Because I'm Lazy, This Article Will Contain No Apostrophes
...Unless TFN has decided to allow me to C+P them by now. Then it will contain them. Anyway...
Hello TFNians. TFNites? TFNers? Whatever. As you can probably tell, I'm tired as I'm writing this. Like most great writers, my greatest writing comes from when I'm tired, hot, drunk on some non-alcoholic beverage, and watching TV late at night. This is probably because people misunderestimate me during this time. Told you I was tired. Now hold on a second, I'm going to open a window.
...
Yeah~! Breeze! I are winner!
Ok, ok, by now I know you're all saying "That's all well and good Kenri, but GET TO THE BLEEPING POINT!" For all you people who said that, I have 2 strong words for you. "Nevar."
Anyway, I was up late, watching TV, and chatting with ScrnDude, who lives in Italy, and thus it's morning for him. Lucky bastard. If it were morning for me, I'd go outside, yell "Take THAT, universal theory of time!" and then fall asleep for about 3 months. So, after exchanging vulgar comments with ScrnDude for a while, he agreed to join TFN. I rejoiced, of course. I celebrated by singing the Popplers song from Futurama.
Pop a Poppler in your mouth,
When you come to Fishy Joe's!
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from no one knows!
And that, being all I can remember, is where it ended.
Of course, by now, both my readers have left, because they realized I'm never going to get to the point. Well, my point is...
Don'tcha hate it when you have those days where you wake up, rub your eyes, look around, and then you realize...
Your toaster is trying to kill you.
Yes, your toaster. An evil device it is. Damn those scientists and their experiments on toasters that allow them to feel emotions. Now we can't simply hit them with an aluminum bat, because it would be animal cruelty.
So we're stuck with them trying to kill us, and there's nothing we can do.
Seriously though, I DO have a reasonable point behind this article. Ok, maybe not reasonable, but... um... I dunno. My train of thought got derailed. In fact, it might have never left the station. I don't really care; I hate trains anyway.
Anyway, finally getting to the point of this article...
We really don't need ten different devices to help us toast our bread. If you own a toaster oven, you have no need for a toaster. If you own a blender, you have no need for one of those $200 special "liquifiers" that George Forman's (start GF count) father's uncle's friend's son's dentist's wife's sister indorses.
That's what I hate. I hate it almost as much as phones. People who buy twenty different items that all have the same purpose. You have no need for ten different gourmet knife sets, people. You have no need for ONE gourmet knife set.
What annoys me is that these people have no idea they're wasting money at an alarming rate. For some asinine reason, they CONTINUE to buy the upgraded George Forman (GF count: 2) grills every two months when a new one comes out.
These people are idiots. Don't become one of them.
Now, you may be asking me, "So Kenri, that's all well and good, but why did you write this all of a sudden? Did you merely need to vent?"
The answer is yes. Yes I did need to vent. And I was tired, and I was bored. And I was waiting for the second run of Wolf's Rain to come on. So deal with it. Did anyone force you George Forman (GF count: 3) lovers to read this? No. You read it of your own free will. And now, just to spite me, you're going to add a George Forman (GF count: 4) grill to your Christmas list. I can tell. I have powers.
So, fight the power of the evil toaster. Don't buy overpriced crap.
~Love, an incredibly tired Kenri
Kenri of the Yuri is just this guy who writes silly things, sometimes. He is profoundly embarrassed about a good 60-70% of the stuff he's written. You might know him better as your friendly neighborhood Level 43: Editor. View his or her author page or author profile.
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