Xenosaga, Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht
By looking at the cover of the game Xenosaga, Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht, by Namco, you would think that the game must be half decent at least. It says that there is over eighty hours of gameplay, and to me, that seems like a Hell of a lot. The screenshots appear to be every well done, and how many games out there look superb but are really crap? Oh, and of course there is a hot chick, so that must be a plus.
Its been said many times throughout history that you cant judge a book by its cover. Well, this may not be a book, but the basic rule still applies. I got it since it is now a PS2 best seller, which means that it only cost me twenty dollars, and I had heard from many other people over the internet that this was a very good game and well worth the price. However, by the time that youre done reading this, you may see that it cost me far more than that.
The story follows a girl named Shion, who is in charge of some thing for some people. No, I am not trying to be funny by not describing what is really is, I just have no fucking clue whatsoever. The girl herself is done in typical anime fashion for a lead character: slender, ninety percent of her body mass is taken up by her legs, and the other ten percent is take up by boobs and her gigantic eyes. Apparently she is designing a weapon to defeat an enemy that is smacking the human race around. Of course, the weapon, named KOS-MOS, turns out to be a hot chick with blue hair and pretty much looks the same way as our protagonist with the legs and boobs. The main enemy I think is supposed to be something called The Gnosis. Its easiest for me to describe them by saying if youve seen Final Fantasy: The Sprits Within, then you know what they look like. Our hero chick is on a military spaceship that finds some giant gold thing that is floating in space. What does it do, why was it there, who gives a damn; I have no clue to any of those questions, and I doubt anyone who worked on this game even knows.
Once you get past the loose story and start looking at the game itself, it can be said that its very pretty. The graphics are done very well, and the sound is also of fairly well quality. The only scruple that I might have with the sound is in regards to the voice acting in that a good deal of the time the words dont match up with the characters when they are talking, but that can mainly be blamed on the translation of the game.
Notice that I havent said much about the gameplay but have said a good deal about only what it looks like? Thats because there is barely any actual gameplay. The game can barely even be called a game. Admittedly, this review is based off of not playing the game completely through, but that is because I got bored out of my goddamn mind. This game shouldnt even be called a role playing game, because there is no playing. The designs and the characters match something out of an anime so much that evidently Namco decided they would rather make an anime. Seriously though, I played for over four hours, and you know how many battles I was in other than the basic tutorials at the very beginning of the game? FIVE. Five friggin battles for four hours of game~! There might have been a sixth, but my eyes were blurred over by my tears because I so badly wanted to see some paint dry, or ram my head against a wall until I passed out rather than this. Quick note, fifteen times at full speed just about did it. Three of the battles were just normal monster battles, one was a midboss (I think, there was a ten minute cutscene for it, so it must have been important), and the last was a boss battle. After the boss, there was a cutscene that went on for over twenty minutes before I skipped it, and I had to skip three more times to get through the whole thing~! It asked me to save, and then went into another cutscene. I had enough of that.
Namco basically saw a lot of good ideas that other people were using, and tried to throw them into a game. You want hot girls who are barely dressed, theyre in this game. You want giant robots that look way too much like Gundams, they got them too. You want mysterious creatures that no one can seem to stop except for one girl, they decided to rip them as well. You want tedious, snail paced storytelling that makes you yearn for something faster like Dragon Ball Z, then this is the game for you. However, like I said, this can barely even be called a game since you do FAR more watching bad cutscenes than you do playing.
While the game may be visually impressive, it still doesnt make up for its massive shortcomings. It does have some good ideas, but these ideas have already been done before by other games, and they were done better before. Even with all its faults, its still not the worst game that Ive ever played, and ages away from the worst role playing game. That doesnt excuse this travesty though. What the Hell Namco, whos best known for light-gun games and the fighting games Soul Calibur I and II, were thinking, God only knows.
Scoring breakdown
Graphics and sound: Visually and audibly the game is fairly impressive. Like I said earlier, one of the only gripes that I have with the sound and graphics is that the words dont always match up with the mouths of the characters. Its not a big problem, but its one of those little things that as soon as you notice it, you cant unnotice it.
Oooh, pretty...out of 5.
Controls: If youve played any other role playing game ever, then you know what the controls are for this game, and how they work. It would be nice to have someone grow some balls and try a different interface, but you may as well stick with what works
Standard...out of 5.
Story: Completely uninspired. If you watched the Final Fantasy movie, then you know more about the story than I ever will. The sad part is that this isnt even a Square game. Oh no, theres something no one can stop. Lets get the hot chick to kill em because she can somehow that we dont feel like telling you right now! Gee, how about no.
Plagiarized...out of 5
Gameplay: This is the easiest category for me to grade, and I can sum it up like this. THERE IS NO GAMEPLAY~! All you do is watch butt-mumbingly boring cutscenes, and if youre lucky, they might reward you with a crappy battle after over half an hour. If I wanted to watch a movie, I would watch a movie. Also, if I wanted to watch a movie, I sure as shit wouldnt watch this dreg.
There is none...out of 5.
Bottom Line
Anyone who ever said that this game is good is either an idiot, or someone who cant sleep and nothing more. The visuals are there for a game, but it looks like the programmers completely forgot to put a game in it. If you bought this game when it first came out for full price, then I laugh at you. If, like me, you thought about taking a shot for only twenty bucks and now have what I am talking about, I still laugh at you. This game does not deserve a buy; it barely even deserves a rental because you will have to take the game back long before you get through the first series of cutscenes. I may not be a language expert, but Der Wille zur Macht may as well be replaced with The Cure for Insomnia. Avoid this game.
Xenosaga, Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht, gets a 1.5...out of 5.
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