Breaking Down Burgess
I honestly have no clue as to why I did this. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but no real reason for it. I guess it was just to kill some time at work, and to demystify me somewhat, but that idea fell through when I realized that I’m not terribly mysterious. Ah well, fuck it.
Look at me
Look at me
Analyze
What you see...
~”Behind the Paint” by Insane Clown Posse
...
So here we are.
Yep, here we are.
Why exactly are you doing something like this?
Dunno. I just felt like doing this. I’ve thought about doing this for a while, and have kind of done things similar, but other items got in the way, so I kept putting it off.
Do you honestly think that people give a crap about what you think?
Hell no. If anyone does, they shouldn’t. Most of the time I don’t even care about what I think. You should know that.
Good point. So, feel like divulging anything personal?
That all depends. Hell, you’re the one asking the questions; I’m just the one who has to answer them.
Okay, let’s start with something easy. Why do you use your last name for your username everywhere?
Well, I started using it over on GameFAQs because I didn’t think I would be over there that much, and didn’t feel like trying to think of anything else. I stuck with it when I came over to TFN because since everyone already knew me as Burgess, I may as well stick with the gimmick. I thought about using an alt a few times, and actually did have one (I think it’s dead now), but they still referred to me as Burgess, so there was no point in having the alt. Besides, eventually there comes a point where people who talk a lot on message boards start referring to people by their actual names, so it cuts out the middle man since I am already using my real name.
...but just your last name.
Yeah. Besides, there are few people outside of my family that use my first name, so there’s not much point in others knowing. Hell, I don’t even have my first name on my nametag at work.
So what is your first name?
Irrelevant. I don’t really feel like having a lot of people who I will never see knowing what it is. I know, it’s weird, but there ya go. There are some who think that they actually know it, but chances are they just know one of the names that I just randomly throw out there for it, and I happened to use the same fake name more than once.
You’ve got a few quirks to you, don’t you?
That I do.
Well, let’s look at some of them. What is up with all of the gimmicks you’ve had and still have?
...where to start, where to start. Well, for the most part, if it’s going to be a good gimmick, it should be an extension of the person. That’s where the chair comes from, since I’m a wrestling fan. I’m not sure when I started loading the chair though, that’s just odd. The smoking started because I actually did smoke at the time. I don’t do it anymore in real life, so I’ve stopped doing it here for the most part. The Juggermod comes from the fact that no matter where it is, there’s always one guy who takes his job way too seriously and is so friggin intense in wielding the tiny amount of power that they have, and I’ve always been a fan of Juggernaut from X-Men because all he does is show up, yell, punch some things and beat the crap out of people, and then leave. The pushing over, which started the gimmicks for me, was because I always thought it would be funny if someone was trying to make some great point, and then someone just walks up and shoves them to the ground. The “…nah.” kind of stems from that, in that I rather enjoy when someone is trying to explain something that should be done, using all the evidence in the world, and the idea gets dismissed with no reason. That’s probably the only gimmick that I still actually use to the point where it’s a gimmick anymore. Well, that and The Bottom Line, which again comes from wrestling.
What about the ~!?
Oh, that. Well, people have been doing it on the net for some time before I ever started doing it, and I just felt like doing it too. I’m not the originator of it, but I think I was the first to start using it prolifically around the places where I go. I use it when I’m trying to emphasize an exclamation of question even more than it should be done. Also, when someone says something weird, it’s just a lot easier to go ~!?
Does it need more Kane?
Heh…again, I’m a wrestling fan, so that’s where that kind of comes from. On another message board for wrestling, one guy always says that the shows need more Kane in them to be better, so once again, I took it and used it as my own.
So you’re stealing other people’s material?
That’s the very basis for the internet, so I don’t see anything wrong in it. Hell, even this has been done before too.
Very true. Onto other things then; so how long have you been doing this?
Only since the infection started getting worse.
What the fuck!? I meant how long have you been writing?
Oh...yeah, that. I’ve been doing it for quite some time. I always wrote when I was younger. It was pretty much a way to kill time. Some would say I’ve gotten better at it, but I don’t see it.
Goddamn, would you just take some credit that people give you?
Nope.
Anyway, did you ever do any writing for other sites or places?
I did a couple of recaps for a wrestling website that no longer exists. That was about two years ago. They weren’t much, but they kept me busy. I also wrote for my own website, which is actually still up since for some reason Angelfire won’t let me kill it. So I can’t take it down, and I can’t update anything on it. I haven’t done anything with it in at least three or four years.
Care to give out the address?
If I wanted to do that, I would have done it a long time ago. I might sometime, Hell, maybe later in this, but it’s all complete crap full of spelling errors and horrible grammar and referring to myself in the third person. I did that because a while ago, other people started doing it. I wasn’t just Burgess, I was The Burgess. I know; it’s incredibly retarded.
That it is. Is there anyone in real life that you actually know who reads anything that you put up TFN currently?
Not for certain, but I think there are a few people who still do, or they did at first. That’s why I did the first website, and a few people read it then and said that I should continue with it, but I got kind of burnt out on doing it. I’ve told them to come to the site and join the message board, but they haven’t for some reason. I don’t feel like pressing the issue with them because if they don’t want to, that’s their choice.
Well, about your other writing; what made you decide to write about your job?
I had kind of wanted to do it for a while, but didn’t want to reveal too much about myself. If there’s one thing that I’m protective about, it’s not wanting to let too much information about myself get out on the net. I don’t know why really. I just figured that the old saying holds true, "the truth is often times stranger than fiction," and as can be seen, most of the time it is at work. I finally ran out of things that I wanted to write at the time, and I needed to come up with something, and there it went. I’m kind of sorry that I didn’t think about doing it sooner, since most of the time the Inconvenience articles are the best ones that I write.
True, true. Now, how can I put this delicately...why are you such a dick?
Heh...smooth. This might shock some people, but this isn’t how I am in real life.
Bullshit.
Okay, it’s not quite how I am in real life. It’s the same for me as it is for other people over the internet that I’ve noticed. Here, I tend to become more of a concentrated version of myself. The reason is that there are no real consequences to much. I can tell someone from the other side of the country, or even the other side of the world, to shut the fuck up because they are being a stupid son of a bitch, and nothing can be done to me. The threat of violence means very little when the other person is more than two time zones away. Like I said, that’s how it seems to be for a lot of people; the mean get meaner, the weird get weirder, the angsty get angstier, and so on. Although, Net Me is like me with a major power surge. If Real Life Me and Net Me could ever meet up, RL Me would be left in a pool of blood, but like I said, if all consequence is removed, then there’s very little need to worry about how I act. I’ve just got a better sense of humor, and most of the time, like I’ve said time and time again, when I’m going off, I very rarely ever mean it. If I do, people know.
If there was anyone who you talk to over the net that you could meet, who would it be?
The last time that I met someone who I talked to on the internet, it didn’t work out smoothly, so probably no one. I don’t like to disappoint people, and no doubt they would be disappointed to see me.
Why don’t you just show yourself with a picture or something?
Oh, I’ve thought about doing that for a while, but always decided against it at the last moment.
...because you don’t like revealing things about yourself?
Bingo. If I put a face on the name, then I’m revealing quite a bit. I mean, it’s like a magician showing how to do all of his tricks, or someone explaining what the fuck the second and third Matrix movies are supposed to mean. I’ve done it before to mixed results, and don’t feel like doing it again, although I might do it sometime just to get it done with. It’ll probably be one of those pics where you can see me, but you can’t see me. Wait...what?
You think we should wrap this up? I mean, we’re on five pages here.
Yeah, I guess we should, but there are still some things I want to go over.
How bout doing a second part later?
FUCKING BRILLIANT~! We’ll have to see what kind of response this first one gets of course.
Oh yes, of course.
...
...
So which one of us is going to get the last word?
Well, I did get first, but technically you did with the intro.
Good point. Okay, have at it then.
Lawn gnome.
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