriors) and we're off. Yen Sid warps away. Back to the fairies, the crow flies through the window and then Maleficent shows up. The fairies warp away to tell Yen Sid.
The first world we can go to is... Hollow Bastion! It looks quite different now, with a real town and everything. We quickly see some Heartless, but they run away. Soon after, we run into Donald's Uncle Scrooge, who tells us that Leon and the others are at Merlin's.
In the next area, some weird energy effects show up. Yuffie appears and says it's the town's defense system. Nobodies appear! We clear them out quickly and start chatting up Yuffie.
...
yuffie why are you wearing black.
aren't you supposed to be the world's perkiest ninja or something.
Sora asks if Yuffie's seen Riku or the King, but she's like "Nope!" and cartwheels away, telling us to meet her at Merlin's house. We do. Leon, Aerith, Cid, and Yuffie are there. None of them have seen the King, but they need our help wiping out the Heartless and Nobodies that have invaded the town. Leon exits, saying to meet him at the baileys. Then Merlin warps in. Merlin asks if Aerith gave us "the cards".
.............
No.
No more cards.
We're not doing this again.
Oh wait, it's just a card that says we're honorary members of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. Whew. Merlin loans us a Blizzard spell because we conveniently forgot how to use magic while asleep, and we head off after Leon. When we find him, he tells us that his team can handle everything except the Nobodies. Sora's party explains that Pete is rounding up Heartless, but who we really need to worry about are the Organization 13 dudes.
Ominous voice: You called?
The Organization 13 guys warp in a bunch of Nobodies. Leon and Sora have to defeat them all while protecting the gates to Hollow Bastion. Easily done. Now the entire Organization 13 warps in... all six of them! They taunt us some more and then warp out, except one who warps back in. He and Sora's party talk for a long time about fighting each other but no actual fighting ever happens. -_- He warps out, Sora's HBRC club card shows him the way to a "gate of darkness" or some crap, and Sora seals the keyhole. I don't even understand or care what's going on. Sora quickly excuses himself, telling Leon that other worlds are calling. AWAY WE GO!
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Mushu: Man, we used to kick all kinds of bad guy butt together!
Sora: I didn't summon you once. Not even just to see what the summon looked like.
Mushu: ....;_;
Mulan introduces herself as Ping, son of Fa Zhou. Mushu is one of "his" family guardians. Mushu guilt trips Sora into helping Ping, as payback for Mushu helping Sora. Again, not necessary, Sora will help anyone for any reason. Mulan says it'll be easier to fit in if she's with them (yeah because a giant talking duck isn't even slightly suspicious?). Sora doesn't know what the fuck, but...
Goofy: You're pretendin' ta be a boy, aren'tcha?
It's amazing how consistently Goofy is portrayed as by far the smartest member of the team.
Sora: You're a... girl?!
[insert Sonic the Hedgehog "oooo-wehhhhhhh!" impression noise here]
Mulan says her disguise must be working. Mushu says that Sora and Donald would fall for anything.
Sora: I'm right here!
Yeah we know you are. Listen kiddo you're not called the World's Dumbest Locksmith for nothing, you know?
Mulan... I mean Ping, joins the party. Normally I'd keep Goofy and ditch Donald, but Donald's the only one with a healing ability right now. So, later Goofy.
The group heads to the encampment and wacky hijinks ensue when a soldier cuts in line. Sora gets punched in the face, so I approve. Heartless attack and we're introduced to the Morale system, which is a lot like the Struggle battles, only dumber. The captain decides to give us a shot as part of the army, even Ping, who is a total failure in combat. We do three easy missions before being sent to the next area. The main villain/enemy commander is named Shan-Yu, by the way.
Our first real mission is to forge a path up the mountain, which involves breaking down stone barricades. There are some Heartless here, but most of them are really weak. There is one annoying one, though, a weird centaur thing that you just can't get near without being owned. Anyway, completing the mission brought the army to a small village in the snowy heights of the mountain, and convinced Captain Shang to allow Ping to join the army for realz. Mushu tells us that he saw Shan Yu in a cave on the outskirts of the village, so we're going to sneak off and defeat him ourselves. What could possibly go wrong?
Inside the cave's main chamber, our party discovers... no one. Donald and Goofy leave, but just as they do, the main chamber seals them outside... and Mulan and Sora inside. Shan Yu then appears outside the main chamber. Get him Goofy! ...Donald? .......goddammit I hate you guys. He exits towards the village, sword in hand, leaving Sora and Mulan to fight a bunch of Heartless, including three centaurs. Ugh. Those things are more dangerous than most of the bosses so far. (I think that, starting now, Mulan/Ping actually becomes useful as a party member, paralleling her character development.)
The party considers this whole venture a bust because Shan-Yu was nowhere to be found. Oh, I guess they missed him entirely? Ah well. They return to the village and find it destroyed. Who didn't see that coming? Shang says the enemy went towards the summit. Mulan says that we'll stop them because it's pretty much our fault.
Sora: Shan-Yu and the Heartless did this, not us.
Sora, quit saying smart things. Leave that to the professionals.
Man, there isn't even one treasure chest in the ruins of the village! What a load. Climbing up the mountain, we see Shan-Yu in the distance. He sends a MASSIVE ARMY of Heartless after us! So this is basically Dynasty Hearts. We have to defeat as many as we can in 1 minute. After that's done with, Shan-Yu charges us with another army of Heartless. The other soldiers show up with a rocket to fire at him, but Mulan grabs it and points it at the mountain instead, causing an avalanche that wipes out Shan-Yu and his entire forces. (And us, almost.)
Shang gives Mulan his thanks and says he should never have doubted her... but then Mushu accidentally reveals that Mulan is a woman. Good going, pal. Shang says that the punishment for dishonoring the army is death, and that we should all get out of his sight, ASAP. Ping changes back into Mulan and says she's going home. As we head back down the mountain, Shan-Yu pulls himself out of the snow. He's heading for the Imperial City with his army of Heartless! We need to go warn them. Away!
We catch up with Shang in the Imperial Square and warn him that Shan-Yu is coming. He doesn't believe us (you know because Mulan has been blatantly treasonous this whole time and not just lying in order to help her father... oh wait) until he sees Shan-Yu himself. Shang heads off to protect the Emperor while we take care of the nearby Heartless. Then we head further into the city and find Shan-Yu threatening the Emperor, so... good job there, Shang.
Oh wait. Just as Shan-Yu was being distracted by our entrance, Shang showed up and ninja punched him. He grabbed the Emperor and retreated into the palace.
Shan-Yu heads for the palace, but the party is in his way!
Mulan: It ends now!
Sora: Right now!
Mulan: ...Good contribution, Sora.
BOSS FIGHT:
SHAN-YU
This is pretty clever. Not only do we have to defeat Shan-Yu, we have to do it while protecting the gate to the palace. I ignored the latter objective during my first attempt and it resulted in my first game over. Whoops. Shan-Yu will summon Heartless, but after taking out his first health bar, he'll stop summoning them and instead go berserk and become much more of a threat. If Sora and Shan-Yu clash blades, it triggers a blade lock scene. Mash Triangle to overpower Shan-Yu, then hit Triangle again to punish him for his insolence. You can also defeat his falcon Hayabusa, which I recommend doing, if only because it's obnoxious.
With Shan-Yu defeated, Mulan is met by the Emperor. He gives her the generic cowboy cop end of movie lecture, i.e. "you did bad thing, bad thing, bad thing, worse thing, unforgivable thing... and really awesome thing that overrides all of that!" He presents her with a sword and declares her the bravest woman in all of China. The sword glows and reveals another keyhole for Sora to seal. Sora acquires the Hidden Dragon Keyblade. (It boosts magic while lowering strength, so it's worthless.)
The next world is Beast's Castle. Sora and company don't know where they are until they hear Beast's roars. Then a Heartless shows up and they chase after it. They find it in a room with a single, pristine rose on display. The Heartless here infinitely respawn; after a while, Donald calls out for someone to help them, and Beast shows up. He quickly destroys all the Heartless. Why do these enemies always stop respawning when the super NPC shows up? =/
Beast doesn't say a word to us; he just knocks us out of the way, grabs the rose, and leaves the room. Sora thinks that something fishy is going on. Upstairs, we find Belle. She's substantially happier to see us. She says that something has caused Beast to act strangely lately. He locked up his servants in the dungeon; we should go see them for more info. Heading towards the dungeon, we're stopped by a door monster.
BOSS FIGHT:
THRESHOLDER
It can summon assorted Heartless to attack us. Hitting it repeatedly will allow a reaction command where Sora blasts the door with his Keyblade, causing it to spit out Possessor, a Darkball-looking enemy. That's the real boss, and killing it ends the fight and lets us move on.
We get to the dungeon and rescue all the castle's servants, who were turned into assorted objects. They think we need to confront the Beast and figure out what's going on; maybe the Heartless have gotten ahold of him? We do a dumb lantern lighting minigame that's so easy it's completely pointless, and eventually make it to Beast's room. One of the Organization members is chatting him up, telling him Belle is scheming against him, etc. Needs less this jackass, more Gaston, tbqh. Beast is apparently completely buying into it, because when the Organization dude warps out, Beast attacks us. It's like they completely forgot why people liked Beast in Kingdom Hearts 1. Hint: It was because his response to Belle being kidnapped and taken to another world was to go there through pure RESOLVE and try to solo Riku, Maleficent, and an entire castle full of Heartless to get her back. His response to this Organization dude should have been to grab him by the head and smash him into a wall. But, alas...
BOSS FIGHT:
THE BEAST
So, this is dumb. Our reaction command for this battle is "Wake up!", which can be spammed to stun Beast. So he's never a threat at all. And once his health bar is depleted, you spam Triangle to help Cogsworth gather energy to set off his alarm function and wake Beast up, ending the fight. How disappointing.
Beast says the Nobody is named Xaldin, and that he turned Beast's sorrow and pain into rage in order to control him. Very dumb. I'm stopping here.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic