Advanced
Turn Limit: 20
Minimum Experience: 3,650
Funds: 36,000
"Which, if not victory, is yet revenge."
Deployment: Hector, Priscilla, Serra, Hawkeye, Kent, Sain, Fiora, Heath, Ninian, Harken. Heath gets the Emblem Seal.
Turn 1: Serra gives a barrier to Kent. Priscilla uses barrier on Sain. Ninian dances for Priscilla and she uses a barrier on Heath. Heath flies max west and tosses a javelin at a nosferatu shaman. Fiora flies max west to poke a shaman to death with an iron lance, conserving her javelins. Kent goes 1 south of the bridge with a javelin ready. Hector stays behind, Hawkeye moves to the north forest.
Turn 2: Fiora and Heath kill off the Valkyrie with Sleep after Priscilla uses barrier on Fiora. Kent throws javelins at monks and the party advances west, killing the shaman.
Turn 3: Hawkeye readies his hand axe and drinks a pure water. Heath flies west and kills the Eclipse/Luna Druid with his javelin, while Fiora weakens another druid. The party continues west, with Sain killing a luna shaman with his hand axe. Hawkeye kills a mage on the enemy phase.
Turn 4: Lots of dead dark-magic users by this point. Heath and Fiora mop up the enemies left around them.
The chaos of this chapter prevents a more accurate summary, but in the following turns I had Harken block off a choke point so that the Silver Sword Heroes could come at him. With Ninis' Grace amping him, he's nearly invincible. On turn 6 I spawn Vaida and recruit her - Hawkeye, Hector, and Vaida are more than enough to take down the wyvern rider reinforcements. The level 20 sniper on the map is taken down by Harken, I spam Recover staffs, and eventually, after Heath wakes up from being put to sleep on a mountain, have him visit the village for a Warp staff.
On turn 12 I finally have made my way to Lloyd. Harken with a Swordreaver, Barrier, and Ninis' Grace takes 0 damage from Lloyd. After having a barriered Fiora do a nice hit to Lloyd, Harken slays Lloyd on the enemy phase of turn 15. At some point, Ninian also hit level 20.
Levels: Kent gained 2 levels, Ninian gained 2 levels, Priscilla gained a level, Fiora gained 5 levels, Heath gained 2 levels, Serra gained a level, Sain gained 2 levels, Harken gained 4 levels, and Hawkeye gained a level. Hector promoted automatically at the end of the chapter, and for the preparation screen I gave him Boots. Overall the EXP requirement for this chapter is the 2nd-highest in the game and I lost about 15 levels' worth of EXP, but I have so much reserve EXP that my EXP rank is still thankfully at 5 stars.
Difficulty: 8/10 - Cog of Destiny is of course a really annoying chapter. Status staves and Lunas are everywhere, Hector by this point is only useful for finishing off stray wyvern riders, and if you don't take the correct path you end up spawning far too many reinforcements to deal with in a reasonable amount of time. Lloyd himself is a very scary boss, but with +17 resistance to Swordreaver Harken from barrier and Ninis' Grace he is unable to do anything to him.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 273/287 [/spoiler]
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Advanced
Turn Limit: 0
Minimum Experience: 0
Funds: 0
Deployment: Hector, Raven. Hector gets the Iron Rune and the Emblem Seal.
Turn 1: Hector with his awesome boots walks max west with killer axe at the ready. Raven moves west. Hector kills a knight on the counter.
Turn 2: Hector walks max west and weakens an axereaver knight with his killer axe. Raven moves max west. Hector kills both axereavers on the counter and has his iron rune stolen.
Turn 3: Raven weakens the thief and Hector kills it with brave axe, winning back iron rune. Two mages fire at him but one has to get into melee to do so and dies horrifically.
Turn 4: Raven kills off the mage with armorslayer. Hector runs max west and goes up the first passage he can, attacking another axereaver knight with brave axe, missing 3 times on a 70%. The axereaver guy knocks Hector to 1 HP and dies while Raven kills off a knight with his armorslayer.
Turn 5: Raven gives Hector an elixir over the brave axe, and Hector runs north to drink it. Hector criticals a steel sword mercenary and an axereaver knight on the counter, winning a steel sword and dropping it.
Turn 6: Hector runs max west with a hand axe equipped. Raven runs north and drinks an elixir. Raven kills a swordreaver fighter on the counter, Hector kills all 3 mages and is reduced to 1 HP yet again by their magic.
Turn 7: Hector runs in front of Kaim and drinks an elixir. Raven runs west. Hector hits Kaim on the counter.
Turn 8: Hector stands still while Raven runs west, drinking an elixir. Kaim attacks, misses, and gets criticaled by Hector.
Turn 9: Raven lands a 7% iron sword critical against Kaim, winning a tomahawk. Hector claims a space and wins.
Levels: Hector gained a level, Raven gained 2 levels.
Difficulty: 3/10 - If you're not going for the treasure in this chapter, it's not so bad, though I have to give it at least a 3 due to how lucky I got with everything. Hector reduced to exactly 1 HP twice? Landing a 7% iron sword critical? Madness. You will really want to use the Boots on Hector to finish this nonsense quickly, as it's the 2nd last 0-turn chapter in the game. Kaim is a boss basically catered to lose to Hector so long as Hector has spare elixirs, and Raven just demolishes him when he reaches him. Not a hard chapter overall.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 282/287 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
The Wolf Beil, Pure Water, and Elixir are one thing, but how could you pass up the two stat boosters? >_>
Seriously though, fuck that chapter. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
The Wolf Beil, Pure Water, and Elixir are one thing, but how could you pass up the two stat boosters?
Because the bonus disc gives you like 4289546 stat boosters?
...And if it weren't for the fact that this was an S-Rank Run, I'd almost be disappointed it wasn't a "get all the items" attempt. ...Because I'm still not sure it's feasible. Bailing on the Pure Water made me feel like a casual, but I just couldn't see any feasible way to get everything, not with Hector and either Thief jobbing to everything that moved. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Advanced
Turn Limit: 11
Minimum Experience: 2,050
Funds: 45,000
Deployment: Hector, Raven, Eliwood, Lyn, Nino, Jaffar, Sain, Serra, Canas, Rath, Pent, Priscilla, Harken, Legault. Sain gets the Emblem Seal.
This chapter is a little difficult to summarize because like Cog of Destiny, a ton of shit happens every turn. Basic details: I warped Jaffar onto the stairs to the north to block Druid reinforcements and had Hector pick off a lot of enemies. Nino and Canas killed stuff when needed along with Rath. I didn't manage to kill Denning, focusing mostly on survival.
I managed to get the Body Ring and Dragonshield but not the White Gem and my funds has gone down to 4 stars! I'm definitely not promoting anyone else now, and given how useless Kent has been he can just stay at level 19 forever.
Also notably Sain gained a level where he gained no stats whatsoever. I used Hammerne twice on the Wolf Beil (I had 1 use of it left after killing Darin way back).
Levels: Hector gained 4 levels, Eliwood gained a level, Priscilla gained 2 levels, Sain gained 3 levels, Serra gained 2 levels, Nino gained 3 levels, Pent gained a level, Canas gained 4 levels, Rath gained 2 levels, and Harken gained a level.
Difficulty: 8/10 - Really annoying chapter to do without turtling the hell out of the enemies. There's about a million fucking generals and druids which will make you hate your existence. Denning himself is a really fast boss, but being a sniper means he's totally harmless most of the time. Try to get him to use his longbow over his silver bow, of course.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 294/298 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
and this is why you don't bail on the stat boosters in chapter 30
<_< [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
Turn Limit: 5
Minimum Experience: 0
Funds: 31,000
Deployment: Hector, Eliwood, Erk, Wil, Isadora, Dorcas, Sain, Bartre, Heath, Priscilla. Heath gets a silver card.
Turn 1: Wil defeats a shaman at the arena. Bartre defeats a pirate at the arena and levels. Heath buys 6 tomes.
Turn 2: Bartre visits the arena and kills a fighter with literally the exact same stats as him but more HP. Wil visits the arena and defeats a level 5 nomad who is still able to double him, jesus fuck. Dart visits the arena and kills a pirate. Heath buys a lot of swords, putting Merlinus at 68.
Turn 3: Dart kills a soldier. Wil kills another level 5 nomad who can double him, what the shit. Bartre kills a pirate. Heath buys a lot of lances putting Merlinus at 81.
Turn 4: Wil visits the arena and kills a mage. Erk visits the arena and kills a soldier. Heath buys a lot of axes.
Turn 5: Wil defeats a mage in the arena. Eliwood defeats a brigand with 61 HP (what the fuck), gaining a level. Heath sells his low-count iron weapons and spends all the gold he can on Elixirs, having 5000 leftover after. My funds is back up to 5 stars after this.
Levels: Bartre gained a level and Eliwood gained a level.
Difficulty: 4/10 - The arena is of course the only reason this chapter has a difficulty rating at all. It is seriously annoying how much it throws high-leveled units at you or enemies with tons of HP.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 300/303 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Advanced
Hector: 20/6, 72 EXP
Nils: 20
Priscilla: 20/9, 24 EXP
Heath: 20/9, 45 EXP
Wil: 9, 93 EXP
Serra: 20/9, 79 EXP
Harken: --/14, 14 EXP
Pent: --/7, 57 EXP
Jaffar: --/14, 59 EXP
Sain: 20/9, 40 EXP
Dart: 11, 84 EXP
Fiora: 20/7, 95 EXP
Rath: 16, 12 EXP
Lowen: 16, 46 EXP
Guy: 14, 69 EXP
Eliwood: 19, 21 EXP
Erk: 13, 29 EXP
Isadora: --/1, 55 EXP
Lyn: 16, 79 EXP
Bartre: 12, 68 EXP
Raven: 19, 70 EXP
Legault: 17, 92 EXP
Canas: 15, 36 EXP.
Nino: 14, 91 EXP
Kent: 19, 32 EXP
Lucius: 16, 91 EXP
Hawkeye: --/7, 9 EXP
Rebecca: 12, 55 EXP
Dorcas: 12, 77 EXP
Florina: 18, 81 EXP
Matthew: 20
Marcus: --/3, 0 EXP
Oswin: 15, 48 EXP
Geitz: --/3, 94 EXP
Louise: --/4, 17 EXP
Vaida: --/9, 30 EXP [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
ahahahahaha
Good luck with VoD. I assume after that you're basically home free. <_< [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
Turn Limit: 15
Minimum Experience: 6,150
Funds: 50,500
"A Victory without danger is a triumph without glory."
Deployment: Hector, Nils, Priscilla, Serra, Heath, Wil, Pent, Harken, Sain, Jaffar, Dart, Fiora, Rath, Guy, Erk. Heath gets the iron rune, Fiora gets delphi shield, and Sain gets emblem seal.
Alright, let's give a basic outline for this gigantic chapter. Rath, Erk, and Sain head east. Harken heads north with Fiora eventually assisting him. The rest go through the middle. On turn 9 I warped Harken to Limstella and he killed her. On turn 10 I warped Hector to the gate and seized it. I also recruited Renault and got the other two items here.
MY RANKS ARE ALL STILL 5 STARS! I'M TOO EXCITED TO DO A WRITEUP FOR THE REST OF IT, FUCK
I'M FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!
Levels: Hector gained a level, Priscilla gained a level, Heath gained a level, Serra gained a level, Wil gained 4 levels, Harken gained 2 levels, Pent gained 2 levels, Jaffar gained 2 levels, Sain gained 2 levels, Fiora gained a level, Dart gained a level, and Erk gained a level. I lost approximately 40 levels worth of experience but IT'S STILL AT 5 STARS BECAUSE I AM HARDCORE!
Difficulty: 6/10 - This chapter is nowhere near as bad as the ones before it, but it's pretty nerve-wracking. Limstella has massive defense and massive hit points, so you'll want brave weapons or killer ones to take her down. Warp is necessary to avoid being bogged down by reinforcements.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 310/318 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Advanced
Turn Limit: 0
Minimum Experience: 0
Funds: 0
Deployment: Hector, Lowen, Guy, Harken, Pent.
Turn 1: Guy is warped to the north and engages some dudes with killing edge. Lowen goes north with a killing lance to counter swordslayer. Harken hits a berserker with his hand axe.
Fuck it, you know what, this doesn't need a writeup. Guy killed stuff, Lowen killed stuff, and I warped Harken into Kishuna's room and he killed Kishuna on turn 7.
Levels: Guy gained 5 levels, Lowen gained 3 levels, Hector gained 2 levels, Pent gained a level, and Harken gained 2 levels.
Difficulty: 2/10 - Well, it's basically an EXP goldmine and your only worry is if the berserkers land their 10% or less hits against you twice in a row. This gets a 2 because this actually happened to me. Kishuna is of course an incredibly easy boss to kill at this point, but be warned that warping into his room unlocks the door and makes 4 Tomahawk Berserkers spawn.
Turns taken so far/Turns allowed: 317/318 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Advanced
Turn Limit: 8
Minimum Experience: 2,800
Funds: 150,000
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."
Deployment: Athos, Lyn, Hector, Eliwood, Jaffar, Harken, Sain, Fiora, Nils, Serra, Priscilla, Heath.
Turn 1: Jaffar and Nils work together to attack Uhai. Heath weakens a sniper and Serra kills it. Both are rescued before Uhai can attack them. Jaffar is knocked to low HP by Rienfleche and dodges the sniper. Kenneth's room opens.
Turn 2: Priscilla uses Unlock on Darin's room and Hector stands there with Wolf Beil. Jaffar fails to kill Uhai again. Fiora is given a barrier via Athos, and Sain kills the bolting sage with his killer lance. Fiora kills Mr. Gespenst with a killer lance. Sain is reduced to 2 HP by Kenneth and Darin is smacked by a critical wolf beil. Brendan's room is opened.
Turn 3: Fiora doubles Kenneth but doesn't critical, Sain finishes him off. Hector criticals Darin again and kills him either here or on the enemy phase. Uhai is now in an annoying position where he can run out and attack Hector, so I warp Lyn beside him and have Heath fly to his south end, boxing him in from attacking anyone.
Turn 4: Athos slaughters Brendan with a Luna critical, Lyn kills Uhai off, and Harken boxes in the next warrior, killing him with a critical hand axe. Hector criticals the next general with wolf beil, landing his 3rd one in a row. Ursula and Jerme's room opens up.
Turn 5: Harken and Nils work together to get into Ursula's room, Harken demolishes Ursula with a Killer Axe critical. Fiora flies closer to the room and our party prepares for the Reed brothers, whose door unlocks at the end of this turn.
Turn 6: Athos nails Lloyd with berserk. Fiora goes to work on Jerme, who cannot damage her. Jaffar runs closer. Lloyd kills Linus but is severely weakened.
Turn 7: Heath weakens Lloyd and Athos kills him. Fiora continues to work on Jerme.
Turn 8: Jaffar finishes off Jerme once and for all. Nergal's room is opened. Athos is warped in front of him and he kills off the Berserk Druid. Athos kills a sage on the counter.
Turn 9: Athos is amped by Nils and he hits Nergal with Luna. I heal Athos. Hector kills a general with a 4th critical wolf beil, while Heath and Fiora kill the other two. On the enemy phase, Nergal dies to Luna.
Levels: Hector gained 2 levels, Lyn gained a level, Priscilla gained a level, Serra gained 3 levels, Jaffar gained a level, Sain gained a level, and Fiora gained 2 levels.
Final Chapter: Light (Part 2)
Turn Limit: 2
Minimum Experience: 200
Funds: 0
"Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded by dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it."
Turn 1: Athos is amped by Nils and he hits the dragon with Luna. Serra uses her final Fortify, I mend Athos after, we get people out of 10-range tome/dragon range except Nils, who dodges the one bolting coming at him.
Turn 2: Athos is amped by Nils. Athos slays the dragon with Luna.
Levels: None.
S-rank HHM run achieved!
Pic: http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/1913/20110222214146459.jpg
And yes, I seriously did avoid using Afa's Drops just to be hardcore. And when you look at my turn count below, yes, I did beat this in exactly the turn amount I needed.
Difficulty: 6/10 - There's a lot of really annoying enemies in this chapter, but Athos is your biggest bailout ever, reducing most of the enemies into wimps. Uhai and Lloyd are definitely the two hardest to deal with. Nergal is basically designed, even in HHM, to fall to Athos, so there's no problem there. As for the Dragon...who gives a shit? He can reduce Athos to 1 in HHM but he still dies to Luna. Note however that I've heard in HHM that the Dragon can have 40 attack; if so, Athos may need to land a critical Luna on turn 1 to end things quickly.
Turns taken/Turns allowed: 328/328 [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Advanced
Nils: 20
Priscilla: 20/11
Heath: 20/10
Wil: 13
Serra: 20/13
Harken: --/18
Pent: --/10
Jaffar: --/17
Sain: 20/12
Dart: 12
Fiora: 20/10
Rath: 16
Lowen: 19
Guy: 19
Eliwood: 19
Erk: 14
Isadora: --/1
Lyn: 17
Bartre: 12
Raven: 19
Legault: 17
Canas: 15
Nino: 14
Kent: 19
Lucius: 16
Hawkeye: --/7
Rebecca: 12
Dorcas: 12
Florina: 18
Matthew: 20
Marcus: --/3
Oswin: 15
Geitz: --/3
Louise: --/4
Vaida: --/9
Renault: --/16
Athos: --/20
Even with the above levels, I still barely managed to get 5 stars in experience. I seriously had to redo 32x with Lowen and Guy to get the amount of exp I needed to avoid 4 stars. Doing Lyn Hard Mode first really ate away from some of my experience, so I had to scramble.
Overall this has been a long, long journey, but I feel great to have done it. I am pretty sure I would never have S-ranked funds without the Mario Kart Double Dash bonus items, and the final chapter made me a nervous wreck, but this is awesome.
MVP: HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN HARKEN
AND ATHOS SORT OF
Hardest chapters: Genesis, Night of Farewells
Easiest chapter: Crazed Beast
Funnest chapters: Battle Before Dawn, Cog of Destiny, Light
Hardest bosses: Uhai, Linus
Anyway...
Mark: A tactician whose brilliance changed the course of history. Bern and Etruria so desired this skilled mind that they went to war. [/spoiler]
[Spoiler for Fire Emblem Team Comparison, click to show]Here's my team when I went into Light, just to compare to XP/Kenri.
Hector
Level 20/9
HP: 47
STR: 18
SKL: 18
SPD: 15
Luck: 10
DEF: 21
RES: 12
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - D, Axes - S
Support(s): Eliwood - C
Comments: Ahahaha my Hector is such a fucking piece of shit compared to Kenri's and XP's it's just unbelievable.
Nils
Level 20
HP: 32
STR: 2
SKL: 1
SPD: 27
Luck: 20
DEF: 11
RES: 17
Weapon Rank(s): None
Support(s): None
Comments: Actually kind of comparable to XP's Nils. More defensive but slightly less speedy.
Harken
Level --/18
HP: 49
STR: 25
SKL: 22
SPD: 24
Luck: 15
DEF: 20
RES: 12
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - B, Axes - S
Support(s): None
Comments: I know he's 9 levels higher than XP's so it's not a fair comparison, but this shows exactly why Harken is MVP material.
Serra
Level 20/10
HP: 32
MAG: 16
SKL: 15
SPD: 16
Luck: 29
DEF: 6
RES: 24
Weapon Rank(s): Light - C, Staves - S
Support(s): None
Comments: Worse than Kenri's with everything except her amazing luck.
Sain
Level 20/9
HP: 40
STR: 25
SKL: 13
SPD: 23
Luck: 14
DEF: 15
RES: 9
Weapon Rank(s): Lances - S, Axes - B, Swords - B
Support(s): Kent - C
Comments: Fairly good compared to Kenri's, though really lacking in skill.
Fiora
Level: 20/8
HP: 39
STR: 18
SKL: 22
SPD: 23
Luck: 15
DEF: 15
RES: 24
Weapon Rank(s): Lances - S, Swords - E
Support(s): None
Comments: Considering she's 11 levels lower than XP's Fiora, I like how mine turned out quite a lot!
Jaffar
Level: --/16
HP: 37
STR: 19
SKL: 27
SPD: 25
Luck: 10
DEF: 15
RES: 12
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - A
Support(s): None
Comments: Not much to say, 4 levels to compare with XP's would have been nice.
Heath
Level: 20/10
HP: 52
STR: 22
SKL: 24
SPD: 18
Luck: 12
DEF: 18
RES: 7
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - E, Lances - S
Support(s): None
Comments: Godly unit along with Sain. I'm surprised he's not used more in HHM runs given how Wyvern Lords are the most dangerous enemies in the entire run.
Priscilla
Level: 20/10
HP: 29
MAG: 16
SKL: 20
SPD: 17
Luck: 25
DEF: 5
RES: 19
Weapon Rank(s): Anima - D, Staves - S
Support(s): None
Comments: She turned out pretty horrendously all things considered, but at least Priscilla's job is fairly easy regardless of stats.
Lyn
Level: 16
HP: 26
STR: 13
SKL: 19
SPD: 20
Luck: 15
DEF: 4
RES: 7
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - A
Support(s): Florina - C
Comments: I think Lyn would have turned out fairly interesting had I trained her. Sadly her promotion item was a bit too expensive for me to have wanted to.
Eliwood
Level: 19
HP: 33
STR: 15
SKL: 12
SPD: 15
Luck: 15
DEF: 11
RES: 7
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - A
Support(s): Hector - C
Comments: It's sad that Eliwood probably would have turned out better than Hector if I'd promoted him.
Lastly, here's a look at why I didn't promote Kent:
Kent
Level: 19
HP: 36
STR: 12
SKL: 19
SPD: 11
Luck: 4
DEF: 12
RES: 6
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - C, Lances - B
Support(s): Sain - C
Comments: Fuck you Kent. You die to everything known to mankind. Lowen is the same level and has better stats in everything except skill. Ugh. [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
New Moderator
---
"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
[Spoiler for FE7, click to show]Hector
Level 20/9
HP: 47
STR: 18
SKL: 18
SPD: 15
Luck: 10
DEF: 21
RES: 12
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - D, Axes - S
Support(s): Eliwood - C
Comments: Ahahaha my Hector is such a fucking piece of shit compared to Kenri's and XP's it's just unbelievable.
what the hell happened here.
seriously. Your Hector is like the opposite of xp's Lyn. >_>
Kent
Level: 19
HP: 36
STR: 12
SKL: 19
SPD: 11
Luck: 4
DEF: 12
RES: 6
Weapon Rank(s): Swords - C, Lances - B
Support(s): Sain - C
Comments: Fuck you Kent. You die to everything known to mankind. Lowen is the same level and has better stats in everything except skill. Ugh.
ahahaha
oh man. kent. you are a silly, silly cavalier. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
They had to contend with this:
Canas
level 20 druid
49 HP
22 magic
26 skill (max)
26 speed (max)
14 luck
17 defense
26 resistance
Who had Luna, Nosferatu, and an Iron Rune.
Needless to say, it was a 5-0 victory for the actual good team. [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Light was... interesting, to say the least. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Me: haha, easiest chapter ever. we're speedrunning this shit.
*Moulder - a Bishop, mind you - gets smacked by Purge*
*critical hit*
*OHK*
Me:
in less annoying news, I have beaten Fire Emblem 4. awesome game.
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
In the palace where I spent most of my days
Pwnen out knighten duken out ownage
when a couple of guys, they were up to no good
started stealing bitches in mah neighborhood
So I seized one little castle and then Verdane got scared
So a message from lord Nergal told me to
"BECOME THE HOLY FUCKING KNIGHT OF GRANDBELL!"
I have the patch for it and it looks fun but I don't really understand how some bits of it work, especially as it's only 90% translated and some things are in moon runes. [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
That's the patch I used and it had almost everything translated, except a handful of conversations near the end of the game, some insignificant things, the opening (as in, before you actually start the game), and the ending.
You're never going to understand Jugdral's history though, or at least you'll never be able to keep everything straight. No translation patch will help with that.
If you have any questions about mechanics, feel free to ask. I think I understand most of it at this point.
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
[Spoiler for Xenosaga, click to show]Kenya
20xx AD
Dude: Wait, Kenya? This game takes place in the real world? Huh. I had just assumed... Well, whatever. I guess 20xx isn't a real TIME, so I was half right. Anyway. Hey Dr. Masuda! We found something!
Masuda: Wow, you just butchered the pronunciation of my name.
Dude: Well gee, I'm so sorry. If you hadn't noticed, the voice acting in this cutscene kinda sucks in general. And besides, it's not even your real name. Hell, you're not even Japanese!
Masuda: I CHOSE THIS NAME TO PAY MY RESPECTS TO GLORIOUS NIPPON
Dude: ...welp
Masuda: YOU ARE A BAKA GAIJIN desu
Dude: yeah that's great. listen, we found so-
Masuda: "Something", you say? That sounds just vague enough to be the thing I'm looking for! Lead the way!
[They reach the dig site. MASUDA begins poking at a half-buried tablet with his bare hands.]
Dude: Um. Shouldn't you be using, like, a brush or something? That's an important artifact.
Masuda: QUIET! I'm archeologizing.
Dude: ...you're not even a real archeologist, are you. are you even planning on paying us.
Masuda: Shhhh!
[MASUDA takes a LOCATOR CARD out of his pocket and places it in the tablet.]
Masuda: Now, show me the way to the Battle City finals!
[This causes an earthquake.]
Dude: Goddammit, Masuda!
[For some reason, a guy in a truck keeps trying to drive during the earthquake rather than using his brakes, and thus nearly hits some people.]
Truck driver: I AM SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW
[When the earthquake stops, MASUDA and DUDE see that ancient ruins have emerged from the lakefloor.]
Dude: Man. You'd think we'd have noticed this stuff. It's not like it was very far away. Hell, I used to go fishing RIGHT THERE until you conned me into this whole archeology gig.
[A ball of light appears, then turns into a door.]
Masuda: Kingdom Hearts! Fill me with endless darkness!
Dude: You're wrong! I know now... without a doubt... Kingdom Hearts... IS LIGHT!
[The door fires a beam of light into the sky.]
[4000 years later...]
Masuda: ...I'm not going to be in this game anymore, am I.
[Space. The final frontier.]
Xenosaga
Episode I
Der Wille zur Macht (The Will to Power)
[A woman walks towards a machine. She is SHION UZUKI. Despite being a scientist, she walks like a fashion model, or a stripper. And the game WILL focus on her ass at every possible opportunity. THE PLAYER finds this disturbing. SHION sits down in a lazyboy/computer terminal thing.]
Shion: Commencing startup experiment. Open up an Interconnection.
Shion's mind: God, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I never should have stopped stripping. Hopefully no one will realize that thing I just said makes no sense.
Allen: Roger. Opening Interconnection.
Shion's mind: Success! I am so smart!
Allen's mind: God, she is so stupid. That Strippers-To-Scientists program is such a failure. Well, guess I'll play along. Not like it makes MY job any harder.
Allen: Connecting with dummy protocol.
Allen's mind: Oh geez. I shouldn't have made that one so obvious. Even Shion will call me on that.
[She doesn't.]
[Meanwhile, KINGDOM HEARTS has been floating around in space. So nothing's changed there. A couple probes and an astronaut start poking at it. THE PLAYER has no idea what the fuck is going on.]
Allen: I'm showing slight stimulation of the synapses in section 818.
Allen's mind: Possibly a dead possum, or JRPG player. Or stripper-turned-scientist.
Allen: It's within permission bounds, though...
Allen's mind: Otherwise you'd have been fired years ago.
[Meanwhile, the probes are using those weird capture rings from POKEMON 2000 on KINGDOM HEARTS]
Shion [typing]: Ye shall be as gods
Shion's mind: ahah, I am the BEST at making passwords. Nobody will ever guess that I'm a huge Big O fangirl.
[SHION has been transported to a virtual urban environment where everything is the same color: a sort of grayish-brown. ALLEN briefly wonders if she'll realize he sent her to CALL OF DUTY instead of her intended destination.]
Shion: Allen, there seems to be a problem with the visual field connection.
Allen: In other words, "I can't see shit, captain"?
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
[A magical girl appears. She is dressed in a swimsuit and weird visor thing. This is KOS-MOS. Despite her name being "cosmos", it is not pronounced like "cosmos". THE PLAYER finds this EXTREMELY GRATING. And speaking of extremely grating...]
Shion: WHAT DO YOU FEEL KOS-MOS
KOS-MOS: i am a robot
Shion: sometimes we wake you up but then you have to go back to sleep and it is sad but if we had to wake you up for real it would mean there's a big war THIS MAKES ME VERY SAD
KOS-MOS: Attempting to execute care.exe
KOS-MOS: File not found
KOS-MOS: Attempting to execute shut_up_shion.exe
KOS-MOS: Shut up, Shion.
Shion: Haha! You're funny, KOS-MOS.
[SHION and KOS-MOS do some simple combat that is explained in a very not-simple way. THE PLAYER wonders if all this stuff will ever be necessary to keep track of.]
Shion: Listen. Can we skip all 300 level processes and go straight to 400?
Allen: ...have you been watching this is spinal tap again.
Shion: WE NEED TO TAKE THIS UP TO 11
Allen: *sigh*
Shion: 11 IS ONE HIGHER
Allen: okay, fine, whatever... just be careful.
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
[SHION and KOS-MOS continue to play CALL OF DUTY. THE PLAYER wonders why they can shoot only certain boxes and explosive objects, but not ALL boxes or, say, the enemies themselves. THE PLAYER also gets lost briefly before he determines that you can open doors with Circle. THE PLAYER checks the options menu for a "reverse Circle/X" option, but finds none. Alas.]
[SHION and KOS-MOS eventually find a GUNDAM. Shion counters it by summoning an EVA. Despite this, gameplay is unchanged. THE PLAYER, upon noting that using an AGWS takes a whole turn, and that every battle up til now has ended in three attacks, determines not to use AGWS unless absolutely necessary.]
[THE PLAYER is also VERY GLAD to have found a save point.]
[SHION picks up a key while doing her best to not look at it. THE PLAYER finds this cutscene unimaginably creepy. It will be replacing
[SHION shoots a crate and is attacked by weird-ass enemies that THE PLAYER believes are called GNOSIS. THE PLAYER is terrified to learn that they can do more damage in one turn than he has suffered in the entire game so far combined. THE PLAYER also notices that Guard only protects you from around 2 damage, and thus isn't worth using.]
KOS-MOS: My external appearance is down 5%. Shion, I need to be cleaned.
Shion: did you actually just say that. i told the guys that vanity module was a bad idea.
KOS-MOS: WE SHOULD TAKE A SHOWER.
KOS-MOS: Together.
Shion: ...go on.
[SHION soon finds a door "marked as Segment Address No. 10". She does not know what this means. THE PLAYER is equally lost.]
[SHION uses the MISSION KEY to unlock the room with the INTELLIGENCE BRIEFCASE in it.]
Shion: I am THE BEST at Call of Duty.
[THE PLAYER believes there will be a boss fight here.]
[They are correct.]
KOS-MOS: Blood pattern blue! No, orange! No... THIS IS A PREVIOUSLY UNDISCOVERED PATTERN!
Allen: Don't engage that thing!
Shion: The only thing I just heard was "engage that thing!"
Shion: BIG AGWS! IT'S SHOWTIME!
Allen: she just wanted to a chance to shout that, didn't she.
[Despite the hype, THE PLAYER finds this boss fight much, much easier than some of the random encounters here.]
Shion: Now, to consume the S2 Organ.
[Suddenly, a YOUNG RED-HAIRED GIRL appears from the boss' remains]
Shion: Who the hell are you?
Girl: Who am I? I'm God.
[Except they don't say that. SHION is pulled - physically pulled - out of the simulation by ALLEN.]
Shion: I am going to win so many Nobel prizes for that.
Allen: You nearly got killed. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.
Shion: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how goddamn awesome I am.
MEANWHILE...
[A ship has just left hyperspace. It is in an asteroid field. Characters on the ship converse. Because their names are not given, THE PLAYER finds this scene annoyingly hard to summarize.]
Pollyanna: The asteroid field is perfect for hiding the fleet.
Commander: Actually, asteroid fields aren't dense thickets. That's a common misconception. In actuality, asteroids are extremely far apart. We'd have better luck hiding behind soda machines in a desert.
Pollyanna: NEVER TELL ME THE FACTS!
Redheaded Bridge Bunny: Hey, can someone give us some exposition?
Captain: Yes, but will be frustratingly vague and answer nothing. First, we were supposed to investigate a planet that vanished. I blame Samus Aran, personally. Then, we picked up THAT object. Now, we need do OTHER THINGS.
Commander [holding a flashlight under his chin]: The operation is more important than our LIIIIVES!! OOOOOOOH!
Pollyanna: I knew I shouldn't have stopped stripping.
Captain: Don't be a dick, Commander. We have that TRUMP CARD, after all. Speaking of which, someone get Uzuki in here.
Bridge bunny: Trump card? Does he mean that android in the bathing suit?
Bridge bunny 2: Yep.
Bridge bunny: What's it gonna do if we get in trouble, seduce the enemies?
[MEANWHILE, back in SHION's department...]
Blue-haired technician: Hey so, shouldn't we actually, I dunno, use KOS-MOS in a non-simulation at some point?
Shion: BUT I WANT TO PROTECT HER
Blue-haired technician: she is a battle android
Shion: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE
Blue-haired technician: can you at least go up to 12 in the simulation?
Allen: 12? That's 1 higher! We can't do that! *slaps blue-haired technician's ass*
Blue-haired techniciain: ...Um.
Allen: What? Guys slap other guys' asses all the time. It's not weird.
Shion: ...
Blue-haired technician: ...
Allen: ...It's not weird, right?
Shion: I'm going upstairs now.
[But after receiving a tutorial on how to use E-MAIL, SHION is filled with indifference and decides to DICK AROUND for a while.]
Female researcher: We left an item for you in the red intel briefcase, but you didn't have a chance to get it.
Shion: Is it chocolate?
Female researcher: Um.
Shion: BECAUSE I LOVE CHOCOLATE. AWAY!
[SHION runs off.]
Shion: ...wait, if it's in a simulation, won't it just be simulated chocolate?
Blue-haired technician: No, items from the simulation carry over into the real world.
Shion: ...How does THAT work?
Blue-haired technician: Very nicely, I think you'll agree.
Shion: ...THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER.
[SHION enters the simulation.]
Shion: Wait, where's my lesbian robot best friend? This isn't fair at all!
[SHION and THE PLAYER notice that she can now use an AWGS during normal battles.]
Player/Shion: ...Works for me.
[SHION finds the red box]
Shion: PRESENT!
[SHION shoots the red box, because she is very dumb. Luckily, the gift is unharmed.]
Shion: Chocolate, chocolate, I love... what the hell is this.
Battle Passport
Use this at EVS points to play an A.G.W.S. mini-game.
Shion: ...
Shion: vidya gaem!
[SHION's co-workers have no idea what they've unleashed upon the world...]
http://img.imgcake.com/shiontfnpngyd.png
[This shit CONTINUED for like five more topics after that. Somehow.] [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
[Spoiler for Xenosaga, click to show]enjoy shion while you still can. she becomes the worst character ever during xenosaga 2 and then decides to see how much worse she can become in xenosaga 3.
Also, if you pull up the game's encyclopedia thing, it might give you names on some of the people in the cutscenes. Or not.
There's also a missable E-Mail Chain around the area you're in, assuming you're still on the ship. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
This saddens me. Not that she's been an amazing character so far or anything but still. <_<
There's also a missable E-Mail Chain around the area you're in, assuming you're still on the ship.
I am. How do I not miss it? >_> [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Note, when I say "wander around", there is a specific spot in the area that will trigger the E-Mail, it's just... it'd probably be harder to explain that specifically.
Also, as a given, if you can reply to an E-Mail do so immediately.
After you talk with Virgil/The Realians but before you talk to the Captain:
For one - Leave the Realian room and go back in, should get an E-Mail.
For another - Wander around the D-3 Block and you should get another.
For a third (and unimportant one) - Wander around the D-4 block and you should get one, but it's about other Namco games.
After you talk to the captain, but before the next thing you're supposed to do, which IIRC, is head to your room:
For one - In front of the bridge elevator you should get an E-Mail if you answered correctly to the 2nd E-Mail in that first batch.
For another - Wander around the D-5 Block and you should get one. (You'll need 500 Gold to reply)
For a third (unimportant one) - Explore the areas near the KOS-MOS team. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
I already find this sidequest annoying, and I haven't even done anything yet.
Guess I'll give it a shot though. <_<
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Team: Do her.
Allen: What.
Team: Do her. Or you're gay.
Allen: ...
[Meanwhile, a large man with an X on his face has been hitting his subordinates in order to increase morale.]
X-Face: YOU ARE ALL LOWLY MAGGOTS. I WOULDN'T WASTE THE POOP IT WOULD TAKE TO SHIT ON YOU. AND YOU CALL THIS TAKING A BEATING? I'VE PUNCHED 8 YEAR OLDS TOUGHER THAN YOU.
Shion: I'm still not sure about this whole Violent-Criminals-As-Scientists program.
X-Face: IT'S A GOOD SYSTEM, JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.
[Witnessing this beating causes SHION to have a flashback.]
Awkward man: what do i say to kos-mos when she wakes up
Shion: how about "good morning"
Awkward man: you are the smartest person alive
[SHION then finds that she has wandered over to KINGDOM HEARTS mid-flashback.]
Shion: One who knows nothing can understand nothing! heheh... I've always wanted to say that.
[Suddenly, the colors invert.]
Dio Brando: ZA WARUDO!
[SHION sees the RED-HAIRED GIRL and is sucked into a silent film. But luckily...]
X-Face: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.
Shion: Um.
X-Face: GET THE FUCK OUT.
[SHION wanders around in a daze until ALLEN appears.]
Allen: So. All set to give your report?
Shion: Yep.
Allen: You sure?
Shion: Positive.
Allen: And you don't need this data?
Shion: No I-oh goddammit.
[SHION gets an e-mail.]
Shion: It's Third Division. They need my help. AGAIN.
Allen: Isn't that against the rules?
Shion: SCREW THE RULES I HAVE... uh... well, not much of anything, really. But seriously. Screw the rules. they are dumb.
[SHION, after momentarily forgetting where her room is, makes her way to the third division.]
Shion: blah blah blah technobabble. it's a good thing I majored in metaphysical biology.
Reasonable man: So, it's not my fault I couldn't understand any of this. It legitimately doesn't make any sense.
Shion: Yep. By the way, I'm thinking of transferring to this division.
Reasonable man: But First Division has the best researchers. Of anywhere.
Shion: all the more reason for me to question why the hell i'm there.
[Suddenly, an INCREDIBLY CREEPY MAN enters. He is VIRGIL. THE PLAYER immediately thinks that he is a SPACE VAMPIRE, but pushes that thought aside as too ridiculous.]
Virgil: The scent of these machines! It is disgusting! It keeps me up at night!
Shion: Um. Can I help you?
Virgil: THEY ARE NOTHING BUT TOYS.
Shion: The Charter states that they're the same as people.
Virgil: Then why are they mass produced as weapons? Why do you have an override for them? WHY ARE THEY NOT ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED?
Shion: Um.
Realian: IT IS EVERY REALIAN'S DUTY TO GIVE HIS LIFE FOR THE GOOD OF HIS COUNTRY, SIR.
Virgil: quiet, toy. i am leaving now.
Shion: ...what was his deal, again.
[It turns out VIRGIL is a SPACE VAMPIRE. THE PLAYER briefly considers playing a different game.]
[There is a conversation about MILTIA. THE PLAYER is suddenly very happy to have that in-game encyclopedia.]
Reasonable man: MILTIA.
Shion: OF COURSE. MILTIA. I AM ALSO FROM MILTIA.
Reasonable man: WE MUST NEVER FORGET WHAT HAPPENED ON MILTIA.
The player: What was that, again?
Shion: SOMETHING OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE.
[Seriously, fuck this game and its not-actually-giving-you-information ways.]
[SHION receives an e-mail wondering where the hell she is.]
Shion: lol whoops forgot i was still employed
[SHION leaves in a hurry, hoping to avoid being FIRED. Though, you can hardly blame her for being late when so many passages in this SPACESHIP are BLOCKED BY RUBBLE.]
Mr. Driller: Shion! YOURS IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS
Shion: yes Mr. Hoglar, I too have seen TTGL
Mr. Driller: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?
Shion: I'm leaving now.
Mr. Driller: ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
Shion: Goodbye, Mr. Hoglar.
Mr. Driller: BELIEVE IN YOU WHO BELIEVES IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU WHO BELIEVES IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU WHO-
[SHION runs away, hoping to, someday, meet someone who is not insane.]
Commander Cherenkov: You're 10 minutes late. It's no wonder that your research is behind schedule.
Shion: The passage here was blocked by debris. On a spaceship. It's no wonder you lost three men to a floating door.
Cherenkov: ...Touche, Uzuki.
Captain Moriyama: Stop being a dick, Cherenkov.
Cherenkov: blah blah blah WEAPONS ARE MADE TO BE FIRED WHAT WOULD WE DO IF GNOSIS ATTACKED US?
Shion: Why are you so upset about this?
Cherenkov: That is not an adequate response!
Shion: u mad?
Cherenkov: RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr.
Moriyama: he mad.
Cherenkov: fuck you guys, i'm goin' home.
[Later, CHERENKOV is talking to a hologram of MARGULIS. We learn that KINGDOM HEARTS is named ZOHAR.]
Margulis: You have made a GRAAAAVE error Cherenkov.
Cherenkov: But-
Margulis: GRAAAAAAAAVE.
Cherenkov: What do we do?!
Margulis: I don't care. Figure it out. Laterz.
Cherenkov: ...ah hell.
[Meanwhile, SHION gets so tired out from being a bitch to her brother that she decides to take a nap. She is transported to a silent film adaptation of TUROK 2: SEEDS OF EVIL, and is currently in the RIVER OF SOULS.]
[The RED-HAIRED GIRL appears, and a shadowy figure appears in the mist.]
Shion's mind: OH SHIT IT'S A SISTER OF DESPAIR
[While SHION is panicking about TUROK 2's lack of save points, the rest of her team is doing actual work. But then...]
Alarm: BWARRRRRRRR-BWARRRRRRRRR-BWARRRRRRRRR-BWARRRRRRRRRR
Bridge Bunny: Captain, there's an alarm!
Moriyama: ...thank you. i would not have noticed otherwise. Maybe you could figure out where it's coming from?
The player: It's coming from inside the ship.
Bridge Bunny: There's nothing on our monitors...
The player: It's coming from inside the ship.
Bridge Bunny: It's not an external source... Which means...
The player: It's coming from inside the ship.
Bridge Bunny: It's coming from inside the ship!
[KOS-MOS begins to start up. SHION, thankfully, wakes up just in time to be completely ineffectual.]
Shion: THIS IS JUST LIKE LAST TIME.
[We learn that KOS-MOS killed that guy from the flashback, as if that wasn't already obvious.]
[To make matters worse, a massive number of GNOSIS broke all laws of physics and began attacking. That wasn't a joke. A character actually said that.]
Gnosis: Rawr.
Redshirts: IF ONLY OUR GUNS HAD ACTUAL AMMO
Virgil: IT'S A WONDERFUL NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE! COME AND GET ME, GNOSIS!
[SHION is attempting to get to ALLEN and KOS-MOS, but cannot harm the GNOSIS in her way.]
Shion: All those years of playing FPSes have finally paid off. EXPLOSIVE BARRELS: FUN AND USEFUL!
[SHION runs into more GNOSIS, with no explosive barrels nearby.]
Shion: I've never been a religious woman, but if you're up there, please, save me Solid Snake!
Solid Snake: Save you?!
Shion: Gnosis are attacking, and I need to sneak by!
Solid Snake: Gnosis?! Sneak by?!
Shion: ...You know what, I got this. Never mind.
[Meanwhile, KOS-MOS has woken up and is searching for SHION.]
Shion: I learned this trick from Cowboy Bebop!
[SHION opens the airlock, jettisoning a GNOSIS and bringing her personal GNOSIS victory count to above that of everyone else on the ship combined.]
Redshirt: Get the Vaporizer from the store! I'll hold them off!
Shion: Hold who off? There's nobody here, but there ARE Gnosis by the store. It would be better if you came WITH me.
Redshirt: Nope!
Shion: ...
[SHION gets the VAPORIZER. When she returns, the REDSHIRT is dead.]
Shion: I really should be surprised by that, but...
[As SHION runs around a corner, she is fired upon by 10 infantry and 5 mechs, one of which is piloted by VIRGIL. Despite that, she is unharmed.]
Shion: ...You bastards. NO WONDER WE'RE LOSING. You can't hit a man-sized target at 3 yards! With bullets the size of my head!
Virgil: GET OUT OF HERE!
Shion: No! You guys get out of here! I'm way more competent than you are! I'll cover your escape!
Realian: Fighting and dying pointlessly is what we do!
Shion: As Realians?
Realian: As Redshirts!
Shion: But you're not even going to make this easier for me! You won't even slow them down and then I'll have to fight them anyway!
[MORIYAMA, not being an idiot, has determined that the GNOSIS are after the ZOHAR. CHERENKOV has also realized this, and ordered X-FACE and the others to evacuate while he sacrifices himself to protect the ZOHAR.]
[VIRGIL, on the other hand, has decided to use a much less noble method of detonating the Realians to slow down the GNOSIS. THE PLAYER wonders why he bothered to do this - he was able to monologue for about 5 minutes beforehand, and during that time he could have just run away. Predictably, his plan doesn't work, and VIRGIL gets bitchslapped out of his AGWS.]
Virgil: My only regret... is that I wasn't... more of a douchebag!
[SHION is grabbed by the GNOSIS. She sees the RED-HAIRED GIRL again, and prepares to die. However, she is freed when a laser shoots through the wall and hits the GNOSIS. It is KOS-MOS. She uses the HILBERT EFFECT to make all the GNOSIS tangible and proceeds to kick ass. THE PLAYER wonders if he'll ever be able to do that in actual combat.]
Shion: Pffft. Anyone can beat them when they're tangible.
[The GNOSIS that absorbed an AGWS attacks next.]
BOSS FIGHT:
CYCLOPS
[It is fairly simple to defeat.]
KOS-MOS: I will escort you to the escape pods.
Shion: Why? They're tangible now. Their threat level has diminished to "small rabbit".
KOS-MOS: Everyone else has already evacuated.
Shion: They're pussies! I'm not leavin'.
[A Gnosis slams into the bridge, with enough force to knock the ship off-course.]
Shion: ...welp. 'bout time for us to hit the ol' dusty trail...
Virgil: I'm coming with you.
Shion: Okay, first of all, fuck you.
Virgil: ...
Shion: ...
Virgil: And second of all?
Shion: No, I think my first point was sufficient.
[The four make their way towards the escape pods, by which we mean, THE PLAYER takes them everywhere EXCEPT the escape pods in order to get items. THE PLAYER then forgets where the escape pods are, and ends up wasting a lot of time. It soon dawns on THE PLAYER that he has been playing for 5 hours and is still in the opening area.]
The player: Holy goddamn.
Shion: YOU think it's bad? This game is LITERALLY being played in sub-real time. That is, you've been playing for 5 hours, but in-universe, only 3 hours and 45 minutes have passed. Try and figure THAT one out.
[The party finally reaches the escape pods. Or rather, pod. CHERENKOV is still here, but fuck if anyone knows what he's been doing all this time, since the GNOSIS are just now reaching the area.]
Virgil: Coming RIGHT NOW! The blockbuster hit everyone has been waiting for! Starring Lieutenant Virgil as Lieutenant Virgil in Lieutenant Virgil's GNOSIS ON A SPACESHIP, by Lieutenant Virgil! In space, no one can hear you BEG FOR YOUR LIVES! You will believe a Gnosis can DIE! There can be only NONE of you bastards left alive! Part man. Part awesome. All LIEUTENANT VIRGIL! Whoever wins, Lieuten-
KOS-MOS: Lieutenant Virgil, I believe you are a man of protocol?
Virgil: Eh?
[blam]
KOS-MOS: Under the Miltian Charter, excessive pop culture references counts as treason. You are also sort of a dick.
Virgil: I died the way I lived... pointlessly.
Shion: KOS-MOS why did you do that.
KOS-MOS: In order to save your life.
Shion: But-
KOS-MOS: And also because I felt like it.
Shion: ...
KOS-MOS: My prime directive was to protect Vector employees, which he was not. Besides, there is only one escape pod left, and it only seats two people.
Shion: Excuse me? Did you SEE how many people got killed? There is no way - NO. FUCKING. WAY. - that there's only one escape pod left. Between the bridge and Virgil's squad, that's a good 30 people right there. There should be fifteen escape pods available.
KOS-MOS: Um.
Shion: NOT TO MENTION the fact that there are AT LEAST three Vector employees still on board! So why the fuck aren't you protecting them?
KOS-MOS: I AM KOS-MOS PLEASE INSERT GIRDER
Shion: Oh no, you're not getting out of this.
KOS-MOS: LOOK A DISTRACTION
Shion: WHERE?!
BOSS FIGHT:
MINOTAUR
Shion: Minotaur? This isn't a minotaur at all. At least the other Gnosis had names that were kinda-sorta close to what they actually were.
KOS-MOS: Is this really relevant right now?
Shion: Yes. Fuck you.
[It's not very hard. It's made slightly harder if you're trying to scan both enemy types, but eh.]
[The WOGLINDE explodes. KOS-MOS and CHERENKOV pretty much ride the ZOHAR away like a surfboard. KOS-MOS pulls the old "Batman homing device on the escaping villain" trick. Her plan is to proceed to SECOND MILTIA.]
[KOS-MOS, now drifting through space for some reason, comes upon a group of SALVAGERS.]
KOS-MOS: Let me in.
Matthews: That's not any ordinary girl!
Hammer: How can you tell?
Matthews: Because she's in space, talking, and yet we can hear her! You idiot.
[She coerces them into letting her on board and taking her to SECOND MILTIA. But before they can leave, they manage to pick up SHION and ALLEN's transmission.]
Shion: Hey so, you gonna rescue us or what.
KOS-MOS: I was not planning to. If you had not noticed, I am the main character now.
Shion: Like hell you are! I bet you'll still get a game over if I die!
KOS-MOS: ...You are bluffing.
Shion: I'll do it! I'm crazy! I'm a danger to myself and others! If I can't be the main character, my life and everyone else's are meaningless!
Allen: ...Does that include me?
Shion: ESPECIALLY you!
Allen: D'oh!
KOS-MOS: ...I have decided that it is worth the risk.
[A weird looking kid emerges from inside the salvagers' ship. He is chaos.]
chaos: will you please just rescue them and then shut up.
KOS-MOS: ...
chaos: i'm not hearing a no
[They get rescued.]
Cherenkov: I have no idea how I got on top of that escape pod, or when, or why I'm still alive, but I'm not complaining. Yet. I make no guarantees about later. Any chance of dropping me off at Senir?
Matthews: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Shion: KOS-MOS, what were your orders?
KOS-MOS: ...Shion, I need to be clean-
Shion: NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME KOS-MOS
[KOS-MOS leaves just in time for a GNOSIS to show up.]
Cherenkov: Ah, it seems my lease on life came with rather steep interest...
chaos: no. i don't think so.
[The GNOSIS stops.]
chaos: you are already dead.
[GNOSIS took 9999 damage! THE PLAYER wondered if this will carry over into gameplay!]
chaos: everyone has something they're the best at. for me, it's destroying gnosis.
Shion: Be that as it may, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
chaos: or does it?
Shion: No.
[MEANWHILE, inside the DEATH STAR...]
Margulis: I am generically evil.
Pellegri: don't be so evil.
Margulis: Fuck you, I am generically evil.
[MEANWHILE, inside HOGWARTS, DRACO MALFOY is up to no good.]
Wilhelm: I am ALSO generically evil, but in a different manner! Also KOS-MOS is taking orders from me or something, I don't know. Here's some cryptic information you'll forget ten seconds later.
[In THE PLAYER's case, it was really more like "immediately".]
[MEANWHILE, inside KAIBA CORPORATION...]
Big 5: Bring him in.
Ziggurat 8: You called?
Big 5: We need you for a rescue mission. It's a Realian prototype. She's being kept by a resurgence of some guys.
Ziggurat 8: Consider it done. If it's not too much trouble, as payment, could you... erase my memories?
Big 5: A cyborg that wants to become LESS human? I don't see any reason for us to not agree to that.
[MEANWHILE, inside the DEATH STAR again...]
Margulis: Answer my questions!
Realian prototype: Fuck you.
Margulis: I NEED TO TALK TO THE TINY MAN INSIDE OF YOU
Realian prototype: Um.
[A FEW DAYS LATER, ZIGGURAT 8 is infiltrating the PLEROMA.]
Ziggurat 8: Stealth-based missions. The best part of any JRPG.
[ZIGGURAT 8 walks forward three steps, becomes surrounded on all sides by soldiers, can't stealth anywhere to get away from them, gets caught, gets drawn into a battle, gets poisoned, and dies.]
The player: FUCK STEALTH SECTIONS.
Shion: MY stealth section was pretty good.
The player: That's because it involved clever ways of narrowly escaping death. Not this walking-slowly-to-avoid-guards-who-move-in-fixed-patterns bullshit.
[THE PLAYER does much better the second time, after finding an accessory that prevents poison.]
Ziggurat 8: WHY DOES SHOOTING AN EXPLOSIVE CRATE NOT ALERT EVERYONE WITHIN 10 ROOMS? THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SEN-oh, hello.
[ZIGGURAT 8 has come upon MOMO, the "daughter" of one of his current employers, and the Realian prototype he is to rescue. She looks vaguely reminiscent of CARD CAPTOR SAKURA or JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER MAGICAL GIRL.]
MOMO: ...
Ziggurat 8: Uh. I'm here to rescue you?
MOMO: Aren't you a little scary for a Realian?
Ziggurat 8: I'm a cyborg. Stand back, I'm going to punch this door down.
MOMO: Might work better if you got the key instead.
Ziggurat 8: Do I LOOK like a Metroid enemy to you?
MOMO: Um.
Ziggurat 8: ...There's. There's a Metroid enemy called the Keyhunter.
MOMO: But I thought the only enemies of Metroids were X Parasites?
Ziggurat 8: Wow, look at all the running into that I did. Okay, fine. I will return with the key.
[THE KEY is guarded by some weird robot that can deploy drones, but is fodder for ZIGGURAT 8. ZIGGURAT 8 unlocks MOMO's cell, but a guard he killed like 10 minutes ago was still alive and was waiting until just now to sound an alarm. Yep. That actually happens.]
Ziggurat 8: Locking a save point in a jail cell. Those fiends.
[ZIGGURAT 8 and MOMO save the game, and then leave the cell block behind.]
Ziggurat 8: This way, MOMO!
MOMO: Is the exit this way?
Ziggurat 8: Exit? Oh, no, I just figured that with another party member, I could totally take this guy.
BOSS FIGHT:
MERCURIO
[They totally take that guy.]
Ziggurat 8: NOW we escape. They'll never think to look for us in the ONLY PLACE we could have POSSIBLY gone!
MOMO: That's just stupid enough to work!
[It works.]
MOMO: So what's your name, anyway?
Ziggurat 8: I am Ziggurat 8.
MOMO: That is not a name. Your new name is Ziggy.
Ziggy: ...welp. I'll never be taken seriously again.
[THE PLAYER unlocks the door so that THE PLOT can proceed. Maybe. Hopefully. ZIGGY and MOMO are pursued through the sewers by one of those CRAPPY FODDER DRONES from earlier, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's infinitely more fun than more stealth bullshit, so THE PLAYER decides to roll with it.]
MOMO: EW EW EW WHAT AM I STEPPING IN EW EW EW
[ZIGGY and MOMO find their way barred by three AGWS.]
MOMO: Using the inverted Hilbert Effect, I can take out the AGWS D.S.S.S. Sensor System.
Ziggy: What does the "S" stand for?
MOMO: "Sensor".
Ziggy: Which one?
MOMO: All of them.
Ziggy: But didn't you say "D.S.S.S. Sens-"
MOMO: Yes.
Ziggy: Okay. Go for it.
[She does. They fight two crippled MERCURIOES and one crippled RED MERCURIO. The red one does not go any faster, contrary to popular belief.]
Ziggy: I don't see how having its sensors blocked made it take 10x more damage.
MOMO: Magic.
Ziggy: Don't you mean "ether"?
MOMO: No.
[They reach the PLEMORA'S COMMAND CENTER, which it just so happens is right next to the start of the area. However, upon attempting to leave, they are stopped by MARGULIS and his SWORD THAT SHOOTS FIRE. In year 60xx. I need to iterate that. This is 4000 years in the future, and here we have a duel between two characters who both use BLADED WEAPONS.]
Ziggy: Ramirez! Ya look different!
BOSS FIGHT:
MARGULIS
[This is not winnable, at least at my current level.]
Ziggy: So that crap about not hurting the prototype was-
Margulis: Crap, yes.
Ziggy: I see. Well then, I suppose I have no choice. Ready for round two?
Margulis: HA! You still think you can beat me?
Ziggy: I think I can make you move three spaces to the left of your starting position.
Margulis: Uh-
Ziggy: Oh look, you seem to be there right now, in fact.
[ZIGGY detonates the bombs he placed earlier, instantly endearing him to THE PLAYER.]
[ZIGGY and MOMO escape. MARGULIS survives, obviously, and two mysterious looking people were there also.]
[At this point, the game leaves THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME behind for some good old fashioned family sexism.]
Hammer: There aren't any women on this ship usually, so we never get any good meals!
Shion: you realize that cooking is an overwhelmingly male-dominated profession, right.
[But before SHION has to endure too many "barefoot and pregnant" comments, the dinner is over, and she is allowed to retreat... back to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Goddammit.]
Allen: MUTANTS
Shion: Shut up, Allen. I'm going to take some food to Cherenkov because at least he's ACTUALLY my boss, so it's not quite so demeaning to do this kind of stuff for him.
[SHION receives an e-mail about using the EVS. Despite this, THE PLAYER cannot figure out how to do it. THE PLAYER suspects that the nearby save point is supposed to be wearing a blue hat, but isn't, for whatever reason. Frustrated, THE PLAYER saves his game and powers off the console.] [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
New Moderator
Go die in a pit. Now you AND xp are going to get ahead of me. And Epyon soon too. I want TV time so badly. ;_;
[MASUDA takes a LOCATOR CARD out of his pocket and places it in the tablet.]
Screw you I never would have made that connection if you hadn't. >_>
[4000 years later...]
Masuda: ...I'm not going to be in this game anymore, am I.
Not this one at least! (Spoilers: I have no idea if he is ever mentioned in two or three.)
[A woman walks towards a machine. She is SHION UZUKI. Despite being a scientist, she walks like a fashion model, or a stripper. And the game WILL focus on her ass at every possible opportunity. THE PLAYER finds this disturbing. SHION sits down in a lazyboy/computer terminal thing.]
Darn right. Needs more Albedo fanservice. ...>_>
Shion [typing]: Ye shall be as gods
Shion's mind: ahah, I am the BEST at making passwords. Nobody will ever guess that I'm a huge Big O fangirl.
More like a Xenogears callback. ...Out of curiosity did Big O or Xenogears come first?
[A magical girl appears. She is dressed in a swimsuit and weird visor thing. This is KOS-MOS. Despite her name being "cosmos", it is not pronounced like "cosmos". THE PLAYER finds this EXTREMELY GRATING. And speaking of extremely grating...]
No, her name is not cosmos, it's KOS-MOS. It's an abbreviation. >_> Certainly the double meaning is there but it isn't meant to be pronounced cosmos.
Shion: WHAT DO YOU FEEL KOS-MOS
KOS-MOS: i am a robot
Shion: sometimes we wake you up but then you have to go back to sleep and it is sad but if we had to wake you up for real it would mean there's a big war THIS MAKES ME VERY SAD
KOS-MOS: Attempting to execute care.exe
KOS-MOS: File not found
KOS-MOS: Attempting to execute shut_up_shion.exe
KOS-MOS: Shut up, Shion.
Shion: Haha! You're funny, KOS-MOS.
Get used to this it happens a lot.
[SHION and KOS-MOS do some simple combat that is explained in a very not-simple way. THE PLAYER wonders if all this stuff will ever be necessary to keep track of.]
This game has one of the simplest battle systems of all time, I would not be concerned.
[SHION and KOS-MOS eventually find a GUNDAM. Shion counters it by summoning an EVA. Despite this, gameplay is unchanged. THE PLAYER, upon noting that using an AGWS takes a whole turn, and that every battle up til now has ended in three attacks, determines not to use AGWS unless absolutely necessary.]
I never used an AGWS in any of my playthroughs except to see their animations. There is absolutely no reason to IMO.
[THE PLAYER is also VERY GLAD to have found a save point.]
This game actually lets you save between cutscenes. On one hand this is fantastic. On the other it shows how flipping long they are.
[SHION shoots a crate and is attacked by weird-ass enemies that THE PLAYER believes are called GNOSIS. THE PLAYER is terrified to learn that they can do more damage in one turn than he has suffered in the entire game so far combined. THE PLAYER also notices that Guard only protects you from around 2 damage, and thus isn't worth using.]
Guard isn't really worth it for defense upping. It can be good for passing turns though.
KOS-MOS: My external appearance is down 5%. Shion, I need to be cleaned.
Shion: did you actually just say that. i told the guys that vanity module was a bad idea.
KOS-MOS: WE SHOULD TAKE A SHOWER.
KOS-MOS: Together.
Shion: ...go on.
That is the worst win quote in the game I'd say, yes.
Blue-haired technician: Hey so, shouldn't we actually, I dunno, use KOS-MOS in a non-simulation at some point?
Shion: BUT I WANT TO PROTECT HER
Blue-haired technician: she is a battle android
Shion: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE
To be fair she does have a reason for this. ...Shion still sucks though.
Shion: ...wait, if it's in a simulation, won't it just be simulated chocolate?
Blue-haired technician: No, items from the simulation carry over into the real world.
Shion: ...How does THAT work?
Blue-haired technician: Very nicely, I think you'll agree.
Shion: ...THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER.
Yeah I never got that either. Just roll with it, it makes the game MUCH more forgiving about forgetting things in certain areas.
Battle Passport
Use this at EVS points to play an A.G.W.S. mini-game.
Pfft, only minigame worth it is poker.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I don't want Kenri making me want to play two and three more. =(
enjoy shion while you still can. she becomes the worst character ever during xenosaga 2 and then decides to see how much worse she can become in xenosaga 3.
And that's considering how she's the worst character in one anyway!
Also, if you pull up the game's encyclopedia thing, it might give you names on some of the people in the cutscenes. Or not.
The cutscene he mentioned had a bunch of generic people that weren't important anyway.
There's also a missable E-Mail Chain around the area you're in, assuming you're still on the ship.
I say that you totally ignore emails your first run and use a walkthrough to get them all the second run. I am not exaggerating when I say one email requires you to see an intriguing cutscene, and then WALK AWAY FROM WHERE IT HAPPENED to go to a COMPLETELY unimportant building, walk between a row of certain chairs, all for an email that advertises Pac-Man. **** emails.
This saddens me. Not that she's been an amazing character so far or anything but still. <_<
The game makes up for it. All the other main characters are great. <3 Wish Shion was too but what can you do.
I am. How do I not miss it? >_>
By using a walkthrough or being omniscient.
X-Face: YOU ARE ALL LOWLY MAGGOTS. I WOULDN'T WASTE THE POOP IT WOULD TAKE TO SHIT ON YOU. AND YOU CALL THIS TAKING A BEATING? I'VE PUNCHED 8 YEAR OLDS TOUGHER THAN YOU.
Shion: I'm still not sure about this whole Violent-Criminals-As-Scientists program.
X-Face: IT'S A GOOD SYSTEM, JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.
That guy is one of the most hilarious NPCs in the game. YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF SLACKERS!
Awkward man: what do i say to kos-mos when she wakes up
Shion: how about "good morning"
Awkward man: you are the smartest person alive
Hey, if he likes SHION, how much do you expect for his intelligence?
[Suddenly, an INCREDIBLY CREEPY MAN enters. He is VIRGIL. THE PLAYER immediately thinks that he is a SPACE VAMPIRE, but pushes that thought aside as too ridiculous.]
Well you aren't TOO far off...
As a side note, Virgil's a weird character. On one hand I find him interesting to observe and definitely think he could have some additional information given that would make him an intriguing character. On the other, he's a huge jerk.
...But he DOES go against all Shion stands for, I can approve of that.
[Seriously, fuck this game and its not-actually-giving-you-information ways.]
The best part about how many times the game skips giving vital story-moving information? YOU STILL WON'T KNOW WHEN YOU FINISH IT! Better get Episode Two ready!
Mr. Driller: Shion! YOURS IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS
Shion: yes Mr. Hoglar, I too have seen TTGL
Mr. Driller: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?
Shion: I'm leaving now.
Mr. Driller: ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
Shion: Goodbye, Mr. Hoglar.
Mr. Driller: BELIEVE IN YOU WHO BELIEVES IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU WHO BELIEVES IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU WHO-
[SHION runs away, hoping to, someday, meet someone who is not insane.]
To be fair this guy existed first. ...I still hate him. The drill minigame is so terrible.
[Meanwhile, SHION gets so tired out from being a bitch to her brother that she decides to take a nap. She is transported to a silent film adaptation of TUROK 2: SEEDS OF EVIL, and is currently in the RIVER OF SOULS.]
Jin is actually a good character though, unlike Shion.
[To make matters worse, a massive number of GNOSIS broke all laws of physics and began attacking. That wasn't a joke. A character actually said that.]
Oh those silly Gnosis.
[As SHION runs around a corner, she is fired upon by 10 infantry and 5 mechs, one of which is piloted by VIRGIL. Despite that, she is unharmed.]
Shion: ...You bastards. NO WONDER WE'RE LOSING. You can't hit a man-sized target at 3 yards! With bullets the size of my head!
I recall that when Episode One first came out, there were theories about Shion being more powerful and not actually human, with this being a key scene as to WHY this is proven: there is no way in **** she should have survived that. ...Now whether that's proven in Episode Two or Three I have NO idea, this was just people talking about stuff.
BOSS FIGHT:
CYCLOPS
Joke fight.
Virgil: I'm coming with you.
Shion: Okay, first of all, fuck you.
Virgil: ...
Shion: ...
Virgil: And second of all?
Shion: No, I think my first point was sufficient.
Virgil being in your party is pretty strange. He's the only person you get to fight with who isn't permanent. I'm not exactly sure why they bothered to make him a unit.
The player: Holy goddamn.
Shion: YOU think it's bad? This game is LITERALLY being played in sub-real time. That is, you've been playing for 5 hours, but in-universe, only 3 hours and 45 minutes have passed. Try and figure THAT one out.
It's mainly the cutscenes. There are literally thirty minute long strings of cutscenes. I love the game for them but 90% of the population finds it aggravating.
Shion: KOS-MOS why did you do that.
KOS-MOS: In order to save your life.
Shion: But-
KOS-MOS: And also because I felt like it.
Shion: ...
I think Telicis summarizes this cutscene best. Paraphrased: "That scene was HILARIOUS. It's like you can see KOS-MOS twitching in anger until she says "ah screw it" and just shoots him down to get her target."
BOSS FIGHT:
MINOTAUR
ONLY thing that makes this thing worth mentioning is you have to scan the Skyfish minions with him for their entries in your dictionary. Despite finding more later, because those scans won't be recorded. WTH.
Shion: Minotaur? This isn't a minotaur at all. At least the other Gnosis had names that were kinda-sorta close to what they actually were.
I can't wait to see your reaction to some of the future ones. Like fairies.
Matthews: That's not any ordinary girl!
Hammer: How can you tell?
Matthews: Because she's in space, talking, and yet we can hear her! You idiot.
Xenosaga follows Star Wars logic: space lets you hear things. (Spoilers: it doesn't.)
KOS-MOS: I was not planning to. If you had not noticed, I am the main character now.
Man I WISH that were true.
chaos: you are already dead.
[GNOSIS took 9999 damage! THE PLAYER wondered if this will carry over into gameplay!]
That precisely? No. But chaos IS good against Gnosis. His special techniques do more to them. Also, keep an eye out on his weapon names. If you get what they're implying for his strength, you get a cookie.
chaos: everyone has something they're the best at. for me, it's destroying gnosis.
Shion: Be that as it may, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
chaos: or does it?
Shion: No.
Actually Shion is pretty quick to accept this. It's Allen who calls him out on "THAT IS RIDICULOUS". I make note of this because it's one of Allen's finer points in the game. Not that that says much of ANYTHING.
Margulis: I am generically evil.
Pellegri: don't be so evil.
Margulis: Fuck you, I am generically evil.
Margulis is an amusing villain. >_>
Wilhelm: I am ALSO generically evil, but in a different manner! Also KOS-MOS is taking orders from me or something, I don't know. Here's some cryptic information you'll forget ten seconds later.
[In THE PLAYER's case, it was really more like "immediately".]
Don't expect Wilhelm to do much of anything that we can see in this game. Half the time you'll probably forget he even exists.
Ziggurat 8: You called?
Hey it's my favorite Xenosaga character! No seriously I think I'm the only Ziggy fangirl in the universe. >_>
Ziggurat 8: Consider it done. If it's not too much trouble, as payment, could you... erase my memories?
Big 5: A cyborg that wants to become LESS human? I don't see any reason for us to not agree to that.
Now if only it was amnesia... >_> <_<
Ziggurat 8: Stealth-based missions. The best part of any JRPG.
[ZIGGURAT 8 walks forward three steps, becomes surrounded on all sides by soldiers, can't stealth anywhere to get away from them, gets caught, gets drawn into a battle, gets poisoned, and dies.]
The player: FUCK STEALTH SECTIONS.
Shion: MY stealth section was pretty good.
The player: That's because it involved clever ways of narrowly escaping death. Not this walking-slowly-to-avoid-guards-who-move-in-fixed-patterns bullshit.
Oh man I can already tell you'll suck at this game. >_> <_< >_>
Seriously I liked both stealth sections for different reasons. The enemies in Ziggy's area are really retarded with just him though because Poison in this game is ridiculous. I hate it.
[ZIGGURAT 8 has come upon MOMO, the "daughter" of one of his current employers, and the Realian prototype he is to rescue. She looks vaguely reminiscent of CARD CAPTOR SAKURA or JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER MAGICAL GIRL.]
I love MOMO. That said, her uniform is very school girlish. And just wait about that magical girl claim...
[THE KEY is guarded by some weird robot that can deploy drones, but is fodder for ZIGGURAT 8. ZIGGURAT 8 unlocks MOMO's cell, but a guard he killed like 10 minutes ago was still alive and was waiting until just now to sound an alarm. Yep. That actually happens.]
One: Boss fight's a joke.
Two: I assumed he knocked him out instead of killing him, hence why he came to, just far earlier than hoped. Then again, considering how he kills every other guy in random battles he fights, it begs the question as to why he wasn't killed. ...Let's just call it a contrived reason to show off how the game can have flashing red lights and an annoying alarm sound.
Ziggurat 8: Locking a save point in a jail cell. Those fiends.
I lol'd.
Ziggurat 8: Exit? Oh, no, I just figured that with another party member, I could totally take this guy.
BOSS FIGHT:
MERCURIO
Good call. MOMO makes him a joke, but with Ziggy alone he's annoying.
MOMO: So what's your name, anyway?
Ziggurat 8: I am Ziggurat 8.
MOMO: That is not a name. Your new name is Ziggy.
Ziggy: ...welp. I'll never be taken seriously again.
Honestly I thought that scene was really cute. And I like the name Ziggy, even if it does sound very unserious. >_>
[She does. They fight two crippled MERCURIOES and one crippled RED MERCURIO. The red one does not go any faster, contrary to popular belief.]
This is one of the funniest boss fights in the game. Why? MOMO can use Sheep Beam to put the Mercurioes to sleep. This causes the red one, on his turn, to yell "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING" and smack the sleeping one for a good amount of damage to wake him up. Seriously, try it out, it's amazing.
[They reach the PLEMORA'S COMMAND CENTER, which it just so happens is right next to the start of the area. However, upon attempting to leave, they are stopped by MARGULIS and his SWORD THAT SHOOTS FIRE. In year 60xx. I need to iterate that. This is 4000 years in the future, and here we have a duel between two characters who both use BLADED WEAPONS.]
Rule of Cool
BOSS FIGHT:
MARGULIS
[This is not winnable, at least at my current level.]
You suck Kenri!
Okay it has nothing to do with level. Easiest way to win: Have Ziggy learn Body Guard, put MOMO behind him, and have him be able to use Cyber Kick at fast speed (that part isn't as improtant, it just makes it quicker). Ziggy uses Body Guard, MOMO heals him constantly. With MOMO behind him to activate Body Guard, he also cannot be pushed into the back row by Margulis. Body Guard keeps him going for longer than he would without it. Cyber Kick at high speed does a lot of damage constantly. Just don't use it for one turn if Margulis decides to absorb fire.
Really, it's an easy fight if you look at the techniques Ziggy has. I actually won it my first run. You get a nice ring and experience. I've never lost so I'm not sure how the cutscene changes, if it even does.
[ZIGGY detonates the bombs he placed earlier, instantly endearing him to THE PLAYER.]
<3
[At this point, the game leaves THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME behind for some good old fashioned family sexism.]
I get the feeling Jr. will be your favorite eventually. Not that that's a BAD thing, Jr's my second favorite party member. >_>
[SHION receives an e-mail about using the EVS. Despite this, THE PLAYER cannot figure out how to do it. THE PLAYER suspects that the nearby save point is supposed to be wearing a blue hat, but isn't, for whatever reason. Frustrated, THE PLAYER saves his game and powers off the console.]
The one by the bridge should let you use the EVS. The EVS is so amazing, it makes missing items difficult for the most part. [/spoiler]
---
"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Liberal Arts Major
BOSS FIGHT:
MARGULIS
[This is not winnable, at least at my current level.]
As CG7 points out, this is indeed very winnable. However, I'll go further and say it's still winnable even if you don't actually set it up that way. Because I didn't the first time through, of course, it made the battle last like at least 45 minutes as opposed to like 5-10 minutes when you actually approach that battle knowing what you're doing.
[At this point, the game leaves THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME behind
Don't worry, they'll get back to MOMO soon enough. Even though the actual best character has not been introduced yet.
I get the feeling Jr. will be your favorite eventually. Not that that's a BAD thing, Jr's my second favorite party member.
Jr. is the best party member by so much it isn't even funny. Ziggy isn't even in the top half. Really, Ziggy is just superior to Shion, but that is not an accomplishment. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?