Editor
Meowko the Liepard, Shellen the Crustle, Snidington the Serperior, Chamomilla the Munna, and BF Skinner the Unfezant have been swapped out for Adorabug the Galvantula, Glumpster the Trubbish, Blobfish the Palpitoad, Sandabird the Sigilyph, and Lucy the Litwick. The sixth member of my team is Earbud the Audino, who has been consistently awesome ever since I caught it.
I decided that since it's so easy to level up here, I might as well train like ~15 Pokemon and then choose the best six as my E4 team once I get there. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Editor
I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS CUTEST SPIDER EVER
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
In fact, I'm pretty sure the other is that ones evolution >_>
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
New Moderator
[Spoiler for Xenosaga Episode One, click to show]Shion: So why the FUCK are we UNDERleveled?
Really, you shouldn't be, but then again I was abusing the slot bonus multiplier.
The player: Fuck.
The player: This.
The player: Shit.
Those enemies are pretty terrible for ether points.
[DOMO CARRIER recovered 600 HP!]
This is where boosts are very useful. =D
[THE PLAYER notices that he has enough TECH POINTS to upgrade the speed of KOS-MOS' ARM CANNON. He proceeds to do so. thanks xp.]
Yeah, speed is vital for techs. This is why I mentioned making Ziggy's Cyber Kick upgraded in speed, it makes Margulis a lot quicker.
Ziggy: MOMO, it is now okay for us to reveal EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR SECRET MISSION
MOMO: kay
Ziggy: For instance, MOMO is a super secret government super weapon!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS IS TOO
Ziggy: And MOMO can use the Hilbert Effect!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS CAN TOO
Ziggy: And MOMO is a better character than I am!
Shion: OH MY GOD WHAT A COINCIDENCE KOS-MOS IS A BETTER CHARACTER THAN I AM TOO
Shion: ...
Shion: wait
Ziggy: Too late.
Shion: but-
Ziggy: Nope.
I think this is the funniest part out of your very hilarious write ups so far. Congratulations.
[This also actually happens. Goddammit, XENOSAGA.]
The tones for Shion/KOS-MOS drown out any that Shion/MOMO might have anyway. >_> <_<
[THE WRITER needs to stress that, unlike everywhere else, he is not changing this ****. He is paraphrasing it, yes, but the implications were just as implied in the actual game text.]
Yeah that was... something. Yet I always went to every room for the scenes. >_>
[SHION goes to sleep. We now join a small boy, for an adventure already in progress...]
Awwww yeah amazing character alert.
[He and his crew of attractive but annoying women - including MARY and SHELLEY, who worked together to write FRANKENSTEIN - are investigating the lost planet and the FEDERATION fleet's distress call. However, they are very obnoxious, so let's just skip ahead to MARGULIS.]
Mary's a bit nerve trying, but there's nothing wrong with Shelley. They're okay characters, I don't mind them, but Mary's accent... Well, it didn't bother me, but I can see where you're coming from.
[The mysterious man from after when ZIGGY blew up MARGULIS arrives. He is a JRPG VILLAIN. Perhaps the MOST JRPG VILLAIN.]
No. Ghaleon. Lunar Silver Star Story. That is all.
JRPG Villain: MOMO belongs to me.
Margulis: Not creepy.
If you think THAT is bad...
[THE PLAYER notices that his combat team is now made up of JR., MARY, and SOLDIER. Due to this game's naming conventions, he's briefly unsure whether this is a generic soldier or a unique character named SOLDIER. THE WRITER decides on the latter.]
Nope, just a soldier. Who never comes back. lolz! =D
[JR., MARY, and SOLDIER eventually reach the MAINFRAME.]
I hope you got the segment address card before leaving, or else a glitch stops you from getting it in the emulator. >_>
BOSS FIGHT:
THE PRESS-TRIANGLE-TO-WIN MOBILE
I usually let Mary and the soldier die so Jr. gets all the experience. Roffles.
[THE PLAYER hopes nothing important happened after that, because it was mostly MARY talking and that's THE PLAYER's cue to tune the fuck out. The scene then shifts to SHION. It is a step up.]
Ignoring a scene with Jr.? You're doin' it wrong!
Shion: Oh dear. If only his career choice involved being trained to protect oneself in active combat against dangerous individuals. Unfortunately, as far as I know, his profession is completely different from that, if such a profession even exists at all.
Hey, those thugs are level 50 at least. They're serious threats!
Yami Cherenkov: You'd know... if you'd only open your mind! MIND CRUSH!
[SHION and company show up FASHIONABLY LATE.]
Okay, you know how there are two cutscenes, and this is where the split is? You have to TURN AROUND, GO BACK TO THE MEDICAL PLACE, AND WALK BETWEEN THE SEATS TO GET AN EMAIL. DESPITE THE FIRST CUTSCENE OBVIOUSLY MAKING YOU WANT TO GET TO THE NEXT ONE. I hate emails so much.
MOMO: Wait, wouldn't Shion be a better person to ask?
Ziggy: No. She's sort of a jerk. ALSO I GET EMBARRASSED AROUND WOMEN.
Shoulda been "no, you're a better character".
MOMO: ...i. i'm a pretty girl too. =(
Ziggy: But you're also underage.
MOMO: Well, at least there's one person in the game to whom that's actually a problem. You have no idea how much better that makes me feel.
lololololol
Ziggy: we cannot possibly ditch the rest of these people soon enough.
MOMO: agreed.
Bring KOS-MOS and chaos with you!
Shion: Right. We got eaten by Monstro and we need to find Gepetto and Pinocchio. And hopefully avoid Riku. Let's get started.
Womb levels, worst ever.
The player: Kill her.
[CHERENKOV kills her.]
The player: And nothing of value was lost.
=D
The player: I think I'm supposed to find this guy unsympathetic now, but it's really hard to considering all the shit he's been put through.
Are you kidding? Cherenkov was one of the most sympathetic characters in Xenosaga Episode One IMO.
MOMO: Secret new tech!
Did you actually have MOMO as your onscreen character or did you cheat and use an FAQ? >_>
[Time from start of CATHEDRAL SHIP to save point: OVER AN HOUR. OH MY GOD.]
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
MOMO: SECOND MILTIA STAR WIND POWER, MAKE UP! ...Not that. ...RISING HEART, SET UP! Nope? Uh. OH KEY THAT HIDES THE POWER OF THE DARK. I, MOMO, COMMAND YOU UNDER THE CONTRACT! RELEASE! ...Yeah can't say I expected that to work. Nano-machine Crusnik 02, starting operation at 50% level! MOMOmon, digivolve to... StarwindMOMOmon! Steal, Magic Caster! Henshin-a-go-go, baby! It's morphin' time! Shift into turbo! Let's rocket! Go Galactic! Beetle-Bonders Beetle Blast! Fire within me! By the power of Grayskull! Shazam!
Raising Heart, you silly goose.
[UNICORN used MIRACULOUS HEALING to revive an OGRE.]
Shion: ...You know what I'm thinkin'. I'm thinking we should kill that goddamned unicorn.
MOMO: I too feel this way.
trololololol
Shion: Because chaos sucks.
Ziggy: He had 75% of KOS-MOS' damage output before he even got a HiSpeed Tech.
Shion: Details. Meaningless, meaningless details. Also slander.
Told ya, he's amazing against Gnosis.
I actually had to take out my PS2, find Xenosaga I, and load up a save I had in the final dungeon to test this because my initial reaction was, "The hell? You totally can."
...Grudgingly, it seems you can't.
That stunned me. I guess I always had MOMO in the front without remembering it... o_O
The superior team is Jr., MOMO, and KOS-MOS. Given that Jr. is not an option here, I'd say put in chaos.
I use the MOMO Protection Squad: Jr., Ziggy, and MOMO.
What the hell why didn't the game tell me about this.
Because only stat maxers usually care? >_>
[CHERENKOV absorbs a bunch of ghosties and the Zohar begins to glow. He turns into a GNOSIS.]
I love the music during this cutscene.
BOSS FIGHT:
GARGOYLE
Didn't steal from him twice? You missed either a good item or a broken one!
...Also I am so sad you beat him first try after suffering to DOMO CARRIER. Not that I think Gargoyle is hard at all but it seems like most players find him the hardest boss for whatever reason.
Cherenkov: Actually, I like it here. There's no sadness, anger, or happiness, or anyone except me.
This whole scene made me go =(
[KOS-MOS leaves the ELSA. She has blue eyes now, for some reason.]
THIS IS IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET THIS. <_<
Shion: SYMBOLISM
You could summarize the whole game with that one word.
Shion: OH JESUS WHY DID YOU SHOW US THIS
The music for this scene is so so creepy. As are the human/Gnosis things. Brrr.
Shion: Don'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonsterdon'tbeamonster...
Another reason people theorize Shion isn't human: she didn't become a Gnosis.
[SHION goes to sleep. The DURANDAL docks at the KUKAI FOUNDATION. The party meets GAIGNUN, head of the KUKAI FOUNDATION, who has the number "669" on his hand. His outfit is CLASSY AS HELL.]
Aw yeah, I love Gaignun. =)
Shion: ......Allen what the hell are you wearing.
My poor, poor scarred mind. ;_;
Shion: OH GOD THUNDER FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-
Jr.: Glorious.
Everyone point and laugh!
Helmer: U-DO.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[SHION rests at the hotel and then returns to the ELSA to help ALLEN work on KOS-MOS. The scene changes to TEAM BADDIES.]
Enjoy your thirty minute series of cutscenes!
Helmer: Lapis Roman, the woman who arrested you? She's my assistant, keeping tabs on U-TIC from within the military.
For what it's worth, I like Lapis Roman a lot, considering she only shows up in like two scenes.
Jr.: Is it just me or was that the coolest NPC we'll ever meet?
Shion: Definitely.
Glad I'm not the only one. =)
[They make their way back to the ELSA and use the SIMULATOR to enter KOS-MOS' memories... or something, I don't know. But then they're actually SHION's memories. SHION doesn't know what the fuck.]
This is one of my favorite dungeons because of using two groups to get through the dungeon. Plus lots of story.
[The woman transforms into a LARVA DOLL.]
You have no idea how much that entire sequence freaked me out the first time I was playing this. At night. With no lights on. =(
Shion: You mean
Shion: that whole thing
Shion: was for an optional door
Shion: that we can't open yet
Shion: ..............
You just got trolled!
MOMO: so beautiful
MOMO always gets my Angel Ring. =D
MOMO: ...Daddy?
The player: This would quite possibly be an emotionally charged scene if only it weren't for THE GODDAMN PANTY SHOTS AUGH
Are there really shots in that scene? I never noticed. ...Probably because I don't look. You sick, sick man. >_>
[SHION and chaos see one of those mascot rabbits. It is BUNNIE.]
That thing is the scariest thing in the entire game. Oh my gosh. That FACE. ;_;
[SHION sees assorted dead bodies littering the room. A number of ZOMBIES appear and merge with each other by stabbing each other in the back. JR., however, is seeing a less terrifying and more hilarious memory.]
Shion's memories squick me so much.
Young!Albedo [laughing]: The Song... The Song is... I... Mirror, mirror, on the wall... show me! Define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I am the perfect chain!
The player: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN
I have no idea, but it was so well voiced and cool sounding that I quoted it on Gamefaqs. =D
BOSS FIGHT:
TIAMAT
I am so sad that you won this first try. ...Again, I didn't think he was hard, but apparently it's the second hardest for the majority of players. lolz.
[SHION's party heads through the door and ends up in a cave. KOS-MOS is tied to a crucifix with assorted wires.]
LOL SYMBOLISM M I RITE [/spoiler]
Also I like a lot of the new Pokemon. Especially the deer. The deer is made of win. ...But there's also a lot of terrible ones. ICE CREAM POKEMON WORST EVER.
Congratulations Epyon! I'll get there too, someday.
---
"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
this game
Did you actually have MOMO as your onscreen character or did you cheat and use an FAQ? >_>
I was scanning a FAQ to see where the next save point was. <_<
Told ya, he's amazing against Gnosis.
Amazing, yes. Insta-kill, no.
Didn't steal from him twice? You missed either a good item or a broken one!
...Also I am so sad you beat him first try after suffering to DOMO CARRIER. Not that I think Gargoyle is hard at all but it seems like most players find him the hardest boss for whatever reason.
I stole from him once and was confident the second item would drop upon his death, which it did.
Also, the Gargoyle did kill me once. And you'll recall that I was trying to beat the Domo Carrier without any HiSpeed teches. And I still beat the Domo Carrier on my second try. And then completely thrashed it on my third try after upgrading a tech's speed. I really wouldn't consider it "suffering". "Suffering" tends to be like 10 deaths or more. >_>
Enjoy your thirty minute series of cutscenes!
I always enjoy my thirty minute series of cutscenes. The game would be better if it had more of them!
This is one of my favorite dungeons because of using two groups to get through the dungeon. Plus lots of story.
It was definitely the best part of the game so far by a wide margin. So awesome.
You have no idea how much that entire sequence freaked me out the first time I was playing this. At night. With no lights on. =(
Don't play any Shin Megami Tensei games. At least main series ones. <_<
Are there really shots in that scene? I never noticed. ...Probably because I don't look. You sick, sick man. >_>
Well, the good news is that now, you'll notice them every time you play the game.
I have no idea, but it was so well voiced and cool sounding that I quoted it on Gamefaqs. =D
Oh wow, I knew I had seen it before in someone's sig/quote on GameFAQs. Didn't remember that it was yours, though.
I am so sad that you won this first try. ...Again, I didn't think he was hard, but apparently it's the second hardest for the majority of players. lolz.
Revenge of the Boosting Tutorial! [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Advanced
I want to put into perspective how annoying the Lagdou Ruins are. My team:
Orson
Level --20 Paladin
HP: 60 (max)
Str: 25 (max)
Skill: 26 (max)
Spd: 24 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 25 (max)
Res: 25 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 14
Weapon Rank(s): Sword - A, Lance - S
Caellach
Level --/20 Hero
HP: 60 (max)
Str: 25 (max)
Skill: 30 (max)
Spd: 26 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 25 (max)
Res: 22 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 19
Weapon Rank(s): Sword - A, Axe - S
Riev
Level --/20 Bishop
HP: 60 (max)
Mag: 25 (max)
Skill: 26 (max)
Spd: 24 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 22 (max)
Res: 30 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 20
Weapon Rank(s): Light - S, Staff - A
Selena
Level --/20 Mage Knight
HP: 60 (max)
Mag: 25 (max)
Skill: 24 (max)
Spd: 25 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 24 (max)
Res: 28 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 20
Weapon Rank(s): Anima - S, Staff - A
Valter
Level --/20 Wyvern Knight
HP: 60 (max)
Str: 25 (max)
Skill: 26 (max)
Spd: 28 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 24 (max)
Res: 22 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 14
Weapon Rank(s): Lance - S
Glen
Level --/20 Wyvern Lord
HP: 60 (max)
Str: 27 (max)
Skill: 25 (max)
Spd: 23 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 28 (max)
Res: 22 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 14
Weapon Rank(s): Sword - S, Lance - A
With this team and battle animations turned off it still took 2 hours to go through Lagdou Ruins. And you need to do so 3 times to get Lyon. It is boring beyond belief.
Lyon however is a fucking champ. 55 attack with Naglfar (which has infinite uses) and these stats after a bit of leveling/stat items:
Lyon
Level --/??/20 Necromancer
HP: 60 (max)
Mag: 30 (max)
Skill: 25 (max)
Spd: 25 (max)
Luck: 30 (max)
Def: 30 (max)
Res: 30 (max)
Move: 15 (max)
Con: 19
Weapon Rank(s): Dark - S, Staff - A
He can summon phantoms that have 19 str, 12 skill, 12 speed, 30 luck, and 0 defense/res of course. He also has no need of the S-rank dark tome, Gleipnir, because Naglfar is actually more powerful. What the fuck. If you give him Naglfar/Nosferatu/Elixir/Elixir/Hoplon Guard he's basically invincible. [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
Made significantly less so when all your max stat units are packing infinite use 14 might dark magic Crimson Eyes and 100% accurate instant kill fuck-you-draco-zombie Stones.
It probably counts as cheating but I don't even care.
Also Bishops are pro and you should pack as many of them as possible. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
New Moderator
You dirty little cheater. >=( >_> <_<
Amazing, yes. Insta-kill, no.
Good thing I said amazing then!
I stole from him once and was confident the second item would drop upon his death, which it did.
Fair, I forgot that the second is guaranteed if the first is stolen.
Also, the Gargoyle did kill me once. And you'll recall that I was trying to beat the Domo Carrier without any HiSpeed teches. And I still beat the Domo Carrier on my second try. And then completely thrashed it on my third try after upgrading a tech's speed. I really wouldn't consider it "suffering". "Suffering" tends to be like 10 deaths or more. >_>
Ah. Anyway, your delicious posts of pain made me amused, even if it was only three tries. >_>
I always enjoy my thirty minute series of cutscenes. The game would be better if it had more of them!
Don't know if that's sarcasm or not, but I actually do love them. XD
It was definitely the best part of the game so far by a wide margin. So awesome.
<3
Don't play any Shin Megami Tensei games. At least main series ones. <_<
Too late! Got Nocturne and have read LPs for all the too-old-to-buy ones.
Well, the good news is that now, you'll notice them every time you play the game.
No, shut up. >_>
Oh wow, I knew I had seen it before in someone's sig/quote on GameFAQs. Didn't remember that it was yours, though.
Sure was. Still is in fact! =)
Revenge of the Boosting Tutorial!
'Dur' [/spoiler]
Congrats on wasting your life Epyon. =D So you do have to wait until the 31st? Darn, I was hoping to play with you over my spring break. But that's okay, I have other games to play and complete. <3
---
"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
No sarcasm. The gameplay of Xenosaga isn't bad by any means, but the plot is definitely the star of the show here.
I mean, I know some people say that Xenosaga has too many cutscenes, but right now, to me, it sort of seems like playing Mario and then complaining that there's too much jumping or buying a car and complaining that there's too much car and not enough radio. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Shion: Oh, I guess the entire party is gone right now. Actually, that reminds me, I was going to go apologize to Allen for being slightly more of a bitch than usual.
[SHION searches all over the DURANDAL and then all over the KUKAI FOUNDATION, until eventually finding ALLEN in some random bar.]
Allen: Chief? What are you doing here?
Shion: ...You know what, fuck it.
[SHION leaves without apologizing. This actually happens.]
[Meanwhile, ALBEDO is busy killing his little REALIAN sidekick and then laughing about it.]
Albedo: Showtime! Let the music play! I am the infinite tremolando! I am not an anti-baritone! I am the perfect chord!
The writer: We are going to run this joke into the GROUND.
[What follows is a number of reaction shots. On board the ELSA...]
chaos: the song... no! they must not allow it to play!
[And then the FOUNDATION...]
Jr.: That's...
Gaignun: The Song of Nephilim!
[And then WHEREVER WILHELM IS...]
Wilhelm: Things are sure getting interesting, aren't they, my randomly bird-faced companion?
[And then back on the DURANDAL...]
Bridge bunnies: Gnosis are gating-in en masse! They've penetrated the Foundation!
Jr.: Evacuate everyone from the Foundation onto the Durandal. Screw multiple escape pods, we want to be as big a target as possible!
Shion: KOS-MOS! Hilbert Effect! That way, the Gnosis can't materialize inside the colony!
Jr.: And instead they'll just punch through, causing explosive decompression and killing everyone inside.
Shion: ...welp.
Jr.: Now we REALLY have to help with the evacuation efforts!
Shion: But we're the main characters! This is grunt work if I ever saw it.
Jr.: This entire game has been grunt work.
Shion: That's not true. That's simply not true.
Shion: There has also been a lot of filler.
[SHION and company head to the FOUNDATION and begin rescuing people.]
Dying man: I locked my daughter in the safe. Combination is... birthday... photo...
Shion: Wait. Just wait a goddamn minute here. You do not get to die on me before I can criticize this decision.
chaos: shion, the man-
Shion: SHUT UP, chaos.
Shion: Let me get this straight. To protect your daughter from Gnosis, beings that can PHASE THROUGH WALLS, you LOCKED HER IN A SAFE, while the Foundation is BEING EVACUATED, thus condemning her to a slow death of either dehydration or suffocation unless someone happened to pass by, and even though you WON THE LOTTERY and we happened to be here, you're giving us a FUCKING RIDDLE instead of the actual password?! You are the WORST FATHER IN THE WORLD.
[The man rescues his daughter and leaves.]
Shion: Suck it, chaos.
chaos: i refuse to believe you planned for that.
Shion: Didn't I, chaos? Didn't I?
chaos: no, you didn't! that's my whole point!
[The group continues rescuing people...]
Woman: Wait! Why am I being targeted? I'm not even an important character! I'm just a part-timer!!
Shion: Hold it! That is NOT how we do things around here, little missy. Only named characters get to break the fourth wall. And also Soldier, because he's a pro. Whatever happened to him, anyway?
[Meanwhile, lightyears away, SOLDIER is fighting GALACTUS...]
Jr.: Whatever, who cares, I'm sure it's not important.
[The party rescues EVEN MORE PEOPLE! And then they fight some GNOSIS from the last area! And then they rescue some more people! And then they fight more GNOSIS from the last area! It's very exciting! Especially when they fight LARVA DOLLS, the most exciting enemy of all!]
Larva Doll 1: CONFUSION
[KOS-MOS becomes confused.]
Larva Doll 2: CONFUSION
[chaos becomes confused.]
Larva Doll 3: BLIZZARA
Larva Doll 1: BOOST, BLIZZARA
Larva Doll 2: BOOST, BLIZZARA
Larva Doll 3: BOOST, BLIZZARA
Larva Doll 1: BOOST, BLIZZARA
Larva Doll 2: BOOST, BLIZZARA
Shion: This ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
KOS-MOS: I AM KOS-MOS PLEASE INSERT GIRDER
chaos: FUCKING LARVA DOLLS, HOW DO THEY WORK?
KOS-MOS: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
chaos: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Shion: god. I should have just kept playing Pokemon JetBlack and PureWhite.
The player: I hear that. I- ...wait, JetBlack and PureWhite?
Shion: The fifteenth remake of Black and White.
The player: Oh yeah? I didn't hear about that, being 4000 years in the past and all. How is it?
Shion: Pretty good. Ever since the Ether type was nerfed, Garnash has been really overpowered, though.
The player: Garnash?
Shion: Evo of Garchomp.
The player: why would they do that.
Shion: I know, right? There's talk of moving it to Superubers.
The player: Superubers?
Shion: You know, the tier above Ubers, with Mewfive and Wutgivce.
The player: Wutgivce?
Shion: Wobbuffet's evo.
The player: .........
Shion: I know.
The player: Just curious, did you ever play the original B/W?
Shion: I started it once but it's really hard to play non-VR games these days. Plus, that was before both the Great Type Shift and the introduction of the Sound, Space, and Ether types.
The player: Ah well, as long as the remakes are cool you're probably not missing out on much.
Shion: Yeah... Oh, by the way? In Gen VII, save before entering Westradon City's Pokemon Center for the first time. Just trust me.
The player: Thanks, I'll try to remember that.
Shion: No prob. Anyway, I should probably kill these Larva Dolls now.
KOS-MOS: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
chaos: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
The player: Yeah, that might not be a bad idea.
[She does so. Moving on, the group rescues KING.]
King: Hey! You gotta save my cat!
Shion: Hey! I was planning to anyway! You're the one who wasn't worth my time!
[SHION finds the cat, which is fending off a LARVA DOLL.]
Shion: You are the most competent NPC I've seen yet. Cat, how would you like a spot on Team All-Stars?
Cat: Mrow.
[The cat runs off.]
Shion: ...You know, I was joking at first, but now I'm genuinely disappointed. That cat was literally more competent than the entirety of the military on board the Woglinde.
[The group tries to leave, having rescued everyone, but is stopped by a GIANT GNOSIS, except it's not really any bigger or more threatening than the TROLLS and BUGBEARS.]
Jr.: Somehow this cat... giraffe... skeleton... thing does not fill me with fear.
MOMO: It really doesn't look threatening at all. If it were housecat-sized it might actually be sorta adorable.
KOS-MOS: Less talking, more destroying that thing and then leaving. This whole mission has been an enormous waste of my abilities.
BOSS FIGHT:
GIGAS
Gigas: You may mock me, but you should fear...
Gigas: Because now there are two of us here!
Gigas: And although you complain when you don't get your druthers...
Gigas: You'll complain more when you face the SUPER GIGAS BROTHERS!
Gigas: I'm Elder Gigas. Our weaknesses? We'll tell you neither!
Gigas: I'm Younger Gigas, and I'm weak to Ether!
Gigas: ...Ha ha! That was a joke. He kids. It was not the truth.
Gigas: But it is, brother! Just like you're weak to physical moves!
Gigas: ......Brother, you said you wouldn't do this anymore.
Gigas: Sorry, brother, but the urge was impossible to ignore!
Gigas: Even knowing our weaknesses, in battle, we're strong!
Gigas: When you chose to fight us, you chose wrong!
KOS-MOS: ...
MOMO: ...
Jr.: ...
KOS-MOS: why doesn't my arm cannon have a setting above "kill"
[MOMO used MAGIC CASTER! SOUL was stolen!]
Jr.: ...what the.
MOMO: Yeah I can steal souls. Hint, Shion.
Shion: MOMO have I mentioned that you are my favorite character and that I would never do anything to mistreat you or make you feel uncomfortable please don't hurt me
[For some reason, having their SOULS stolen does not negatively impact the GIGASes at all.]
Gigas: I'll hit them with an AoE, brother!
Gigas: Well done! Now I'll hit them with another!
Gigas: And then, for good luck, I'll hit them with one more!
Gigas: Brother! Allow me to bring the total up to four!
KOS-MOS: My internal annoyance is up 5%.
Jr.: Only 5? God, I think I'm into triple digits by now.
[JR., MOMO, and KOS-MOS manage to defeat one GIGAS.]
Gigas: Brother! I leave the rest all up to you.
Gigas: Don't worry, brother, I'll make them pay their dues!
Gigas: Brother, it is time - this is their final hour!
Gigas: Indeed, brother! Now they face my OHKO powers!
Jr.: ........................
MOMO: Glad I'm in the back row.
[A large, heavily armored ship arrives. A young man dressed in blue stands on the ship's deck.]
Vyse: Who here is a Gigas?
Gigas: I am a Gigas, it is true!
Gigas: And I am a Gigas, that makes two!
Aika: Firing Moonstone Cannon.
[The spot where the GIGASes were standing is reduced to a charred crater.]
Vyse: Wrong answer. Aika, take us away!
[The DELPHINUS leaves.]
Shion: I choose not to question this turn of events.
Ziggy: That was the biggest cop-out I've ever seen, and yet, somehow, only the tenth biggest cop-out in our adventure so far. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Albedo: I've had a helluva day! I sank their battleship. And their whaaales.
[The party, having evacuated a whole thirteen people, is leaving.]
MOMO: There are injured people left to heal! You all go on ahead.
Shion: Well, I don't see a problem with leaving a 12 year old girl that every single major villain is trying to capture alone and unguarded, and nobody else is chiming in to object to it, so have fun, MOMO!
[SHION and company leave, just before a SINISTER SHADOW approaches.]
Shion: ...You know, that was really, really dumb, even by my standards. Let's go back right away.
Jr.: Yeah it's not like we need these shuttles to evacuate people or anything. We can definitely spare a few rides on this sort of pointless crap.
[SHION and company return to the FOUNDATION.]
Shion: Actually, you know what, screw it, this is dumb. Let's go back to the Durandal.
[They go back to the DURANDAL. This actually happens.]
Shion: Allen! Have you seen MOMO?
Allen: ...you lost MOMO.
Shion: We didn't lose her. We just don't know where she is. And we searched all of, like, two rooms, and then got bored, and decided we could delegate this task to some NPCs. And now here we are.
Jr.: Actually, speaking of which, the other 100-Series Realians should be able to find her easily, being the same models and all.
Ziggy: Good idea. We cleared out all the Gnosis in the city - luckily, they all attacked that one city block - but they might return, so I'm worried about MOMO. Not enough to have stayed behind with her in the first place, but, you know.
[We now join MOMO, who has woken up in an unfamiliar walk-in freezer somewhere.]
MOMO: A flashback should clear this up!
MOMO: Let's see, I finished healing everyone, and then saw someone who looked like my daddy, which wasn't suspicious at all, but he was LEAVING the evacuation area, so I chased after him, into a dark alley.
MOMO: And the worst part is that I am the smart one.
MOMO: Anyway, he vanished, even though it was a dead-end, so my first thought was to just stare at the wall for a while even though this was an obvious trap. And then...
Albedo: BEHOLD, MY BEAUTIFUL WINGS!
MOMO: ...I was wrong. That didn't clear up anything at all.
[MOMO sniffs the air.]
MOMO: I smell a plot thread somewhere!
[MOMO comes upon the body of ALBEDO's REALIAN sidekick.]
MOMO: ...welp.
[Meanwhile, in space...]
Captain Bald: The Gnosis are ruining our shit! What's going on here?!
Bridge Bunny: They're concentrating around the Kukai Foundation.
Captain Bald: Helmer! The ghosts of Miltia follow you everywhere, don't they. Well then, our course is clear. All guns, take aim at the Kukai Foundation!
All: ......
Bridge Bunny: Sir we're here to defend the Kukai Foundation. If we wanted to destroy it we could save ammo by just leaving and letting the Gnosis have at it.
Captain Bald: You're fired.
Bridge Bunny: But-
Captain Bald: Everyone else, fire on the Foundation on my signal!
[And now back to MOMO, who, relatively speaking, earns her title as "the smart one" a little more each day.]
MOMO: You're... my sister. There's so much I wanted to ask you, and now...
Kirshwasser: not dead here
MOMO: ...what. I don't believe that for a second.
[KIRSHWASSER shows MOMO some of her memories.]
MOMO: Oh good, we've moved from panty shots (which there are a lot of in this and following scenes, just FYI) to actual nudity.
Kirshwasser: You can't even see anything.
MOMO: Still creepy.
Memory!Albedo: SPEAKING OF CREEPY
[ALBEDO kills - or I guess just grievously wounds - KIRSHWASSER.]
[The memory ends. KIRSHWASSER's eyes darken.]
MOMO: ...He's here, isn't he.
[MOMO heads into the next room, alone, because THAT's the smart thing to do in this situation.]
Kirshwasser: ...stil not dead here
MOMO: I LEFT ALREADY KIRSHWASSER, god.
[Back on the DURANDAL.]
Gaignun: If the Zohars aren't calling the Gnosis, then...
Jr. [telepathically]: It's the Song of Nephilim, right?
Gaignun [telepathically]: Yes. No one else seems to be able to hear it, though. Except chaos, but he's just fuckin' weird in general.
Shion: Would somebody PLEASE turn that goddamn song off?
Jr.: ...
Gaignun [telepathically]: I TOLD YOU SHE WAS NOT NORMAL.
Jr. [telepathically]: Fuckin' unbelievable... LITERALLY unbelievable.
[Back to MOMO. In the next room are a bunch of KIRSHWASSER corpses, which is exactly as horrifying as it sounds.]
Albedo: I am creepy as FUCK. Here's a bunch of dialogue that sounds like it was thrown together at random.
[ALBEDO rips off his own head.]
MOMO: ...welp.
Albedo: What's that? There's a man in your heart? Ah! It's Rubedo! This is wonderful!
[ALBEDO's head regenerates.]
MOMO: ...yep, passing out now.
[Back in space...]
Captain Bald: WHY HAVEN'T YOU GUYS FIRED YET
[A group of several ships and one REALLY AWESOME ship appears. This is the DAMMERUNG.]
Captain Bald: what the-
Wilhelm [between sips of tea]: I decided that no one can have a more awesome ship than me, so I had the Rhine Maiden constructed. Eat it, Blue Rogues.
[The RHINE MAIDEN fires its crazy energy pulse that destroys all the GNOSIS in the area.]
Shion: ...we need to steal that ship.
Miyuki: Chief!
Shion: miyuki why are you on the rhine maiden
Shion: i guarantee you are not qualified for that
Miyuki: Would somebody unqualified for this job send you an extremely dangerous weapon without knowing what it is?
Shion: Um. Yeah, actually, that sounds about right.
Miyuki: ...shit. Well, at least you can use it to find the thing that's attracting the Gnosis.
Shion: Not that I'm opposed to using it, but I AM opposing to using it when it could kill me.
KOS-MOS: I can use one of my many functions to activate the device without harming the Federation fleet or the Kukai Foundation.
Shion: Can you do it while not harming just the Foundation?
KOS-MOS: No.
Shion: Dammit. Now I'm conflicted.
Jr.: Shion, this thing is the Song of Nephilim. It's Joachim Mizrahi's doomsdayiest creation. It's what destroyed Miltia and summoned the Gnosis. We need to take it out.
Shion: All right, fine, go for it KOS-MOS.
[KOS-MOS heads into space.]
KOS-MOS: Distortion detected at direction 8-0-1-8, near the U.M.N. structure.
It is currently emitting a weak column pulse.
Shion: Funny how THIS time I can hear you even though you're in space. Whatever, fire, I guess.
KOS-MOS: FIRING ANGEL ARM (for real, this time)!
[She does so. The SONG OF NEPHILIM is basically a giant black inverted pyramid.]
[We now return to MOMO and ALBEDO.]
Albedo: Open wiiiide, MOMO... I need that key that sleeps inside you!
MOMO: No... stop it... Get out... of my body... Seriously man, no means no.
[Back on the DURANDAL...]
MOMO's voice: HEY JR.! HURRY UP AND SAVE ME!
Jr.: MOMO's inside that thing!
100-Series Realian: MOMO's location confirmed. She's inside the Song of Nephilim!
Jr.: It must be Albedo!
Shion: ...The guy who lost to M. Bison on GameFAQs?
Jr.: The very same! He's my dark half.
Shion: is this gonna be some yu-gi-oh shit. because that joke was already run into the ground with cherenkov.
Jr.: god, i hope not.
Ziggy: I'm leaving to rescue MOMO. I will return shortly.
Jr.: Like hell you are, I'm the one who'll rescue her!
Ziggy: There's no reason to decide this now. Let's debate it for a while.
[Hours pass.]
Ziggy: You know, I never thought of it that way. Well, at least be careful, okay?
Jr.: Sure thing. chaos, Ziggy, KOS-MOS, let's rock and roll!
Shion: Aren't you forgetting someone?
Jr.: Nope!
[They talk to CAPTAIN MATTHEWS.]
Matthews: Ready to head to the Song of Nephilim?
Shion: Ready!
Shion's mind: Man, I don't know how we conned him into this.
Matthews' mind: Man, I don't know how they conned me into this.
[They depart.]
Tony: Heading around the side.
Shion: Wait! Take us around the top!
Tony: What? No. Fuck you. ...Why?
Shion: To indulge my curiosity.
Tony: Oh, okay.
[SHION's curiosity is indulged.]
Shion: Yep, this is exactly what I thought it was.
[They go around the side and dock. The party enters. MOMO is right there.]
Shion: Easiest quest ever.
Jr.: MOMO! Are you all right?
[She isn't.]
Jr.: Albedo! He must have severed the spiritual link! HE'S STOLEN HER CONSCIOUSNESS!
Shion: In English, please?
Jr.: He forcibly read her mind, which caused her to BSOD.
Shion: Still not following you here.
Jr.: He smashed her mind open like a piggy bank to steal her lunch money.
Shion: ...Can you dumb it down a shade?
Jr.: Screw this, I'm going on ahead. You all - especially Shion - should return to the ship.
Shion: Fuck you. First of all, we just had an argument about this, we're not having another one. Second, Albedo sounds way too dangerous for anyone except KOS-MOS to solo. And third, I'm the MAIN CHARACTER. I'm sure this plotline involves me SOMEHOW!
chaos: shion's right, you know.
Jr.: About being the main char-
chaos: about everything.
[They move on ahead and find an ELEVATOR.]
Shion: All right, somebody hit the button for Albedo's penthouse and let's get this over with.
Ziggy: The terminal is inactive. It says we need to solve a puzzle first.
Shion: You're not serious.
chaos: i think it probably has to do with these boxes.
Shion: Please tell me you're not serious.
Jr.: I think if we can destroy a certain number of these boxes, the reduced weight will allow the elevator to take us up to a certain floor.
Shion: Am I the only one who cannot believe any of this?
[After some trial and error, they figure out how the puzzle works.]
Shion: This is seriously the least convenient elevator in the world. "Well, I need to get to floor 3. Good thing I have this handheld box vaporizer. Aw shit, I just vaporized seven boxes instead of six. Guess I'll go to floor 4, call Steve, have him bring out some more boxes to load onto this thing, go down to floor 1, and then try again to get to floor 3."
Ziggy: I'm sure the engineer who designed this had a good reason for making it like this.
Shion: No he didn't! There's no POSSIBLE explanation for this! No part of this makes ANY sense on ANY level!
[They end up on floor five, where they encounter a group of SHOT CRABS.]
Shot Crab: I AM A ROBOT
Shot Crabs: OR FOUR
Shion: Listen up, random encounter. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the SURPRISE DOMINION TANK
[Despite costing 20 EP, the DOMINION TANK barely hurts them.]
Shion: ...um. Parley?
Shot Crabs: DENIED
[The four SHOT CRABS spam their TWIN GRENADE attack, which reduces the party to a fine red paste in approximately three seconds.]
GAME OVER
so yeah, any tips for how to not get horribly murdered by those things? [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Actually, in practically every situation I can think of, if you can decipher/navigate through Albedo's references, he's always saying something that is somewhat relevant to the situation at hand. He just does it in the most bizarre ways.
[ALBEDO rips off his own head.]
This is actually a bizarre case where the scene was censored from the original JPN version... and probably became more disturbing because of it. In the original version of the scene, Albedo uses a knife to do that - as opposed to physically ripping his head off.
And not the last scene censoring that will occur between Albedo and MOMO here either.
so yeah, any tips for how to not get horribly murdered by those things?
...Not exactly, because the only "challenges" I recall on the Song of Nephilim are boss fights. So... [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
And not the last scene censoring that will occur between Albedo and MOMO here either.
I have to wonder if sometimes the censors see scenes like this and just go "fuck it".
Translator 1: So what are we dealing with here, again?
Translator 2: A guy rips off his own head and then basically rapes a 12 year old girl.
Translator 1: ..............What rating are we aiming for, here?
Translator 2: Teen.
Translator 1: Welp, we're screwed either way. Wanna knock off early and hit the bar?
...Not exactly, because the only "challenges" I recall on the Song of Nephilim are boss fights. So...
Basically, those Shot Crab can deal 45% damage to my entire party.
Which isn't really a problem, except when there are four of them and they all attack in a row.
I think my party's around level 25, for the record. <_< [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Jr.'s best tech might be like... Storm Waltz for AoE, Last Symphony for single targets. (By the way, once Jr. gets Angelic Requiem, switch it with Storm Waltz, because Angelic Requiem the best
And for KOS-MOS - DAT X-BUSTER (If KOS-MOS also has Ether Limit, then DAT X-BUSTER should become even more hilarious, IIRC)
...And MOMO should have Medica All by now there are no excuses for not having it. Preferably Boost 1 too. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
But really, these enemies have 1400+ HP, I can't kill them before they get a round of attacks in, at which point my offensive capabilities don't really matter because I'm on the game over screen already. >_> [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
I'm not sure on the damage output for each aside from that, or the defensive stats on the enemies, though personally, I probably had a few levels in Power for Storm Waltz by now, and it sounds like you wouldn't, so...
As for defense, I kind of ignored that because I can't think of why that's the case. ...Is your equipment up-to-date? Because I'm not sure what else to do there. [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
.................
I am
the biggest idiot
on the planet.
maybe it would help if I used my GIANT ROBOTS THAT HALF MY PARTY CAN PILOT
god. [/spoiler]
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
But if it works for you, go ahead! [/spoiler]
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
...
Happy 500 Topic! *confetti falls from the sky*
Actually, I'm too lazy to make a new one, so let's keep this going until 600 or something. <_<
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic