Editor
And then I pop it in and oh no, it is so much worse. Super Mario Sunshine is quite possibly harder than every other Mario game COMBINED. If you thought SMB2j was hard, oh my ****ing god, that game is a cakewalk compared to this ****. I'd almost rather chance I Wanna Be The Guy because I feel like if I played that, I could at least make SOME progress.
I have the feeling that the game is only hard because of some of its problems. The camera frequently gets stuck in, on, or behind solid objects, non-solid objects, and nothing at all, leaving you to flail around helplessly until you free it. The camera also only swivels side to side or zooms out; it doesn't operate on the Y axis at all, which is infuriating when you're trying to look around. Or play the game normally. Or always. Mario runs around like he has soap on his shoes, more reminiscent of Sonic in his latest games than the usual Mario. And if you get within 12 feet of a ledge, Mario is liable to just glitch off it for no apparent reason, or do something else to kill himself just to screw you over. Adding to the many woes is the fact that triple jumps, backflips, and walljumps are required often, and yet Mario jumps like he's tied to lead weights - and once you're in the air, you can ONLY move in the direction you're pointed, which will often send you careening to your death because you were pointed just slightly to the right instead of completely straight, which you would have fixed if you weren't afraid of the minor correction sending Mario OFF A LEDGE AND TO HIS DEATH FOR NO REASON.
All in all, it's a horrible, horrible game and brutally hard on top of that. If this wasn't a Mario title, I guarantee it would be averaging about a 5.5 on Gamerankings.
*sigh*
Where was I.
I popped it in, saw that I had 65 Shines, and thought "aight, to Corona Mountain to beat this game!"
But then it turns out that, unlike in SM64 and SMG, 60 MacGuffins doesn't grant you passage to the final level. Oh no, there's a much dumber system in place here. You need to beat the first 7 missions in every stage. Give yourself a cookie if you noticed the flaw with this system immediately: if you get stuck on even ONE of their incredibly dumb levels, wellllllp. That's you being screwed. And if you're like me, you WILL get stuck on these levels, probably because they're way too goddamn hard.
*sigh again*
But anyway. I beat mission 4 of Ricco Harbor and mission 8 of Bianca Hills, so I'm up to 67 Shines now. I don't know if I'm going to keep playing this. I really shouldn't, Mass Effect is a much better game and I'm probably closer to beating it too.
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Also got the Shine from Ricco Harbor mission 6! This involved the infamous dolphin races.
...
I don't know why I just called it a dolphin race considering it's not a race and you're riding a blooper, but whatever, let's roll with it. Basically you're on a dolphin (blooper) and you're barreling forward at a million miles an hour and you need to collect the 8 red coins and then get the shine within 2 minutes. It's not too bad. <_<
Mission 7 at Ricco Harbor was a chase-Shadow-Mario-around mission, which are always terrible. Not hard. Just dumb.
Okay, fuck mission 8. Going to Noki Bay, mission 6, one that has consistently thwarted my progress in the past. (This is the one I was complaining about a while ago, where it takes like 3 hours just to get the place where you get the opportunity to attempt the special stage, if anyone remembers that.) But I am ON FIRE RIGHT NOW so I beat it in 2 tries! fuck yes I want to save & continue, thank you
Mission 7, Noki Bay. Another Shadow Mario mission. Annoying, but easy.
Right then, to Sirena Beach. I have... sigh. 4 missions to do here. Faaantastic.
First is mission 4, another horrible special stage one. I have no idea why some people like these so much considering how god-awful they all are. Anyway, that one really pissed me off, but then I got the Shine so whatever.
Mission 5 is a King Boo boss fight. It's not great, but it's pretty easy so whatevs.
Mission 6 just involves cleaning up the beach with a time limit. Meh is all I have to say about that.
All you have to do for mission 7 is make Shadow Mario check out of Delfino Hotel. =/
Next up is Pianta Village... And I've only done two missions here. ****. Okay, well, let's start with 3 then. 3 is vaguely annoying: your FLUDD is stolen at the start of the level and the entire area is covered in lava. I cheated and used a FAQ to figure out what to do, and I don't even care. So that's done.
sigh
Okay, that's all of that I'm willing to put up with for now. I think this is the last area I have to do though, so I might even be able to beat the game tomorrow! That would be great.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Mission 5: This one, though. Fuck this one so hard. I'm not even going to talk about it. As a note, though, violent video games don't make people into murderers. Super Mario Sunshine, though. Jury's still out on that one.
Mission 6: Boring.
Mission 7: lol Shadow Mario. What a failure.
Okay, FINALLY. Beating that triggers a cutscene where Shadow Mario floods Delfino Plaza, and the gate blocking entrance to Corona Mountain is finally removed. Let's beat this game!
...Let's die repeatedly because everything here kills you in one hit!
Let's... ride in a boat that cannot be controlled and then have to start the whole level over when it hits something!
Okay, got it figured out, you have to squirt to the right if you want to move to the right, and to the left if you want to move to the left. Because THAT makes sense. DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? This is IWBTG levels of bullshit. Instant death from everything, no checkpoints, and inverted controls. Oh, and if your boat touches ANYTHING, at all, no matter how slightly, you lose a life. This is terrible. The only difference between this and IWBTG is that IWBTG would give you a save point!
...Okay, FINALLY made it. Now I have the Rocket Nozzle, which I think IS a save point, but I'm not sure. ...Either way, the cloud section is next: basically you just rocket nozzle upwards and onto clouds. The camera is horrible, the controls are horrible... BUT I AM USED TO THAT SHIT SO I BEAT IT IN ONE TRY AHAHAHAHAHA COMIN' FOR YOU BOWSER
...
And Bowser is a pirate apparently. Faaaantastic. Let's... let's just put him out of his misery.
.....pfffffffffffffAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow. After such a painful level, the boss fight took about 15 seconds. Amazing. Worst final boss ever.
Mario, Peach, Bowser, and Jr. get dumped back in Delfino Plaza. FLUDD gets damaged in the fall, says "Mario... was I... of... assist... ance?" and then dies. Yes, very sad. Then the Shine Sprite returns to Delfino Plaza and all the inhabitants celebrate. Cut to Bowser and Jr.; Bowser says that Peach isn't really Jr.'s mother and Jr. says he already knew that. Then Jr. says he wants to fight Mario again when he's older. VERY TOUCHING. Cut back to Mario and Peach; some Toads bring a repaired FLUDD back to Mario, ruining all of that sadn- pfffffffAHAHAHAHA couldn't say that with a straight face. Then FLUDD says "The vacation starts now!"
Oh, that wacky FLUDD!
Credits roll. Then there's a picture of Il Piantissimo finding Bowser Jr.'s paintbrush. HERE WE GO AGAIN
(not really)
But whatever, GAME BEATEN, and now I never have to play this again! Until I go for 100% completion. Which will be never.
My thoughts:
The good:
-SMS really nails the atmosphere of a tropical island/resort. I've been to quite a few over the years and SMS just pulls it off perfectly.
-The graphics are great, even now. The water effects are especially beautiful, probably the best in any game I've ever seen.
-The music is great all-around. Well, the song that plays when you're riding Yoshi is awful, but... ALMOST all-around, I guess.
The bad:
-The controls.
-The camera.
-The game in general. It just... isn't fun. Some parts of it are fun, but overall? Not really.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
So far, it's fucking awesome. MMO sand box space game? Do whatever you want?
God damn. It's my fucking DREAM GAME.
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Editor
Consider this fair warning:
If Sephiroth wins, I'm playing Final Fantasy VII, start to finish, no matter what. (Not all in one sitting, of course.)
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Because a FFVII commentary could be fun!
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Advanced
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"A man chooses. A slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
New Moderator
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Of course, I thought that last CB too, when I was in second place, had Cloud > Seph and Link > Cloud going into the last two matches, and knew the one person ahead of me had Cloud > Snake! AND WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT WORKED OUT.
Anyway... let's get this started. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, to an epic...
[Spoiler for Final Fantasy VII, click to show]Find the ol' PSOne.
...Dust off the ol' PSOne.
Untangle the ol' PSOne's controller.
...Dust off the ol' PSOne's controller.
Note that it has the ol' SotN disc in it.
Locate the ol' FFVII case and the ol' SotN case.
...Stop referring to things as "the ol' X".
Note that both cases have cracks in them.
Become momentarily very unhappy with self for storing them on the floor instead of a shelf.
Stop caring.
...Note that the SotN case has FF Origins in it.
FIND THE ORIGINS CASE.
Return games to correct cases.
INSERT DISC ONE.
Okay, select "new game"!
Hit X to try to confirm that choice, in vain!
Wonder what's wrong!
Realize that Circle is confirm!
Curse Sony for their treachery!
Wonder if I spelled treachery correctly while waiting for game to stop showing me a video of the night sky!
See some girl in a red and pink outfit.
FINAL FANTASY VII
Train alert CHOO CHOO
LEGO men in red hats get suplexed by the train's passengers for some reason.
oh god it's Drederick Tatum
Drederick calls some guy a newcomer and says to follow him. Oh, I guess I'm playing now. My guy walks slower than Alucard. Wait, holding X lets him run! We're making progress.
I immediately get into a fight and remember why I stopped playing this game when I have to wait like 15 seconds before I can select "Attack" and then miss. UGH.
Oh hey, I leveled up from that fight! Fantastic.
I meet up with some of the train dudes. Biggs and Jessie argue over whether I'm an ally of SOLDIER (the bad dudes) or AVALANCHE (the train passengers) or RED LEADER (the group Biggs and Wedge belong to). Apparently I used to be in SOLDIER but I'm not anymore! Then I get asked my name and the default is "Cloud", but that is a supremely dumb name so my new name is "Claude". I do this for two reasons:
A) I will have none of Square's obsession with naming its protagonists after weather. In my day, weather and protagonists were two different things, and THAT WAS THE WAY WE LIKED IT
B) Whenever he does something dumb, I can refer to him as "Clod".
Claude says he doesn't care what everyone else's names are because he's outta here after he finishes this job. Then Drederick yells at us for moving in a group. Durrrr. He also doesn't trust me.
Oh, his name is Barret. I consider naming him "Butts" because he's a jerk, until I remember that Square actually named one of its protagonists "Butz" in the past. That was something that actually happened. So that takes all the fun out of it and I just leave his name as Barret.
Okay, after a few more battles I go into the config menu and set X to confirm and O to cancel, THE WAY GOD INTENDED, and also I put the ATB system on Wait.
I meet up with Barret and the redshirts again. "This your first time in a reactor?" "No, see, it says in my backstory that I worked for Shinra." "Oh. Well, I'll explain to you what it does anyway."
Claude (rightfully) tells him to shut up and then Barret joins the party! If only it was always that easy to get new party members. Shortly thereafter, I find Phoenix Down in a chest, which will be useful if any of my party members ever get killed! Right guys, that's what Phoenix Down does right?
Barret: The planet's dyin', Claude!
Claude: The only thing I care about is finishin' this job before security and the Roboguards come.
oh god who writes this
"Roboguards"? are you cereal
YOU CAN TELL THAT THIS REMARK MAKES BARRET ANGRY BECAUSE HE STARTS HAVING A SEIZURE
After being told how to use a ladder (derp), I find my first save point and overwrite my previous 6 hour save file. I also find a Restore Materia, but can't figure out how to equip it. :/
Claude is told to set a bomb, but then the screen turns red and someone says this isn't an ordinary reactor. But Barret doesn't hear this or notice the red tint and Clod just ignores it and sets the bomb anyway. yaaaay stupidity
We're then attacked by a... thing!
BOSS FIGHT:
GUARD SCORPION
...Until now I've sorta been acting like I haven't played this game before, but just as a note, I'm definitely not going to fall for the damn "Attack while the tail is up!" "OKAY" "And it will counterattack using its laser!" BS this time.
Also, I get my first Limit Break. Braver go!
...Oh, fantastic, I declare an attack before its tail goes up and it happens anyway. ATB... you are the worst friend in the world.
Okay, I wait for its tail to go down and then use Barret's Limit Break: Big Shot on it.
......Hey wait, Claude has magic, doesn't he? DURRRRRRRRRR I GUESS WE KNOW WHO THE REAL CLOD HERE IS. Okay, I kill it by casting Bolt. Claude levels up, Barret is still level 6 for some reason. Then I take the Assault Gun from its corpse, which I equip to Barret.
Now then! 10 minutes to escape. Let's-a go!
I find Jessie, who, despite just standing in place this whole time, managed to get her (his?) leg stuck, so we help her (him?) out. Then I get drawn into a battle. DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, MAN.
...Despite having like 7 minutes left, we escape with mere seconds to spare!
We're told to meet up at the Sector 8 train and then we split up again. Barret says Claude will be paid later. Pffft, deadbeat.
Claude gets stopped by the flower girl from the intro. He warns her to get outta here. I guess that's good advice, this city is a dive! Claude gets stopped by some Shinra soldiers a bit later, and I decide to fight them. Which turns out to be a good choice, because I kick their asses with ease!
More of them show up. Oh, come on now. Do you really think even a thousand of you could stop me?
After killing about six more of them, they manage to surround me. But then Claude decides that they're not worth dealing with for so little EXP, so he decides to take on more worthy prey, by tackling a nearby train.
Inside the train, Barret and the redshirts are talking about whether Claude was killed, will continue fighting with them, etc. Barret seems mad that Claude didn't show up. Awwwww. But then Claude, in the process of ripping the train apart piece by piece, rips the siding off of the car Barret and co. are in, and decides to take a break from his rampage to say hi.
"Shi't! Havin' everyone worried like that you don't give a damn 'bout no one but yourself!" (actual dialogue, exactly as written)
it's like i'm really reading bad fanfiction
Jessie feels mercy on the train and heals its wounds. The fact that Claude was attacking a being that can't even heal itself without a redshirt's help convinces him that he needs to seek even stronger opponents, so he leaves the train alone. FOR NOW.
Claude and Jessie have a romantic "look at a map of Midgar" scene, where Jessie claims the map is "about 1/1000 scale". Um. I ****in' seriously doubt it. Claude and Barret talk about the world and why people live in certain parts of it, who cares.
"It's like this train. It can't run anywhere except where its rails take it."
...Like a campaign run by a DM who's bad at improvising!
Back in real life: I get up to get a drink, and for some reason my right leg has become unable to support my weight. ...Huh. I blame you for this, FFVII.
Okay, AVALANCHE splits up again and there are three directions I can go. Both exits to the right seem to lead to dead ends, though, so to the left I go! Also, every NPC here is a moron who says stupid ****. And one guy says "Oh Jesus", which raises lots of questions about the setting.
Barret barges into some building, there are gunshots, and a lot of people rush out. lulz. I explore the area a bit, buy two Iron Bangles at a store, and pay 10 gil to rest in some guy's house. Then I meet up with Barret and head inside the building. There's some little girl named Marlene, and BREASTS i mean Tifa is also there. And I keep her name as BREASTS i mean Tifa. Despite the dialogue earlier, I guess Claude and Barret have known each other for a while?
I can't figure out what to do here, but when I try to leave, Barret comes in, opens a secret passage, and tells us to start the meeting. Also, apparently Barret is Marlene's father, even though she's white and he's black. Am I the only one who rationalized this by assuming Tifa was Marlene's mom when I first played the game? But as far as I know, that's completely not true, so I remain as in the dark as ever.
Marlene asks Claude if anyone from SOLDIER fought AVALANCHE today, and Claude says no, then explains it by saying that they'd all be dead if anyone from SOLDIER had shown up. lulz. Barret gets mad, Biggs tries to hold him back, so Barret throws Biggs into the fourth wall. ahahaha owned
Clod says he's done with AVALANCHE and doesn't care about the planet. When he tries to storm off all gloomy-like, Tifa stops him and asks if he remembers "the promise" from seven years ago. FLASHBACK TIIIIME
Past!Claude says he's going to leave Midgar in the spring and become a SOLDIER like the Great Sephiroth. Claude says he won't be back for a while once he leaves. Tifa suggests they make a promise, where if she ever gets in trouble, Claude will come and be her knight in shining armor. D'awwwwwwwwww.
Back in the present, Claude says he's not a hero and not famous, so the promise doesn't apply. Jerkface. Tifa counters by saying that he joined SOLDIER, so it does apply. owned clod owned. Then Barret shows up and pays Claude 1500 gil for his help because "a promise is a promise". Geez, that's gotta hurt. Claude says he'll do the next job for 3000, but Barret talks him down to 2000. yaaaaay friendship
Cut to the next morning:
Tifa: Did you sleep well?
A) Barret's snoring kept me up......
->B) Next to you, who wouldn't?
pfffffffffffBWAHAHAHAHAHA oh man Claude you are so not smooth enough to pull that off >_>
Tifa says she's coming for this next mission. Before they leave, Barret asks for Claude to explain how to use Materia. You know, if they had just had the Materia option unlocked from the start, it really wouldn't have needed a tutorial...
Okay, I grab an All Materia and an Ether, and then head to the train. We have a plan to jump off the train before the security checkpoint, but it happens earlier than scheduled. On the bright side, this saves us from another romantic map viewing scene.
We try to escape from the train, but a thief steals something from us and we almost get caught trying to get it back. But then we escape successfully! yaaaaay enemy incompetence
We're in a Winding Tunnel. The plot is to the north, but I want to check out the south first. But it turns out to be a huge waste of time. So I head north, and we continue by sneaking through a duct. Because going through ducts always works in fiction for some reason. Also, I like how Claude just sort of knee-slides into the duct. <_<
We make it to the bomb-setting place without many issues, and Claude collapses due to an acute case of flashback. I guess Sephiroth killed Tifa's father? Naaaaah, must've been someone else. Sephiroth's a stand-up guy.
Oddly, there's no time limit after setting the bomb. Ah, well. Heading to the elevator now...
We have to do a stupid button pressing thing to advance, but it leads to a save point, so fine. I save and use a Tent because I'm pretty sure a boss is coming up.
Moving ahead, we encounter a bunch of Shinra soldiers. Claude says that it's a trap. Then President Shinra shows up. Tidus really should have killed this guy in FFX, would've saved us a lot of trouble!
"Y'all Shinra're the VERMIN, killing the planet! And that makes you King VERMIN! So shu'up jackass!"
i sure am glad square figured out how to do dialogue for this kind of character before TWEWY - and this is me being sincere, not sarcastic - because I can't imagine liking Beat as much as I did if he had had Barret-esque dialogue.
For some reason, despite having a gun for an arm, Barret doesn't just SHOOT the guy... Ah well.
BOSS FIGHT:
AIRBUSTER
The Prez gets airlifted out, and we're left to fight this dude. Luckily, we manage to surround it, and it takes... hella damage when attacked from behind. After some fumbling around from Tifa and Barret, Claude decides he's sick of this and Bravers the Airbuster from behind for 600+ damage to kill it, muttering something about how the train was a far more worthy foe. He then retrieves a Titan Bangle from its corpse.
Unfortunately, that Titan Bangle was also its anti-detonation core, installed when it kept exploding and killing Shinra employees to make it stop exploding and killing Shinra employees. Claude bravely decides to contain the explosion by sheer force of will, protecting Tifa and Barret but preventing him from retreating when the bridge collapses beneath him. Holding on by one hand, the following exact conversation takes place (note: conversation may be embellished):
Claude: Barret! Take care of Tifa!
Barret: What? But she's completely fine, and it would take me like 3 seconds to pull you to safe-
Claude: Did I studder? Take. Care. Of. Tifa. I'll meet you all on the ground floor, like hell am I walking back all that way.
Then he lets go, using a flashback to cushion his fall. Also, on the way down, he destroyed a dasdardly ceiling that was attacking the poor flower girl from earlier.
The girl says I didn't buy any flowers from her. Hey, I warned her that a reactor just exploded and that she should get farther away from it! That's worth more than 1 gil! Then she starts talking about her useless Materia for some reason, I dunno. Eventually we exchange names, and I learn that her default name is Aeris.
Now, you might be wondering: Am I going to keep her name as Aeris? Or, for continuity's sake, change it to the canonical, but inferior, "Aerith"?
Well, the answer is, both of those are dumb names, so I'm going to call her Alice.
Problem solved.
Alice says she's a flower girl, and Claude replies that he's just a jack-of-all-trades. So she asks him to be a bodyguard. He asks about payment, and she says she'll go out with him once. Hey now, Claude doesn't have time for women, what with his busy schedule of planting bombs and ripping trains apart with his bare hands.
A guy shows up, and Claude recognizes him as a Shinra spy. His name's Reno. Alice says that if we fight here, we'll ruin the flowers, so Claude follows her through the back exit. Reno mentions something about "Mako eyes" and calls Alice an Ancient. Hmmm... WONDER WHAT THAT ALL MEANS!
Claude and Alice escape upwards, but Alice can't jump a fifteen foot gap. What's wrong with her? Everyone else in this game can jump that far and they don't even need running starts! Then she gets shot. Claude, you are the worst bodyguard ever. I try to drop a barrel onto her attacker from above, but miss horribly and Alice has to fight the guy off. Oh geez, this is pathetic. AND THEN I MISS AGAIN OH MY GOD THIS IS PATHETIC
Okay, enough of this. I start telling Alice to just run. And NOW she can make the damn jump. Whatever. We escape via the rafters and to the roof. Good thing Claude defeated the ceiling earlier, or else there'd be a boss fight here!
Apparently those guys have been after Alice before. Claude says they're the Turks, an organization within Shinra. Alice asks if Claude was ever in SOLDIER, Claude says yes but asks how she knew, and she explains that his eyes are glowing. Claude admits that that's a mark of being infused with Mako. Well, that clears that up!
Alice says that her house is up ahead, but more importantly: save point. Up ahead are some slums with a few shops, but not much new. I buy another Tent and a couple more Titan Bangles before proceeding to Alice's house, which, despite being ten feet from the slums, is not slummy at all.
Claude wants to return to Sector 7 and Alice says she'll show him the way tomorrow, after they rest. However, Claude decides to sneak out on his own, knowing full well that Alice will only hold him back. I also pick up an Ether, the Cover Materia, a Potion, and a Phoenix Down from Alice's house and garden.
....pffffffffffahahahahaha oh god Alice somehow got to the road first. BUSTED.
We head out to the road to Sector 7 and immediately run into my WORST ENEMY, the killer doghouse. Oh my god, FUCK THESE THINGS SO HARD. ...And I beat it, but get killed two encounters later. FUCK THIS AREA. ENEMIES SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DEAL 20% OF MY MAX HP IN DAMAGE PER ATTACK THIS EARLY IN THE GAME. I HAD PROBLEMS WITH THIS AREA LAST TIME I PLAYED TOO. ARGH RAAAAAAAAAAAGE
Okay, made it through, and found a playground. Alice asks what rank Claude was in SOLDIER, he says First Class, Alice mentions that her first boyfriend had the same rank but refuses to mention his name. Oh, JRPG characters. You always withhold the best information.
Then, all of a sudden, Tifa shows up in a chocobo-drawn cart. Alice runs after her despite Claude saying she should go home. I follow her and we end up in Wall Market. I didn't like this part of the game when I first played it and I don't like it now! In fact, I dislike this segment so much, I'm not doing a writeup for it. Except to ask, how the hell do you turn doing a squat into a three step procedure?
So, picking up after the hilarity(?) of Claude's Crossdressing and Homoerotic Prostitution Adventure, Don Corneo hits a button which opens a trap door. Then we cut to Shinra HQ, where the Prez, Heidegger, and Reeve are talking about crap we don't care about.
Okay, back to the party, we get deposited in the sewer. Ugh, sewer levels. And boss fights! Faaantastic.
BOSS FIGHT:
APS
Would've really been smart of me to equip Tifa with better equipment beforehand, but I forgot this boss even existed. We almost die, but then Alice gets a very well-timed Limit Break and Healing Winds us back to decent amounts of health.
I grab a Potion and the Steal Materia before jumping down a pit that leads further into the sewers; luckily, we can escape from here to the Train Graveyard.
Which is where we'll pick up next time!
Thoughts: I'm not sure whether my tastes have just changed, or whether it's due to going into the game with lowered expectations, or what, but I'm really enjoying this so far. WE SHALL SEE HOW LONG THAT LASTS! Hopefully the entire game! That would be great.
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
And oh god, I had never before made a Barret = Beat connection.
And I was happier for it.
...I have seen it AND I CAN'T UNSEE IT!
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
New Moderator
And yeah, this is the main reason I want a remake for FFVII. The dialogue. Mother of holy the DIALOGUE. As a side note, that was one reason I really couldn't get into FFVI. I kept thinking, "Did they really just say that? Really?" I know it's an old game and that it was ahead of its time, but geez louise I'm spoiled by the games I've already played.
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"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Editor
Nah, forget about it. Water under the bridge. At this point I actually find it kind of hilarious. <_<
And oh god, I had never before made a Barret = Beat connection.
And I was happier for it.
...I have seen it AND I CAN'T UNSEE IT!
[to Kitaniji] "Y'all Reapers're the VERMIN, erasing Players! And that makes you King VERMIN! So shu'up jackass!"
seamless
Well, it would seamless if Beat wasn't a much better character! >_>
And yeah, this is the main reason I want a remake for FFVII. The dialogue. Mother of holy the DIALOGUE.
Yeah the dialogue in FFVII so far has been... yeah.
Even ignoring "This guy are sick!" and other things that are just plain incorrect, pretty much everything just sounds unnatural and sorta jarring. Like, they're clearly trying to sound natural, but failing. To use the same example as above, try actually saying "Shinra're". It sorta comes out like "Shinrawr", at least when I attempt it (and assuming Shinra is pronounced the way I think it is). <_< I see what they're getting at, but nobody talks like that. Characters like Cloud and Tifa will drop the "G" from words ending in "ING" at random, for no apparent reason, even though it doesn't really fit their character to do so... Etc.
I dunno. It's a minor complaint, but a fixed up script would be so much more enjoyable.
At least there's no voice acting. >_>
[Spoiler for Final Fantasy VII, click to show]As a note, I've attempted to play through this game twice before, and this is where I stopped the first time. The second time... I forget exactly where, probably shortly after getting Red XIII.
Anyway. I grab a Hi-Potion from the top of a nearby train. On the next train over, there's a Potion that, for some reason, is just nigh-impossible to pick up. Actually, the controls for this game aren't great in general, but right here it's especially bad. But after like 30 seconds of flailing around, I manage to pick it up.
I gave Tifa the Steal Materia a while ago. <3 stealing things. So fun. I just stole an Ether and a Ghost Hand from some ghosty enemies and flying bugs.
Oh hey, after using Braver in a battle against more bug-bat-things, Claude learned Cross-slash, another Level 1 Limit Break. I guess I only have to choose which level of Limit Break to use, not which specific Limit Break? Because I can't seem to set Cross-slash. I dunno, I forget how this works. >_> Oh well.
I grab another Potion just before leaving this screen. On the next screen, which is just to the right of the Sector 7 slums, the area I couldn't get through before, I grab a Hi-Potion. These trains look suspiciously not pre-rendered, so... wonder what I can do with them!
Oh, cool, now I get it. When I get a Limit Break, I can select which one to use. That's pretty convenient.
I grab a... Potion or something, I forget, it doesn't really matter, and then get inside the trains and drive them out of the way. So now I'm back in Sector 7! Good to be home.
The pillar's still standing, but it seems like that's only due to AVALANCHE providing resistance. Wedge somehow survives being shot and then falling like 500 feet, and tells us to go help Barret. We leave Alice behind to tend to Wedge and protect Marlene, while Tifa and Claude head up to provide support for AVALANCHE.
Heading upwards, we find a wounded Biggs, but he tells us to ignore him and go help Barret. Still heading upwards, a half-dead Jessie says that AVALANCHE killed a lot of innocent people and that this is probably their punishment. STILL heading upwards, we find Barret going one on one with a helicopter. I'm luckily given a chance to equip everybody with better stuff before plot starts happening again.
Reno pushes a button and says mission accomplished. We go to disarm it, but there is a Reno in the way.
BOSS FIGHT:
RENO
He's got a few cool tricks, but overall it's a super easy fight. I just spam basic attacks and Ice until he retreats.
Tifa can't disarm the bomb and tells Claude to give it a shot, but he immediately uses his four ranks in Knowledge (Explosives) to determine that it's not an ordinary bomb. Then Tseng shows up in the helicopter and says it'll explode "the second some stupid jerk touches it".
>:(
Yeah well... your face is... dumb!
Barret tries shooting Tseng (hey, actual intelligence! awesome), but he stops once Tseng reveals that they took Alice as a hostage. -___- Tseng says their orders were to capture the last of the Ancients and that they don't know what's going to happen her. Then they helicopter away, leaving us to barely escape before the plate crashes down on the slums. Barret is understandably pissed until Tifa says that Alice took care of Marlene and that she's probably safe. Of course, even then he's pissed about Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie.
You know, the people in the slums really should have started evacuating when they saw what was going on. Darwin says this really isn't a tragedy at all. <_<
Claude asks Barret and Tifa about the Ancients, but then he collapses due to a sudden-onset case of flashback, and the question gets disregarded after that for some reason. Ah, well. Guess we're going to help Alice now.
Back in Sector 5 slums. Some kid gives me a Turbo-Ether, presumably because I didn't steal his 5 gil earlier. I also forgot to ever buy a Fire Materia, so I do that now.
We head to Alice's house and her mother reveals that she's not Alice's biological mother. Plot twist!
Summary: Elmyra (Alice's mom) went to the train to wait for her husband, who was in a war, to return home. He never did. She met a dying woman who asked her to take care of Alice. She adopted Alice. Later, Alice said that Elmyra's husband had died. A few days later, she got a letter confirming it. Tseng showed up to try to retrieve Alice, because the Ancients could lead them to the Promised Land or something, but Alice denied being an Ancient and refused to go with him. Back in the present, we're told that Alice went with Shinra willingly in return for Marlene's safety. So Marlene is here.
We decide to attack the Shinra Building, leaving Marlene in Elmyra's care for the time being. We're not sure how to get there, though, so for right now we're just heading back to... sigh... Wall Market. On the way, Tifa learns the Limit Break "Somersault". In the playground area, I find a "Sense" Materia - dunno if this is new or if I just missed it before. Not sure what that does so I just stick it on Tifa for the time being. (I later find out that it lets me check enemy names, HP, and weaknesses, or, more importantly, lets me spend a move without dealing damage if I'm trying to steal something.)
Back in... ugh... Wall Market, I get a tip that the weapons merchant has been scavenging stuff from the plate, so I head there next. He says I'll need a set of batteries for what I'm doing, so I buy them from him.
We follow some kids to a big wall. A hanging wire here can apparently be climbed to take us to the Upper World. Let's-a go! Along the way, there are places you need to put batteries in order to proceed, so good thing I bought those!
There's a dumb timed jump that I've always been terrible at, and shortly after that I use a battery to get an Ether. Anyway, I eventually make it to Shinra HQ, and Tifa and Barret (lol almost typed Battery, damn you muscle memory) argue over how to get inside. Barret wants to just blast in through the main entrance and take out everyone who tries to stop us, Spike Spiegal style, while Tifa wants to Solid Snake it up. I opt for the latter option, just cause, and we end up going up a million flights of stairs. At least I get an Elixir on the way up, so it's not a total loss!
...And as soon as we get to the top, we get attacked anyway. lol. But we get a Keycard, so it's all good, and we take the elevator up to the 60th floor. There's a dumb stealth minigame here, but luckily if you just fail it over and over eventually you'll kill all the guards. Oh, but after a few tries I actually manage to do it! Amazing.
We convince some guy that we're repairmen, and he gives us a Keycard that'll take us up to floor 62. yaaaay incompetence. On floor 62 is the Mayor, who apparently hates Shinra and wants us to cause hell for them. After guessing a password, he gives us a Keycard for the 65th floor, as well as an "Elemental" Materia.
On floor 63 I do a short puzzle and am rewarded with a Star Pendant, a Four Slots... armband... thing, and an "All" Materia. Floor 64 nets me a Phoenix Down and an Ether. I try to buy a Shinra Special Drink from a vending machine but it eats my money. >:( I also save and use a bed here to restore my health.
Floor 65 is a boring puzzle that gives me a Keycard for the next floor, where I climb into an air duct and spy on a meeting in a conference room. The Prez talks about increasing Mako rates, which means... I dunno, something, probably. Then Hojo enters and talks about the experiments on Alice. He says they'll take 120 years, which is more than their lifetime, or her lifetime for that matter. He says they're thinking of breeding her. <____< THEY'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES AM I RIGHT GENTLEMEN
We follow Hojo to floor 67, where I take a few minutes to steal a Hardedge off of the random encounters here - it's a pretty decent weapon for Claude. Then I continue following Hojo and find him examining some red lion thing which is in a giant containment cell. While Tifa is off dicking around tapping on the containment cell, Claude says the word "Jenova", has a vision of breasts, and collapses.
"Jenova... Sephiroth's... So... they've brought it here." Oh, I guess it wasn't a vision, he just looked into the window on a metal dome and saw boobs. MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
Moving on, I grab the "Poison" Materia and save my game, then I get lost somehow. Woooow, that was dumb of me. I guess I didn't notice the door three feet away or something, who knows. WHATEVER. Moving on, we confront Hojo but he says the machinery here is very delicate and if we kill him, no one would be able to operate it. Ugh. Then he releases the red dog thing into Alice's containment cell, basically saying that he's going to try breeding them.
.............
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
I DON'T THINK YOU THOUGHT YOUR CUNNING PLAN THROUGH.
Barret shoots the cell, which causes Hojo to become worried about his precious specimens. He opens the cell and... JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION, GET IN THE CAR! But he doesn't make it and the lion starts eating his face, OM NOM NOM NOM
Claude says the elevator is moving, and the lion dog whatever thing starts talking, saying that Hojo is strong and that he'll assist us. I'm given a choice of who send away to take care of Alice, but accidentally hit X before comprehending what was going on and so I sent Tifa away. Well. That's what I was gonna do anyway, I guess, so no big loss.
The lion says Hojo named it Red XIII but we can call it whatever we want. Ehhhhhh... Red XIII works, I guess.
BOSS FIGHT:
SAMPLE: H0512
sigh
The boss has three henchmen and poisoned both Barret and Red XIII at the start of the battle. Luckily, Claude had the Star Pendant, so he was safe from that. Also luckily, the boss doesn't have much HP, so we just killed it and its henchmen died along with it. We get a Talisman off its corpse.
Red XIII apologizes to Alice and says he was just acting to take Hojo off-guard; when Barret asks what he is, he says it's a difficult question and doesn't answer. -_- We decide to split up, so I ignore the story and keep my awesome Claude/Tifa/Barret party, making the other party Red XIII and Alice. lolz. I also pick up the "Enemy Skill" Materia from the containment cell once I have control again.
I grab four nearby Potions and a Keycard for the 68th floor, then I head for the meeting point, the 66th floor elevator. But once I get there, Rude and Tseng show up and capture the party. Apparently the other party got caught too. All of us sans Alice are brought before President Shinra. He explains a bit about the Ancients and the Promised Land, then we're put in jail. Claude is put in a cell with Tifa, Red XIII with Barret, and Alice is alone. Each party member aside from Tifa and Claude gets a "how are you doing?" scene, which is mildly interesting I guess. We get some sleep after that, and when Claude wakes up, the door is open and the guards are dead/unconscious. We help ourselves to a key and free everyone; Barret says he'll stay behind and clean up (???) while Red XIII goes on ahead. Claude and the girls follow him to Jenova's cell and find it broken open with blood everywhere.
We follow the trail of blood up to the 69th floor and eventually the 70th floor, the President's office. Barret and Red XIII show up here, and it seems the President is dead. The sword impaling him is Sephiroth's; Claude and Tifa seem quite surprised that Sephiroth is alive. Palmer shows up and the party interrogates him. I guess Sephiroth said something about not letting Shinra have the Promised Land. Despite this, Claude insists that Sephiroth isn't a good guy. Intriguing.
Palmer escapes and Rufus shows up in his helicopter. We head outside. Rufus says that he's going to control the population through fear, not money. Oh dear. Claude sends the party away, saying it's a crisis for the Planet or something and that he'll take care of Rufus. Tifa stays behind away. The rest of the party heads for the elevators.
...Oh hell. As soon as we enter the elevators, a boss fight starts.
BOSS FIGHT:
HUNDRED GUNNER
Okay, this guy isn't too bad. I can't use normal attacks on it because it's on the adjacent elevator - well, Barret can, but Alice and Red XIII can't - but spamming magic killed it.
OH AND ALSO:
HELI GUNNER
...fuck.
Well, this one is even weaker than the first. Or, it has less HP, anyway. It managed to put Barret to sleep somehow, but whatever.
...Cut back to Claude and Rufus. Claude says he wants to fight Rufus because Rufus is seeking the Promised Land and Sephiroth. Rufus says that Sephiroth is an Ancient. Huh? Well, whatever.
BOSS FIGHT:
RUFUS
and
DARK NATION
Dark Nation is a dog and casts Barrier a lot. I kill it in two turns with Bio, poisoning Rufus in the process. Okay, Rufus. Dude has a shotgun! No fair! But whatever, I just spam Bio until he gives up and retreats via his helicopter. ARGH. I WISH OUR ENEMIES WOULD STOP DOING THAT. Anyway, we get a Protect Vest and Guard Source as drops.
Our party regroups except for Claude. Barret keeps asking where he is while Tifa insists they just follow her. THEN CLAUDE RIDES A MOTORCYCLE DOWN A STAIRCASE.
WHAT
I JUST
WHAT
I think this is supposed to be cool but really I'm just laughing at how ridiculous it is!
Then Tifa steals a vespa... truck... thing for the rest of the party, who aren't cool enough to ride motorcycles down flights of stairs. TIME TO ESCAPE.
...what
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
WHY AM I SWORDFIGHTING WHILE RIDING ON A MOTORCYCLE
WHY DOESN'T BARRET JUST SHOOT THEM
WHAT IS GOING ON
Oh thank god that's over. Boss fight time.
BOSS FIGHT:
MOTOR BALL
Oh god. Well, I had two Limit Breaks ready for it, which I unleashed as soon as the fight started. Also, Bolt deals over 250 damage, which is awesome. That fight causes everyone to level up, and we get a Star Pendant. The party decides to continue traveling together. Claude wants to find Sephiroth and "settle the score", and he tells Barret that doing that will save the Planet. Alice wants to come to learn about the Ancients and other things. The party says goodbye to Midgar and heads out... AFTER WE SPLIT INTO TWO PARTIES AGAIN FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Seriously, FFVII devs? Just... just let us manage the goddamn party from the menu, okay? These handwaves aren't believable at all.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Okay, in Kalm now. Barret and Tifa head to the inn, but forget that! I wanna explore the town! I find an Ether in some guy's house, a Peacemaker - seems to be some type of gun, but not the kind Barret uses - in a treasure chest, and a Guard Source. Then I head to the stores. The item shop has nothing, but I buy an "Earth" Materia and a "Heal" Materia at the Materia shop. I also buy stronger weapons for everyone except Claude and Red XIII - there aren't any available for Red XIII and Claude's Hardedge is way superior to the Mythril Saber that's for sale here. Plotwise, this town seems quite dependent on Shinra and the Mako energy provided by their reactors. Some of them don't have a problem with that, but some don't like it and feel helpless to change it.
Okay, now, to the inn! The whole party's there, and they yell at me for being late. Then Barret asks to know Claude's whole story, about Sephiroth and everything. Claude says that he joined SOLDIER to be like Sephiroth, went with Sephiroth on a few missions, and they became "war buddies". But that changed one day. This was five years ago, Claude was 16, and it was SOLDIER's job to put down any resistance against Shinra. Claude is acting all hyper and Seph just seems annoyed at him. Seph explains that they're investigating a Mako Reactor at Nibelheim that has been malfunctioning and producing brutal creatures. Oh, and Nibelheim is Claude's hometown!
...ahahahaha
oh dear, this is going to get worse before it gets better. <_<
Something attacks the truck, Seph says it's our monster, and we get drawn into a battle... wait, what? I get to control Sephiroth?! That's awesome!
Oh, I guess he's just AI controlled. LAAAAME. Also, Claude got OHK'd by the dragon monster. lolz.
Back in the inn, Claude explains that Seph is even stronger in reality than he is in any story the party might've heard.
Okay, back in the story, they're entering Nibelheim. Seph says he wouldn't know how Claude feels because he doesn't have a hometown. Claude asks about his parents and Seph says his mother, Jenova, died after he was born. And he refuses to talk about his father or something, I dunno what those hand gestures were supposed to mean. Anyway, we're about to enter Nibelheim when Barret interrupts, asking about Jenova, having remembered seeing "that damn headless spook livin' in the Shinra building". Claude says he's right, then Tifa tells Barret to shut up and let Claude talk. Jerk. <_<
Ah, this is sort of weird. Seph says Claude can go reunite with his family and friends if he wants, and I get control again, but periodically I'll enter a building and Claude will say something like "Wait, I never went in there" or "This has nothing to do with the story". And the story seems to skip around a lot. It's definitely... foreboding? Is that the right word to use here? I dunno.
...pffffAHAHAHAHAHA I go into some house and Tifa interrupts and is like, "Claude? Did you go into my house?" and I'm like "....nooooooooo, of course not!"
Having explored the town to the best of my abilities, I head into the inn. Seph says he hired a young, female guide to the Mako Reactor. Gee, I wonder. Anyway, we sleep at the inn. Next day, yup, it's Tifa. Some guy takes a picture of Claude, Tifa, and Seph, and says he'll give us all a copy once it gets developed. Will this be important later? Who knows.
The Reactor is in Mt. Nibel, but when we try to cross a bridge, it collapses. One of the generics gets left behind; Seph says we have no time to go back for him. Fortunately, the caves here all intertwine, so we can still get to where we need to go. We head into a cave that seems to be abundant in Mako energy; moving forward, we find a Mako spring. Seph explains that Materia is made of condensed Mako energy. He also explains that magic is the powers of the Land and the Planet, and Materia contains the knowledge of the Ancients, so anyone with Materia can use magic. Huh. Seph also refers to Hojo as an inexperienced man with a mess of complexes. you said it, sephy
Movin' on... we get to the reactor. Tifa isn't allowed inside because the reactor is full of Shinra's secrets, so Claude and Seph head inside while the remaining generic stays behind to watch her.
...Seems like Jenova is being stored in the reactor. Huh? That's... well, whatever. Seph wonders why the part here is broken, then seems to implicate Hojo, muttering something about how, even doing this, he'll never be as good as Prof. Gast. Seph explains that this is a system for condensing Mako into Materia, but Hojo put something else inside. Claude looks in and is surprised to see a demon face. wtf.
Seph explains that normal members of SOLDIER have been exposed to Mako - he says that Claude is different somehow - but that that demon guy has been exposed to a far higher degree of Mako. Claude says something about how Seph is different, which makes Seph go nuts with his sword and ask if he was created this way too. Huh? What the hell is going on. o_O
A monster breaks out of one of the chambers, and this causes Claude to wonder if he's human. NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
Okay, so I guess they went back to Nibelheim. Seph disappeared, and they later found him in the biggest building in the town, called Shinra Mansion.
Claude is searching for Seph in the mansion, and eventually finds him in an underground lab. He's reading from a journal. Jenova was found 2000 years ago in a stalactite or something, and was confirmed to be an Ancient. Then the Jenova Project was approved... Seph wonders if this is a coincidence and asks why Prof. Gast died before telling him. Seph says he wants to be alone and Claude leaves.
In the present, Claude explains that Seph didn't leave the Shinra basement, and just continued to read, as if possessed. Cut to one day later. CREEPY music starts playing. Seph calls Claude a traitor, citing the history of the Cetra/Ancients and Claude's ancestors (humans or whatever the equivalent here is, I guess).
Oh, wait, I guess Jenova was just 2000 years old, not found 2000 years ago. Seph explains that the Jenova Project was to create people with the powers of the Ancients. Seph was the result of that project. Seph then leaves, saying he's going to see his mother. Claude leaves the mansion...
and finds Nibelheim on fire. Oh geez. Zangan, Tifa's martial arts teacher, calls out to Claude, asking if he's still sane. They start searching for survivors but don't find any. Then Claude spots Seph slaughtering some of the townspeople before disappearing into the flames (yep, it's that scene).
Claude heads to the Mt. Nibel Reactor (luckily the game just teleports me there), and inside he finds Tifa at the side of her father, who has been killed by Sephiroth. This would be that scene he flashbacked to earlier, I guess. Tifa grabs Seph's sword and attacks him, but he wrestles the sword out of her hands and slashes her.
how the hell do you lose when you have a sword THAT long and your opponent is unarmed, goddammit Tifa
Claude sets Tifa aside and pursues Seph into Jenova's chamber. Seph says that Jenova was destined to become the ruler of this planet, but that the... humans, I guess I'll start calling them until I'm corrected, stole it from her. Then he starts ripping machinery apart and uncovers Jenova in a containment cell. There's some banter between Claude and Seph and then the game nearly gives me a seizure by rapidly swapping between pictures of Claude and Seph.
Claude says that's the end of his story. WHAT. What a damn cop out! "I don't remember", my ass! Claude says there's no way he could have killed Seph; Tifa says that officially, Seph was declared dead; and Alice points out that Shinra owns the newspaper so you can't trust that information.
Barret storms out, saying this doesn't make any sense. lolz >___> Tifa wonders how badly cut she was, and Claude says he thought she was dead. Alice wonders how she's connected to all of this, and as they all leave, Red XIII mutters that it was a fascinating story.
When I try to leave the inn, Alice gives me a "PHS", which lets me swap party members at save points or on the world map. WHAT THE HELL.
A) Why would she be carrying around something like that? How do you even carry something like that around AT ALL?!
And B) WHY HAVEN'T WE BEEN USING THIS CONSTANTLY EVER SINCE SHE JOINED THE PARTY
...Okay so. I have no idea where I'm supposed to go now. <_< Oh, wait. Somebody in town mentioned the Mythril Mines. THAT SOUNDS PLAUSIBLE! Also, while I'm out dicking around in the field, I manage to learn the Matra Magic enemy skill. And a bit after that, I learn the enemy skill L4 Suicide. Then I enter the Chocobo Ranch.
I say "Wark!" to the chocobo near the entrance which causes them to dance for like 2 hours, but I get a "Choco/Mog" Materia out of it, so it's okay!
Remember: A dog says, "Bark!" A chocobo says, "Wark!"
(And, yes, a pikeman says, "Bulwark!")
Anyway, I think that's a good place to stop.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
Should have told Tifa you did go to her house. It gets funnier as she interrupts Cloud when he gets to her room, and if Cloud says he did that too, another interruption if you try to look at her stuff. I had Cloud back off on that last interruption so if it could have gone further I don't know. >_>
</spoiler>
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
New Moderator
</spoiler>
---
"That was pretty interesting. But dropping a warship on me is cheating... Take it back!"-Id, Xenogears
Liberal Arts Major
Total? $1,050 CAD.
Breakdown:
Blue Dragon - $25 (Old game, so price drop)
Call of Duty 4 - $60 (Gift)
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Hardened edition - $80 (Gift)
Dragon Age: Origins - $70
Fallout 3 - $60 (Gift)
Forza Motorsport 3 - $60 (Gift)
Tom Clancy's HAWX - $35 (See The Last Remnant)
Halo 3 - $60
Lost Odyssey - $60 (Gift)
Mass Effect 1 - $70
Mass Effect 2 - $70
Oblivion GOTY - $80 (Semi gift - Paid for half of it)
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 - 400 MSP ($5)
Tales of Vesperia - $60
The Last Remnant - $60 (Gift) (Hated it, traded it for HAWX, but it was only worth $25 trade-in)
Viva Pinata - $25 (Gift) (Old game, so price drop)
Second Controller - $60
Play'N'Charge Kit - $30 (Hilariously? I've only used it once or twice after getting the Quick Charge kit XD and that was because BOTH my battery packs were dead)
Quick Charge Kit - $40
Xbox Live - $50
Batteries - AT LEAST $50 total (Before I got the 2 kits, I used Batteries for about 6 months)
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Editor
...And I catch the first Chocobo I find. yaaay
Crossing the Marshes, ignoring the Midgar Zolom... When we get to the other side, we find a Midgar Zolom staked by Sephiroth. But then he gives us a wink to let us know that he's okay!
.________________
|.......O....__.....O.....| HEY GUYS I LET SEPH WIN LOL
|___.....<__>.....____|
........|.................|
........|.................|
........|.................|
........|.................|
........|.................|
........|.................|
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He just didn't want to hurt Seph's feelings!
Okay, in the Mythril Mines now... I grab a Mind Source from a treasure chest and Claude learns Blade Beam, a level 2 Limit Break. I find an Ether and a Tent in another screen. I also learn the Enemy Skill Flame Thrower. It is ****ing amazing that I've been getting Blue Magic without having to actually work for it. <_< Then I climb a vine and get the "Long Range" Materia. Okay, I really need some better items for putting Materia into. ...Wait. Four Slots! I didn't have enough Materia to make it worth the loss of Defense before, but now I do!
...Oh goddammit, in the next area I get stopped by Rude. Oh, and there's somebody named Elena, too. She(?) is the newest member of the Turks. They start explaining what they're doing to us, but then Tseng shows up and is like, "Are you guys daft? QUIT TELLING THEM OUR SECRET EVIL PLANS!" and Elena is like "Sorry, sir! I'll just head off to Junon Harbor where Sephiroth is!" and Tseng is like "OH MY GOD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT"
...It's pretty funny. <____<
Tseng is then like, "Wait, what? Alice isn't with you? Are you... Why would you do that?! You know she gets kidnapped every 30 seconds! Fine, whatever, I'm outta here."
We explore the northern area for an Elixir and a Hi-Potion. I could go on now, but I've received a tip that there's something worth stealing here, so let's take a few minutes to do that!
...Oh wow, I got it on the first try, in the first encounter, without even knowing for sure if that was the right enemy! Amazing. And that battle caused my "All" Materia to level up; I think that's the first time that's happened all game. Okay, I equip Tifa with the Grand Glove. Awesome.
Moving on to the world map on the other side of the mines... Hey, that is a bigass tower.
[insert a huge amount of wasted time at Fort Condor, but a win in the first battle]
Kenri's thought process: I THINK I SHOULD BATTLE SOME ENEMIES BECAUSE I SURE DO LIKE BATTLING ENEMIES A LOT
*Mysterious Ninja appears*
Oh hey, it's Yuffie. ...What am I supposed to do now? QUICKLY, TO THE FAQMOBILE
Okay, I get her to join, and keep her name as Yuffie, even though part of me is sure her name is supposed to be "Yuu Fei" or something. Also, she comes with the "Throw" Materia. I add her to my main party in Barret's place, and this very well might be my final party. <_<
I spend some time trying to steal a Boomerang from the annoyingly powerful Formula enemies here, and I eventually succeed despite nearly dying in the process.
Okay, heading into Junon now. .......Wow, this town is a dive. I look around for an inn but can't find one, oh well. We head to the beach area and a little girl yells at us. Then a giant monster appears and the girl attempts to rescue a dolphin, but the monster attacks her and now we need to rescue her!
...
what is going on
BOSS FIGHT:
BOTTOMSWELL
The only thing of note about this boss fight is that it's flying and thus can't be reached by some of the party. But we just pound it with magic/poison damage/ChocoMog Summon/etc until it dies. We get a Power Wrist from its corpse.
The girl requires CPR and Claude has to do it. See, I think stuff like this is one of my biggest problems with this game. Why would they even put in minigames like this? There's just no point to it. >_>
Some woman back in the village heard what happened with Priscilla and offers the party a place to sleep for the night. During the night, Claude has a conversation with himself(?) about the Nibelheim incident. This is pretty cool. I didn't copy it all down, but it well sorta like:
"Back in Nibelheim, Tifa was your guide to Mt. Nibel, right?"
"Yeah."
"But where else was she?"
"I dunno."
"Why couldn't you see her alone?"
"I can't remember."
"Why don't you ask her?"
Claude is woken up by Tifa and asks her about this, but she can't remember either. Then she says something weird is happening outside, so we hurry out. The whole party's there, and awful music is playing. Priscilla thanks us and apologizes for thinking we were with Shinra; as thanks, she gives us the "Shiva" Materia. She also tells us the music is a rehearsal for the reception of the new Shinra President.
We decide to go after Rufus, but apparently we'll need Mr. Dolphin's help because it can jump past the part of the tower that's electrified. So that's not too bad. There's a giant airship up here, which I'm sure I'll either steal or blow up at some point. Claude gets into a SOLDIER uniform and tries to blend in, but there's some dumb marching in formation thing that I didn't understand at all and got everyone annoyed at me. OH WELL. <_< And now we're supposed to give Rufus a send off, which means MORE MINIGAMES OH JOY
But first, I get to explore this part of Junon and find various items of little interest. More importantly: I find an "Enemy Skill" Materia, and buy a "Seal" and a "Revive" Materia. I also buy a Headband because... why not.
Okay, moving on to the reception for Rufus... despite messing up horribly (why am i so bad at rhythm games) I get the best prize available anyway: the Force Stealer, a weapon for Claude. Also of note is Red XIII, who is hiding out in the background. lolz
Rufus and Heidegger talk a bit about Claude and the party showing up once we learn that they're here. Yeah... waaaaaaay ahead of you. The other SOLDIERs here tell me the Hojo resigned recently, which has put Heidegger on edge.
Oh, I guess we're stowing away on the boat here! SET SAIL FOR
On the boat proper, I grab an Ether. There's a Materia or something nearby, but Yuffie won't move and I don't have a Tranquilizer to give her. =/ On the main deck, Red XIII is wearing a SOLDIER uniform and attempting to stand upright, oh geez. I eventually find and talk to Barret, and an alarm sounds. Apparently someone suspicious has been stopped on the ship. Gee, half the crew has been replaced, I wonder if that was a dead giveaway. For how careful the party was being with "guys we can only have three people at a time on the world map for some reason!" they sure were dumb here. <_<
Oh, apparently none of the party got caught. ...sigh, enemy incompetence... Anyway, they think the suspicious character might be Sephiroth, so we split up. Yuffie says she's not going but I put her in my party anyway. Backtracking to the cargo area, I grab the "All" Materia Yuffie was blocking. Moving on through a door that was previously blocked, we find a bunch of dead SOLDIERs and sailors. And Wind Blow, a weapon for Yuffie!
Sephiroth rises out of the ground and Claude is surprised that he's alive. Seph doesn't remember Claude, though, and just says a few cryptic words before knocking the party over and flying away.
BOSS FIGHT:
JENOVA*BIRTH
...And he leaves behind a giant hunk of coral. Oh. I guess that's Jenova? Well, whatever, it'll be dead in like five minutes.
............Actually this was a pretty tough boss fight! I dropped two Limit Breaks and the Shiva and Choco/Mog Summons on it ASAP, then spammed Fire/Flame Thrower/Quake. Unfortunately it Slow'd Yuffie, causing her to miss like 12 turns, and Tifa and Claude both nearly died. Actually, Claude did die, but then Yuffie returned to the fight and cast Life on him, while Tifa started frantically healing. Which wasn't really necessary, since Jenova died like two rounds later. We get a White Cape as a drop.
Claude explains to the party that Seph is most likely trying to find the Promised Land. Which explains nothing, really. But anyway, the ship will be docking soon, so the party goes back to hiding. But first, I grab the "Ifrit" Materia from nearby.
In Costa del Sol, I find a Fire Ring and some other assorted items, and see a few different scenes with the party members. Hojo is here getting a tan so we try to get some info out of him, but all we really learn is to head west. Bleh, boring town.
Leaving CdS, we head up and around the mountains and to Mount Corel. We quickly run into some guy who says a man in a black cape came through here recently; must be Sephiroth. Passing through the mountainous area... there's a reactor here, too? Geez.
...wow, why in the world would they give enemies the ability to deal 200 damage per hit this early in the game, and put those enemies in groups of 4, and let them attack multiple times before I get a chance? That's HORRIBLE design. Oh my god, how the HELL are you supposed to kill these enemies without them taking out a party member? And there are other enemies that can attack twice per round and explode, dealing hundreds of damage and not giving any EXP.
...
Whoever designed this area must've held fun in the highest levels of contempt; this is almost Final Fantasy 1 levels of sheer bullshit idiot design.
But whatever. I get some items: A Wizard Staff, a W Machine Gun, a Turbo Ether, the "Transform" Materia, a Tent, a Mind Source, and a Power Source. There's a chance for me to steal some treasure from some baby birds but d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww prevents me from doing so.
Leaving that terrible area we end up in North Corel, a small town that is... a complete dive. Maaaan. Every town we go to is a dive.
Oh, I guess this is Barret's home town, and he caused it to get destroyed somehow. Moving on to the next screen, he gives us a flashback that explains it. It was a coal mining town, until Shinra showed up wanting to build a reactor. Barret was for it, as was everyone else, except Barret's childhood friend Dyne. Eventually he relented and the reactor was built. Then one day, while Barret and Dyne were out of town, the reactor exploded. Shinra blamed the townspeople for this and burned down the town.
But forget about that, WE'RE GOING TO GOLD SAUCER!
YEAH!
Barret gets pissed at us for wasting time and runs off; Claude decides to hang out with Tifa. We quickly run into Cait Sith, who says he's a fortune teller who can also find missing people and other stuff. Claude asks him where Sephiroth is. However, he screws up and just gives us a fortune every time he tries. -_- The last fortune says "You will find what you pursue, but you will lose something dear." Ominous! In fact, it is SO ominous that Cait Sith decides to come with us to find out what it means. Wonderful. At least he comes with the "Manipulate" Materia.
Okay, the main part of Wonder Square is an arcade. First, I complete Mog's House for 30 GP, which is barely worth it for playing such a boring as hell game. Then I play that same motorcycle dueling escort mission minigame from post-Shinra HQ for 10 GP and a Speed Source, much more fun than Mog's House, even if it is stupid. The 3D Battler game seems to be an all luck, RPSish thing, and the Arm Wrestling game is boring. The claw machine is just an item lottery, and Super Dunk is impossible for me. <_<
The Speed Square has a pretty cool railshooter minigame, but I have trouble even getting the 3000 points necessary for a prize, much less the 5000 required for the best prize. =/
I head to the Battle Square and find the employees here shot. At first we think it's Sephiroth, but then Claude says he'd never use a gun. One of them, barely alive, says they were attacked by a guy with a gun on his arm. Huh. Then the owner of Gold Saucer shows up and throws us in a hole. Welcome to Corel Prison.
We find Barret here, but he runs off. Eventually we find him in a house. He points his gunarm at us and fires... only for some guy hiding behind a couch to fall over, dead. Then the rest of the party shows up. Barret says he didn't want us to get involved; Alice says that's Claude's line. >_>
Barret says there's somebody else with a gunarm. Flashback time. Corel is being attacked by Shinra and set ablaze. Barret and Dyne rush to help but get shot at by Shinra mooks. Dyne gets hit and falls into a canyon, but Barret catches him... but then Barret gets shot in the arm and lets go. Whoops. Barret says the doctor who gave him his gunarm said someone else got the same thing, but on their left arm. So it must be Dyne.
Anyway, I have to put Barret in my party now, which is lame, but what can you do. Well, you can stop there. WHICH IS WHAT I'M DOING!
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
Heading back to the first screen, a person who was previously guarding a gate has been shot. We head upwards and I somehow get lost in the desert which seems to follow the basic laws of direction in the same way house cats follow the basic laws of Congress. Eventually the game feels pity on me for not figuring this out - though in my defense, how the hell was I supposed to know that I couldn't return to the place I just came from by backtracking in the correct direction? - and sends a chocobo cart to pick me up and return me to the part of the desert that wasn't created by Cthulhu.
Okay, moving the correct way this time, we end up in a junkyard, and eventually come face-to-face with Dyne. Who has apparently gone batshit loco. Also, Barret lets Dyne shoot him three times without flinching. That is badass. Or it would be if the bullets in this game hit harder than thrown pebbles.
BOSS FIGHT:
DYNE
Duel boss, I can only use Barret. I pound him with Big Shots, Ice2, and an Ifrit summon until he gives up.
Barret says he can still go back to Marlene - I guess Marlene is his daughter and Barret just adopted her after he disappeared - but he says his hands are too stained blah blah blah. He gives Barret a pendant and then jumps to his death.
Back in Mr. Coates' house... oh, I guess Dyne was the boss here? That wasn't really clear to me before now. But anyway, Claude is being entered in the Chocobo Races now. I grab the Ramuh Materia before the race starts.
....Yeaaaah Mario Kart, this isn't. I have no idea what happened there but I was just stuck in last place the entire race and there didn't seem to be anything I could do. And then next race I did the same thing and won by miles. I dunno. This is dumb.
We get a letter from Dio, the manager of Gold Saucer, saying he heard about Dyne and that he's fully pardoned all of us. And, to make up for throwing us in prison, he gave us a buggy. yaaaaay. He also mentions that Sephiroth is "headed toward the South of the river, towards Gongaga". (Get it, because Sephiroth has gone gaga? ...I am very witty.)
The buggy lets us cross deserts and rivers, which is cool. I take a few minutes to learn the following Enemy Skills: Aqualung, Big Guard, and White Wind. The latter two required the Manipulate ability, and WW required crossing back over to the Junon continent. Which is okay, because there are a couple other things I needed to do over there. Like get a Bolt Ring and a Mythril from an old man for fighting a certain number of battles!
Okay, one thing left to do: get Beta off the Midgar Zolom. Now, there is a long and complicated process involving Aeris' Level 3 Limit Break or some ****, but I figure if I rush in, spam Summons, throw up a Big Guard, and pray, that should be good enough.
(yes I am using the Dullahan strategy, shut up)
Annnd... hey, it actually worked! Okay, so Claude got knocked out of the party and Yuffie got killed, but Tifa survived and finished off the Zolom! (Amusing/horrifying thing: I was counting on Tifa being able to finish off Zolomy with a Beta of her own. She didn't. Luckily I got off a Limit Break before its next attack or I probably would have died.) That's one Materia down, but I've got one more to learn this on. But first, back to Fort Condor to heal. (I actually took on Zolomy without healing first. As in, last time I had full health/MP was at the beginning of Corel Prison. Yeah, that wasn't very smart.)
Annnnd... got it. Big Guard is an awesome spell. I give it an A+.
On a side note, I cannot see Beta being cast without hearing Snake from The Simpsons saying "Oh no, Beta!" (In context, he was stealing what he thought was a VCR, but it turned out to be a Betamax player - how's that for a dated joke?)
Anyway, I have two ways to cast Beta now. I will try not to abuse this too much... oh who am I kidding, I will abuse this constantly, at every opportunity, because that's what I do when given something abusable.
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
And that's not even mentioning the best part! The best part is that the save point requires 5 GP to use. The save point. Um, Square, this is a fucking PS1. I have a goddamn memory card RIGHT THERE. I will begrudgingly put up with save points, but a save point that requires you to pay it in alternative currency? No. That is dumb as dirt. We are moving on.
Okay! South from Gold Saucer is a ruined... place, I dunno. Reno and Rude are talking about who they like. I mean like-like. What the. Are these guys corporate badasses or high school girls? I guess those aren't mutually exclusive. Well, they certainly aren't in this case.
BOSS FIGHT:
RENO
and
RUDE
Hey guys, you know what Turks are weak to?
Point-blank annihilation.
Dear god that's a lot of EXP. And we retrieve a Fairy Tale and an X-Potion from their non-corpses.
Okay, so this area is called Jungle. Claude says they knew we were coming, but it didn't seem like they followed us. Hmm... Yuffie suggests that there's a spy in the party. Seems like it would be against her best interests to suggest that, considering Claude/Tifa/Barret/Red XIII/Aeris are all in the clear and she attacked the party as recently as yesterday. Unless she thinks that by suggesting that there's a spy, she'll throw off suspicions that she's the spy. But what if she knows we know she's doing this to throw off suspicions... And what if she wants to go to Burger King, but knows that charbroiled burgers are associated with fire, and fire with the Devil, and the Devil with evil, and evil with Kira, thus implicating herself as Kira? Unless she got onion rings instead of fries. Because onions are like garlic, and garlic repels vampires, and vampires are like shinigami, and thus, if she was Kira, she wouldn't take the risk of eating onions and losing her powers. Unless L knows she knows that L wouldn't expect Kira to risk his own powers, and clues on to her cunning plan, to eat onions, thus throwing off the suspicions that she's Kira? Or what if L doesn't even catch on to the connection between onions and shinigami?
No, that's crazy. L wouldn't miss a connection like that.
[/ripping off a joke wholesale]
Okay, moving up, we find a destroyed reactor, and then Scarlet and Tseng enter from behind us. Geez. It this a jungle or Grand Central Station?
[/more plagiarism]
Seems like Scarlet is looking for a huge Materia, but there isn't any here. They need it to create the ultimate weapon. And then they leave. Bleh. I take the "Titan" Materia from the place Scarlet just inspected. This is the Materia Scarlet was calling junky?
STANDARDS
Lower them enough and you'll never be disappointed
I start backtracking and Yuffie learns the Limit Break "Clear Tranquil" from a random encounter. Going down the other path, I find a "Deathblow" Materia. Then I head to Gongaga Village, which is I guess right here. Huh.
I buy the "Mystify" and "Time" Materia from a shop. There's nothing of note in the item shop, but when I enter a house here, a couple recognizes Claude as a member of SOLDIER and asks if he knew their son, a SOLDIER named Zack. Oh dear. Tifa seems to recognize the name, so the couple asks if Tifa was Zack's girlfriend. She says no and walks out. Claude finds her in the middle of town and asks if she knew Zack. She denies it again, but Claude thinks she's lying. Bah. In a nearby house, I find a White M-phone, presumably a weapon for Cait Sith. WE SHALL NEVER KNOW. Then I use an inn because Beta costs a lot of MP.
I learn Frog Song from the frog enemies before leaving and heading to Cosmo Canyon. This is Red XIII's hometown, and it turns out his real name is Nanaki. (True story: I considered naming him Nanaki and pretending I didn't know it was his actual name. <_< File that under "missed opportunities", along with naming Yuffie "Yuu Fei", which I'm really regretting not having done.) Also, Red XIII is acting all genki and it's disturbing as hell.
Red XIII runs off and the party deserts me, so let's take a look around town. I find the weapon shop and upgrade everyone's weapons, which turns out to have been a bad idea because now I can't buy the HP and MP Plus Materia that are available. =(
Okay, so I can't buy those and my party ditched me so I can't go grind... fiiiine, let's move on with the main plot. Hey Red XIII, what're you up to?
...Oh this is just character derailment of the highest caliber. Red XIII's grandfather A) is a human(?) and B) says that Red XIII is 48 - or, in human years - 15 or 16. That's awful. I'm glad I didn't put him in my party. He also says that the Planet is going to die soon, and that he can tell because he can hear the cries of the Planet. Red XIII asks his grandfather to show us his machine for saving the Planet(?), but then some guy says that "suspicious looking people" have shown up... You mean other than us? What is even going on. Occasionally the game throws something like this at me and I just KNOW that if the translation was better it wouldn't be confusing as hell. And then Red XIII's grandfather tells me to go get two friends because only three people can fit in his machine.
...
Okay, FFVII. I get it. You want to justify there only being three people in battle at a time. It's really not necessary, though, and it's annoying as ****. STOP IT.
...Oh right. I didn't mention this earlier, but when entering the town, Red XIII said something about how his mother died fighting to protect Cosmo Canyon, but his father was a coward and ran away or something like that. I think this is important later, so it would probably be good if I remembered to mention it here. AS IF I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WHO HASN'T PLAYED THIS GAME ALREADY.
So Claude + Tifa + Yuffie head into Bugenhagen's machine and there's a rather cool scene where we learn about ASTRONOMY! also the lifestream. The name of which should make the whole thing self-explanatory. People are born, they live, they die, they become spirit energy, the energy roams the planet, and is eventually invested in new life. That's the Lifestream. And without the Lifestream the Planet crumbles to nothingness. And Mako energy is condensed Spirit energy, after it has been absorbed by Mako Reactors. So, basically, what we've learned from this is that Mako reactors are bad and are killing the planet.
That's basically the same thing Barret told us 18 hours ago, only in more words, but sure, let's act like it's very poignant. Also, Bugenhagen seems to imply that Red XIII is wrong about his father. Anyway, we head to the campfire in the middle of town to talk amongst outselves. Yuffie and Cait Sith are being useless, Barret and Alice are emoing it up, and Tifa starts to bring up something about 5 years ago but chickens out again. When I talk to Red XIII, he brings up his parents, and Bugenhagen shows up. Red XIII says that when the Gi tribe attacked, his father deserted his mother and all the people of Cosmo Canyon. Bugenhagen says there's something he should see. And now I have to make a party with Red XIII in it. arrrrrgh. It's not like it really matters, since all the characters are the same, but that just makes it even worse somehow!
We follow Bugenhagen back up through the village and to a sealed door, which he opens. IN WE GO!! And down, down, down... to a cave system. As I make my way through here, Bugenhagen says that all the enemies are vengeful ghosts of the Gi tribe, killed in battle and unable to return to the Lifestream. I go to the next screen, then backtrack to the first screen to pick up an "Added Effect" Materia; moving back, I grab a Black M-phone and an Ether. I also manage to learn the Enemy Skill "Death Sentence" from the enemies here. As an aside, the enemies here drop a boatload of EXP and gil, it's fantastic.
Moving even further onward... I find an X-Potion and fight some horrible spider miniboss enemies which are terrible until I realize I can just turn them into frogs, lol. I also find a Turbo Ether and a pretty hard to find (well, hard to figure out how to get to) Fairy Ring.
Finally at the end of the cave - I was getting sick of random encounters every two steps, even if they did drop oodles of EXP - we find a huge demon face sticking out of the wall. Bugenhagen is quite surprised at this turn of events!
BOSS FIGHT:
GI NATTAK
This boss is actually pretty hard, until you realize one thing: it's an undead enemy. Which means that I can White Wind it for about 1000 damage. Or, just kill it by throwing an X-Potion at it, but I need that X-Potion. For X-Potioning. Anyway, I get a Wizer Staff off its corpse. Not sure if that's supposed to be "Wiser Staff", "Wizard Staff", "Vizier Staff", or if "Wizer Staff" is actually correct.
(For the record, that boss dropped 1400 EXP. Some random encounters in this area drop 1250 EXP and can be killed in one move. Yeaaaah.)
Bugenhagen says that Red XIII has grown strong and that it was a good idea to bring him here. With the demon face gone, we can now leave the cave. But first, I pick up a "Gravity" Materia that was left behind by the boss. Generous bosses in this game!
In the next room, Bugenhagen tells Red XIII to look at the warrior who defended Cosmo Canyon from the Gi, not letting a single one of them into the Canyon. It's Seto, Red XIII's father, petrified, stuck full of arrows, standing at the edge of the canyon. Bugenhagen asks for Claude and Tifa to step out for a momet. Oh sure we'll leave you two alone, we'll just be over here in the CAVE FULL OF POISONOUS UNDEAD. Take your time, though!
Bugenhagen says that Red XIII should continue his journey with Claude and the others; however, he also says that he doubts the Planet can be saved, even if we destroy every single reactor. But then he adds that it's worth trying, even if it can't be done. Filled with RESOLVE, Red XIII agrees. And then they see that Seto has started crying. Oh my god that is SUCH a cliche, even for this game. What a mood killer. The mood I had has been killed by this cliche. I don't think you understand. That cliche actually leveled up just now from killing my mood, and looted 350 gil off my mood's corpse. It's a problem.
Anyway blah blah blah group tries to leave thinking Red XIII is staying here but then he joins up again. He also now has a weapon called the Seraph Comb which is extremely powerful so I would be smart to stick him in my party, but I lost so much respect for him once he started acting like ****ing Lloyd Irving that I'm keeping Yuffie instead. Yes. Yuffie. Take THAT, Red XIII!
</spoiler>
---
"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
WHY ARE YOU NOT PLAYING THIS.
It's fucking AMAZING. They changed virtually NOTHING from the original game save:
Some balance tweaks (I notice this with the Laptop Gun especially, it seems to empty itself in about 5 seconds :/)
Improved visuals.
VASTLY IMPROVED CONTROLS (Superior 360 controller vs worst controller ever made (N64))
VASSSSSSSSTLY IMPROVED FRAMERATE (Runs at 60fps CONSTANT)
When I first booted this fucker up? I THOUGHT THEY HAD ENABLED DOUBLE MOVEMENT SPEED. The game just runs THAT smoothly.
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Liberal Arts Major
Some balance tweaks
Error. Error. Error.
Does the Farsight still work about the same? Because if it does balance tweaks is funny.
I mean, I loved the Farsight, but that thing is so broken that it needs its own scale to measure the broken.
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Liberal Arts Major
Other things that are gone:
Laptop Gun Sentry Mode shooting range glitch.
...Challenge Mode custom glitch :(
CHALLENGE 16 IS MOTHER FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.
That's the one where you have to fight 1 Perfect Sim with NO RADAR.
This is also gay because the main feature of that mission are Proximity mines.
THE SIM IS IMMUNE TO PROXIMITY MINES AND WILL NOT TRIGGER THEM EVEN IF IT RUNS RIGHT OVER ONE.
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Liberal Arts Major
And seemingly just to crank up the Asshole Meter on the AI?
...The bots in MP will now use weapon secondaries >_>
Hence why Challenge 16 is bull shit. The fucker whores the SuperDragons grenade launcher.
Hell! It's a problem with Challenge 17 too! That one is King of the Hill. Not a problem. HOWEVER THE GAMETYPE SPAWNS WITH FUCKING SLAYERS.
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Liberal Arts Major
You know how PD had all those old Goldeneye weapons? But, they were limited to Cheat Codes?
Well, in the 360 version, they're enabled for use in Multiplayer.
...All of them can be dual wielded XD
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Liberal Arts Major
You can't mix and match multiplayer bodies now >_>
No. No putting a Guys head on a Females body. Or putting a smaller head on a Maians body.
Mr. Blonde is stuck with his old body and old head. Which sucks because my favorite character design in the original PD was Mr. Bloden's body + the ShockTrooper head. (I think it was Shock Trooper, it was the one with the black helmet)
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Editor
[Spoiler for Pokemon SoulSilver, click to show]-"Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"
Hmm... I dunno. They both look pretty dumb.
sigh
I suppose I'll take Gold, because he looks SLIGHTLY less dumb. why didn't they keep Krys. If both PCs here looked half as stupid as they actually do, they'd still look ten times stupider than Krys.
Okay, so I pick the guy and name him Oro because Oro is an awesome name. And I go to get a potion from my PC but only find mail from Lyra. That's horrible. A) Mail instead of Potion? Fuck you, game. And B) Lyra? I forgot about that. That's horrible. I'm not going to put up with that.
*restart*
Okay, I take the girl this time, and check my PC to find mail from... Ethan.
...
....................
You know. If they MUST pick names that aren't colors for these people - a practice I really despise - they could at least pick names that aren't the worst names in existence.
OKAY
RESTART AGAIN
TAKING THE GUY THIS TIME
I try to upgrade his name to Oro Jackson but that doesn't fit so he's now OroJack. BUT HE IS ORO JACKSON IN SPIRIT.
Okay to the stupid professor's house. I uh...
I don't really want any of these Pokemon.
sigh
I guess I'll take Totodile just to make my life easier in the first few fights.
Okay I get the egg yadda yadda yadda seriously does anyone actually need a plot summary for ****ing Pokemon? But whatever, some little jackass picks a fight me, and I silently rage at the fact that he's named "Passerby boy" instead of "???". Eventually I'm asked to name him. What did I name him? Do you really have to ask?
He is Captain Argento, ally to the Johto royal crown navy and arch-enemy of Oro Jackson! We have met many times in the past, and he has eluded destruction at my hand every time! But this time... this time, Argento...!
Anyway, I'm searching along for ANY good Pokemon to add to my crew but they seem to have removed them all. wtf. In Crystal you could catch Poliwag, Phanpy, Bellsprout, and Jigglypuff all before the first gym, IIRC. Now you're limited to garbage Pokemon like Sentret and Rattata. No thank you. ORO JACKSON'S MOTLEY CREW HAS NO ROOM FOR VERMIN!!
Avast! To the Sprout Tower, me hearties! We be searching fer a dread pirate's ghost!
...
Oh, that's so sad. Apparently Gastly only appears at night.
sigh
Controversial opinion: I hate the day/night system in GSC. Hate it hate it hate it HATE IT. It's TERRIBLE. All it does is stop me from catching the Pokemon I want, while adding nothing. DPP implemented it so much better. It doesn't look like HGSS fixed it, either, but I could be wrong.
OKAY I WAIT UNTIL NIGHT CAN I PLEASE CATCH A GASTLY NOW THANK YOU
The first member of Oro Jackson's motley crew has been curtailed!
Captain - Oro "OroJack" Jackson, scourge of the Johto main!
First mate - Dread pirate ghost Nilbeard, conquerer of the seven ghost seas, who commanded a crew of over 10000 in life, composed of living, dead, and undead, before he fell in battle, succumbing to 181 stab wounds, 37 gunshots, 2 bombs, a point-blank encounter with a cannonball, being lit on fire, being beaten with his ship's own mast, being made to walk the plank while blindfolded, tied up, and enclosed in a sack, being attacked by a group of sharks, and finally dying of hypothermia.
Arr, we be havin' a first mate now, but we be needin' a navigator for navigationitorial directorin'. OFF TO THE SCURVY DARK CAVE FOR TEDIOUS RECRUITERIN'.
...yeah this isn't happening. I'LL BE BACK THOUGH! YOU'VE NOT YET SEEN THE LAST OF ORO JACKSON!!
Okay back to Whateversville. There be a merchant vessel crewed by monks named the Sprout Tower dockin' here, and thar be treasure aboard.
Oro Jackson and his first mate the illustrious Nilbeard board the scurvy Sprout Tower and keelhaul all ye monks aboard, takin' the shipment of TM70 as booty. That scurvy dog Argento was waitin' fer me but went runnin' at the first sign o' trouble, yar har! I chase him all the way to the Violet City Johto royal crown's port, and thar be an armada awaitin' for me!
SCURVY DOG APPROACHETH:
FALKER, CAPTAIN OF THE SOARING PIDGEOTTO, EIGHTH FLEET ADMIRAL OF THE JOHTO ROYAL CROWN NAVY
Yar har, Nilbeard's attacks be ineffective against these scurvy dogs! It fell on Ol' Pete, the unseaworthy crocodile who be hangin' around the merry deck o' Oro Jackson's mighty ship, to keelhaul the navy mooks! Eventually we be drawin' out the fleet admiral himself!
Ye be a fool to challenge Oro Jackson, Falkner! And Nilbeard's pirate curse will see the end o' ye!
We retrieve the precious cargo, a shipment of Zephyr Badges, from the fool's ship before it sinks into the depths o' the sea! WHEN YE SEE DAVY JONES... TELL HIM ORO JACKSON SENT YE, YAR HAR!
Arr... but there be no sign o' ol' Argento! Thrice-damned navy cur must've given Oro Jackson the slip!
Takin' down the 8th fleet admiral - and launching a successful raid on the port o' Violet Town - has increased Oro Jackson's infamy, among both pirates and navy alike! Captain Elm of the Spirit of Pokemon calls in a favor to Oro Jackson, and Oro Jackson agrees to look after a mysterious egg for him. Soon after, he be approached by a geisha, presumerbly from tha East Fuchsia Trading Company, about the egg in question... but she disappears just as soon as she be arrivin'! What's that about?
Oro Jackson's bounty has increased to 60,000P!!
</spoiler>
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Liberal Arts Major
And yes, the Sims knowing how to use weapon secondaries is distressing.
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Liberal Arts Major
Man, this game is easily the best shooter on the Xbox XD
And yeah... Weapon Secondaries on Bots.... FUCK. >_<
I only remember 2 moments in the original game where they would use weapon secondaries.
The Dragon and the LaptopGun.
If they run out of ammo on those two, they would use their secondaries and toss them away.
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FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live
Liberal Arts Major
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...
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SIMS + REMOTE MINES = FUN
They don't DETONATE remotes, but they DO throw them. This is EPIC HILARITY ON ALL LEVELS WHEN A BUNCH GET INTO A SINGLE ROOM WITH REMOTES.
They're EVERYWHERE. Throw and detonate one of your own = BOOM
<->
FUCK YOU NIGGER SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS -Random kid on Xbox Live