Liberal Arts Major
That happened once, a Dragon landed in the Mammoth Camp while I was clearing it. The one up by Whiterun.
All 3 of the Mammoth's and 2 Giants in the camp went berserk and attacked the dragon. I stood back and laughed my ass off. They did pretty well, actually. They got the dragon down to like, 4% health before the Dragon finished off the final Mammoth. XD
I attacked it for an easy kill.
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
DSB Moderator
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"In the best relationships, nobody wears the pants."
Liberal Arts Major
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
Unrelenting Force 3 + Spider in mid-jump attack = HILARIOUS.
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
While I was in there, I decided to blast the ENTIRE TABLE OF FOOD in the Jarl's palace with Unrelenting Force. Just as I did, I didn't notice an NPC at the very end of the table eating, so when I blasted the table I BLASTED HIM OUT OF HIS CHAIR, UP INTO THE AIR AND AGAINST THE FAR WALL.
I LOL'd wayyyy too hard at that.
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
I stole some stuff from the Orc Ebony mine (It was an accident, took some ebony ingots) and one of the Orcs had a group of bandits come after me. I was waiting for the mine to respawn, and while I was, the bandits attacked.
I killed them, and while I was working the forge, an orc comes up, looks at one corpse and goes "Oh! what happened?", goes the second corpse "Guess they had it coming?" and to the third corpse "I'm going to find whoever did this..."
Then he goes BACK to the first corpse and repeats. He kept doing it over and over.
Was in Riften murdering guards for no reason other then the fact I have 100 Sneak. An NPC saw me, and did nothing other then say "Guess he deserved it.", walks over to the goes "What happened?!"
Another guard I killed in FRONT of another guard, walks over and goes "I'm going to find whoever did this...", walks back and stands at his post XD
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
Bandit: Gonna keep a shiv in my boot... Keep gettin-*Slits throat*
*Another bandit rounds the corner*
*She walks to corpse*
*Stops*
Bandit: I'm gonna find whoever did t-
*Slits throat*
*Third bandit*
*He stops at corpse*
Bandit: I'm gonna find who-
*Slits throat*
*FOURTH BANDIT*
Bandit I'm g-
*Throat slit*
I love sneak. The throat slit execution move never gets old.
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Provisional
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LMAO he ain't my lover I'm not into guys -Tengu
Liberal Arts Major
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Provisional
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LMAO he ain't my lover I'm not into guys -Tengu
Advanced
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"But friends, i ask you. What is a GameCobra? From where does it come? Who are it's people?" - A Random Day on World of Warcraft
Editor
-Super Mario 3D Land. Specifically I've 100%'d this, including the obnoxious final level that doesn't give you a checkpoint and is twice as long as the next longest level. Really hope that isn't becoming a trend in Mario games. Other than that, good game zone.
-SpaceChem. Played this mostly while I was on vacation. This is an intelligent game. I think it's called like... a programming game or something. More importantly, it will make you feel like a genius when you're doing well and like an idiot when you're doing poorly. I think I'd like it more if I could get past the second world.
-Okamiden. I've been talking with Kodan about this elsewhere but for everyone else's benefit, the conclusion I've come to is, "It's good in a different way than Okami, but even in that different way, it's not as good as Okami". I still like it, and some parts of the game are actually better (the dungeons), but overall it just doesn't match Okami's high level of quality. Maybe I'll talk more about this later. I still haven't finished the game.
-Katawa Shoujo. It's been released and if you're into games with no gameplay then you can play along with me. I like it. I've done two routes so far and they've been really different. One of them was... immensely ordinary, drawing on everyday situations and the ways people react to them. The other was basically Evangelion without giant robots: completely broken people trying to unbreak themselves but really just making things worse. That was the better route. The ordinary one sort of fell apart at the end when it became a cliche.
I should probably mention for any perspective players that this game does have H-scenes, which is to say it has sex scenes, and while they're usually fairly tasteful they're also usually pretty unnecessary. In fact the game is about 50/50 on them even being tolerable. One in particular that I've gotten so far was really good; it advanced the story a lot but more importantly developed the two involved characters by a huge amount. It wasn't sexy -- intentionally so. The others haven't been sexy either but I think that's unintentional. Another one was "pretty good" mostly because it didn't show anything and wasn't cliche. The others I've seen have ranged from "tolerable" to "intolerable". You can turn these scenes off but the game assumes you have them on (in other words, expect to miss some of the story if they're off).
Games I haven't been playing recently:
-Devil Survivor Overclocked.
-Skyrim??
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"There's a pony in the shop, but don't buy it. It might do something unfortunate to you." ~from the first Summoner's Seal topic
Editor
-Katawa Shoujo. I have officially finished every route and also I have 99% of all scenes unlocked and also I've been listening to the soundtrack and asdf this game is going to end up in my top 10 isn't it. God.
It's really impressive, not as a game but as a work of fiction, and it's something you can see the impressiveness of without even playing it for yourself. People who play this game tend to feel compelled, as if by a strange, outside force, to start bettering their lives. To start running and become fit, to overcome social anxieties and get to know more people, to learn sign language, to view big changes in their lives as opportunities rather than as something to be feared. To confess to the girl they're secretly in love with. It's almost baffling to think about, to try to comprehend as anything other than a joke, that so many people would be inspired to improve their lives by this one little indie game about cute girls with disabilities. I might not take it seriously, except that it's affecting me in the same way. It's not a joke, it's the opposite of that. It's something very serious and very important, and I really hope it's something that people who play video games, make video games, and discuss video games will remember for years to come.
I don't think I can summarize the game's message better than this image does, so I'll just leave it right here:
http://i.imgur.com/9JeSr.jpg
Games I haven't been playing recently:
-Devil Survivor Overclocked.
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"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Liberal Arts Major
And I kinda made Conan The Barbarian
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v504/Kodan882/Screenshots/IMG_1729.jpg
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Editor
and I haven't played it at all in that time
and then TotA 3DS got released
and so i bought and started playing it almost immediately
(handheld gaming is the future)
get ready for bullet points, nitpicking, and lowercase text
[Spoiler for Tales of the Abyss, click to show]-on the 3DS home screen, haven't even started the game yet...
"Let's go! Mieu, Mieu, Mieu!"
well
that's the thing about first impressions
you only get to make one
-hey actually in the game now. why is this version of karma an instrumental. man i'd sure hate to have japanese music in my japanese video games? (nobody thinks this)
-I can see why Luke would be bored, there's nothing to actually do here.
-fuck you, maid, i'll talk to whoever i want
-cryptic messages from a disembodied voice? not suspicious
-OH GOD IT'S FLYNN GO AWAY
-Luke: Just because he's the king, he thinks he can just order people around.
...
luke on a scale of 1 to lloyd how dumb are you
-wait
did luke just cause a metal-scraping-against-metal sound by unsheathing a wooden sword?
but
that doesn't make sense on like four different levels
-but i already know about timed hits...
-"No, Luke! How dare you try to attack an armed assailant while her back is turned giving you a perfect opportunity! oh, if only i hadn't kept your true nature and tragic past a secret to you, this might've been avoided."
-hey tear, i'm sorry, could you give us a minute
luke
walk with me
remember when she infiltrated your manor, took out your guards, and attacked your master?
don't believe a fucking thing she says or you're a dumbass
thanks
you may resume
-escort you ba-- LUKE YOU ARE GOING TO GET KIDNAPPED AGAIN
-i like that skit for so many reasons
Luke: It seems like it might be kind of risky to travel alone with someone who, you know, broke into my house and tried to kill my master.
Tear: no i'm very trustworthy. i promise i won't try to hurt you. see if i wasn't trustworthy i wouldn't say that.
Luke: GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
-Coachman: I'm a coachman, name's Coachman. It'll be 12,000 Gald a piece to get to the capital.
Tear: 12 thousand Gald each? what the hell kind of medieval setting is this, how could you possibly stay in business charging that
Coachman: listen, i'm not saying i'm charging you more because you're main characters
Coachman: but i'm not NOT saying that, either
-Tear: lol whoops forgot to ask what country i was in
Luke: ...
Tear: man it's weird
Tear: i thought for sure crazy-ass magical teleportation wouldn't take us very far away
Luke: .........
Tear: oh well! guess we're going away from your home instead of back towards it.
Luke: .......................
Tear: this is totally not a kidnapping btw
Luke: i believe you
-Luke: We'll walk and see the sights along the way.
Luke: ...
Luke: that does not sound like something i'd have said
Kenri: sorry bro, dialogue choices
Luke: motherfucker
-Luke: Can we learn to make things other than this?
Tear: no humans can only make rice balls
Luke: ...
Tear: everything else you've ever eaten?
Tear: illusions
Tear: i'm sorry i had to be the one to break the news to you
-Tear: god luke what are you doing you have to pay for that
Tear: you're embarrassing me here
Luke: Oh, is that how stores work? Maybe if I hadn't spent my entire life in a 20 square foot box I'd know about any of this.
Tear: touche?
Luke: Anyway, what about going into people's houses and taking stuff from their cabinets and opening their chests? Is that allowed?
Tear: um yes?
Tear: why wouldn't it be
Tear: god luke try to keep up
-Tear: letting luke get arrested here might actually do him some good
Tear: well, it'd do me some good
Tear: in that i wouldn't have to babysit him for a while
Luke: I can hear you.
Tear: ...
Tear: no you can't
-Tear: luke what are you doing don't use your family name here your dad is one of malkuth's greatest enemies
Jade: I'm sorry, is this a private conversation.
Tear: you can't hear me either
Jade: Yes I can.
Tear: ...no you can't.
Jade: Yes, I can.
-into the cheagle woods
-Trying to kill your brother? "It's nothing." Tear's true nature revealed!
-so why is this chucklefuck traveling with us n-oh thank you luke, you were clearly wondering the same thing.
-so is luke supposed to be tsundere for ion or was that unintentional?
-"These apples have the mark of Engeve on them!"
they
they brand the apples?
what, in case they run away?
-Luke just hates Mieu so much, it's wonderful.
-I don't really understand the C. Core system at all. =/
-Luke: Wait! If we fight here, the eggs might break!
Tear: good.
Luke: oh right, the eggs are bad
Luke: i was thinking of that time i fought guy in the manor's kitchen
Luke: man you should've seen the look on my personal chef's face
-BOSS FIGHT:
LIGER QUEEN
-Tear: It's no good! Our attacks aren't hurting it!
Luke: Oh man! The Magic Lenses must be defective then!
Tear: ...
Luke: because it says we just need to keep this up for like another minute
Luke: maybe two at most
Tear: no i'm pretty sure our attacks aren't hurting it
Luke: its attacks aren't hurting us, maybe that's what you're thinking of?
-Jade is here to save the day and be entirely unnecessary... and he's all out of days to save. [/spoiler]
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"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Liberal Arts Major
Finally another writeup.
-"These apples have the mark of Engeve on them!"
they
they brand the apples?
what, in case they run away?
......XD
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Liberal Arts Major
Let's see if I remember enough of the terminology.
IIRC the 5 areas are P. Atk, P. Def, M. Atk, M. Def, and Agi. Even if they're not that's not actually important for this explanation.
Each C. Core has different stats listed. Like, I dunno, let's say you have one that is +2 P. Atk and + 1 Agility. Every time you level up, you get the bonuses on your equipped C. Core. So in this case you'd get +2 P. Atk and +1 Agility. This has the obvious benefit of being additional stats, but the really important thing is how it factors into AD Skills.
The game keeps track of these bonuses, so say you level up 5 times with that example C. Core, it knows you had +10 P. Atk and +5 Agility. Most AD Skills are unlocked through these bonuses (others are by character level, and I think these are the only two types). So, let's say an AD Skill that gives you an extra attack in your normal attack chain exists (it does, a few of them actually, IIRC) it might have a requirement of... I dunno... 20 P. Atk and 10 Agility (I made those up, I don't know what stats it requires. Could be just P. Atk or just Agility, or both) once your accumulated C. Core bonuses reach those requirements, you'll get that AD Skill.
And that's basically how it works. AD Skills with stats requirements can require just one stat type, or more than one and once you meet all the requirements you'll get it.
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xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
[Spoiler for Tales of the Abyss, click to show]-wow jade way to be a dick
i'm sure we're aggressive kimlascans hostile to the malkuth empire, that's why we've been protecting ion
idiot
-Ion: Colonel, I believe Tear is telling the truth. I don't sense any hostility from him.
Tear: i'm a girl you jacka-oh you meant luke
-Anise: Luke <3 I'd so love to go places with you <3
really surprised he didn't reply with "You can go to hell, that'd be a good starting point". then again luke isn't actually a jerk (except to mieu), it's just everyone else that acts like he is for no apparent reason.
-I like how everyone just treats Luke as if he's an idiot when the truth is that he's literally not been allowed to leave his house for effectively his entire life.
Wait, what's the opposite of liking something? oh right, it's actually intolerable and makes every other character look like a dick.
-Luke: You sure like sticking your neck out for people.
Tear: He's the total opposite of you.
Luke: I'm sorry, who attacked the armed assailant despite being barely versed in swordsmanship and equipped only with a wooden sword in order to help his master?
Luke: Who decided to investigate the cheagles on his own and had to overrule his traveling compatriot's objections to doing so?
Luke: Who's been protecting Ion all this time?
Luke: oh right
Luke: this guy
-Soldier: Ligers are dropping from the griffons!
Soldier: And they're riding bears into battle!
Luke: ALL HOPE IS LOST, ABANDON SHIP
-Largo: I've sealed your fonic artes.
Jade: Did you seal my stabbing you in the chest?
Largo: ...No, but-
Jade: AIN'T
Jade: THAT
Jade: A
Jade: SHAME
-why do i get the feeling that this whole idea of being able to just chuck a cube at a someone and reduce their level by 40 will never come up again
-Wait. So Jade wanted Largo to die, so he stabbed him, but he's not sure if he's dead? But... it's not like he fuckin' went anywhere. If you wanted him dead, you should've spent an extra 3 seconds in the last room and cracked his skull or something. now he's just gonna come back later to antagonize us.
-who is this asche character and why does he look exactly like luke i bet this isn't connected to luke's amnesia or the kidnapping 7 years ago or the voice he hears in his head that said outright that he was part of someone else's soul like 30 seconds into the game
-Tear: ...Thank goodness. You were moaning in your sleep.
-->Where am I?
-->Next to you, who wouldn't?
-Tear: There's no good or evil here, only life or death.
Luke: what
Jade: DON'T LISTEN TO THE CRAZY WOMAN THERE IS GOOD AND EVIL HERE
Jade: SPECIFICALLY WE ARE GOOD AND THEY ARE EVIL
Tear: what i meant was that we can't worry about showing mercy
Jade: well then maybe you should have said that
Jade: instead of something immensely stupid
-oh man, at least 3 other god-generals are on board? i hope they're not as strong as largo was, we don't stand a chance if they can be OHK'd by a level 5 mage.
oh wait, how does logic work?
-wow, i'm glad i decided to backtrack after that block pushing "puzzle" because the room i didn't go in earlier had 3 chests in it
-luke while that was hilarious i really think you're hurting the team by using mieu as a bludgeoning weapon
-...so that was a rather exceptional display of incompetence
-ah, flynn is back with his usual "pull off some super amazing stunt when the chips are down" shtick.
-Um.
So this is just gonna go by without comment, then?
Tear: (Hey, it's that guy I attacked earlier. I'd better not mention that and just hope he's forgotten me.)
Jade: (Hm, seems to be a rather powerful ally of the Fabre family. I'm not sure how he got into Malkuth or whether he's trustworthy, but I won't say anything.)
Guy: (Huh, it's a Malkuth Colonel, that intruder from a few days ago who as far as I know has kidnapped my best friend, and the Fon Master who's supposed to be missing. I'd better not say anything.)
-...this is our plan? we're ordering our enemies back into the giant armored deathship?
............................
colonel i hate to ask this, but are you a real colonel
i'm going to need to see some identification
-Oh how silly of me, for a second I thought Guy was reacting to the fact that Tear is the mysterious intruder from earlier. but no it's just some anime bullshit
-Luke: Guy doesn't like women.
literally flynn v1.0
-I really don't get this. You had the soldier beaten, and everybody's like "FINISH HIM LUKE" but couldn't you just like... take his sword so he's not a threat? That's really not a situation where killing is necessary (and depending on how beaten he was it might literally constitute a war crime), which means that Luke is right.
again.
and everybody's treating him like an idiot.
again.
-Luke: I had no idea things were this bad outside of the city.
"Did you know people have to pay for things? the fuck's up with that shit."
-In St. Binah. I can make sandwiches now.
-What? The big guy with the giant scythe survived? i am shocked
-this miniboss squad sure is quirky
-"There's Largo the Black Lion, Dist the Reaper, Sync the Tempest, Arietta the Wild, Legretta the Quick, and..."
Rena the Heavyblade?
Linus the Mad Dog?
Bean the Dynamite?
Zera the Mant?
-Jade: By the way, Ion, where did they take you when they abducted you?
Ion: To the "Sephiroth".
ah yes, the true 6th god-general
sephiroth the sephiroth
-so i went south looking for the fubras river but couldn't seem to interact with it in any meaningful way, and then i thought i was in the wrong place and wasted a lot of time wandering around before i found the actual fubras river entry point. dumb.
-This Field of Fonons thing seems waaay too narrow to actually be useful. [/spoiler]
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"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Editor
-wow arietta's va really nailed that "you killed my mommy" righteous indignation voice didn't she
-wait.
so arietta and ion are BFFs but ion didn't recognize her mommy or put two and two together?
and... wait i thought arietta was an oracle knight, which means she's part of the order of lorelei, which means the cheagles are sacred to her too, which means... why tf didn't she just resolve that situation herself
whatever
this is stupid
ignoring the evil loli now
-Ion: Oh no! The miasma is deadly poison!
oh no! things are the things that they are!
-You're going to kill an unconscious 8 year old who is literally going to die anyway in a few minutes if you just do nothing? dude, come the fuck on. if you had shown that degree of thoroughness against largo we'd be in a much better position right now.
-tear are you literally getting annoyed at me for fighting too many enemies?
goddamn make up your mind
-In Kaitzur.
-luke spends the night with guy and learns sonic thrust
no comment
-hey it's that other loli
-Ion: The poor thing must have been terrified. She screamed, "I'll kill you bastards!" as she fell.
if anise wasn't an awful character she'd be an awesome character
-I like how this game still isn't showing us Asch's face as if the hair isn't a giveaway???
-at this point in time, there is infinitely more reason to trust Van than there is to trust Tear, yet I know Van will end up being evil and Tear, good. =/
-...so i hope my party members weren't under the impression they were ever going to get new weapons or armor, because i can barely afford to keep luke outfitted
-NPC: Please you have to go rescue the chief!
Luke: Me? Why me, specifically?
Luke: i can't even hold a sword
Guy: It's true, he once cut up his hands real bad holding it by the blade.
Luke: shut uuuuup
NPC: You need to go!
NPC: Because you're the main character!
NPC: That's more important than actually being a decent fighter!
-what is this orb bullshit
didn't they learn their lesson about puzzles in dungeons after ymir forest
-literally the easiest puzzle in any video game
-that was quite a delayed reaction, guy. like i thought the game froze for a second there.
-why am i just getting this skit now? didn't guy mention his parents being dead earlier?
-walkin' right into traps
-Fruity!Evil!Jade Curtiss and Hipster Kid have Luke pinned down, but Guy is here to save the day!
-Guy wouldn't download a car, but he'd absolutely steal fon discs by force.
-and i guess hipster kid (aka Sync if you couldn't follow that) has a secret identity as well but we've literally only met like 2 named characters so far so I dunno who he could be
-Luke: Heh heh! I'm not falling for that again.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me!"
-BOSS FIGHT:
ARIETTA THE WILD
...
find some better gods to be a general of kthx
-Van: There was no word of the Fon Master's arrival in Kaitzur, so I came here just in case.
...i thought you were coming here anyway
wasn't that the plan, you take care of this, we don't? but noooooo
-if you really cared about arietta's well-being you would NOT let her get taken off-screen by an NPC. she's as good as dead now.
-I want to beat this Sword Dancer so badly
-set sail for fail
-Anise: Can I ask you a weird question? What do you think of Tear?
-->She's annoying
-->I'd say she's my type
fuck dialogue options
OH WELL BETTER TEAR THAN ANISE
-Tear: I'm sorry. I don't think I've been taking your memory loss very seriously.
also water is wet and the miasma is deadly poison
-Van: You've been chosen. The power of hyperresonance will make you a hero.
everybody, take a drink.
-In Chesedonia.
-Mieu: It's full of sand!
SAND, IN A VIDEO GAME
-some guy: You've got guts, making enemies of the Dark Wings.
oh come on, you guys are clearly a team rocket
look at you
a short fat guy
a tall slim guy
a commanding leader woman
you couldn't be less of a threat
-...so the synthesis system in this game is "trade in a bunch of items, then request the type of result you want, then make an additional bribe, and then maybe you'll get something that is both what you want and actually good, but maybe not"? wow, what a ****ing awful mechanic
-oh look it's hipster again, run flynn run
-I'm trying to think of a single villain in this game I actually like or consider a legitimate threat.
...
nope still nothin'
-so you can just tap someone on the arm and invisibly implant them with a mind control curse? that seems like a thing that would make diplomacy tricky in this setting
-this is so dumbbbbbbb why is the same plot happening again we already got attacked by the god-generals while on a big ship
-even jade thinks this is stupid, but i think that's just because he knows his alter-ego dist the jackass is at fault [/spoiler]
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"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Editor
luke is the audience surrogate
-BOSS FIGHT:
KAISER DIST R
this is so dumb go away dist
-yay overlimits get
-Luke: So... this is Baticul?
Guy: What? You're acting like you've never seen it before.
PROTAGONIST! MEMORY! GONE! WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?!
-wow they are railroading me really hard towards the castle
-i don't think tear really cared about that uniform. i think she was just trying to cover up how hard she was crushing on that maid.
Tear: i just thought the uniform looked nice.
Guy: You're blushing.
Tear: i
Tear: i have a fever?
Luke: And a nosebleed?
Tear: yes
Tear: it is a nosebleed kind of fever
-mannnn i didn't even get a new outfit title out of that?
-ALL ABOARD THE TRAIN BOUND FOR THE AUDIENCE CHAMBER CHOO CHOO
-Luke: Shut up! I don't even know you, and I'm already sick of you.
how can people dislike luke
such a badass
-wow susanne's va is really nailing that grief-stricken mother voice isn't she
-Natalia: I don't see what the maids see in you.
the spirit of a true bro
-god tear we get it
you are attracted to female characters
either that or you're a cosplayer; think carefully before deciding which
-guy such a ladies' man. you know, aside from the obvious problems with that.
-got demon fist
-..."Gnomeday"?
-I like how Van is under arrest but Tear is allowed to roam about freely. Makes perfect sense.
-Ingobert VI: In other words, Luke, you are the chosen youth.
take a drink.
-Luke received the Ambassador title
Which one? Metroid Fusion? Fire Emblem 8?
-"Yulia's Score has never been wrong. Now, I will tell you exactly how to prevent what it has said from coming to pass..."
-well, this plan isn't suspicious at all, especially given van being luke's kidnapper
-Note to all JRPG protagonists:
1) if you're ever told that you can't let anyone know about a plan, do not follow said plan
2) the person who came up with said plan? they're the villain
3) get them.
-Jade: I'm a little uncomfortable telling Dorian General Grants my plan, but oh well.
Van: I volunteer to be a major part of this plan. This plan, which puts me alone with the enemy, entrusted with knowledge of your group's true route.
Jade: terms accepted
-did anise literally just shove tear aside like a wooden crate rather than walk around her
best character
-you lost ion? again?
goddammit anise you are the worst character
-hands up if you buy into guy's "i just happen to read up on vacation spots" story?
...
yeah me neither
i'm guessing he's actually ingobert's personal spy or something, but eh
-so I guess Natalia is in the party now
I don't see why we were really in any position to refuse her to begin with when Anise and Tear are in the party but whatever
-Anise: Natalia your cooking is literally the worst in the world.
Anise: Literally.
Natalia: i've been in your party for five seconds and haven't even cooked anything
Anise: Literally.
Natalia: why is everyone being so mean to me
-Jade: Oh dear, we seem to have aroused her anger.
Luke: Never say the phrase "we seem to have aroused her" in reference to Natalia ever again.
-i really want natalia to start calling anise "thing"
-oh no it's goothulhu
-BOSS FIGHT:
ABADDON
well this is certainly not a boss that dies to spamming the attack button nosiree
-Natalia: I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you and everyone.
Tear: It's all right.
Luke: No it's not!
quit being mean to natalia, luke
-Anise: Luke prefers much younger, cuter girls, don't you Luke?
Luke: but i don't want to take a seat right over there
-um so that cutscene triggered kind of abruptly
-Gasp! The mysterious Asch, revealed! It's... exactly what everyone already thought.
-look at jade curtiss during that cutscene
he knows exactly what's going on
why don't you ****ing share it with the class you jerk [/spoiler]
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Advanced
I never really understood this either. Tear attempts murder and breaks into the Duke's manor and nothing happens to her? Lolwut?
side note: I have just updated an FAQ on GameFAQs that I hadn't updated in 10 years with the finished version. I'm so punctual! [/spoiler]
---
"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft
Editor
As long as it's not just me, then!
--
-in the desert, fighting flying cubones
-NPC: The Zao Ruins? Just head east.
well that was simple
-Tear mentions liking showers, nobody bats an eye. Luke mentions liking showers, everybody assumes he's fantasizing about Tear. What? has luke ever even shown interest in women a single time throughout this entire game thus far? ...outside of dialogue options that can't possibly be canonical?
quit being mean to luke, everyone
-Tear: I still can't figure out what the Six God-Generals are up to.
your mistake was assuming they have motives
-Luke: I still don't really understand what fonons are.
they're a plot device luke, god how slow are you
-MIEU learned ROCK SMASH.
-Tear: The Six God-Generals!
Jade: tear can you count to six for me
Tear: sure
Tear: one, two, six.
Jade: ...well played.
-Largo: This should be fun. Let's see how you've grown since I last saw you, cowering on the Tartarus.
Luke: I'm amazed you can remember anything from that day, what with how preoccupied you were bleeding to death.
...you know, i wrote that before advancing the dialogue, but then luke pretty much said exactly that, which is outstanding
-BOSS FIGHT:
SYNC THE TEMPEST & LARGO THE BLACK LION
...so that went pretty poorly
i won but i refuse to burn life bottles on these chucklefucks
-hey guess who isn't a threat anymore when broken away from largo and stunlocked by luke and guy
spoilers it's sync
-wow, guy and tear got like 3 or 4 ad skills each from that
-Sync: How about we make a deal? In exchange for ending the fight here, we'll let the Fon Master go.
Guy: We won't need any deals when we just wipe you out.
Guy is the smart one.
-dumbest threat in the world, and yet we believed it
who are the real fools here
-luke can be remote controlled by our biggest enemy? this doesn't seem like something that requires further thought or precaution!
-i've avoided saying it so far, but we've reached a point where i just can't take it anymore:
CARRIER PIGEONS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY
GOODNIGHT
-They're activating Guy's curse spell NOW? but. there's no point.
also look at natalia's expression while ion's explaining curse spells. she just does not give a fuck about any of your curse slots, sync. look at that expression. she does not give a fuck.
-this seems like another thing that we should deal with now rather than later, but who am i to tell jade and luke how to run the party
...oh right the one who knows this is a jrpg and can nitpick accordingly
if only they could hear me
-I get it. Sync is Ion's brother. Or his Asch equivalent. Really could go either way there.
-But before I go anywhere, back to Choral Castle to fight that Sword Dancer.
-BOSS FIGHT:
SWORD DANCER
...yeah that wasn't so bad
Guy is an absolute moron though
you've got ranged attacks. fucking use them.
-after eons of wandering around getting lost, we're in deo pass
-they missed a fantastic opportunity for a conversation like:
Guy: I can't believe Luke would say something so insensitive!
Tear: really? i can
Guy: yeah i can too, i dunno why i said that
-where did this whole thing about anise being a gold digger come from? did they realize that her being attracted to luke was ****ing creepy so they decided to justify it by making it even creepier?
-MIEU used HEADBUTT on the odd tree. ...The odd tree attacked!
-Ion: *huff* *huff*
Jade: Say, let's take a break, everyone.
Luke: What? this is an important mission and part of our party already went on ahead.
Anise: Ion's tired, so we're resting.
Luke: yeah he must've really worked up a sweat what with all the fighting he's been watching me do
Anise: But-
Luke: SORRY I'M THE AMBASSADOR WE'RE GOING ON AHEAD
Everyone: ...
Jade: Say, let's take a break, everyone.
Everyone: Okay!
-so wait, the six god-generals are literally fighting in order to... give mankind free will?
...
either that's a lie, or free will in this setting comes with enormous drawbacks, or I'm going to hate this plot. or i guess we could end up joining them at some point but i don't consider that very likely.
-BOSS FIGHT:
LEGRETTA THE QUICK
...
holy shit the ally ai in this game is awful
HEY MORONS, HERE'S A HINT: WHEN SHE STARTS CASTING, EITHER ATTACK HER TO MAKE HER STOP, RUN AWAY, OR GUARD.
all right this is just unacceptable. now? now we're doing things the beatstick way. no more of this bullshit where anybody ever does a thing that doesn't involve being in legretta's face, attacking her as much as possible. no fucking casting, no fucking items, no running away, we're getting this shit DONE.
-AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, WHEN EVERYBODY IS ACTUALLY FIGHTING, LEGRETTA CANNOT DO ANYTHING, HOW ABOUT THAT
-"Bitter Sandwich" was cooked.
you have no idea
-#1 worst cliche that keeps being used in JRPGs for god knows what reason:
Everybody in the party knows something important, but nobody ever tells anyone else until it's too late, for absolutely no adequately justified reason.
-hey luke, pro-tip, you're kind of necessary to this whole plan
so like
you can just threaten to leave unless they tell you
"Sorry pals, it's been real, but since I apparently am not allowed to know anything ever, I'll just save you all the initiative and go spend the rest of my life in my manor. When you feel like treating me like an equal, give me a ring-a-ding."
-Tear: Luke, perhaps we could have explained things better, but if you keep up that attitude...
Luke: you mean in the same way a house builder could have built a house better if he had actually built one instead of not building any houses ever?
Tear: see that's the attitude i mean
Luke: sorry maybe i should treat you all like you treat me
Luke: HEY TEAR YOU REMEMBER HOW YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN COMPLETE CRAP FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN REMEMBER? I HAVE IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING THAT
Luke: THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP SECRET
Luke: FOR NO APPARENT REASON
Tear: again there's that attitude issue
Luke: SORRY WHAT WAS THAT I WAS TOO BUSY PRETENDING YOU DON'T EXIST
-Natalia: What's dirty? What am I going to catch?! Don't say such stupid things!
Luke: sorry i was just trying to make a whore joke
Luke: i promise my next one will be less vague
-...so um
this might be a stupid question, but you've got able-bodied people here, for example the nurses, so...
why don't they just take everyone else out of the mine?
right? why stay here? if the miasma's in the mine, then take people out of the mine. i know it's not a permanent solution but at least you wouldn't be dying pointlessly.
-Hyman: My name's Hyman. I'm the one who informed Grand Maestro Mohs about the Seventh Fonstone.
Luke: heheh, "hymen".
-man the camera is really bad in these mines
-so luke's really not even gonna comment on how opening the sephiroth is what the god-generals want to do huh
because i get that he trusts van, but i've also seen no evidence that he is blind, deaf, and an idiot
...for that matter, mieu should see an issue here too.
also i'd make some comment about how asch should WANT us to open the sephiroth except that i don't buy that that voice is really asch
-Ion: Luke, don't you think we should wait for the others?
"I mean, I could just backtrack like 20 feet and tell them what's going on, but I'm just so damn lazy."
-Luke: I'm "kind of" a big deal.
-i dunno about you but i see no reason not to trust asch completely considering he's been trying to kill us pretty much nonstop since the game started
-"Mystearica"?
-well this was easily preventable
-...where the hell am I?
-Ion: I was careless. I never dreamed that Van would make Luke do such a thing...
"However, I DID know that both Luke, who was with me, and Guy, who was 30 feet away, could be controlled at will by outside forces, and that theoretically myself or Van could have been hit with curses at any point as well, and I still thought it probably wouldn't hurt anything to remove the seal on the Sephiroth and thus give anyone who cares access to one of the pillars supporting the world. Boy, is my face red!"
-Jade: I wish Luke had at least discussed it with us beforehand.
"I also take exception with pots and their particular degree of blackness."
-Natalia: Akzeriuth is gone. Thousands of lives, lost in an instant.
"Thousands"? i know this is a ps2 game and there are limitations but let's be reasonable here.
-they cannot seriously be blaming luke for this can they
holy crap
-Luke: Wh-why?! Why are you all blaming me?!
protip they're not explaining that because the writers couldn't think of a good reason either
-Anise I know he's your buddy and all, but Ion is clearly partially at fault here. I have to imagine the Fon Master handbook has a couple rules regarding the Sephiroth Trees. They probably look something like:
Rule 1. Don't remove the seal on the Sephiroth.
Rule 2. Ever.
Rule 3. For any reason.
Rule 4. No, not even then.
Rule 5. seriously are you fucking stupid, why would you even consider this
-Tear: no asch! don't tell him! if he knows, he might not destroy anymore citi-wait i didn't think this through
-who could have predicted this plot twist
-BOSS FIGHT:
ASCH THE BLOODY
god asch get out of here
i fought flynn i know exactly how to handle boss fights like this
1. run away
2. run close enough to rival to trigger an attack with a long animation
3. lol, punished
4. go to 1
-yeah that's right, you better feel bad about yourself
-I'm actually surprised they even did me the service of showing Asch beaten after that. I thought we'd go straight to both of them panting and then Luke collapsing. Asch being down and then Luke collapsing for... no reason... is better. I guess.
-so i guess we're just leaving our best healer and fearless leader behind, then. i don't see how leaving luke unattended can possibly help matters when Van has access to Qliphoth (because he got Asch down here somehow), but I'm not a brilliant tactician like Jade or Asch or Anise.
-Belkend is to the east? really now. you don't say. that's not very helpful, you know, considering LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD is to the east of where we are currently.
-after spending like 20 minutes wandering around this Turok fog-covered sea, I found... Daath Bay. GOD. DAMN. IT.
-literally had to check a map. fuck you, game.
-i really wish luke was still in the party so i could make him make a joke about natalia not having any use for a Breast Guard
-Got a Warrior Maiden and a Dark Seal. so this is where all the game's loot migrated to. either that or it's a loot factory.
-So Jade is the one who invented fomicry. welp, we can now officially add him to the list of people more responsible for the destruction of akzeriuth than luke (it's a long list)
-oh my god i just realized asch has two blanked out titles
there go my hopes of getting luke back soon, i take it
-Natalia: Why is Van collecting replica data? What does he plan to do with it?
Asch: .........
Natalia: okay so that was a dumb question
Asch: WHY IS THE MILITARY RESEARCHING HOW TO MAKE GUNS
Asch: I CAN'T THINK OF ANY USES FOR KNOWLEDGE LIKE THAT
-god even anise pointed out how dumb that was
natalia you'd be out of the party if the only other character available wasn't anise herself
-...OR
OR I COULD BE FORCED TO USE ANISE
guy's only flaw was that he was too much of a bro
-for once, managed to find the next area without issue
-holy **** do i need to get life up on some not-anise characters, she's literally 2/3 on it activating so far
-oh look another cthulhu
-BOSS FIGHT:
ANCYLOPOLYP
not hard
-Back with a much more interesting party leader now.
-HAIRCUTS: IMPORTANT SYMBOLISM
also makes luke 100% cuter
-Luke: I'm really sorry I'm an artificially created being who was emotionally manipulated by the only person I trusted into destroying a city with powers I couldn't control.
Tear: I thought you said you were going to change?
Luke: no that was sincere
Luke: you just assumed i was being a smartass because no reasonable person could expect me to apologize for that
-glad to see luke call teodoro out on his bullshit there
-Tear gets a potentially cool spell and we're off!
-guy such a bro
-hey luke, you can become a better person without also becoming a less interesting character. it's totally possible!
-jade not a bro
-I'm not exactly COMPLAINING but where's Anise? off parking the tartarus? [/spoiler]
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Editor
-Luke learned the AD Skill "Special"
Luke learned the AD Skill "Life Up"
...
...............
................................
-We got some junk! yay
-Legretta: [Van] is looking forward to seeing how you grow. He eventually plans to ask you to become his right hand.
uhhhhh, i don't want to think about tear becoming van's right hand
(i'm really sorry but they can't just pitch a ball right over the plate and expect me not to swing at it)
-a hidden shop of super expensive items? neato
-god, i feel like a wonderful anise-free portion of the game just slipped through my fingers, never to return.
-haha, anise's parents are dumb. this explains a lot.
-Jade: We need to make sure to kill anyone who spots us.
*fights some guards*
Luke: We'll have to make sure to leave them unconscious!
Jade: ...
Jade: ......
Jade: what a good plan luke
Luke: thank you i thought so
-Tear: We need to make sure to take out the patrol near the door so the guard can see them.
Luke: or we could just move the body
Tear: i don't follow you
Luke: okay picture a body
Tear: right
Luke: now move that shit
Tear: you lost me
Luke: okay
Luke: let's go through this again
Luke: step one
Tear: with you so far
Luke: you move the body
Tear: luke i don't think you thought this plan out as much as you think you have
Tear: how can we move a body?
Luke: ...by moving it
Tear: okay, i'm done talking to you now
Tear: let us know when you're ready to be helpful again
-Ion: Luke has always been kind. He just hasn't known how to express it.
thank you ion
-it's good to know that even this game's main characters are completely confused about who's actually an enemy and who isn't
-so jade, what happened to that whole "nope the tartarus is all caked with mud from the place and can't be used again ever or repaired by anyone" thing? are we just overlooking that now or what
-goddammit luke. natalia literally brought up a cruise ship named after herself, in the context of it being something people would prefer to ride, and you didn't crack a joke. i'm as disappointed with you as i've ever been.
-so our floating warship just... somehow hit something(???) that caused it to almost sink... but then guy repaired the engine damage in like 10 seconds, and now we have to go to keterburg to have it repaired by a real shipwright instead of a fake impossible one? makes perfect sense.
-why does this game have a warehouse
WHY DOES THIS GAME HAVE A WAREHOUSE
WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A WAREHOUSE
-fantastic, a casino. more minigames.
-*high fives ~33% of the party for shutting Anise down* but unfortunately, they did not manage to also shut her up
-let's see if it's possible to make infinite money in 17 seconds in TotA's version of poker as well
-nope, instead the game just cheats
-despite that i manage to make 20,000+ chips and buy an undine spear for jade. ...which isn't very good, so i'm gonna sell it, i think.
-eventually manage to get 85k chips to buy the Soul Steal bow and Wizard Staff. ...The only one of these three items that was a significant upgrade was the Soul Steal. what a waste of time. we are moving on
-In the northern part of town, we find a group of kids reenacting the opening scene from FFTA
-WHO
IN THEIR RIGHT MIND
WOULD PUT A WAITER MINIGAME
IN THIS GAME
-hahaha, outstanding skit. worth every gald for staying at that hotel.
-When Anise was talking about wanting to marry whoever owned that mansion, I was really hoping it would turn out to be Dist.
-For some reason I never considered that Jade might have a family. He seems like someone who just sort of popped into existence by sheer force of will.
-invited back to nephry's place, alone, after hours? this game is going places
-Guy: Oh, I love LOOKING at beautiful women.
Luke: smooth, man
Anise: She's an older woman, and married, you know.
Guy: W-wait, hold on, I didn't mean it like that...
Luke: what
Luke: how else could you possibly have meant it
-so wait, why was luke the one nephry wanted to tell about this? she said it was because he was a replica, but then later said she told him so he could keep jade in line. but luke's like the worst person to do that. tear or guy, tbqh.
-Jade: You are of course aware of why you cannot tell anyone of this.
Luke: ...I am?
Jade: If you spend time looking for excuses for your actions, you'll never accept responsibility for what you've done.
Luke: ...
Luke: wait so your idea of accepting responsibility for what you've done is threatening me in order to keep me quiet about it
Jade: ...
Jade: ......
Jade: yes
Luke: i have learned a valuable lesson today
Jade: do as i say, not as i do, luke
-Jade leaves the party and suddenly people start dying? Right after we learn that Jade has a sinister past? Well, this certainly couldn't be a deliberate set up to make us think Jade is evil but actually he's not and the power of friendship triumphs once again.
-Malkuth soldier: Those were Oracle soldiers! Damn it!
...well, jade's name has been cleared. that was faster than i expected. i also question how any oracle soldiers got past us without us noticing. or, if they were already in grand chokmah, why they chose to backtrack all this way just to take out one soldier.
-shut. up. anise.
-luke stop sexually harrassing tear
it's hurting team morale
-quick name a time when a stealth section in a non-stealth game has been fun
...
yep
-Luke: When there's more than one guard, they call for help when we defeat them.
...So? Fight them all anyway. It's not like they can actually stop us.
-How the fuck did Largo get through here without murdering everyone? He is not a stealthy person.
-you know largo if you hadn't warned him luke would be dead right now
-...of course we still needed a random earthquake in order to save us. way to go, party. we cannot get jade back soon enough.
-Natalia being pro as hell though. I'm pretty sure Largo and Sync should both be dead right now. Those were cutscene arrows, not gameplay ones.
-Natalia: You destroyed an entire city!
Luke: Wait, what the fuck? You guys have spent the last week guilt tripping me over that! I changed my entire personality because of you! I demand you take that back right now and blame me instead!
Sync: no it was totally our fault
Largo: um yeah we are the villains after all
Luke: SHUT UP YOU ARE RUINING MY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
-i like how largo and sync are fine with fighting a group of people who have beaten them before, but when two malkuth soldiers show up, time to run!
-Tear: We followed some suspicious figures here.
Malkuth soldier: Those Oracle knights who just ran away? But you have Oracle knights with you as well.
Tear: oh no you've seen through my cleverly woven tapestry of lies
Tear: and all it took was sudden onset amnesia about the setting so as to forget that the order of lorelei is heavily divided into two camps, over the matter of fon master ion, who is standing right next to me
Malkuth soldier: ...Arrest them.
Tear: gosh if only i was a better liar
Tear: we might have avoided this
-General Tanned!Cloud seems like a stand up guy.
-what reason would guy have for wanting to kill luke? luke is the most likable person in the world.
-Capacity Core Shop: now with 100% less shop
-Jade: You look like you've calmed down. Let's go.
Luke: what
Luke: you weren't even there
Jade: ...yes i was
Luke: we haven't seen you for hours
Jade: ...
Jade: i'm linked with asch so i see everyth-
Luke: WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM RECENTLY EITHER
-Peony: Jade told me about what's going to happen to St. Binah. It's like, totally bogus, dudes.
-Sesemann: Your Majesty, it's not polite to refer to them as "these guys."
we're just these guys, you know?
-i refuse to believe that there isn't SOMETHING hidden in jade's office [/spoiler]
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Editor
Guy: it's your father's
Guy: and your country's
Luke: that's... better?
-Jade: Are you saying he'd be better off where we can keep an eye on him?
Luke: yes.
Luke: it's called "pattern recognition".
-oh good, was worried we were going to have to evacuate citizens manually, instead of in a cutscene
-BOSS FIGHT:
KAISER DIST RX
...whoops forgot to put guy back in my party
Luke/Jade/Tear/Natalia it is then
-eat radiant howl, robot
-this plan seems kinda dumb
kinda really dumb
-especially when we stop to organize warehouses on the way
-a town full of shmucks
-oh dear, a split up dungeon? LUKE/JADE/NATALIA TEAM LET'S GO
-a timed split up dungeon. hopefully we can come back later for treasure.
-BOSS FIGHT:
BLADE REX
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DINOSAURS
RADIANT HOWL WILL SAVE US
-...wait, what? why doesn't the timer reset when the second party takes over? were they just standing around that whole time?
-well that was fast
-oh no two soldiers, run away
-flyin'
-We're heroes! But not big enough heroes. Also, I think this is leading up to a thing where, by the game's credits, the Outer Lands and the Qliphoth will have merged completely.
-Luke: So civilization was more advanced two thousand years ago?
of course it was luke, god what do you think this is, a game that isn't a jrpg?
-this dungeon's kinda dumb, but it's still a step up from like every other dungeon thus far
-I have a feeling that if you did a frame-by-frame analysis of the animation of those soldiers fighting, every single frame would be poorly drawn.
-Another split up. I've got less control over this one. Luke/Jade/Tear end up at Engeve, with Natalia/Guy/Anise (+ Ion) at Kaitzur. What could possibly go wrong with sending two people who get kidnapped every day, multiple times a day, into a warzone with someone who has never succeeded in her duties to protect them even once? Answer: absolutely nothing because Guy is with them. *crosses arms*
-now hold on, i distinctly remember reading a book of lore that said this damn town has a population of like 20,000. There is no way - no effing way - that our plan makes any logistical sense whatsoever.
-Problems with JRPGs:
1. Minigames
2. Minigames that aren't adequately explained before they start
luckily i still did reasonably well there despite not realizing the point was to avoid combat until about halfway through
-this would make so much more sense if the comments characters gave were tied in some way to what was actually happening, instead of guy claiming to have been careless and killed too many people after a day where we fought absolutely no one.
-this is some sitcom bullshit. get outta here cecille and tanned!cloud.
-Natalia: Right so, this war was retribution for my death and the destruction of Akzeriuth, right? But I'm not dead.
Luke: And I was the one who destroyed Akzeriuth.
Natalia: So call off the war. Now. That's an order.
Mohs: Um
Mohs: Um
Mohs: Um
Mohs: WAIT
Mohs: you're not seriously going to believe that FAKE princess, are you?
Tear: ...
Tear: this is your plan?
Mohs: quiet you
Tear: no see this isn't even plausible
Mohs: But the hair colors!
Tear: do your rumors actually change her authority in any way
Mohs: well no but-
Tear: this was your plan
Luke: Can somebody remind me why I haven't offed this guy during cover of night and tossed his body in a river yet?
Jade: Strictly speaking, I don't see any of us stopping you from doing that.
Luke: okay
Luke: first step
Luke: gotta find me a river
-*sells Rebirth Doll and all my old equipment*
I now have ALL THE GALD
-Messenger: The area around Chesedonia has started to sink.
Luke: ...
Luke: ......
Luke: .........
Luke: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
[Meanwhile, in YULIA CITY...]
Luke: -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
The Mayor: Sigh.
[THE MAYOR resets YULIA CITY's "it has been XX days since part of the Outer Lands collapsed" sign.]
-Luke: We should still have time to use the Sephiroth even after hearing Asch out.
...shut the fuck up, you cannot possibly know that
-back in the ruins
-BOSS FIGHT:
TYRANNOPION
STILL DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DINOSAURS
ESPECIALLY GOOFY-ASS BONE DINOSAURS
-well that was an unnecessarily long dungeon
-god, this isn't going to be some shion uzuki bullshit is it? healthy people do not just collapse at random.
-I want to quick-escape from this dungeon, but I can't, know why, because I don't have anymore Wing Bottles, know why, because I used the one I was given when the mechanic was explained and have never found any way to get more since then.
-World status update: still doomed
-"Cannot proceed due to the sandstorm. Let's retreat for now."
...really?
laziest ****ing game
-"Cannot proceed due to heavy mist. Let's retreat for now."
...........................
why didn't they just give me a flying train? or like a giant slide.
-going to see ion.
-Dist: Grand Maestro Mohs, allow me to say something incriminating aloud...
-Mohs: You aided in the destruction of Akzeriuth out of hatred of being torn from your real parents!
Natalia: ...
Natalia: wat.
Tear: this was your plan
Mohs: Shut up, you!
Tear: this. was. your. plan.
-Mohs: Kill them.
Luke: uh-huh
Luke: you and what army
Mohs: The Kimlascan army.
Luke: you mean the ones that are trapped in the qliphoth with no way of coming back, or the ones who are unconscious downstairs?
Mohs: ...
Mohs: we've got largo and dist
Luke: ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Luke: oh wait, you were serious? let me laugh even harder...
-I have no idea why we ended up running there, but sure.
-...You know, this whole thing seems ill thought out. Didn't we surrender in the first place because they were holding Noelle hostage?
-wow, it sure is riveting to watch asch do all this cool stuff
-why is my movement so fucking slow in this marsh
-god this is dumb. everyone run from the monster we could defeat easily! (you know why i know we can defeat it easily, because i fought it, know why i fought it, because i knew we could defeat it easily)
-Luke: Anise! Oh, no! We've got to do something!
Tear: you mean like make popcorn?
Luke: i was thinking more like help her
Tear: ...
Tear: why
Luke: ...
Luke: you make a fair point
-okay, now that absolutely nothing has changed except that we've left the area and returned, let's see if the game will allow us to kill the monster
-BOSS FIGHT:
BEHEMOTH
yep still easily beatable
HEY MONSTER, PROTIP: 700 DAMAGE PER HIT ONLY HELPS WHEN YOU ACTUALLY ATTACK THINGS
-Luke you should know all about Spinoza. You were still in Asch's head when we met him.
-more sitcom hijinks. at this rate i'm fully expecting:
[NATALIA shows up at a romantic restaurant and sees LUKE sitting at a table.]
Natalia: Wait, if you're here, then that means... Uh-oh!
[Cue laugh track.]
-so i'm guessing this hencken person is going to be a girl because guy did not use gendered pronouns when referring to them
-oh huh i was wrong. damn.
-Viridian: I see. That's some story. It's hard to believe.
Cathy: What are you talking about?! Rugnica's already gone!
Cathy inadvertantly points out that the game's biggest plothole is also the game's biggest regular hole.
-why is asch working with these chucklefucks again
oh fantastic, now we've earned the right to work with these chucklefucks too. yay.
-"Cannot proceed due to thunderstorms. Let's retreat for now."
oh my god fuck this game
i wasn't even trying to somewhere you don't want me, i was just trying to take the shortest route to daath, but NOOOOOO CAN'T HAVE THAT
FUCK THIS GAME
-wow arietta, launching an attack directly at the fon master? how could that have possibly gone wrong
...
you know besides the fact it was a fundamentally flawed idea
-This is about what I expected to come out of the whole Guy-is-afraid-of-women subplot and no this doesn't make it any less dumb. If it's a legitimate phobia, then make it that. Guy doesn't act like someone with a phobia, he acts like generic anime bullshit.
-a town now doubly full of shmucks
-Back in Tataroo Valley
-Guy: You sound like you're having fun, Colonel.
Jade: More than you could ever imagine.
-I like the idea that somebody just came through here and refilled all these chests.
-Luke: Heh, these guys are wimps.
Guy: They'll still beat you if you let your guard down!
guy it is one filifolia
i don't think there's any chance of it beating me
-Natalia: Guy, even with your past, if you hadn't saved Anise, I'd have lost all respect for you.
Guy: gee thanks natalia
Guy: i didn't see you, luke, or jade rushing to help her
Anise: Guy <3 You can propose to me anytime <3
Guy: ...I'll pass.
Luke: Guy, even with your past, if you had agreed to marry her, I'd have lost all respect for you.
Guy: that's fair
-get down from there tear you look ridiculous
also i'm pretty sure this should not be physically possible
like mieu shouldn't even really be able to support itself, i think
-attn: all female party members
stop hitting on guy
-ion where the **** are you going
get back here, i don't trust you not to get kidnapped during this boss fight
-BOSS FIGHT: UNICEROS
well that was uneventful
-oh no tear has a mysterious problem that she's not going to tell us about until it starts putting the whole party in serious physical danger
-...So Ion walking off was just... what? What was the purpose of that? i guess he was just getting away from the danger of the boss fight or something even though he's like the second most powerful one here
-well this dungeon's puzzle is kinda dumb
-Luke: Everyone, listen up. I have something I need to ask you. Do you really think it's okay for us to just lower the Outer Lands on our own?
Tear: ...
Tear: yes
Luke: yeah you're probably right, everyone else in the world is fuckin' dumb or suicidal or some shit
-well this is going okay so far
-Ion: Silence. Only a fool clings solely to lineage.
ion you are the absolute best
- Kenri 10:33 pm
GUY YOU FOOL
YOU JUST COST US 190,000 GALD
THE WORLD IS AT STAKE HERE
CG7 10:33 pm
what'd he do
Kenri 10:33 pm
in fairness luke really didn't deserve a 230,000 gald allowance
but still
-Pere tells Guy to go learn from a swordsman named Gee who lives in the Zao Desert.
Gee? Guy? hurrrrrr i get it
-a bet that luke can't know about until the bet is over? that's fair.
-Luke: Damn it, why the hell does Dist have the flightstone?
luke playing audience surrogate again. also playtester surrogate and ignored-writer surrogate.
-natalia stop talking to anise
this is your last warning
-Natalia: Well! Since when did we become the "Jade gang"?
We're Jade Heroes! (Jaaaaaaaaaade Herooooooooooooes, Jaaaaaaaaaade Heroooooooooes...)
-wait so
wait
ion is literally mohs' superior
that's a thing that is actually true?
ion can just fucking overrule whatever mohs said?
...
WHY DOES ANY OF THIS GAME'S CONFLICT EXIST
-Tear: Did I do something wrong...?
Hey Tear, welcome to being unjustifiably blamed for things.
it's where luke's been all game
-"no guy kill me" "wait guy i'm the one who deserves to die for the various backstory atrocities"
-so i'm guessing this super replica prototype from hod is alive and going to turn out to be one of the god-generals, right
-oh well this makes even more sense
-Ion: Guy, why don't you sheathe your sword for now? It's beginning to sound like you'd have to kill almost everyone in this room.
Guy: I'm still not seeing a problem with that.
Luke: ...just promise to exclude us from your random murder spree
Guy: i promise nothing
-Guy: I stopped wanting revenge a long time ago.
Luke: bullshit
Guy: what?
Luke: bullshit
Luke: b to the u to the l to the l
Luke: plus shit
Guy: explain
Luke: "i stopped wanting revenge a LOOOOOOONG time ago"
Luke: "that's why i made a secret alliance with my bff van at the beginning of the game"
Luke: "to take revenge"
Guy: that was a long time ago. if you're a fruitfly
Luke: "i am a hypocrite and a liar and a psychopath, please lock me away" that's all anyone here is hearing from you guy
-FINALLY
AND AT LONG LAST
GET EQUIPPED WITH
LIGHTNING BLADE
-Van?! ...My mother?! Metal Gear?!
-legretta's death confirmed
-oh my god you are both 18 just fucking kiss already
-Tear has received the Big Sister title
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what is this fire emblem all of a sudden i mean come on now
-...why are we not just fighting them?
we've literally already beaten legretta once
this kind of scene only works when the villains stopping us aren't fuck-wretched; unfortunately, all of this game's villains are fuck-wretched, yet it keeps using scenes like this
-I'm sorry but I just can't take this seriously. It's not even a case where I'm just playing it up "durrrr why are we surrendering to Invincibilitos the Lordgodlord this is a video game i'll just make numbers pop out of his head until he dies". Luke's group is canonically strong enough to fight that entire attacking army and win outright. Hell, the scene wasn't even internally consistent.
"Okay, so here Legretta ambushes the group and-"
"No, we can't do that, Jade would just nuke her."
"oh my god are we going to go through the jade-nukes-her conversation again no he can't there are civilians in the way or some shit. So the party flees to another exit and they're blocked off my more Oracle Knights-"
"So Jade nukes them, right?"
"..."
"Because there aren't any civilians in the way this time."
"..."
"Also, couldn't Tear have just sung her plot hax song that neutralizes all soldiers everywhere every time it's used with a 100% success ra-"
"You're fired."
the only explanation here is that we're letting a town of people die because we're lazy or something
-god this is dumb
Jade: Luke, no! We can't resolve the entire plot right now! We're only 40 hours in!
Luke: But
Luke: it would make everything that happens later so much easier
Jade: yes
Jade: that is exactly why we cannot do it
-Anise: Why did this happen?
because the writers for this game are incredibly lazy and wanted cheap drama?
-Jade: We're an hour behind schedule.
shut the fuck up, no we are not
-so on that five day journey we're just not doing anything about the intruder, then?
really?
that seems like a thing that would be important to take care of, especially when you've got some guaranteed downtime on a voyage like this
-...see because otherwise this might happen
-BOSS FIGHT:
SYNC
...did
did he just bust out a mystic arte without being in overlimit? and kill 3/4ths of my party without giving me a chance to do anything about it?
wow, when did this game become fucking garbage
-sync is ion's replica. hands up, everyone who's surprised. at least they tacked on a less predictable plot twist though, i'll give 'em that.
-Sync: A replica that can't serve as a replacement is beyond useless.
Luke: hey, i'm a replica and i find that offensive
Sync: You and I are nothing alike! You have people who need you!
Luke: and how many people like that have you tried to acquire over your life?
Sync: i don't understand the question
Luke: of course you don't
Sync: I'm only alive because Van can use me.
Luke: so stop fucking listening to him and start living your life?
Luke: like i literally don't understand what you're getting at here
Luke: your argument isn't even circular because that would imply a degree of depth that it frankly doesn't possess
Luke: if you want to be needed or have a real life or whatever, stop doing whatever some jerk tells you to and start doing literally anything else
Sync: And then what? Huh?
Luke: And then MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED.
Sync: ...
Luke: ...
Sync: ...
Luke: ...
Sync: nope it can't be that easy gonna kill myself brb
-wow, i'm sure glad that, of all the scenes in the past 10 hours, that was the one they let me have some control over
-Tear: Luke! Are you all right? I'll try healing you.
Luke: ...
Luke: wait hold on
Luke: i just realized that you could have been healing me every other time this happened to me
Tear: trolled
-this is so dumb
"hello there miss... grants? i'm doctor proctor, what seems to be the issue"
"i was possessed by the sentient avatar of the seventh fonon who is also god or something and she used my body to deliver a prophecy to my friends"
"..."
"..."
"get out"
-so van is like the most wanted criminal in the world right now and will immediately cease to have any influence because even mohs can't publicly support him right right right
-Ah, I see. This was all just a pretense to advance the Tear-is-full-of-miasma subplot.
-Shu: Please take care. Don't push yourself.
Luke: So now we get back to lowering the land.
Shu: ...
Shu: you could at least wait until you're out of earshot to completely ignore doctor's orders
Luke: i could but i chose not to [/spoiler]
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Editor
-oh i see, we've gotta take this river first
-Luke: We ran into one hell of a monster last time we came here.
that is a goddamn lie
-okay i admit, that puzzle in Ruins 2 with the machines that could either move with each other or opposite each other was pretty cool
-legretta this was just not a smart idea. coming at us alone? hope you've got plot fiat on your side again
-thank you, jade and luke. you had the right idea there. though if the team was really working optimally, guy would have attacked as well, and natalia would have been ready to plug legretta with an arrow if she dodged
-Legretta: In time, you'll come to understand just how accurate Yulia's Score is.
Luke: you mean the score that has already been wrong multiple times
Luke: or is this going to be some bullshit where the seventh fonstone says "FOR TRUE SCORE DISREGARD FONSTONES 1 THROUGH 6"
-so that skit touches upon - but doesn't acknowledge - the fundamental issue with this game's villains' plan/motives, which is:
The villains: The Score is bad and has foretold bad things!
The heroes: Okay so... so what's your plan for dealing with that.
The villains: oh we'll just do something different
The heroes: ...
The heroes: if you can just do something different then why the fuck are you worried about what the score has foretold?
-BOSS FIGHT:
REPAIR FONBOT
sort of tough, but now I can use Lightning Blade to create a green FOF and then change Light Spear Cannon into Light Blast, which tends to wreck things.
-so i guess those ruins puzzles were like an unrelated sidequest? ...sure.
-trusting spinoza? what could possibly go wrong
-trusting mohs? what could possibly go wrong
-oh i see, anise managing to trip while doing absolutely nothing wasn't her being stupid, it was her being a liar
that is... better???
-Estuans interius, ira vehementi. Estuans interius, ira vehementi. SEPHIROTH. SEPHIROTH.
-Tear: It's really hot in here.
Jade: Yes, by my calculations we should all die from the heat in...
Luke: ?!
Jade: Negative 5 minutes.
Tear: That's... right when we teleported in here.
Jade: Is it? I didn't realize.
Jade: Well then! Given that physics has decided to "do us a solid", I say we stop complaining about the heat and focus on finishing what we came here to do before it decides to become less... charitable.
->>ion points out that van hasn't been getting in our way because it should be physically impossible for him to keep up with us given we have the albiore
wow, i hadn't thought of that, but now that it's been brought up... yeah, that's yet another insurmountable advantage we have over every villain in the game.
-I feel like I missed about half of that area but oh well guess i'll come back later.
-POKER *shakes fist*
-...oh right, we were supposed to go to belkend first
-All of us head to the inn, leaving Tear behind? In the villains' former base? All night? Before we head out to the final Sephiroth?
what could possibly go right
-Anise: Tear's gone!
gee really
-At least if Asch is with her, she should be moderately safe.
-Legretta: You're headed for Mt. Roneal next, anyway. We'll settle things between us there.
Luke: So what's our motivation for not taking you out while you're alone, again?
Legretta: ...
Legretta: please don't?
-...asch officially the most competent character in the game because he's the only one who actually attacked van
-Natalia: Where are you going?
Asch: I have no time!
Natalia: what does that even mean
-Jade: Van's plan might seem crazy, but in fact, it's remarkably well thought out.
Luke: ...
Luke: no it is not
Jade: shut up yes it is
-Jade: Van may be able to use Asch's power without his cooperation, as he did with Luke.
Luke: wait
Luke: YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT
Luke: AND YOU BLAMED ME FOR IT ANYWAY
Jade: yes
Jade: it was your fault for being born
Luke: but-
Natalia: you really should have considered this kind of thing beforehand luke
Luke: but...
-so i'm guessing the playtesters were really confused when they went to the inn and dist wasn't there, but they couldn't record new dialogue, so they just changed the text? dumb
-so we can expect to fight largo, arietta, and legretta here, right?
so the guy who got OHKO'd by a level 5 character, the 8 year old, and the woman who got OHKO'd by a level 40 character
i'm quakin' in my boots, i tell ya what
-haha embarrassed!tear you are the best version of tear
-wait so
i just realized
sync was a fon master also. he even knew daathic fonic artes that only a fon master could use.
why couldn't he have just unlocked the sephiroth himself?
-oh look, it's these guys
-BOSS FIGHT:
LEGRETTA, LARGO, and ARIETTA
arietta why are you even here without any buddies
you are just not a threat on your own
and largo is never a threat
legretta definitely an issue though, which is why i chose to fight her last. i'm VERY SMART like that.
-"oh no! run from the invisible avalanche because those things cost too much to render!"
-Tear: It's all right. We would have killed Major Legretta anyway. She was an enemy.
tear what game have you been in for the last 40 hours?
how many named enemies have we actually killed?
plus there is no way they are dead, not a chance
-oh no van pulled a fast one on us this was not easily predictable
-Tear: ...I don't understand why the Major and the others believe in Van's insane ideal.
two words:
THEY'RE DUMB
-hey guy, you realize that replicas don't necessarily have the same personality as the people they're replicas of, right?
i mean you should realize that because your best friend is an example of that thing i just said, but then you're also acting like van's plan isn't the most batshit thing since literal feces from a bat, so maybe you're just dumb too
-oh man, having heart-to-hearts with all the party members? must be endgame, or a fakeout endgame
-Asch: no i won't help you because i'm stupid and let feelings get in the way of my mission (also that makes me a hypocrite i'm pretty sure)
-well this dungeon looks... awful
-yay a party split
-...i sure hope i wasn't supposed to dispose of that blue fire earlier on
-nope, guess not
-Natalia: You took so long, we were starting to get worried.
Luke: what
Luke: you could literally see me for most of that
Luke: you know? i was the guy who kept creating bridges for you, and who you kept dropping boxes for
Natalia: yeah? next time i'll aim for the scales and hit you
Luke: ...
Natalia: ...
Luke: I'm glad you're safe.
Natalia: Likewise. Shall we go?
-...is... is van playing an organ? is he ganondorfing us? seriously?
-Guy: It's true that this world is twisted, ruled by the Score. But a replica world is a pretty twisted idea, too.
Luke: plus it doesn't really solve the problem
Luke: "oh no my girlfriend is sick"
Luke: "i'll kill her and ask out somebody else"
-BOSS FIGHT:
VAN
...
god why does the game insist on changing my party formation to some random bullshit EVERYTIME anyone leaves and returns
WELL AT LEAST I GET TO WATCH THAT WONDERFUL CUTSCENE AGAIN
-there we go, tear and anise out, natalia and guy in, MUCH better
-well that fight was an unmitigated disaster that i spent most of reviving guy and jade, but at least i won on my first try anyway
-Van: To be defeated... by such a failure. How... ironic...
[VAN falls into the Planet Storm.]
Luke: ...
Luke: it's not ironic, it's just coincidental
Van: ...
Van: to be corrected
Van: by such a failure
Van: doubly ironic
Luke: shut up and fall
-wow we couldn't just let luke have that one, eh
gotta get saved by asch every day. can't go a day without it. apple a day, brush twice a day, get saved by asch, floss once a day. you know. doctors are always bugging you about that stuff.
-lorelei (who is now a man for some reason???) says some cryptic stuff. outstanding.
-GREAT!
You fulfilled your mission. It will revive peace in Auldrant.
But it may be invaded by the other villain.
Pray for a true peace in Auldrant! [/spoiler]
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Liberal Arts Major
BELLS FROGS BIG CHERRIES PETER PAN HAM AND CHEESE
<->
"What the fuck is Alice doing in Wonderland anyway? Who the fuck told her she could leave the god damn kitchen in the first place?" -Random guy on Xbox Live
http://www.backloggery.com/kodan882
Editor
-Guy is the only person who knows how to write a tolerable letter. -_-
-What's that? You mean Asch borrowed the Albiore III right before an event that would have been literally impossible for him if he hadn't borrowed the Albiore III? you don't say
then again, this game is REALLY inconsistent about whether traveling by sea across the entire world takes days or seconds.
-i don't suppose i can have luke hook up with noelle, can i? that would be the most tolerable option here, but i imagine i'm going to either be forced into luke/tear or heavily encouraged to go with luke/tear but technically allowed to pick natalia or anise.
-wait so
the albiore has an auto-pilot system now? but like. we had noelle as a pilot this whole time. the amount of effort luke is putting in has literally gone unchanged.
whatever. nice gameplay mechanic, don't even bother to try to justify it, game.
-Tear: You can always find a way to live. You can get a job, even if it's a meager one.
Luke: tear
Luke: i am literally like the third strongest person on the entire planet
Luke: the job part is not the issue here
-wow this is a dumb conversation
-Anise: I have to pay back the debt Papa and Mama were tricked into!
Luke: how much is the debt
Anise: what
Luke: i'm a noble. 200,000 gald is essentially worthless to me because none of it is gold.
Luke: so i ask again
Luke: how much is the debt
Anise: um
Luke: we're dealing with this shit right now
-Anise: You don't have any idea the situation I'm in.
Luke: yes
Luke: let's keep it that way
-ion still a bro. guy also still a bro. let us all be bros together.
-What's that? The God-Generals are alive? And Dist has broken out of prison? And has regrouped with Mohs?
wow it's almost like all of this was entirely predictable
-i still don't get why we can't just shoot down these owls whenever they show up to rescue one of the villains
-Asch: Don't cause me any more trouble, you useless replica!
Luke: yeah it would be a shame if my inaction allowed the god-generals to undo all the work my party and I did
-Elder McGovern: Jade! We've just received word that General Frings was wounded!
Luke: Oh no! That guy whose name I know was hurt?!
-Peony: I see. So Aslan has passed away.
don't worry, he's jesus. he'll be back.
-"vandesdelca" means "one who would seize glory"? outstanding, this means that we literally have not resolved any goddamn thing in the last 45 hours of playtime
-Jade: Ancient Ispanian has the same characters and similar grammar, but the pronounciations are different. You might have ended up mixing them up and being unable to speak either correctly.
...pretttty sure language doesn't work that way, jade. for kids at least.
-heyyy with natalia back we've got the A-Team again
-...I'm pretty sure the soldiers that attacked Malkuth could not have been replicas. Or at least, they would have needed to have been created years ago, because they'd need to learn how to walk and such before they could even receive basic military training.
-Back to Daath, now? I admit this is interesting plot-wise and all, but in what sense is this even a game right now?
-luke to arietta, recruit if possible
-Legretta: Arietta! You'd betray us?!
Arietta: Van said he wouldn't kill Ion! You all are the traitors!
Luke: let's compromise, here
Luke: ion is in charge and you're both disobeying him, so you're both traitors
-Jade: Luke! Let's hurry to the secret passage.
Luke: Jade! Let's stay here and kill Legretta, one of our biggest enemies, while we have her at a colossal disadvantage.
Jade: All together, now.
Jade, Guy, Tear, Natalia, Mieu, and Arietta: BUT THOU MUST!
Luke: sigh
-still have no idea how to get ANYWHERE in daath cathedral
-am i literally being betrayed by anise. this is the most hilarious ****ing thing. i'm pretty sure the player's reaction to being betrayed by a party member should never be to burst into laughter, but there ya go.
-please, anise. i'm begging you.
try to stop us.
make. my. day.
-wait. if you can just ****ing program replicas to do things, why didn't they do that to luke? and why didn't jade consider the possibility that they HAD done that when akzeriuth was taken out? god, this game
-Tear: Wait! I just remembered that I have a way of incapacitating masses of people without harming them.
Luke: You know when that would have been fucking useful?
Tear: When?
Luke: EVERYTIME THIS SITUATION HAS COME UP AND YOU HAVEN'T USED IT
-back into lethal lava land
-oh crap, touching lava actually hurts me
-Tear: I can't believe you're trying to undress a soldier in his thirties! How could you?!
Jade: *Blush*
(it's exactly what it sounds like)
-fuck that dragon, fuck that dragon, fuck that dragon, fuck that dragon
-BOSS FIGHT:
FYR BRONC
goddamn this thing hits hard
still not difficult though
-Mieu: I feel kind of bad for it...
Luke: Yeah. We were the ones to come into its home uninvited.
Look, as long as we don't make a deal with the devil in order to defeat its mother and in the process wipe out some plot relevant NPCs, I think we're fine.
-guy you have mohs cornered, FINISH HIM
-Ion: luke i did all this to make you realize that you're your own person
Luke: it's kind of getting canceled out by the death of one of my best friends
Ion: no it's fine, i'm a replica so it doesn't matter if i die
Luke: ...
Ion: oh right
Ion: that was what i was trying to convince you otherwise of
Ion: whoops
-...we can still just knock those people out and take out mohs, right? no? we're not gonna even try?
SIGH
-Arietta literally just slapped Anise and challenged her to a duel.
best character.
-Tear: If Anise is to blame, then so am I.
Luke: ...
Tear: What's that look for?
Luke: you people have the weirdest fucking ideas about who is to blame for things
Luke: at least it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one who gets screwed over by it
-Natalia: I feel so sorry for her. She had to choose between her parents and Ion.
Luke: Or she could have just knocked Mohs into the lava and saved Ion, her parents, and the world.
Natalia: ...
Natalia: yeah i guess she really could've done that
Luke: so we're agreed in hating her, then
-let it go on record that i have absolutely no idea why anise is being allowed to just join us again. kidnapping isn't the fuckin' chickenpox, you're not immune to it after getting it once. mohs could just grab her parents again. even if the party is willing to forgive her - which they shouldn't be, this easily I mean - she's presently a liability, and is putting both the party and her parents in danger by joining us again.
-SIDEQUESTIN'
-Jade talks to a cheagle!
-Luke spends a bunch of money on an accessory for a character who is only in the party when Natalia, Jade, or Guy is gone! (This also maxes out Tear's FP automatically and gives like a +5 to her LP, I think.)
-We need to help Luke's mom by getting a mushroom for her! But I wasn't paying attention to where I'm supposed to go to get it (because I had already done this once; don't ask), so uh.
-xp mentioned a quest in Aramis Spring so I'm just hoping they're somehow the same quest. ...it does not seem that way. on the plus side, got a 50,000 gald item for zero effort. also: got to see tear becoming a victim of cuteness proximity
-What's a place that would logically have mushrooms. Ummmm... Shurrey Hill? Theor Forest?
-oh my god i finally found mushroom hill zone but i cannot get to it because of heavy mist, FUCK THIS GAME
-so i heard i like sidequests so i put a sidequest in my sidequest so i can complete a sidequest to complete a sidequest
-"ice seed"? fuck. don't let the hoenikkers have it, they can't be trusted.
-Jade: This is bad. If it sprouts, the entire area will be frozen in ice.
I WAS JUST JOKING GAME OH GOD
-INTO THE FIRES OF MT DOOM
-jade you could have mentioned that this stuff has a melting point of like 10,000,000,000 degrees before we tried this dumb plan suggested by a 7 year old.
-Mieu Fire 2!
-I like how nobody is even commenting on the horrible destruction we have wrought on this volcano.
-after much wandering around i emerge in... daath cathedral
...
where the hell is the albiore
-oh my godddddddd is there seriously no way to get to mt. zaleho on foot
fuck this game. why is traveling places so fucking complicated. why do i need an item that does not exist anywhere in order to leave dungeons from certain save points only. why is there not a "call the albiore to me" button.
-ummm... the daath teleport to mt. zaleho seems to still be stuck in one-way mode from the anise event.
...
how the fuck do i get back there?
......
That's Tales of the Abyss, everyone! Join us next time when I majorly fuck up
---
"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Liberal Arts Major
---
xp1337: Don't you wish there was a spell-checker that told you when you a word out?
Editor
-okay so. i can't land anywhere near mt. roneal 2 and refuse to go through mt. roneal 1 again, so i guess it's off to mushroom hill zone first
-also stop by cheagle woods to use mieu fire 2, but all it gets me is like 15k gald
-...so you can access mushroom hill zone by river, but you also just sort of cheat and angle the albiore downward and inch towards the entrance until it gives you a prompt to land there. not sure if this is a glitch or intentional but poorly programmed.
-haha asch why did you even come here
-luke what the hell are you doing, don't just let him steal your party
-since when is asch a maestro, by the way? i feel like his equipment is lying to me.
-ANISE: What was that mushroom's name again?
ASCH: ...Rugnican death cap.
ANISE: That sounds pretty poisonous to me...
ASCH: No, the poisonous one is the Great Rugnican death cap.
NATALIA: I-is there any difference?
ASCH: The poison.
/allears asch you are the absolute best
-wow asch you are loving terrible at this whole fighting thing
fuck it i'll use guy
-okay enemies here are actually tough, but also, asch hits for about a third the damage of guy or luke
-got the mushroom
-Asch: Mushrooms... Growing this big... No, it couldn't be...
Guy: when you say stuff like that it just makes us more worried
Asch: ...Ask me anything about Rugnican death caps.
Natalia: Asch, what's-
Asch: No fucking idea.
-got the greater flightstone
-okay, to mt. roneal
-Cannot proceed due to the blizzard. Let's retreat for now.
...
THIS WAS LITERALLY NOT HERE BEFORE I WENT TO MUSHROOM ROAD
WHAT THE FUCK
THIS IS SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE WORST DESIGN DECISIONS IN ANY GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED
-okay. i can still shortcut my way into mt. roneal 2. everything's fine.
-cool looking sword, MUST GET, yesssss it is a VORPAL SWORD... and it is terrible, welp, guess i'll sell it, that was exciting for like ten seconds though
-so i'm in a dungeon-y place and there are torches but i don't know what the fuck. i can bounce mieu fire but i can't hit all the torches? uhhh... minutes of experimentation yield nothing. GAMEFAQS GO
...
......
so apparently i need to leave, use mieu wing to climb the trees, and enter from a different point?
makes perfect sense (fuck this game)
-this puzzle makes much more sense when approached from different angles (literally)
-whoa the enemies out here are big and sort of tough
-refined flight stone acquired
-..............
do i seriously need to be moving at full speed in order to bypass weather conditions every single time i want to?
why would they make it that way. what possible reason is there. in what way does this do anything except make the game less fun. god.
-oh right. i was looking for guy's fourth teacher or whatever, but i forgot belkend was where i was actually supposed to go next
-Luke: I guess we should start looking for ways to actually destroy the miasma.
Spinoza: Exactly. How about using your hyperresonance, Luke?
Luke: ...
Luke: van take off the spinoza mask
Luke: you're not fooling anyone
-Natalia: Asch?! Asch was here?
Luke: Where did he go?!
you know exactly where he went!
you just saw him like five minutes ago!
-so i have three guesses here
1. Van's sword is actually the Sword of Lorelei and we're going to take it and then nuke the miasma.
2. Lorelei will sacrifice itself to nuke the miasma at the end of the game, after we rescue it.
3. Luke and Asch operating in tandem will be strong enough to nuke the miasma, but it will cause Asch's death (because we can't go one day without Asch saving the world).
-Jade: You've destroyed Akzeriuth, hurt the people of Sheridan, and made countless enemies.
Luke: First of all, I destroyed Akzeriuth in trying to destroy the miasma with hyperresonance, so that seems like a really bad example to bring up right now.
Luke: Two, you all are the ones who kept insisting we leave Sheridan instead of just wiping out Legretta and Van, and look what happened because of it.
Luke: Three, I welcome you to judge me by the enemies I've made.
-fuck asch and mt roneal, let's go fight in the coliseum instead
-haha poor luke
your childhood was hilariously abusive
-Tear: I can't believe humans would treat fighting as entertainment.
Luke: i'm tear i don't like when people fight
Luke: that's why i joined up with a team of fuck-wretched knights
Luke: to kill people
Luke: but it's much worse when nobody dies and everyone involved has a good time
Tear: i thought you weren't an asshole anymore
Luke: whine whine whine that's all anyone hears tear
-that was way, way, way too close for the beginner rank. i am ashamed.
-ahaha getting healed after finishing at the coliseum counts as staying at an inn so i got a skip that made it seem like luke was just taking the coliseum way too seriously, talking about life and death and all.
-legretta is natalia's real mother? outstanding plot twist. it's both completely random and entirely meaningless.
-Luke: It's because I'm just a replica that I need your help!
what.
-i like how they claim to have sealed off the perimeter of the city to prevent mohs' escape, but there's absolutely no indication of them doing that, and in fact we quickly determine that he left by aircar. derrrrp.
-wow so the corrupt leader of an organized religion mutated into a horrible monster in his mad search for power.
when did this game become final fantasy tactics
-Guy: To think that a human could become something so hideous.
Anise: Yeah, he's totally a monster now!
Guy: wait, what? i wasn't looking, what happened?
-Jade: When the Seventh Fonon is implanted in one who cannot use it, his body rejects it, leading to madness.
Luke: how would we know?
-so this is the part where the forbidden shrine of eldrant rises out of the sea, right
-oh right, i forgot about largo acting weird around natalia. probably because largo is a nothing character who should have been killed off during his introduction. this is way better than legretta though, at least.
-i think a question that needs to be asked is, why are we doing this. I don't even mean "right now, when the world hangs in the balance" but also just in general. What do we possibly stand to gain from any of this? Natalia is going to suffer, and hesitate in battle, and be even more conflicted about her relationship with Ingobert. And she's going to feel betrayed by the rest of the party, and especially Luke, for lying to her. And what she gains from this is... uhhh... i'll get back to you on that.
-...
sync this plan seems REALLY poorly conceived
mohs is a wanted man in every country on the planet and tritheim knows that the real ion is dead
let's ignore how this isn't going to work out in your favor by the end of things; how has it even worked out for you so far?
-so we can't just tell this crowd of people that everyone who has had the score read for them by this guy has died, can we?
you'd think we'd be able to, considering we have three members of royalty, one member of the order of lorelei, and a malkuth general with us
-HE ISN'T ION
HE DOES NOT ACT LIKE ION
HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ION
-Natalia: Anise, you can't let it get to you. Sync and Ion are completely different people.
Luke: yeah!
Luke: like, for instance
Luke: she only killed one of them
Guy: maybe we should try to convince her they are the same person, it might work out in our favor that way
Luke: you mean, she either kills him again, or leaves the party to ally with him?
Guy: exactly, it's win-win
-Luke: So we have to find a giant object moving around the ocean?
Jade: Indeed. I think we should expect something mechanical; nothing as absurd as a "whalegodwhale" or what have you. Despite the object's size, the world is quite large, and the ocean occupies the majority of its surface. Even with the Albiore, I suspect we'll have to devote many days and nights to combing the ocean's surface, attentive to any-
Luke: there it is, it's right outside yulia city
Jade: ...
[Jade left the party]
-this dungeon is NUTS
-it has become somewhat less nuts and more obnoxiously same-y over time though
-Guy: Jade's the one who's someone's pet, anyway.
Luke: OH SNAP
Tear: GUY DON'T ANTAGONIZE JADE
Tear: YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR
-arietta why are you still working with these chucklefucks
-Arietta: Look at Luke! He's a replacement for Asch!
yes, replacement. not literally the same person. see that's where your whole plan of a replica family falls apart. you could have replacement parents right now. ask jade or something, he likes kids.
-Jade: If what Arietta said is true, then we can assume that this is one of Van's facilities.
Luke: ...if what arietta said is true, we don't have to assume, because she literally said that exact thing.
-luke why are you talking to the replicas
they were made like a week ago, they literally could not have learned how to speak by now. they're just saying whatever van programmed them to say.
-...which implies that he programmed them to wonder why he betrayed them after he betrayed them.
what a dick. [/spoiler]
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"You're childish. What are you getting? Are you getting strawberry? Ha! That's such a childish flavor, only children eat strawberry."
Advanced
Secret mission 3 sucked too, fuck Gattuso. [/spoiler]
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"Because nothing says "level 80 dark elf warlock" like "radical 19th century feminist"!" -Ogordemir99 on World of Wollstonecraft