Let's Read Reviews! Demolisho's Golden Sun: The Lost Age review (S1R2)
Hello everyone! Despite the lukewarm response to my first installment of LRR, I have, perhaps foolishly, decided to do another one! And I promise you, this one will have even more bad grammar, roughly the same amount of humor, and significantly less delicious, delicious apple juice. Today we have GameFAQs user Demolisho's Golden Sun: The Lost Age review, so let's get this train wreck started.
Title: Nothing new, or special
More like this title is nothing new. Or special. Or interesting.
I should start picking reviews with hilarious titles; I feel like I can't skip over them, but that was just forced...
Remember when the original golden sun came out?
Actually, no, I'm pretty sure the original golden sun predated myself as well as all of humani-oh, wait, that was supposed to be capitalized.
People were in awe of the graphical abilities the gameboy advance was showing as soon as it came out.
...As soon as what came out, Golden Sun or the GameBoy Advance?
People rushed to buy this game, and even as you read this the original golden sun still costs the same amount of cash it did when it came out.
Originally Posted: 04/06/03, Updated 04/06/03
IIR: It's 2003 all day, every day.
Yes, even I loved the game when it first came out, the awe inspiring adventure that took place in the palms of your hand like a new book just captivated the world,
"Awe inspiring adventure that took place in the palms of your hand like a new book just captivated the world"? I see what he's trying to get at here, but that metaphor and/or simile that was an eagle that went up like a lead balloon because it wasn't worth two in the bush just confused this reader.
but what of this.....sequal?
Yes, what OF this... sequal?
I realize that's an easy mistake to make, but that's why spellcheckers exist. Remember kids, spellchecking is good for you!
Oh boy, I bet you all can't wait to get your grubby hands on this game.
I... wait, what? Are you insulting me? Crap! That means we've switched places again! I have to write the review now!
Okay, I can do this:
"For my sumer vacashun, I went to fort happablap. We went on the tooer and tuk alot of pichers. Then I got sick and we had to stay in the hotell for the rest of the vacashun. It relly was boring."
Wait, that was from the second grade.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
Guess what, unless you enjoy avid text conversations
Oh thank god, he's the reviewer again.
..."Avid text conversations"? Why does that sound like something that would have appeared on the back of Golden Sun's box if it was made in the 1980s? "AVID TEXT CONVERSATIONS!!" "GLORIOUS 32 BIT DUALITY COLORS!!!" "8 CHARACTER ALTERNATING GAME SYSTEM!"
and playing the same game over and over again you probably wont want to waste your money on this game.
There are people who buy JRPGs and don't play them at least twice? Once to beat it, once to 100% it. Always.
Sure it's a good game, but how much change was implemented into it. Not much I'll tell you that.
Change is a prerequisite for good games.
This is why Mario 2 USA has always been regarded as better than Mario 3.
Graphics 8/10
Sectioned review! I'm very tempted to go get a bottle of apple juice and just drink it all right now, but I'll try to restrain myself.
yeah the graphics are good and all, but what do you expect when the sprites are the same.
I... Demolisho, you do realize this is A) a JRPG and B) on the same system, right? Why would they change the sprites, especially when, in your own words, people were already in awe of them?
You'll need more than bad grammar to convince me that I should care about this!
Not much change has bee done to the graphics, in fact NO CHANGE AT ALL!!!!!!
Okay, he's got bad grammar, spelling mistakes, emphasis caps, and extraneous punctuation.
I'm convinced.
don't mind really, I like the graphics, but they could've added new textures and such.
...New textures? Demolisho. Your new name is Dem.
Dem, this is a 2D game. 'Round here, we call them "tilesets". And don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure they added a few new ones.
Story 6/10
Blah, blah, blah, thats all this game does is blabber on about events and important plotlines.
Graphics 6/10
Pixel, pixel, pixel, thats all this game is is a bunch of pixels that make up sprites and tilesets.
Skip one little message box without reading it and you could be lost for weeks.
Read: I skipped all the text and then wandered around the overworld not knowing where to go for two weeks before I thought to check GameFAQs. This is the game's fault. Clearly.
The storyline is the same, not many plot changes.
...Of course the storyline is the same. It's a direct sequel. The storyline is the same because it is literally the same storyline. What, were you thrown off by the fact that it had the same cast and started immediately from the end of Golden Sun 1?
Gameplay 7/10
Wow, new psynergy spells, and stronger summons???
I know right??? Wow, awesome isn't it???
That's about it. I can't really say anything other then this part is a major dissapointment.
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
When I popped the game in my GBA I was expecting new battle moves or maybe a small change, I was dissapointed.
You were expecting new battle moves, and all you got were new spells and new summons? Man, I'd be dissappointed too!
It's the same thing, exactly the same thing. Put djinni on character, make character so strong that beating the game is easier then having a mcdonalds worker get your happy meal made wrong.
I'm not sure if he's trying to be ironic or if he's actually so young that he still orders Happy Meals.
I think the former would surprise me more.
Yeah sure there are new people to talk to, but that really doesn't do anything.
Dem, did dialogue kill your puppy or something? It just seems like you have a grudge against it, is all.
Anyway, let me guess. We're going to move on to Dem whining about the dungeons now.
Sound/Music 6/10
Oh.
I really don't care, it's not too bad, but not good either
Sort of how I feel about this part of your review!
Just kidding. This actually is, in fact, too bad.
unfortunately it's just normal video game music, nothing new here.
What was that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over how goddamn amazing this game's soundtrack is!
Seriously though, I'd watch what you say. The last person to insult Golden Sun's music got crushed to death by Sakuraba's wall of noise.
Replay Value?
Think about playing chess with a corpse.
I can almost see this as a Jeopardy question. "I'll take Use Your Imagination for 500, Alex." "Think about playing chess with a corpse." "What is Replay Value?"
I'm not sure how that makes any sense as an answer, but then, this doesn't make any goddamn sense to begin with!
Conclusion
Well thank god you told me, otherwise I'd have been confused by the fact there are only a few sentences left!
DO NOT pay good money for this game. It's the same thing as the original.
Video game! Sequel! JRPG! Why won't anyone listen to me?!
If you really want a new golden sun experience then make up your own storyline to the older version. It seems to be more fun then this one.
Done!
"Issac woke up on an island after a tidal wave hit the tower at the end of Golden Sun 1. Felix was their to. Issac said 'Felix I must kill you' but then Felix says 'You cant kill me' and Issac said back 'You are right I love you' and then Felix said 'I love you too' and they had sex and Issac got pregnant and they had a dauter named Jewelie."
Best. Game. Ever.
Rent or Buy?
Don't buy, rent.
You just compared this game to playing chess with a corpse and now you're telling me to give it a shot and see if I like it?
Dem.
Is there something you need to confess.
Renting makes the game cost $5, making it easier on yourself.
I hate these sections so much.
What the hell store even let you rent GBA games, anyway? I can't say I've ever seen that.
If you like it, buy it.
See, this is why I hate these sections.
Dem, do you actually think your audience is so stupid that they'd be like, "I liked this game a lot I SHOULD NEVER PLAY IT AGAIN! Wait, what's that, Dem? I should buy it if I like it? What a novel idea!"? I'm honestly curious about this.
But don't get mad at me if you get sick of it.
Yes, if I buy this game and don't like it, I'm definitely going to blame the guy who spent his entire review talking about how much it sucks. Clearly he'll be the one who persuaded me.
And if you believe that, I have a copy of Golden Sun 3 to sell you!
Reviewer's Score: 7/10
This wasn't actually part of the review's text, but I felt obligated to include it.
Dem, I'm sorry, but I have to hate you now.
"This game is like having sex with I mean playing chess with a corpse. I give it a 7/10, or two full points above average!"
What is it with these reviewers and their inability to do basic math or adhere to the most basic rules of grammar?
Overall, I give this review a 9/10 for being significantly better than playing chess with a corpse.
Demolisho's unaltered review can be found on GameFAQs:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/portable/gbadvance/review/R51563.html
Kenri of the Yuri is just this guy who writes silly things, sometimes. He is profoundly embarrassed about a good 60-70% of the stuff he's written. You might know him better as your friendly neighborhood Level 43: Editor. View his or her author page or author profile.
Rated 9 out of 10 by 1 users.