Liberal Arts Major
No, her name is not cosmos, it's KOS-MOS. It's an abbreviation. >_> Certainly the double meaning is there but it isn't meant to be pronounced cosmos.
Technically, it's a recursive acronym, IIRC.
I think the main double meaning they were going for was the Greek "kosmos" which means "order"
Not to say the others may not have been meant as well. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
New Moderator
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Liberal Arts Major
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
99% sure Xenogears did.
I recall that when Episode One first came out, there were theories about Shion being more powerful and not actually human, with this being a key scene as to WHY this is proven: there is no way in **** she should have survived that. ...Now whether that's proven in Episode Two or Three I have NO idea, this was just people talking about stuff.
That would really make a lot more sense than the alternative.
Virgil being in your party is pretty strange. He's the only person you get to fight with who isn't permanent. I'm not exactly sure why they bothered to make him a unit.
Part of me thinks that Virgil and Ziggy were originally one character, but at some point the writers went "okay no this makes no sense, let's make them two different people".
I have basically nothing to support this theory other than what you just said and the fact they look sorta similar.
Actually Shion is pretty quick to accept this. It's Allen who calls him out on "THAT IS RIDICULOUS". I make note of this because it's one of Allen's finer points in the game. Not that that says much of ANYTHING.
Yeah but see, I'm using Shion to voice my own personal objections to the plot.
You suck Kenri!
Okay it has nothing to do with level. Easiest way to win: Have Ziggy learn Body Guard, put MOMO behind him, and have him be able to use Cyber Kick at fast speed (that part isn't as improtant, it just makes it quicker). Ziggy uses Body Guard, MOMO heals him constantly. With MOMO behind him to activate Body Guard, he also cannot be pushed into the back row by Margulis. Body Guard keeps him going for longer than he would without it. Cyber Kick at high speed does a lot of damage constantly. Just don't use it for one turn if Margulis decides to absorb fire.
Really, it's an easy fight if you look at the techniques Ziggy has. I actually won it my first run. You get a nice ring and experience. I've never lost so I'm not sure how the cutscene changes, if it even does.
I think it does have to do with level, because at my level I'm pretty sure I couldn't do any of that stuff. I mean, maybe I just needed more Ether points, but I'm pretty sure I'd have leveled up while grinding for them.
The one by the bridge should let you use the EVS.
It doesn't. Maybe because I'm holding curry.
Jr. is the best party member by so much it isn't even funny. Ziggy isn't even in the top half. Really, Ziggy is just superior to Shion, but that is not an accomplishment.
KENRI APPROVED current party member rankings: Ziggy > Shion > MOMO > KOS-MOS
...i am going to get eaten alive for this comment, aren't i.
Also, if you do care about the E-Mails, and I honestly wouldn't blame if you didn't because augh Xenosaga E-Mails, assuming you haven't seen Cherenkov yet, you're in a very small time window for at least one. ...Do you still care about the E-Mails?
No, I think I'm just going to say screw it to the whole thing. I have enough to keep track of right now with writeups. <_< [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
It did.
Yeah but see, I'm using Shion to voice my own personal objections to the plot.
Pick a better character for that, IMO.
KENRI APPROVED current party member rankings: Ziggy > Shion > MOMO > KOS-MOS
there are no words
MOMO > KOS-MOS > Ziggy > Shion [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
New Moderator
xp confirmed it did.
That would really make a lot more sense than the alternative.
Which says a lot.
I think it does have to do with level, because at my level I'm pretty sure I couldn't do any of that stuff. I mean, maybe I just needed more Ether points, but I'm pretty sure I'd have leveled up while grinding for them.
Not really. Certain enemies give more ether points and such without much experience. It doesn't take long to get enough for those.
It doesn't. Maybe because I'm holding curry.
Oh right. It should once you get rid of the curry.
KENRI APPROVED current party member rankings: Ziggy > Shion > MOMO > KOS-MOS
...i am going to get eaten alive for this comment, aren't i.
You have no idea how many tears I weep over this.
Personally: Ziggy>MOMO>KOS-MOS>>>>>>>>>>>>Shion
Probably Developmentally Accurate: MOMO>KOS-MOS>=Ziggy>>>>>>>>>>Shion
No, I think I'm just going to say screw it to the whole thing. I have enough to keep track of right now with writeups. <_<
A wise choice for your first run. [/spoiler]
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
I'm kinda limited in my choices a lot of the time.
I mean, the role passed to Ziggy when Shion was unavailable. It'll probably always be the party leader. >_>
there are no words
You have no idea how many tears I weep over this.
<3
Wouldn't be one of my playthroughs if I couldn't inadvertently cause reactions like this! [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
KOS-MOS: NOT CREEPY
[CHERENKOV enters.]
Cherenkov: Huh, I guess no one's here. I will take this opportunity to STARE AT KOS-MOS.
KOS-MOS: NOT CREEPY
[Cut to a... flashback, I guess? CHERENKOV is outside. It is raining. A BLACK CLOAK hands him a gadget.]
Cherenkov: I trust this will actually work? This time?
Black cloak: Yeah, it'll work. W-O-R-K. Got it memorized?
[CHERENKOV and a squad of U-TIC dudes launch an assault on SHION's research team. They wake KOS-MOS up, probably because they're very dumb.]
Creepy!KOS-MOS: I can't help but think indiscriminate murder is the only viable solution here.
Cherenkov: Wait!
Creepy!KOS-MOS: What's that you say? "Kill everyone"? CAN DO.
[Creepy!KOS-MOS fires her ANGEL ARM.]
[Back in the present, CHERENKOV points a gun at KOS-MOS, but can't bring himself to pull the trigger.]
Cherenkov: GODDAMN SELF-PRESERVATION INSTINCT.
KOS-MOS: There are easier ways to kill yourself than "suicide by KOS-MOS" you know.
Cherenkov: Shut up! It might have killed you! You never know!
KOS-MOS: I'm sorry, we JUST saw a flashback of me tanking attacks from a military gunship.
[SHION enters.]
Cherenkov: I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING
Shion: I didn't accuse you of-
Cherenkov: I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN END OF EVANGELION
Shion: I wasn't- wait, what?
Cherenkov: NOTHING
[Back in KAIBA CORPORATION...]
Big 5: blah blah blah cut MOMO open blah blah blah Zohar Project blah blah blah Mizrahi's assistant
The player: Bored now. Can we check in on the more interesting characters?
[ZIGGY and MOMO are currently engaged in a dogfight in hyperspace.]
The player: Thank you. That'll tide me over for AT LEAST 20 minutes.
[SHION is asked to check on the ELSA's "catapult", whatever that is. It's basically code for "wander around until you find a shiny button, then press it.]
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
[SHION believes that everything is normal, but fails to notice the whole system throwing sparks everywhere.]
Shion: I am THE BEST scientist
[The crew prepares to make the jump to SECOND MILTIA. SHION prepares to be an ENORMOUS BITCH.]
Shion: ASSORTED YELLING
Director: be reasonable
Shion: NEVER
[She eventually gets her way.]
Miyuki: omg everyone loves you chief
[sunglasses descend onto Shion's face]
Shion [to audience]: DEAL WITH IT
The player: Okay, 20 minutes are up.
[Meanwhile, ZIGGY and MOMO are dogfighting A LOT of enemies in hyperspace.]
MOMO: There's a civilian ship in hyperspace. We should warn them.
Ziggy: Attention civilian ship: It would be in your best interests to get out of my way. Now.
Matthews: Hey main character, you know these guys?
Shion: Why would I?
Matthews: I believe "main character" covered it.
Shion: They're sending out a distress signal. We should help them.
Matthews: Like HELL we're gonna help them.
[An enemy attack hits the ELSA.]
Matthew: We're gonna help them like HELL! Full offense!
[The ELSA and ZIGGY kick ass, but it isn't enough.]
Ziggy: Looks like this is the end.
MOMO: Welp. It was fun while it lasted.
[ZIGGY and MOMO are grabbed by the ELSA.]
Shion: i am good at video games and crane machines.
Matthews: The catapult won't close. Maybe because SOMEONE just pressed a random button and then decided it was working correctly.
Shion: ......Um. That's fine. That's totally fine. They can make it on their own.
Ziggy: That's the plan. MOMO, they won't try anything too rough because they just want to capture you.
MOMO: So that whole "trying to shoot us down" thing was...
Ziggy: ........A miscommunication.
MOMO: Obviously.
[MOMO and ZIGGY hop out of their ship. THE PLAYER is noticeably squicked out when MOMO gets a panty shot.]
The player: Somebody put that in the game INTENTIONALLY.
[The ship gets invaded. SHION, chaos, and KOS-MOS go to its defense. THE PLAYER wonders why they're bothering to send anyone other than KOS-MOS. It just seems unnecessary.]
[SHION activates the ANTI-INTRUDER SYSTEM, frying ZIGGY and MOMO.]
Shion: i am
Shion: the dumbest person
[Except that does not happen. The two parties meet up.]
Shion: We have too many people to fight the enemy at once.
The player: The battlefield has SIX SLOTS.
Shion: FIVE IS A BIGGER NUMBER THAN SIX
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
[THE PLAYER immediately switches SHION out of his party. chaos is equally unlucky, due to being three levels higher than the next highest leveled character.]
BOSS FIGHT:
DOMO CARRIER
[The DOMO CARRIER selects CRITICAL as its TREMOR PHASE.]
The player: Well, I'll just Boost whenever critical is about to come up.
The player: Or maybe I won't have enough Boost meter to ever do that reliably.
The player: And then it'll just get three critical hits at once and one-shot my entire party.
The player: What a fantastic boss. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
New Moderator
Black cloak: Yeah, it'll work. W-O-R-K. Got it memorized?
If only.
[The crew prepares to make the jump to SECOND MILTIA. SHION prepares to be an ENORMOUS BITCH.]
Shion: ASSORTED YELLING
Director: be reasonable
Shion: NEVER
[She eventually gets her way.]
Miyuki: omg everyone loves you chief
[sunglasses descend onto Shion's face]
Shion [to audience]: DEAL WITH IT
The player: Okay, 20 minutes are up.
Starting to get why she sucks? I believe she slams her hands against the dashboard six times in that one cutscene.
[The ELSA and ZIGGY kick ass, but it isn't enough.]
Actually, as you are reminded later, MOMO was helping too. =)
Ziggy: Looks like this is the end.
MOMO: Welp. It was fun while it lasted.
[ZIGGY and MOMO are grabbed by the ELSA.]
Shion: i am good at video games and crane machines.
As much as I hate Shion, I have to admit that that scene was one of my favorites.
[MOMO and ZIGGY hop out of their ship. THE PLAYER is noticeably squicked out when MOMO gets a panty shot.]
The player: Somebody put that in the game INTENTIONALLY.
The funny thing? I never noticed in all my playthroughs that MOMO got those until someone pointed them out to me. Yeah.
[SHION activates the ANTI-INTRUDER SYSTEM, frying ZIGGY and MOMO.]
Shion: i am
Shion: the dumbest person
[Except that does not happen. The two parties meet up.]
Try running on those things with Ziggy or KOS-MOS as your main character and say 'what' several times.
Shion: We have too many people to fight the enemy at once.
The player: The battlefield has SIX SLOTS.
Shion: FIVE IS A BIGGER NUMBER THAN SIX
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
Too bad the laws of RPGs say that six characters is too many to deal with. ...There is a reason I really like Lunar's party system. >_>
[THE PLAYER immediately switches SHION out of his party. chaos is equally unlucky, due to being three levels higher than the next highest leveled character.]
As much as I like chaos, KOS-MOS stays in my party until I get Jr. Then it's Ziggy, MOMO, and Jr. In terms of combat, you can get away with just about any party in this game. In terms of personality, I'd encourage any set up that doesn't involve Shion.
BOSS FIGHT:
DOMO CARRIER
[The DOMO CARRIER selects CRITICAL as its TREMOR PHASE.]
The player: Well, I'll just Boost whenever critical is about to come up.
The player: Or maybe I won't have enough Boost meter to ever do that reliably.
The player: And then it'll just get three critical hits at once and one-shot my entire party.
The player: What a fantastic boss.
Spoilers: without Critical at its Tremor Phase, it's easy as heck. If you somehow still have problems on runs without critical, I'd suggest getting Junk Beam on MOMO and using it. [/spoiler]
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Liberal Arts Major
DOMO CARRIER
[The DOMO CARRIER selects CRITICAL as its TREMOR PHASE.]
The player: Well, I'll just Boost whenever critical is about to come up.
The player: Or maybe I won't have enough Boost meter to ever do that reliably.
The player: And then it'll just get three critical hits at once and one-shot my entire party.
The player: What a fantastic boss
I am reasonably confident that it should not have the damage output to do that. Which probably means you are underlevelled/underequipped.
Alternatively get the Ether Boost 1 and you can just give yourself boosts by casting.
...And then transfer it to other characters so everyone can do that. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
It's still a step up from "KOS-MOS i am sad are u sad" and "of course i will cook for you i am a woman after all".
Try running on those things with Ziggy or KOS-MOS as your main character and say 'what' several times.
...Is there actually a special scene if you do this, or is it just "what" because nothing happens? <_<
As much as I like chaos, KOS-MOS stays in my party until I get Jr. Then it's Ziggy, MOMO, and Jr. In terms of combat, you can get away with just about any party in this game. In terms of personality, I'd encourage any set up that doesn't involve Shion.
fun fact if shion was a better healer she'd be in my party instead of momo
Spoilers: without Critical at its Tremor Phase, it's easy as heck. If you somehow still have problems on runs without critical, I'd suggest getting Junk Beam on MOMO and using it.
Doesn't Critical always come up first, though? So I'd need to outspeed it in order for it not to get that. ...I guess maybe Shion or chaos could do that, but my other characters can't. >_>
I am reasonably confident that it should not have the damage output to do that. Which probably means you are underlevelled/underequipped.
It could do nearly 400 damage with a crit. I think with full health KOS-MOS and Ziggy would have lived with like single digit HP, but they were slightly hurt (I need to emphasis slightly). So I guess they technically weren't one-shotted but whatever. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
1. I don't recall the event slot having a fixed start location.
2. Pretty sure MOMO should outspeed the boss. She's the fastest character in the game, so if she can't no one can.
3. If MOMO doesn't - and if this is the case I have to imagine the boss is just overriding turn order - you just have to absorb the first Tremor and if you have Boost 1, or preferably, multiple characters with Boost 1, you can troll it by easily keeping it from landing on whatever it memorizes.
It could do nearly 400 damage with a crit. I think with full health KOS-MOS and Ziggy would have lived with like single digit HP, but they were slightly hurt (I need to emphasis slightly). So I guess they technically weren't one-shotted but whatever.
And I'm saying I don't think it should be doing 400 damage. I mean, if the boss could nearly one-shot a whole team, I'm pretty sure I'd remember it because I had no idea what I was doing my first playthrough and I don't recall reaching a problematic boss until later.
...What level is your team? [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Liberal Arts Major
...In fact, you should want to transfer Medica All to everyone.
Other "You should try to get this to everyone" ethers from Shion: Boost 1, Analyze.
If that's too much for you now, chaos should either have a full party heal by default, or it's only one away from his defaults.
...And I dunno if AGWS would help or hurt here. I never really used them, so I couldn't say. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
It's either fixed to critical or I'm really unlucky, because I always get critical first and it annoys me because, 99% of the time, it's Shion or MOMO that act first, and they can't do anything with an increased crit rate. <_<
2. Pretty sure MOMO should outspeed the boss. She's the fastest character in the game, so if she can't no one can.
She's also level 6, is the thing. Rest of the party is 9, except chaos who is 11.
Also, btw, Shion's Medica All should be a better healing ether than anything MOMO has at this point. Preferably you want to transfer it to MOMO because MOMO has superior natural EATK, but...
Shion's only spells at this point are Medica, Goodbye, and Analyze. >___>
...And I dunno if AGWS would help or hurt here. I never really used them, so I couldn't say.
My next attempt will probably involve swapping out Ziggy for Shion to find out.
I expect hilarity, especially if Shion can't live through the initial Tremor. (MOMO certainly can't, but she's basically made of glass, or puff pastry, or something.) [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Speed isn't changed by level, MOMO has the highest natural speed, and it's the same regardless of level.
And yeah, that's probably underlevelled. Except for chaos, he's a pro, and Level 11 should be fine.
Shion's only spells at this point are Medica, Goodbye, and Analyze. >___>
...That... that is probably going to be a problem. Maybe not now, but if you're having trouble against this boss, you're going to have so much fun trying to take on some later ones without Medica All. Boost 1 is much less important by comparison. Don't get me wrong, you don't need either... but based on your trouble with this boss I'm thinking you're really, really going to want it.
I'd seriously consider dumping any Ether Point increases on Shion just to speed up the process of having her get Medica All and able to transfer it to everyone. Boost 1 would be nice, but shouldn't be essential.
...And you should be trying to end battles when the Event Slot is on the point multiplier. Usually it's x2, but occasionally it's x4 or x10. You should especially be trying to end boss battles on the multiplier if nothing else. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
New Moderator
Transferring Ether abilities is very important if you don't keep Shion in your party. If you want a full database, you have to have someone with Analyze. Medica All is the best healing technique for a party. Boost 1 I actually got through my first game without ever using, but boy is it useful.
Believe it or not, KOS-MOS is also a good healer with transferred ether techniques. Why is beyond me, but in my game she was healing absurd amounts. Ideally you'll want everyone to have Medica All and Boost 1 though. Transferring a stealing move can be useful in the future, but if you keep using MOMO, it won't be necessary; you'll see why later.
I'd do a couple of random fights with MOMO, Shion, and... whoever else you feel like, really. Shion for ether, MOMO for levels.
...Is there actually a special scene if you do this, or is it just "what" because nothing happens? <_<
Electricity arcs up at their feet yet they aren't hurt by it at all. What indeed. [/spoiler]
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Advanced
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
New Moderator
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
Ziggy: Do we have to?
Shion: Yes. First we were in the Call of Duty sim. The enemies there were right in the way and we pretty much fought all of them.
Ziggy: I'll take your word for it.
Shion: Then we were on the Woglinde. The player got lost for about 2 hours at this point and fought way more battles than necessary.
Ziggy: Okay.
Shion: Then you guys had your stealth mission.
Ziggy: Yes.
Shion: Where the idea was to NOT get caught.
Ziggy: Yes.
Shion: And the player failed at this. Repeatedly.
Ziggy: That he did.
Shion: So why the FUCK are we UNDERleveled?
[THE PLAYER checks SHION's ETHER POINTS and finds that she has 24. THE PLAYER grinds for 30 minutes, and finds that she now has 48.]
The player: You know what I'm thinkin'?
The player: I'm thinkin':
The player: Fuck.
The player: This.
The player: Shit.
[And YES, I absolutely was ending battles on the point bonus thing.]
BOSS FIGHT:
DOMO CARRIER
[This time the DOMO CARRIER's TREMOR PHASE was on the BLANK. This fell on SHION's turn, which meant that KOS-MOS always had the CRITICAL PHASE. This was about the best set-up THE PLAYER could possibly hope for.]
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
The player: ...
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
The player: there's nothing
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
The player: THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
The player: I CAN'T DEAL OVER 600 DAMAGE TO IT BEFORE IT HEALS AGAIN
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
The player: ASDFGHJKL [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Anyway, another question. I'll take your word that Ether Point drops on the enemies in this area are terrible. (Although "that" terrible makes me a bit skeptical... that or you're spending a lot of time in battles.) What about Tech Points? Because your number one priority, perhaps even over Medica All, is getting everyone to have a tech upgraded to High Speed and equipped in the High Speed slot so you can unleash techs every turn. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Yeah, I know, this whole boss is basically a boosting tutorial. Even if I do that, it's really close. As in, I'd be relying on crits to pull it off. (I know this because I actually beat the boss, but its self-destruction killed one of my characters* and I think I really, really need that EXP, so I didn't save.)
*Or they were killed like the turn beforehand, I don't know, I feel like hell right now and can't remember.
Anyway, another question. I'll take your word that Ether Point drops on the enemies in this area are terrible. (Although "that" terrible makes me a bit skeptical... that or you're spending a lot of time in battles.) What about Tech Points? Because your number one priority, perhaps even over Medica All, is getting everyone to have a tech upgraded to High Speed and equipped in the High Speed slot so you can unleash techs every turn.
...Define "a lot of time in battles".
Trying to end battles on the bonus phase thing adds 10-20 seconds.
I'll check my techs next time I play, but last time I checked I was somewhere in the neighborhood of "I can upgrade one of these categories once if I play for another 30 hours". [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Shion: So can we actually proceed now or what.
KOS-MOS: Yes.
BOSS FIGHT:
DOMO CARRIER
KOS-MOS: ARM CANNON SPAM
Shion: That was
Shion: The worst strategy
Shion: And yet it worked
KOS-MOS: Because I am the best robot.
Shion: Despite that, in the next scene you will be a waitress.
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: I'm not even kidding.
KOS-MOS: ...why was i built with the capacity to feel shame.
Shion: to keep you in your place.
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: just so we're clear
Shion: that place is beneath me
KOS-MOS: ...
Shion: ...
KOS-MOS: Shion, I need to be cl-
Shion: NOT THAT KIND OF BENEATH ME KOS-MOS
[SHION talks to ZIGGY and MOMO. ZIGGY is initially hesitant to let MOMO reveal who she is, but yields once he realizes that SHION is the MAIN CHARACTER.]
Ziggy: MOMO, it is now okay for us to reveal EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR SECRET MISSION
MOMO: kay
Ziggy: For instance, MOMO is a super secret government super weapon!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS IS TOO
Ziggy: And MOMO can use the Hilbert Effect!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS CAN TOO
Ziggy: And MOMO is a better character than I am!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS IS A BETTER CHARACTER THAN I AM TOO
Shion: ...
Shion: wait
Ziggy: Too late.
Shion: but-
Ziggy: Nope. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Shion: This is Cabin 2. I got this whole cabin to myself, probably because I'm a woman.
MOMO: Eh? But isn't it more fun to bunk with lots of people?
Shion: Yes.
[No joke here. This actually happens.]
Shion: But from now on, you'll be my roommate, so I won't be lonely anymore!
[This also actually happens. Goddammit, XENOSAGA.]
Shion: This is the kitchen.
MOMO: Oh, it's KOS-MOS! KOS-MOS, I'll help you with the dishes.
KOS-MOS: That is unnecessary.
Shion: KOS-MOS, that was rude.
KOS-MOS: Rudeness was necessary.
Shion [to MOMO]: See? She's soooo not cute! And she's always like this.
[THE WRITER needs to stress that, unlike everywhere else, he is not changing this ****. He is paraphrasing it, yes, but the implications were just as implied in the actual game text.]
[SHION goes to sleep. We now join a small boy, for an adventure already in progress...]
Jr.: i read books because i am an intellectual. witness my skill at metaphors.
[He and his crew of attractive but annoying women - including MARY and SHELLEY, who worked together to write FRANKENSTEIN - are investigating the lost planet and the FEDERATION fleet's distress call. However, they are very obnoxious, so let's just skip ahead to MARGULIS.]
One of the Big 5(?): blah blah blah i am working with margulis which is shocking if i am, in fact, one of the Big 5. except not, since anyone could have seen this coming.
Margulis: PROCEEDING WITH PLAN
Cherenkov: I lost the Zohar because I am a tremendous failure. I'm still not sure exactly HOW that happened, actually. But I DO have the 100-series Realian!
Margulis: STICK TO THE PLAN
Cherenkov: What?
Margulis: YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS. DON'T PURSUE LEADS OUTSIDE YOUR SCOPE.
Cherenkov: Who TALKS like that?
Margulis: COME BACK TO BASE, I WILL DEAL WITH YOU THEN.
[The mysterious man from after when ZIGGY blew up MARGULIS arrives. He is a JRPG VILLAIN. Perhaps the MOST JRPG VILLAIN.]
JRPG Villain: MOMO belongs to me.
Margulis: Not creepy.
[We now return to METAPHOR LAD and TERRIBLE ACCENT LADY, who are currently investigating the wreckage of the FEDERATION fleet.]
Jr.: metaphor metaphor overconfidence metaphor
Mary: Ah have tha wuhst accent!
[They are then ambushed. THE PLAYER is happy about this, because it causes MARY to leave.]
Jr.: Mary, return to the Durandal. Your accent is atrocious. It is a river of pain flowing through the countryside of my mind.
[JR. defeats the DOMOs, but the wrecked ship gets further wrecked and JR. is forced to flee back to the DURANDAL.]
Jr.: Time for some ship to ship combat!
The player: Don't suppose I get to play that?
Jr.: NOPE
[JR. wrecks the majority of the enemy fleet with his FUCK-OFF LASER BARRAGE.]
Jr.: The mothership hasn't exploded yet.
Jr.: Ram it.
Shelley: But-
Jr.: And then we will infiltrate it and attack it from the inside!
Shelley: Once we're past its shields, why can't we just blast it?
Jr.: SHUT UP, THAT'S WHY.
[THE PLAYER notices that his combat team is now made up of JR., MARY, and SOLDIER. Due to this game's naming conventions, he's briefly unsure whether this is a generic soldier or a unique character named SOLDIER. THE WRITER decides on the latter.]
Soldier: You know what this game was missing? Backtracking. Let's have a whole level based around backtracking.
Jr.: Hey, at least the enemies are easy as hell. They're tissue paper and we're piloting giant torches!
Soldier: You shut up. You shut the goddamn hell up right now.
[JR. breaks goddamn EVERYTHING he comes across.]
Jr.: I HATE potted plants!
Jr.: FUCK power generators.
Jr.: Was that guard hiding in a wall fixture?!
Jr.: This is the best level ever. It combines my love of killing things with my love of breaking things. TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER.
[JR., MARY, and SOLDIER eventually reach the MAINFRAME.]
Mary: This is whah we came heuh fuh, is it nah?
Jr.: Beats me. I don't think the game was ever clear on that.
Soldier: I thought we were just trying to destroy this ship through the most illogical method possible.
Jr.: See now THAT sounds right.
Mary: Give me a momun and Ah'll extuhact tha datuh fhum this computuh.
[Jr. hits the computer.]
Alarm: INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT.
Mary: Wah did you do thah?!
Jr.: Fuck computers.
BOSS FIGHT:
THE PRESS-TRIANGLE-TO-WIN MOBILE
The player: GUESS WHAT BUTTON YOU SHOULD TO PRESS OVER AND OVER TO WIN THIS.
The player: It's like I'm really playing Kingdom Hearts 2!
Soldier: No, Kingdom Hearts would throw in equal parts mashing X.
[With the boss dead, MARY once again tries to get data from the computer, at which point enemies show up.]
Jr.: BULLETS AWAY
[JR. empties about a dozen magazines, or he would have if he wasn't using an antique revolver.]
Mary: WAH DID YOU SHOOT THA COMPUTUH INSTEAD OF THA ENEMIES
Jr: Because fuck computers.
[THE PLAYER hopes nothing important happened after that, because it was mostly MARY talking and that's THE PLAYER's cue to tune the fuck out. The scene then shifts to SHION. It is a step up.]
Matthews: Where's Cherenkov?
Shion: Outside, trying to charter a flight.
Matthews: OH MY GOD
Shion: ...What, is it dangerous here?
Matthews: No, of course not.
Shion: ...Well good, then he-
Matthews: UNLESS YOU'RE A SOLDIER
Matthews: People here are ANGRY about what the military did to them in the past. They might try to get revenge on Cherenkov.
Shion: Oh dear. If only his career choice involved being trained to protect oneself in active combat against dangerous individuals. Unfortunately, as far as I know, his profession is completely different from that, if such a profession even exists at all.
Matthews: Look, you can either be a smartass, OR go where the plot is.
Shion: AS ALWAYS
Shion: I CHOOSE TO BE A SMARTASS [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Priority for Techs: Speed > Wait (Because it's so cheap) > Power
Due to this game's naming conventions, he's briefly unsure whether this is a generic soldier or a unique character named SOLDIER. THE WRITER decides on the latter.
THE WRITER is wrong. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Priority for Techs: Speed > Wait (Because it's so cheap) > Power
Gotcha.
I haven't even noticed a difference from upgrading Wait though. <_<
THE WRITER is wrong.
THE WRITER needed a straight man for that area and knew that only SOLDIER could do it. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Shion: Well, he IS a soldier. I'm sure he at least won't get the crap beaten out of h-
[CHERENKOV is currently getting the crap beaten out of him.]
Thug: Federation scum!
[A symbol on CHERENKOV's forehead begins to glow.]
SFX: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RENNNNNNNNNNNNN-KOVVVVVVVVVVVV!
Yami Cherenkov: What's the matter? What happened to all your bravado?
Thug: W-what are you?!
Yami Cherenkov: You'd know... if you'd only open your mind! MIND CRUSH!
[SHION and company show up FASHIONABLY LATE.]
Ziggy: We need to get these people to a hospital.
Shion: Why? They attacked a military commander. They're lucky he only grievously wounded them. I say we leave them here as an important lesson to them: be dumbass, experience dumbass consequences.
[The group returns to the ship and finds CHERENKOV declining treatment from MOMO.]
MOMO: That's stupid, you're stupid, and the only way you're getting out of this is if someone else asks me for-
Ziggy: MOMO, could you give me a tune up?
MOMO: Okay!
MOMO: Wait, wouldn't Shion be a better person to ask?
Ziggy: No. She's sort of a jerk. ALSO I GET EMBARRASSED AROUND WOMEN.
MOMO: ...i. i'm a pretty girl too. =(
Ziggy: But you're also underage.
MOMO: Well, at least there's one person in the game to whom that's actually a problem. You have no idea how much better that makes me feel.
Ziggy: we cannot possibly ditch the rest of these people soon enough.
MOMO: agreed.
[CHERENKOV leaves. THE PLAYER, considering this game's track record, guesses that he is a WEREGNOSIS.]
[The ELSA departs. CHERENKOV begins to transform under the full moon, while SHION is back in the RIVER OF SOULS.]
Redhaired girl: You may be able to understand him and comfort him in his final moments.
Shion: Who?
Redhaired girl: Him. I just said that.
Shion: But-
Redhaired girl: Sorry, time to wake up.
[SHION does so. The ELSA is experiencing turbulance, and is subsequently pulled out of hyperspace.]
Matthews: Well ain't that just a kick in the teeth.
Shion: I'm more worried about how we're surrounded by a half trillion Gnosis. KOS-MOS! Hilbert Effect!
KOS-MOS: ...You can't be serious. How will that help us unless we want to fight them?
Shion: DO IT KOS-MOS
KOS-MOS: FINE
[The ELSA is immediately eaten by a giant GNOSIS. The PLAYER CHARACTERS are separated from the ELSA and the NPCs.]
Shion: ...Welp. If only we hadn't used the Hilbert Effect and made this Gnosis tangible.
KOS-MOS: HATE YOU SO MUCH
chaos: so where are we?
KOS-MOS: Inside the Gnosis known as the Cathedral Ship. The Elsa is not far from us. There is also a Zohar-like signature near the Elsa.
Shion: Right. We got eaten by Monstro and we need to find Gepetto and Pinocchio. And hopefully avoid Riku. Let's get started.
[Meanwhile, CHERENKOV is wandering around the disappeared planet, ARIADNE.]
Cherenkov: This isn't possible for so many reasons.
[CHERENKOV goes through a mysterious door and ends up in WARTORN EUROPE.]
Cherenkov: This is the worst ending to a good anime I've ever seen.
[Meanwhile, on board the DURANDAL...]
Bridge bunnies: technobabble technobabble
Jr.: FOLLOW THAT SIGNAL
[Back on the CATHEDRAL SHIP...]
Ziggy: So this is a Cathedral Ship. It does feel like we're in a ship.
Shion: Yeah, all ships I've been on are just full of long, winding roads made of flesh.
MOMO: Maybe it's an alien ship!
Shion: ALIEN SHIPS DON'T HAVE FLESH-ROADS EITHER.
Redhaired girl: Hurry! He'll be gone soon!
Shion: Oh, I see, I've gone insane. Well then, never mind me.
chaos: more importantly, look at that sign. it's from ariadne, and seems to be fused to the ship.
Shion: How is that MORE important than me going insane? So this thing ate Ariadne or whatever. Wasn't that the point? That we didn't know what happened to it? Well, mystery solved.
[CHERENKOV, meanwhile, is receiving a heaping helping of flashback.]
Judge 1: For your crimes, Andrew Cherenkov, we hereby sentence you to a Level Seven Personality Rewrite.
Judge 2: I dunno, that seems kinda on the "hideously, unbelievably evil" side of things.
Judge 1: Since when were you under the impression we WEREN'T evil?
Cherenkov: Why can't we have a child?
Cherenkov's wife: Because I never loved you. I'm just using you. I tell this to you now, because clearly the best thing to do in a situation where I'm married to an extremely dangerous ex-criminal to be as much of a bitch as possible.
The player: Kill her.
[CHERENKOV kills her.]
The player: And nothing of value was lost.
Judge 1: ...Level EIGHT Personality Rewrite...
[CHERENKOV sees a girl who looks like his late wife.]
Girl: ...Garbage.
[CHERENKOV kills her.]
The player: I think I'm supposed to find this guy unsympathetic now, but it's really hard to considering all the shit he's been put through.
Judge 1: ...Experimental Level NINE Personality Rewr-
[Cut to a dozen dead bodies.]
The player: And the Darwin Award goes to... those guys.
Margulis: I think you could be useful to me.
Cherenkov: For what, suicide by Cherenkov? Because I can TOTALLY be useful for that.
[CHERENKOV gets owned.]
Margulis: I neglected to mention that I'm actually a character from Bleach.
Cherenkov: Motherfucker.
[We now return to SHION and company, for an exercise in prolonged suffering...]
Shion: save point save point save point save point save point save point save point HOLY FUCK WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NEXT SAVE POINT
Shion: JESUS CHRIST
Shion: A MINIBOSS? SURE WHY NOT. NOT LIKE I'M TRYING TO SAVE MY FUCKING GAME OR ANYTHING.
Shion: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
Shion: THIS GAME WAS RELEASED IN 2002
Shion: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shion: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
MOMO: Secret new tech!
Shion: -HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shion: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[SHION runs screaming into a save point.]
Shion: Fucking FINALLY
[Time from start of CATHEDRAL SHIP to save point: OVER AN HOUR. OH MY GOD.] [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
...what a terrible dungeon
I think I'm supposed to find this guy unsympathetic now
Honestly? I don't think so. I don't find Cherenkov unsympathetic at least.
Margulis: I neglected to mention that I'm actually a character from Bleach.
hell yes
topic idea: margulis v ichigo/byakuya/ulquiorra/senior captain tier
MOMO: Secret new tech!
Am I to take that to mean you did get the new Ether Skill for MOMO? Because you're going to want that. Not only is it missable (I think) if you leave Cathedral Ship without it, but it gives MOMO access to an ether skill that can steal rare items, and I think it has a 100% success rate.
...If you did get it, use it. It functions differently than you might think, so might as well learn how it works now. I could just tell you right now, but it'll be funnier if you go in not knowing what to expect. After you use it once, even if only to test it, I'll explain it if you want. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Or maybe my memory just ate itself because AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
but in any case, yes, I got the skill you're talking about, but haven't used it yet because my party has been Shion/KOS-MOS/chaos and then Shion/KOS-MOS/Ziggy. MOMO's probably going to be rotated in (and Shion out) whenever I play next. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
...So yeah, definitely put MOMO in your party because she's going to need the Tech Points to put that skill at High Speed, and I don't know if you have that many for her right now.
...Alternatively, you don't need to care about items, or you can play the odds of it dropping when you win, but... IIRC the item(s) that the Cathedral Ship boss has are quite good, and can only be gotten from it. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?