Editor
SHION: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[And now, an all new episode of XENOSAGA...]
Shion: Finally, a mini-boss fight.
Ziggy: Didn't we already have a-
Shion: NO SHUT UP
MOMO: I'm going to try out my new tech! ...wait what the hell is this, can only be used when transformed?
The player: I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT HER BEING A MAGICAL GIRL GUYS
The player: You didn't
The player: You didn't actually have to put that in the game.
MOMO: How do I transformed self?
MOMO: Um.
MOMO: SECOND MILTIA STAR WIND POWER, MAKE UP! ...Not that. ...RISING HEART, SET UP! Nope? Uh. OH KEY THAT HIDES THE POWER OF THE DARK. I, MOMO, COMMAND YOU UNDER THE CONTRACT! RELEASE! ...Yeah can't say I expected that to work. Nano-machine Crusnik 02, starting operation at 50% level! MOMOmon, digivolve to... StarwindMOMOmon! Steal, Magic Caster! Henshin-a-go-go, baby! It's morphin' time! Shift into turbo! Let's rocket! Go Galactic! Beetle-Bonders Beetle Blast! Fire within me! By the power of Grayskull! Shazam!
Shion: GET ON WITH IT
MOMO: FINE
[MOMO transformed into ASTRO MOMO!]
Shion: ...do that transformation sequence again
MOMO: NO NO EW NO
MOMO: NEVER AGAIN
[The party continues on. MOMO proves that she is most ****ing USELESS character because she dies immediately when in the front row and is only about half as useful in the back row. THE PLAYER really, really, really wants to switch her out for SHION and never look back.]
MOMO: LOOK SHION PLANTS
Shion: The most threatening enemy type of all!
[beat]
Ziggy: Shion those are house plan-
Shion: I KNEW THAT
[The party continues on into a warehouse type thing.]
MOMO: LOOK SHION UNICORNS
Shion: WE SHOULD RIDE THOSE UNICORNS BECAUSE WE ARE GIRLS AND, STEREOTYPICALLY SPEAKING, GIRLS LIKE UNICORNS MORE THAN GUYS
KOS-MOS: STILL LESS INSULTING THAN SOME OF THE STUFF THAT'S ACTUALLY IN THIS GAME
[UNICORN used MIRACULOUS HEALING to revive an OGRE.]
Shion: ...You know what I'm thinkin'. I'm thinking we should kill that goddamned unicorn.
MOMO: I too feel this way.
[The party reaches a BIG OPEN AREA with a trillion branching paths and no indication of which one will lead to more plot automatically.]
The player: THIS one looks like it'll lead to treasure.
[Plot.]
The player: Goddammit.
chaos: this could be the center of the cathedral ship. or it might not be.
Shion: Thanks for that, chaos.
KOS-MOS: In more important news (by which I mean it's not the least useful thing anyone could possibly say at this juncture, chaos), I've lost the Elsa's signal.
Shion: ...You know, when my TV loses its signal, a good smack usually fixes it.
KOS-MOS: It's funny. If we were to rate that idea on a scale of 1 to 10, the higher the number the worse the idea, an accurate rating would require a number too large to fit inside the universe.
Shion: Point taken.
[Meanwhile, CHERENKOV is fighting a legion of GNOSIS... just kidding, he's having more flashbacks.]
Margulis: Whether you are successful with the Zohar Project or not, civilians will come to harm. You coo' wit dat?
Cherenkov: Well, I am a mass murderer.
Margulis: Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to for a sec.
Cherenkov: Now the camera will dramatically linger, so as to point out that the symbol on the Zohar is the same as the one on my forehead!
[CHERENKOV gets into a helicopter, and sees his ex-wife and the girl who looked like her as it takes off.]
Cherenkov: These flashbacks make no sense! I don't think they're even in order!
[Just to prove him right, there's then a scene of a bunch of mysterious figures appearing near him... or something, it was really just like a one second clip.]
[SHION and company stand before a large building.]
Shion: So this is the end of the area, right?
Shion: ...This IS the end of the area, right?
Shion: ...Guys?
Announcer: A TALE OF SWORDS AND SOULS, ETERNALLY RETOLD
Shion: what the-
Announcer: LIZARDMAN!
Shion: Okay, I get it.
KOS-MOS: No, I get it. Shion, you're up.
Announcer: TAKI!
Shion: I'm not anything like Ta-
KOS-MOS: Most annoying character in both games.
Shion: ...touche.
Announcer: THE ALMIGHTY ONE HAS GRANTED YOU A SWORD, SO THAT YOU MAY CUT YOUR OWN PATH. BATTLE 1 - FIGHT!
[They defeat the LIZARDMEN.]
Shion: Is it just me, or are these enemies ridiculously easy and nonthreatening relative to how much stuff they drop? Especially compared to those Ogres which could 2HKO anyone and were somehow faster than our entire team.
Ziggy: In fairness, we were fighting those Ogres like idiots. By which I mean, we weren't fielding chaos.
Shion: Because chaos sucks.
Ziggy: He had 75% of KOS-MOS' damage output before he even got a HiSpeed Tech.
Shion: Details. Meaningless, meaningless details. Also slander.
[The group enters an OFFICE BUILDING.]
Shion: ...So let's count 'em off. We've traveled across flesh-roads, trudged through brown stuff, and now we're in an office building.
Ziggy: And your point is...
Shion: This is literally every terrible level archetype combined. The only thing that could make this worse is if we were underwater while also in a desert! Give me one good reason not to order KOS-MOS to nuke this entire building.
MOMO: Three words.
MOMO: Free. Office. Supplies.
Shion: ...
Shion: goddamn you.
I swear, I am trying as hard as I POSSIBLY CAN to make real progress here. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Oh, so close, if only you had said Raising Heart then MOMO could have gained 200x multipliers to all stats and a new skill set.
MOMO proves that she is most ****ing USELESS character because she dies immediately when in the front row and is only about half as useful in the back row. THE PLAYER really, really, really wants to switch her out for SHION and never look back.
More like THE PLAYER proves that THE PLAYER has no idea what THE PLAYER is doing. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
This is what I get for just looking up transformation catch phrases instead of sticking to ones I actually know. <_<
More like THE PLAYER proves that THE PLAYER has no idea what THE PLAYER is doing.
In front row:
Ogre 1 attacks
Ogre 2 attacks
Ogre 1 attacks again
Ogre 2 attacks again
My other characters MIGHT survive something like that. MOMO? Not a chance.
In back row:
Can't attack (except with ether), and thus is only about half as useful.
Seriously, while it's true I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think I'm wrong here. >_> [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Liberal Arts Major
Strictly speaking, "Raising Heart, Set up!" isn't even a transformation sequence. Nanoha can do that without speaking... I think in the first episode Nanoha uses a longer form to activate Raising Heart - and subsequently - transform, but practically every other time she realizes she doesn't have to bother with that, until it finally reaches the point where she can do so automatically.
In back row:
Can't attack (except with ether), and thus is only about half as useful.
I actually had to take out my PS2, find Xenosaga I, and load up a save I had in the final dungeon to test this because my initial reaction was, "The hell? You totally can."
...Grudgingly, it seems you can't.
The good news is though my team set-up had MOMO in the back-row anyway, so I can still feel justified in saying "So what? MOMO's job is to heal, use Boost 1, or in the case of a boss, pop out of the back row, transform, steal items while the transformation is up, then go back to the back row."
(An alternate explanation is that I usually have MOMO in the front row, but since this file was on the last save point, I moved MOMO to the back row in anticipation of the final boss, but let's say I didn't for now)
Seriously, while it's true I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think I'm wrong here. >_>
On the other hand, I view this as a challenge, so here we go!
Alternate Method: Accumulate Tech Points, other than using them on the actual Techs, you can use them to directly increase a character's stats (within limits - specifically, you can not increase a stat past the value held by the character who has the highest value in that stat. For instance if Jr. has 20 DEF, MOMO has 15 DEF, and KOS-MOS has 25 DEF, you can increase Jr. and MOMO's DEF to 25, but no higher. I'm pretty sure you can't increase KOS-MOS's at all, and really it's not important for this discussion)
This means (among other things) there is nothing stopping you from buffing MOMO's DEF (or indeed every stat except SPD, which MOMO has the highest of anyway) up to the level of whoever has the highest DEF (or whatever other stat) on your team - except your likely unwillingness to actually get those Tech Points.
Or, the shorter version: You don't know what you're doing.
>_> [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Liberal Arts Major
The superior team is Jr., MOMO, and KOS-MOS. Given that Jr. is not an option here, I'd say put in chaos. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Liberal Arts Major
In which case, KOS-MOS and Ziggy become terrible, and everyone else is roughly equal, where it comes down to Tech Skills and Unique Ethers as the only way to differentiate them.
...In which case, Jr, chaos, Shion probably would be the consensus best team, but all except KOS-MOS and Ziggy are near equal.
...Except Jr. Because he has the best Tech Skill, IMO. >_> [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
This means (among other things) there is nothing stopping you from buffing MOMO's DEF (or indeed every stat except SPD, which MOMO has the highest of anyway) up to the level of whoever has the highest DEF (or whatever other stat) on your team - except your likely unwillingness to actually get those Tech Points.
Or, the shorter version: You don't know what you're doing.
What the hell why didn't the game tell me about this.
damn it [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Assume Jr., MOMO, and KOS-MOS are your only characters so this will be easier to do. Also assume that they are all Level 19 and have 20 in all their non HP/EP/SPD stats.
Jr. levels up to Level 20, and receives +1 to all stats, putting them at 21.
Use Tech Points to increase MOMO and KOS-MOS's stats to 21.
MOMO levels up to Level 20, and receives +1 to all stats, putting them at 22.
Use Tech Points to increase Jr. and KOS-MOS's stats to 22.
KOS-MOS levels up to Level 20, and receives +1 to all stats, putting them at 23.
Use Tech Points to increase Jr. and KOS-MOS's stats to 23.
Jr. levels up to Level 21, and receives +1 to all stats, putting them at 24.
Use Tech point to increase KOS-MOS and MOMO's stats to 24.
And so on.
Only really you'll have more characters so you can take this to more hilarious levels.
All of this opposed to, taking the same initial starting conditions.
Jr., MOMO, and KOS-MOS all level up to Level 20. They all get +1 to all stats, putting them at 21.
Jr., MOMO, and KOS-MOS all level up to Level 21. They all get +1 to all stats, putting them at 22.
Note that you have lower stats in this scenario.
...But that's some pretty advanced stuff, and you have to worry about Tech Points v EXP, and it's totally unnecessary unless you just want to make things as hilarious as possible. [/spoiler]
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
Ziggy: and why are we shooting things attached to giant glass tubes.
Shion: stupid question.
Shion: because they are shootable. duh.
chaos: i think it's an elevator
Shion: That's stupid, you're stupid, why would an elevator have giant orange machines attached that only exist to prevent it from working?
[It's an elevator.]
Shion: god
[After a fast normal elevator, the group gets on a larger, more dramatic MASS EFFECT TECHNOLOGY elevator.]
Shion: So this is the end of the level, right.
KOS-MOS: It is 99.99998% probable...
Shion: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
KOS-MOS: ...that we will have at least one boss fight first.
Shion: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
MOMO: SHINY BUTTON
Shion: Why would they have this huge vault and then put the button that opens it right outside, without any sort of protection?
chaos: to make things easier for us?
Shion: ...I'm willing to accept that.
KOS-MOS: The Zohar. To be more specific, the Zohar Emulator.
Shion: Emulator? So we can play ROMs on this thing?
KOS-MOS: Yes, but it can only run a few games flawlessly. The rest have weird graphical glitches.
Shion: Wait, how the hell do you know stuff like that?
[CHERENKOV arrives, looking worse for the wear. By which I mean, transparent.]
Cherenkov: You made that thing... and yet you don't know?!
Shion: I don't know a lot of things!
Cherenkov: I DESTROYED ARIADNE! VECTOR AND THE MILITARY WERE MERE PAWNS!
Shion: Dude. Nobody is talking about that. So KOS-MOS, what games can this thing run well?
[CHERENKOV absorbs a bunch of ghosties and the Zohar begins to glow. He turns into a GNOSIS.]
MOMO: It's a Gnosis!
Shion: Thanks for that, MOMO.
Ziggy: It's the same... as that day!
Shion: What day?! Why doesn't anybody ever say anything that isn't vague?!
BOSS FIGHT:
GARGOYLE
MOMO: I can't help but feel like we're overleveled for this fight.
Ziggy: Good. I assume we should take out those lackeys first?
[GARGOYLE powered up!]
Ziggy: ...I'm still okay with this.
[GARGOYLE started getting like 4x as many turns!]
Ziggy: ......Yeah let's kill this thing AS SOON AS HUMANLY/CYBORBLY/REALIANLY/ROBOTLY POSSIBLE.
[They do.]
Shion: Are these feelings... mine? ...No, I'd be bitching about something. Must be the Commander's.
Cherenkov: I was built as a weapon of war, but after the war ended, society rejected me.
Margulis: PEOPLE CONSUME TOO MUCH. THEY HAVE LOST THEIR WILLS. THEY'RE NOT EVEN HUMAN.
Shion: Do those three points relate to each other or was he just saying random things?
Cherenkov: I don't know, or care. Point is, I stuck with Margulis because it seemed like he needed me.
Shion: And now you're on some weird trippy beach. How'd it work out for you.
Cherenkov: Actually, I like it here. There's no sadness, anger, or happiness, or anyone except me.
Shion: I'M HERE TOO
Cherenkov: QUIT RUINING THIS FOR ME SHION
Shion: Sorry, geez.
Cherenkov: S'okay. I'll be gone soon, too. Oh, and you'll end up here, sooner than you think. God willing.
Shion: Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Enjoy your LSD trip to the beach.
[SHION wakes up.]
Shion: ...Was that... really the Commander? chaos... Don't tell me... we couldn't have...
chaos: Shion... sometimes the truth isn't pleasant...
Shion: HE WAS THE MOST AWESOME CHARACTER IN THE GAME aside from me AND WE KILLED HIM! It's not fair!
chaos: ...Well, at least we haven't turned into Gnosis yet.
Shion: "Yet". Very reassuring. KOS-MOS, can we leave now or what?
KOS-MOS: Actually, the Cathedral Ship is going to disappear... now.
Shion: ...Are we boned?
[The CATHEDRAL SHIP vanishes, leaving SHION and company to float around in space.]
Shion: Oh yeah. We're boned.
Matthews [from Elsa]: Heyyyyy, Ms. Vector! You still alive!
Shion: .......Ignoring that there's no way I should have heard that, KOS-MOS, that whole thing about "the Elsa is near us oh no wait I've lost the signal"...
KOS-MOS: All lies.
Shion: Naturally.
[The party gets rescued.]
Shion: POWER WALK
[The party power walks.]
Shion: Okay, now let's figure out how to kill those Gnosis. Or wait for a convenient rescue from someone we haven't met yet.
Jr.: MAKE WAY FOR BEAM SPAM
Surviving Gnosis: NOPE
Jr.: Welp. That'll teach me to try to save Shion.
[KOS-MOS leaves the ELSA. She has blue eyes now, for some reason.]
Shion: KOS-MOS. GET BACK HERE. QUIT BEING ENIGMATIC RIGHT THIS INSTANT YOUNG LADY.
KOS-MOS: Will feeling pain... make me complete?
Shion: ...Huh?
Hammer: The air is too thin for us to hear her.
Tony: Funny how that wasn't a problem last time she was in space.
Hammer: SHUT UP TONY
[KOS-MOS activates her built in vacuum.]
KOS-MOS: HOUSECLEANING POWERS ACTIVATE
KOS-MOS: FORM OF
KOS-MOS: A MAID
[She absorbs all the GNOSIS.]
Shion: I didn't build KOS-MOS like that! Kevin... was this your doing? And if so, why the fuck didn't I notice at any point since then?
Allen: Maybe because you don't do any actual work? Or have any knowledge relating to how to do your job?
Shion: THIS IS EVERYONE'S FAULT BUT MINE
[KOS-MOS' eyes change back to red. Cut to the PLEROMA.]
U-TIC Soldier: We've lost Commander Cherenkov's signal.
Margulis: ..........
U-TIC Soldier: ...Commander?
Margulis: Don't let them see you cry, old man. Don't let them see you cry...
[SHION's group enters the DURANDAL and learns that JR. is MATTHEWS' boss, JR. GAIGNUN, of the KUKAI FOUNDATION.]
Jr.: All right, we've got the last Zohar Emulator. Let's return to the Foundation.
Shion: Wait. Wait wait wait. There's more than one?
Jr.: Apparently.
The player: I'm never going to understand this game's plot. Never ever ever.
[And it's only going to get worse from here. DREAM SEQUENCE GO!]
Jr.: OH GOD SIN IS ATTACKING ZANARKAND WHERE THE HELL IS AURON
[JR. finds his pet cat. It's dead. THE WRITER immediately feels terrible about starting this scene off with a joke. The scene changes. JR. is clutching a dead body.]
Jr.: Don't say anything... It's all over...
[Energy starts to whirl around in the center of the room.]
Jr.: Al... bedo...
The player: Hey! That's that guy! The guy who lost to M. Bison on GameFAQs!
[JR. falls into a trippy EARTHBOUND-esque technicolor vortex and is attacked by ghosties. He wakes up and finds the numbers "666" on his hand.]
Jr.: I never should have gotten this tattoo.
[SHION and company are off examining JR.'s ZOHARs, all of which are named.]
Shion: Peter, Andrew, Thomas, John, Boanerges... Boanerges? That's it. I quit. KOS-MOS?
KOS-MOS: Philip, Matthew, Bartholomew, James, Thaddaeus, Simon, Judas. And Marienkind.
Shion: SYMBOLISM
Jr.: These are our Zohar Emulators.
Shion: They're Zohars?!
Jr.: ......yes. That should have been IMMEDIATELY obvious.
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
Jr.: ...i don't believe you.
Shion: so what's in the other room.
Jr.: What could possibly make you curious about my Forbidden Room of Mystery?
Shion: JUST SHOW US
Jr.: Okaaay.
Shion: OH JESUS WHY DID YOU SHOW US THIS
Jr.: This is where we keep our WereGnosis specimens.
[THE WRITER bangs his head against the wall repeatedly.]
Jr.: When someone survives an encounter with a Gnosis, they always become a Gnosis later.
Shion: Always always?
Jr.: Yes.
Shion: OH SHIT. OH SHIT.
Ziggy: ...Something wrong?
Shion: EVERYTHING IS OKAY
Shion: Don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster...
Jr.: Gnosis have been around for a long time, but they really started showing up after Joachim Mizrahi opened Pandora's Box during the Miltian Conflict.
Ziggy: Just to clarify, was there actually a thing named Pandora's Box, or was that just an allusion? god, the fact that i even have to ask that... ...and now I'm not going to get an answer, am I.
Jr.: Mizrahi was a lunatic. blah blah blah stuff that would be insensitive if i knew MOMO was his daughter.
[MOMO leaves.]
Shion: don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster
Ziggy: Hey shouldn't you go look for MOMO?
Shion: Why? She's your charge. Also I'm kind of busy right now, what with all this not being a monster I'm doing.
Ziggy: ...Shion-
Shion: I'M NOT A MONSTER
Ziggy: ...Shion go find MOMO.
Shion: FINE. God. When I turn into a monster, you're the first one who's getting eaten.
[SHION wanders around, going everywhere except the PARK, because the PARK is where MOMO is. She ends up back in the ELSA.]
Hammer: MOMO? Sorry, haven't seen her. At times like this, you could find out where MOMO is right away by asking MOMO. But without knowing where she is, you can't do that.
Shion: ...
Shion: .................................
[SHION'S BRAIN took 9999 damage!]
Shion: OW OW OW HOLY FUCK MAKE THE PAIN STOP OW OW OW OW HATE YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD OW
[After stealing goddamn everything on the DURANDAL, SHION heads to the PARK area.]
Shion: Cheer up, emo kid.
MOMO: I don't think daddy was a lunatic. If he was... does that make me a lunatic too?
Shion: MOMO, this is just like the story of the bug and the nanomachine. Once upon a time, there was a bug, who was put on the Earth to do bugly things. But then a bird came, and it ate the bug, and thousands of years later, Mizrahi made some nanomachine bugs.
KOS-MOS: And he did critical research on the Gnosis.
Shion: And he did critical research on the Gnosis! Is any of this getting through to you, MOMO?
MOMO: .........
MOMO: I have determined that, relatively speaking, I am not a lunatic.
Shion: That's the spirit!
[ALLEN shows up.]
Allen: Hey Shion, after we go to the Kukai Foundation, they're gonna take us to Second Miltia! Isn't that great? The Durandal's much better outfitted than the Elsa. We won't have any problems, even if we run into more Gnosis!
Shion: Don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster...
[SHION goes to sleep. The DURANDAL docks at the KUKAI FOUNDATION. The party meets GAIGNUN, head of the KUKAI FOUNDATION, who has the number "669" on his hand. His outfit is CLASSY AS HELL.]
Gaignun: It's nice to meet you.
Shion: Jr.?
Gaignun: Huh?
Shion: What?
Gaignun: ...Moving on...
Shion's mind: What's wrong with me...? Acting so rudely toward someone I just met... ...Actually, that sounds exactly like what I do to everyone, whether I just met them or not. Never mind.
Gaignun: MOMO, I promise I'll take you to Second Miltia safely.
MOMO: kay
[GAIGNUN leaves, but not before his eyes glow ominously.]
Gaignun: That girl, Shion. She's onto our powers.
Jr.: Naaaah. Couldn't be.
Gaignun: I don't think she's an ordinary hedgehog.
Jr.: Well, she did survive all the various shit she's been through, so I guess it's possible. By the way, don't be a dick to MOMO.
Gaignun: Screw you, I'll be a dick to whoever I feel like.
Jr.: Listen. We were both there when Mizrahi kicked it. I think she might have false memories of him imprinted or something, I dunno, point is, quit being a dick to her.
Gaignun: If you're so concerned about her, why don't you invite her to the beach?
Jr.: Because beach episodes are usually filler. So fuck that.
Gaignun: By the way, I bought you an antique gun as a present. Enjoy.
Jr.: yaaaaaaaaaay antique guns which shouldn't be as useful as they are
Gaignun: Seriously, man, you're older than me. You could at least TRY to act like it.
Jr.: Nah.
[Soon after, JR. invites the party to the BEACH. THE PLAYER groans.]
Allen: You okay, Chief?
Shion: Don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster.
Allen: Yeah you've been doing that a lot lately. Anyway, I'm heading to the beach.
[SHION goes to the beach as well.]
The player: Oh hey, half-naked Shion, I'm okay with... actually no, no I'm not.
Allen: Shion, quit fussing with your computer. You're at the beach.
Shion: ......Allen what the hell are you wearing.
Allen: is that really relevant right now.
Shion: I wonder... are Jr. and Gaignun father and son?
MOMO: They're not quite clones, but closer than father and son.
Shion: How do you-
MOMO: I'm an Observational Realian. I see things.
Jr.: Hey guys, having a secret conversation about me while I'm right here? Cool, that's cool. Just for that, I'm changing the weather to "fuck beachgoers".
Shion: OH GOD THUNDER FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-
Jr.: Glorious.
[Cut to GAIGNUN, talking to HELMER.]
Gaignun: We've got the 12th Zohar Emulator. Wait, weren't there 13 of them?
Helmer: Seriously, man, who can keep track at this point.
Gaignun: We've also got the 100-Series Realian Prototype.
Helmer: ...I don't believe you.
Gaignun: Swear to God.
Helmer: Well I'll be damned.
Gaignun: Yeah so... The only Zohar left is the original, sealed away on Miltia, so that's what they'll go after next. Not to mention...
Helmer: U-DO.
Gaignun: Who do?
Helmer: You do!
Gaignun: Do what?
Helmer: Run right into this kind of gag every time.
Gaignun: ......goddammit. Anyway, we can't allow that thing to reawaken again.
[SHION and company leave the BEACH.]
Shion: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY AM I GIANT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Editor
I think that's just about the highest compliment I can possibly hope for. >_> So thanks.
Unfortunately this next one isn't very funny, because I end up having to summarize a lot of plot and I'm not very good at that. <_<
[Spoiler for Xenosaga, click to show][SHION enters the ROBOT ACADEMY FOUNDATION.]
Professor: I AM A PROFESSOR
Shion: I AM A SCIENTIST
The player: Oh god. Now there's two of them. This is about as bad as it could POSSIBLY get.
[SHION rests at the hotel and then returns to the ELSA to help ALLEN work on KOS-MOS. The scene changes to TEAM BADDIES.]
Margulis: evil planz
Pink hair and shades: not as planned
Margulis: more evil planz
Pink hair and shades: 100-series realian and mizrahi
Margulis: evil plaaaaaaanz
Albedo: what up margy? need some help?
Margulis: Just stay out of this Albedo, you annoy me. Though, if things don't go according to keikaku, we may need to use... THE SONG OF NEPHILIM.
SFX: Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNN
[They end communications.]
Pellegri: He's a little bit... touched in the head, isn't he? That doesn't go well with "has superpowers". Thanks, Life Recycling Act!
Margulis: It's not a problem. All he wants is that 100-Series Realian.
Pellegri: Funny, that does not reassure me. Like, at all.
[The DURANDAL is heading for SECOND MILTIA. JR. finds MOMO.]
Jr.: We'll be going our separate ways soon, so take this charm for good luck. It's an old bullet.
MOMO: Gee. An old bullet. Thanks.
Jr.: Hold on, I'll use my superpowers to attach it to this chain!
MOMO: You don't need superpowers to do that.
Jr.: I.
Jr.: I like to show off.
[Meanwhile, the GALAXY FEDERATION has dispatched a fleet to surround the DURANDAL and the FOUNDATION under suspicions of treason, justified by a video of the DURANDAL destroying the WOGLINDE.]
chaos: the video is photoshopped. i can tell from some of the pixels.
Shion: I find this incredibly suspect. Half of the people on board the Woglinde tweeted about being attacked by Gnosis, and the other half uploaded YouTube videos of the event.
Shelley: In any case, this confirms that U-TIC has infiltrated the Federation and the military.
Gaignun: For the time being, let's just go along with them.
Shion: ...Why, exactly? They used a manipulated video as justification to attack us. They're clearly the bad guys here. What do we POSSIBLY have to gain from not just blowing them all the hell up?
[Despite this, they are locked in a room so the FEDERATION can keep tabs on them.]
Ziggy: This was planned from the start. Even my infiltration of Pleroma must have been part of it.
chaos: which means there are u-tic members within the big 5
Allen: Even Juli Mizrahi might have-
MOMO: Mommy would never do something like that!
Shion: Yeah, quit being a jerk, Allen!
Allen: you know, i liked it better when the game forgot i existed.
Ziggy: It's all so they can assure that MOMO ends up in U-TIC's hands.
Shion: ...And this cunning plan included a part where you rescued her FROM U-TIC?
Ziggy: ...yes.
Shion: Well, I guess no one ever said they were smart...
[GAIGNUN receives a call from HELMER.]
Helmer: Lapis Roman, the woman who arrested you? She's my assistant, keeping tabs on U-TIC from within the military.
Gaignun: Awesome. I knew she was too attractive to be evil.
Lapis: I can hear you.
Gaignun: It was a compliment!
Helmer: Hang tight, Gaignun. I'll do what I can to try and defuse this situation. ...Gotta go, got a call from the CEO of Vector.
[The CEO of VECTOR is WILHELM.]
Wilhelm: I'm concerned about the situation. Enough that I'm even dispatching the Dammerung.
Helmer: What's that, again?
Wilhelm: I... don't know. In any case, they can only be after one thing. Or rather, two things. The original Zohar in stasis on Miltia, and...
Helmer: U-DO.
Wilhelm: Who do?
Helmer: You do.
Wilhelm: Do what?
Helmer: Run into this gag nearly as much as Gaignun.
Wilhelm: ...
Wilhelm: Goddammit.
Wilhelm: Anyway, tell Gaignun that I'll let him use KOS-MOS for a while.
[Back to our imprisoned heroes.]
Lapis: This is bad. We need conclusive evidence as to your innocence.
Shion: OBJECTION! The jural system means that we don't need conclusive evidence anymore!
Lapis: HOLD IT! We are not doing another goddamned Phoenix Wright parody.
Shion: But-
Lapis: NO. Anyway, we need something like a video with AAA class encryption, so even the owner can't modify it.
Jr.: AAA? That's almost as many as AAAA! Nothing we have has that!
Shion: KOS-MOS has that!
Allen: What. We can't. That's a breach of protocol.
Shion: Fuck protocol.
Allen: But-
Shion: FUCK protocol.
Lapis: Here, this key will open any door you come across. But you'll need to knock me out to make it look believable.
Shion: CAN DO.
[thud]
Jr.: Is it just me or was that the coolest NPC we'll ever meet?
Shion: Definitely.
[They make their way back to the ELSA and use the SIMULATOR to enter KOS-MOS' memories... or something, I don't know. But then they're actually SHION's memories. SHION doesn't know what the fuck.]
Young!Shion: Daddy!
Redhaired girl: This was the last day you spent together with your father.
Shion: Who are you?
Redhaired girl: I am... Nephilim.
[JR., MOMO, and ZIGGY are in MILTIA, 14 years ago. They see U.R.T.V. dudes gunning down random people.]
Jr.: They're all infected?!
Young!Gaignun: Rubedo! Where are you?
[Scene changes to the factory-ish place. YOUNG!ALBEDO(?) blasts YOUNG!GAIGNUN. JR. then comes to his senses.]
Jr.: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I AM FREAKIN' OUT
MOMO: Jr.?
Jr.: WHAT?!
Jr.: I mean, uh... Okay. I'm okay now. Everything is cool now.
MOMO: ...
Ziggy: ...
Jr.: ...
MOMO: I don't believe you!
[Back to SHION's group, which now includes ALLEN and chaos for some reason.]
Nephilim: These are your memories but also KOS-MOS' memories.
Shion: But I killed the first KOS-MOS.
Nephilim: ...
Nephilim: I don't believe that for a SECOND.
Nephilim: Anyway, you need to go back to Miltia.
Shion: why
Nephilim: ONLY KOS-MOS KNOWS THAT
Shion: ...Eh. Any place is as good as any other.
[SHION and ALLEN leave.]
Nephilim: Is this what you want?
chaos: shion is important to her.
Nephilim: And to you? ...Actually, wait, who are you talking about?
chaos: we are very enigmatic
Nephilim: so enigmatic that even i am lost and being enigmatic is my whole JOB
[NEPHILIM vanishes, leaving chaos to regroup with SHION, who is currently blowing up statues.]
Shion: Fuck statues.
chaos: shion, you may want to avoid shooting this next one
Shion: FUCK statues.
[The statue comes to life and attacks her.]
Shion: I always knew I'd die this way. Before this whole adventure even began, I TOLD you I was going to die murdered by a statue.
Allen: Yes, and I explicitly recall saying that I believed you!
chaos: shion, don't take this the wrong way, but you, and everything about your life, scares the hell out of me.
[SHION and chaos get the crap beaten out of them by assorted GNOSIS.]
Shion: Hey Allen, I've got a question.
Allen: Shoot.
Shion: On the Woglinde, you had a gun, and were using it to shoot Gnosis. Yet right now, you presumably still have that gun, but AREN'T using it to shoot Gnosis. So I guess my question is, how would you like to be used as bait in the near future?
[SHION and company encounter a woman who looks distressed. In this half-destroyed city. NOT SUSPICIOUS.]
Woman: Where could he be? I've been waiting forever! And to think, I was really looking forward to our date.
Shion: He was eaten by Gnosis.
Allen: Shion!
Shion: I saw it happen. It was horrifying.
Allen: Quit being a dick, Shion.
Woman: Looking forward to... Looking forward to... Looking... forward... to...
Allen: Now look what you did. You broke her.
Shion: So do I get EXP or what.
[The woman transforms into a LARVA DOLL.]
Shion: Okay, when exactly did we end up in a Shin Megami Tensei game? Because playable characters in those games do not have a high survival rate. We need to get back to our own world where I can survive giant explosions and hails of gunfire ASAP.
[SHION and company make their way down a manhole and around the area until they end up back at the start and unlock the two gates. This leads to a SEGMENTED ADDRESS.]
Shion: You mean
Shion: that whole thing
Shion: was for an optional door
Shion: that we can't open yet
Shion: ..............
[SHION and company backtrack a few rooms and find another, MUCH MORE OBVIOUS MANHOLE.]
chaos: how did we miss this
chaos: i mean, shion and allen, okay, fine
chaos: they are not that smart
chaos: but i really should have seen this
[They descend into the sewers.]
Shion: Oh boy, sewers.
Shion: The best dungeon type of all.
chaos: it does suck, but it's a lateral move from the cathedral ship
Shion: I disagree entirely. This place is much shittier.
[laugh track]
Allen: That's our Shion!
Narrator: We'll return to That's Our Shion after a short message from our sponsors...
[THE PLAYER is now controlling JR.'s group again.]
The player: Well, that wasn't a very graceful party transition.
Jr.: Right so... um... we were heading south, I think?
Shion's voice: HEY JR.! SAVE THE FUCKING GAME!
Jr.: .......I really shouldn't have been able to hear that. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
Eliwood Hard Mode is a little notable in that you need even more exp than HHM and there's no 0-chapters to help. To be exact, if you go to Linus's Four-Fanged Offense and Kenneth's Pale Flower of Darkness, you need around 41,300 EXP. If you go to Jerme's, you'll need about 42,000. The turn count is mercifully much easier to manage but it's hard to simply grind up the arena because on hard mode the arena is stacked against your characters really fucking badly. Still, I took 20 turns on Victory or Death to just grind my units. Not much to say about Hector Normal Mode - it requires the lowest turn count of all the modes, but also the lowest experience (about 35,000) so you just rush each chapter as fast as you can with mid-level units.
Photos - Hector Normal Mode: http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/4246/20110306164119484.jpg
Eliwood Hard Mode: http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/5886/20110306164128856.jpg
I didn't cut it as close as HHM's EXP but I was still a little nervous towards the end. Here's a total list of my experience and turns for Eliwood Hard Mode, which I kept track of entirely in notepad. Note that for this mode I didn't use Lyn Mode at all since it cuts into experience:
Eliwood Level 20/3 (2299 EXP)
Hector Level 18 (1783 EXP)
Oswin Level 14 (542 EXP)
Marcus Level --/1 (57 EXP)
Lowen Level 18 (1607 EXP)
Rebecca Level 14 (1372 EXP)
Dorcas Level 15 (1123 EXP)
Bartre Level 15 (1045 EXP)
Matthew Level 15 (1309 EXP)
Serra Level 20/10 (2831 EXP)
Guy Level 18 (1510 EXP)
Erk Level 18 (1746 EXP)
Priscilla Level 20/20 (3500 EXP)
Lyn Level 19 (1524 EXP)
Florina Level 14 (1135 EXP)
Wil Level 17 (1328 EXP)
Kent Level 16 (1111 EXP)
Sain Level 20/5 (2066 EXP)
Raven Level 16 (1117 EXP)
Lucius Level 16 (1345 EXP)
Canas Level 17 (903 EXP)
Dart Level 16 (859 EXP)
Fiora Level 20/8 (2028 EXP)
Legault Level 20 (800 EXP)
Nils Level 20 (1900 EXP)
Isadora Level --/1 (23 EXP)
Heath Level 20/13 (2580 EXP)
Rath Level 15 (637 EXP)
Hawkeye Level --/5 (114 EXP)
Geitz Level --/4 (117 EXP)
Louise Level --/4 (13 EXP)
Pent Level --/7 (118 EXP)
Harken Level --/17 (1126 EXP)
Nino Level 15 (1025 EXP)
Jaffar Level --/16 (365 EXP)
Vaida Level --/9 (20 EXP)
Renault Level --/16 (58 EXP)
Athos Level --/20 (0 EXP)
43,034 EXP total
342/346 turns [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Jr.: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jr.: WHAT IS GOING ON WHY CAN'T I SEE WHERE I'M GOING
Jr.: THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE
[The group stumbles through a SEGMENTED ADDRESS and finds the ANGEL RING, which reduces ETHER POINT consumption by 1/2.]
MOMO: ........................
Jr.: ...MOMO? Are you okay?
MOMO: ........................
Jr.: I think we broke her.
MOMO: so beautiful
Ziggy: Don't you think Shion might need that mo-
MOMO: Hey.
MOMO: Hey.
MOMO: Shut up.
[They end up navigating derelict trains in a ruined subway station.]
Jr.: Oh fantastic, I always wanted to play Final Fantasy VII.
Ziggy: I don't think this is-
Jr.: Hey guys, there ain't no gettin' offa this train we're on! Durr hurr because that's what they say in the game. WITTY AND TIMELY.
Ziggy: Are you quite through?
Jr.: No, actually, I-
[A WELL-DRESSED MAN appears.]
???: I see thAT you are makING PROgress quite slowLY, JuniOR. PERhaps you would like to REquest my... serVICES?
Jr.: Um. Um. Maybe next time?
???: Ah. A pitY.
[The WELL-DRESSED MAN straightens his tie and then leaves through the train's door, which was previously inoperative.]
Jr.: Run.
MOMO: Who was-
Jr.: JUST RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK OH MY GOD.
[JR. and company end up in the same sewers SHION previously went through, but on a lower level.]
Jr.: I'm just sayin'.
Ziggy: We know what you're saying.
Jr.: I'm just sayin'.
Ziggy: WE KNOW.
Jr.: It's like they had a parrot in the room.
Ziggy: God.
Jr.: And it kept pitching, "And then they go through the sewers! And then they go through the sewers!" And they KEPT LISTENING TO IT.
Ziggy: You know what makes this so much more tolerable?
Jr.: What?
Ziggy: Having to listen to you whine about it.
MOMO: It could be worse.
Ziggy: How?
MOMO: It could be Shion whining about it instead.
[They exit the sewers and find themselves in front of a massive building.]
Ziggy: The U-TIC Organization's HQ... Labyrinthos.
Jr.: Yeah... screw that. We're not having another office building-themed dungeon. Especially one named "Labyrinthos".
MOMO: That name does fill me with dread. And fear. And another emotion which I can't quite identify.
Jr.: Desire to round up everyone in the world, put them on a spaceship, and pilot it into the sun?
MOMO: Something like that.
Jr.: Totally natural.
[The party notices a man preaching from one of LABYRINTHOS' balconies. He is JOACHIM MIZRAHI.]
Joachim: And whosoever shall be found / Without the soul for getting down / Must stand and face the hounds of hell / And rot, inside a corpse's shell...
MOMO: Daddy!
[MOMO tries to run towards him, but ZIGGY grabs her.]
MOMO: Let go!
Ziggy: No, I agree with Jr. We're not doing this dungeon.
MOMO: But-
Jr.: Sorry, you're outvoted.
[JOACHIM suddenly explodes and falls off the tower. MOMO breaks free and runs off to catch him, but he falls right through her and vanishes.]
MOMO: ...Daddy?
The player: This would quite possibly be an emotionally charged scene if only it weren't for THE GODDAMN PANTY SHOTS AUGH
[The world begins to digitize, and the group falls into an amazing technicolor void.]
Jr.: MOMO... If we live through this...
MOMO: Yes?
Jr.: We're buying you some fucking paaaaaaaaaaaaants!
[SHION and chaos are in a forest.]
Shion: The decent thing to do would have been to unequip the Angel Ring so I could use it.
chaos: shion, the thing about that is, no one in the party likes you. at all.
Shion: "No one else".
chaos: what?
Shion: "No one else in the party likes you".
chaos: ...if you say so.
[SHION and chaos see one of those mascot rabbits. It is BUNNIE.]
Shion: Look, a sin against nature.
Shion: ...let's steal from it.
[They do so.]
[SHION and company exit the forest. They find JR.'s group.]
MOMO [sobbing]: I just want... to be in a game... where I'm not sexualized! Is that so much to ask?
Shion: Hey guys! Hey MOMO, is that a basic land in your skirt? Because I'd ta-
Jr.: Oh god, you're alive. I mean, thank god, you're alive!
Ziggy: Care to explain what's going on?
Allen: technobabble technobabble
Shion: that's impossible
Allen: no it's not because technobabble
Shion: But what about plot hole?
chaos: that's explained by technobabble technobabble
MOMO: Of course! It's all so obvious!
[SHION remembers some things NEPHILIM said.]
Nephilim: I need all of you here. You need to confront your memories. blah blah blah go fight a boss in that church.
[They enter the church and see a REALIAN. She is FEBRONIA. SHION recognizes her, from her memories of a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.]
Febronia: Follow me, Shion.
Shion: no thanks
Nephilim: This is important Shion.
Shion: I'm still not convinced.
Nephilim: There's a save point right here.
Shion: Oh! Well, that changes everything. Okay, let's do this.
[They enter the next room.]
Allen: This... is inside of the Chief's soul?
Ziggy: It's so dark and empty.
Nephilim: The Acute Neurosis Treatment Facility. I assume you remember it, Shion?
Shion: This is where Mom was hospitalized...
[SHION sees assorted dead bodies littering the room. A number of ZOMBIES appear and merge with each other by stabbing each other in the back. JR., however, is seeing a less terrifying and more hilarious memory.]
Young!Albedo [laughing]: The Song... The Song is... I... Mirror, mirror, on the wall... show me! Define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I am the perfect chain!
The player: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN
[The ZOMBIES in the hospital room morph into a giant monster, which attacks.]
BOSS FIGHT:
TIAMAT
Jr.: Easiest boss ever.
Shion: I wonder if my Shock Blade's special effect works on this guy?
[It doesn't. TIAMAT reacts to SHION's consciousness and ruins the fuck out of some Earths. And the party, too.]
Jr.: What the FUCK was that?! Jesus Christ Shion, are you Hitler's brain in a 22-year-old woman's body or something?! Its reaction to my consciousness is to fail to smack MOMO for like 100 damage!
Shion: Yeah... Yeah, we're not doing this.
[SHION used the BANE SWORD. BANE will be cast on TIAMAT.]
[Erased.]
Shion: Best ever.
Febronia: What the hell? You can't do that! That's cheating! You're supposed to face your memories and overcome them!
Shion: My memories said this would be infinitely less annoying.
Febronia: But... it ruins the whole point! There's no-
Nephilim: ...Seems they weren't ready after all. My mistake. Ah well. Let's just give them some exposition anyway.
[The scene changes to a park. FEBRONIA is asleep lying against a tree, while two similar looking girls run around the tree happily.]
Febronia: A fake world created for Cecily and Cathe.
Allen: Fake? But they seem so happy...
[The world changes to a graveyard. The other FEBRONIA is now obviously dead, while the two girls continue to run around happily.]
Allen: ...That is messed up, Febronia.
Febronia: This is an illusion created by mankind to control the Zohar. Shion, I want you to release my sisters... For the good of all Realians.
Nephilim: No... for the good of all sentient life!
Shion: ...
Shion: You guys realize that sentient life is my least favorite kind of life, right.
Febronia: Nephilim. Conference.
[The two huddle.]
Febronia: What the fuck were you thinking.
Nephilim: I'm really not even sure myself at this point.
Febronia: Okay, well you better fix it, because we're stuck out here in nowhere land until you do.
Nephilim: I'm working on it! Just give me a chance! Geez.
[The return to the party.]
Shion: ...So all I'm saying is that Marluxia is the real hero of Kingdom Hearts.
Jr.: Were you dropped on your head? Did you miss the part about how he was basically an eldritch abomination in humanoid form, had no emotions, and was trying to kill Sora?
Shion: Probably because he knew that Sora, if left unchecked, would attempt to commit genocide against a race of mostly peaceful individuals.
Jr.: Who are crimes against nature.
Shion: Bullshit. They were-
Nephilim: Ahem.
Shion: In a minute, this is important.
Nephilim: No, we're going to do this now.
[The entire group is in space, looking down on MILTIA. SUPER KOS-MOS appears.]
Miltia: COUNTER FORCE ACTIVATED
Super!KOS-MOS: MIRROR FORCE ACTIVATED
Miltia: ...fuck.
[A huge explosion ensues.]
Nephilim: That stream of energy is known as U-DO.
MOMO: Who do?
Nephilim: You do.
MOMO: Do what?
Nephilim: Have the power to change the future.
Shion: why would we want to change it.
Nephilim: ..........Ignoring that. U-DO caused bad things in the past. In the future, U-DO and KOS-MOS in her super form will fight, and that's bad. For everyone. You might want to try changing the future to avoid it. And U-DO's gonna awaken soon, so, you know. Tick tock.
Ziggy: Why us?
Nephilim: ...
Ziggy: ...
Nephilim: ...
Ziggy: ...Well?
Nephilim: Give me a second, I swear I had a-OH RIGHT. Shion. You were touched by a Gnosis-
Jr.: "Touched."
Shion: IN BEFORE JR.
Shion: GODDAMMIT
Nephilim: ...Ahem. You were touched by a Gnosis, yet you've remained unchanged.
Shion: Yeah, I've got it under control.
Shion: Don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster...
Nephilim: ...I suspect it is because you're already a barely intelligent bringer of destruction that everyone hates.
Ziggy: So that's why you chose us?
Nephilim: No, that's why I can tell you why in the future.
Ziggy: ...You know what would have been a more satisfying answer than that?
Nephilim: What?
Ziggy: ANYTHING.
Nephilim: Welp, gotta go.
Febronia: Hate you so much.
Nephilim: Wait, me, or them?
Febronia: YES.
[NEPHILIM and FEBRONIA exit, replaced by a door. For once, THE WRITER will refrain from KINGDOM HEARTS jokes even though they would be so appropriate here.]
The readers: Thank god.
[SHION's party heads through the door and ends up in a cave. KOS-MOS is tied to a crucifix with assorted wires.]
Jr.: In before Shion.
Shion: Hot.
Shion: GODDAMMIT FUCK YOU
Allen: Ye shall be as gods.
KOS-MOS: Disarming subconscious domain protection.
Allen: Okay guys, I got the MacGuffin. Let's get the hell out of here.
[
Shion: Morning, KOS-MOS.
KOS-MOS: ...I see that you have all gained several levels without me. Perhaps now we will be on equal footing in battle.
Shion: Yeah, maybe we-
KOS-MOS: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
KOS-MOS: You're all worthless.
[The group returns to the bridge of the DURANDAL. They present the data to LAPIS.]
Lapis: With this, you'll be cleared of all charges. You know, except for attacking a military officer, resisting arrest, fleeing from detainment, unauthorized use of government property... Really, you're in about the same boat you were 2 hours ago.
Gaignun: I didn't do any of that, right?
Lapis: Right.
Gaignun: Okay, sounds good to me then.
Jr.: Shion... That girl was called Nephilim, right?
Shion: Yes, we've all made the connection to the Song of Nephilim by now.
Jr.: Hey, fuck you, I wanted to act mysterious and wise.
[SHION goes to sleep. ALLEN angsts about how SHION will never like him, etc etc, SHION is a bitch, etc etc, you don't need to see any of this stuff. Let's check in with... these guys.]
Gaignun: Yo Helms! Thanks for the help.
Helmer: No problem. But you know, they're not going to let the 100-Series Realian go that easily.
Gaignun: You call this "easy"? They managed to manipulate the entire Federation into dispatching a goddamn fleet and suspending all rights of an independent state. Where can they possibly go from here?
Helmer: You know, that's a very good question. I suspect multi-stage boss fights.
Gaignun: Those motherfuckers. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
XD
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
TIAMAT
Jr.: Easiest boss ever.
Shion: I wonder if my Shock Blade's special effect works on this guy?
...
[SHION used the BANE SWORD. BANE will be cast on TIAMAT.]
[Erased.]
Shion: Best ever.
Febronia: What the hell? You can't do that! That's cheating! You're supposed to face your memories and overcome them!
What the ****!? How the hell do you get by the two consensus most annoying bosses in the entire game and yet struggle against ****ing Domo Carrier?
This can't possibly be real. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
I did beat it in one try, but just barely. (At one point, Jr. was KO'd and Shion and MOMO were both at <20 HP.) [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
:)
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
In terms of character/personality/etc, I'd rather not express any Shion-related opinions due to fear of getting lynched. <_<
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
This is going to seriously impede my Xenosagaing.
Actually, Xenosaga might escape relatively unscathed, because it's both A) a console game and B) awesome. Fire Emblem 8 Eirika Hard Mode doesn't stand a goddamn chance, though.
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
right now i've got a pigeon named BF Skinner, a floating psychic pig that eats dreams named Chamomilla, and an electric reindeer named St Nikola, among others.
golden sun just can't compete with that
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Advanced
It's done, I've 100% completed Fire Emblem after 7 years. Eliwood Normal Mode is of course really easy to s-rank, the only remotely challenging task being Funds, surprisingly, but with double dash items you have a silver card and therefore shouldn't give a shit.
Thanks for reading all these updates everyone, it's taken quite awhile to do all this and it seems I'm just in time to get Pokemon Black soon. :D [/spoiler]
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Though I wouldn't really count S-ranking every hard mode as part of 100% completion, personally. <_<
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Remember how, during my Chain of Memories playthrough, I called Marluxia Dogs-for-hair? Well, if you ever doubted me...
Sigilyph is the best Pokemon. If I hadn't already committed to using Pidove and Munna, it would so be a member of my party right now.
My Herdier has been swapped out for a Dwebble, the HAPPIEST CRAB IN THE WORLD. it has been named Shellen.
There is a fucking gothic lolita Pokemon named Gothita. why is there a fucking gothic lolita pokemon named gothita.
Speaking of what the fuck, what the FUCK @ Yamask's Pokedex entry: Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry. ...You know, for kids!
I defeated Elesa in the most glorious match of all time. Her entire strategy revolved around spamming Volt Switch, which automatically swaps the user out after dealing damage. My first move was Stealth Rock. troll'd. [/spoiler]
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic