2007: The Year of Suck.
So. Here we are.
Another year has closed, and another stands open, ready to be whatever we make of it. Good or bad, it will come the same as all those before it, and we will have to either stand in the wonder and joy of it, or brace ourselves to face the blast wave.
As I sit and type this part for the moment, it is a little bit before I am going to post the blog, once again due to the fact that my connection is so damn wonky it's unreal. I have the odd feeling that it is also going to be after the first until this gets out, but oh well. My left shoulder has finally stopped sounding like a cement mixer whenever I move it as well, so I guess that's a plus. But then along with something good comes something bad, and of course I have to start coming down with something that makes it so I'm doing very little but coughing and hoping that I could stop.
Hoping seems to be one thing that I've done an awful lot of this year.
To get even more specific, I am sitting in my basement on the couch, with my drink of choice (Canadian Club and Coke) very near by me, a pack of smokes, and a travel coffee mug full of Hershey's Kissables. Yeah, it sounds rather pathetic and probably feels it quite a bit more if I bothered to check myself for such things. The weather outside completely sucks right now anyway, as it has not stopped snowing even though according to the local meteorologists, it was supposed to have ended somewhere around the neighborhood of five hours ago.
Getting to work tomorrow is starting to look like it's not happening. Although, hopefully because of the phone call I got earlier, I may not have to go there much longer anyway.
This has been a rather trying year for me. It's been one of extreme ups and downs. Unfortunately it's getting harder and harder to remember the ups since most of them happened at the first half of the year, and from then on it's been nothing but a steep drop straight down to the bottom, and places farther. I mean, most of the times there's going to be the fair share of ups and downs, but this shit is ridiculous.
Probably the most major up that I had this year was that I graduated and got my degree. I had stomped and made my way right to the goal, and when I crossed it I did so proudly. Like I said before though, I sure as shit know that I did not do it on my own, and that I owe so very much to so very many. I still think of and thank all of you guys.
It was shortly after that in which things totally went down the proverbial shitter. First off is that I lost the apartment that I was living in. I have never felt like pointing fingers about it, and I will still continue not to. Bottom line is that shit happens and you have to work around it. I was never able to find anywhere else to live that I could afford or a place that I could live in that I could still look myself in the mirror, so with that I had to quit and move back home, back in with my parents.
I know that I've said this a number of times, but if there was anything that I could have reasonably done to stay there, I would have. I also remember a promise that I made, and I'm trying every day to fulfill it considering that I have never promised many things in my life.
It was shortly after I moved back that my truck basically exploded on me. Of course, I got the added benefit from that experience because now I know that I can push my truck backwards up a slight hill with one leg for over a hundred yards. Not that I ever really wanted to know that I could do it, but now that I can it just gets added to reasons that I have always said what my shitty super power is.
So I got that fixed. Cost me enough, but the truck is fixed and since then I haven't had a problem with it. I can continue with my plan to drive it until there's nothing left but dirt, my vest behind the seat, and probably at least one empty one liter bottle of Mountain Dew. Very alike, it and I, but meh.
I did manage to get a job, and I was all sorts of excited about it until I found out what kind of job I had gotten. I mean sure, it pays pretty decent and something like that will always be nice, but then there's the fact that there's idiotic numbers that I have to make or I will end up getting wrote up and such. Hell, if I call off for being sick or if I can't even drive there due to weather conditions, I get wrote up for that as well. I mean what the crap kids. Fine, you want me to try to come in and kill myself or drag myself in with the bird flu or some shit and spread that around the building, okay I'll play. The chances of me calling in sick are very remote anyway since I have never even done that through the three jobs that I have worked in the past six or so years, and there have been times when I know that I should have but instead chose to come in more pale than an albino, but to get wrote up for it even if there's a viable reason is absurd.
Oh sure, there's a number of other things that I could get into that have happened in the second half of the year that were complete shit for me, but this is neither the time nor the place to air that sort of dirty laundry. I would rather not want to relive that anyway, even if it is in a passing thought. The best that I can compare this year to is a roller coaster. There was the slow, plodding beginning, when the cars are getting cranked up and getting ready to go down that hill. The anticipation for some in that is the best part. When you go down, you are supposed to scream and throw up your hands because that's all that you can do. There is no illusion of control in the matter. You're along for the ride and you cannot change the course of things.
I fucking hate roller coasters.
It's like there was something up there at the very tip top. Something that I was trying to reach out for, to grab ahold of it and know that even when the bottom dropped out on me, I would at least have that. At first I thought that it was the diploma, but that alone does not help me. I could feel my fingers scrape against it, and for the briefest of seconds, perhaps only a millisecond, I thought that I was going to be okay, that it was all worth it in the end.
Then the drop. Both metaphorically, and in all too painful actuality.
The bitch about it is that if it was a real roller coaster, all I would have to do is ride it all the way through and just stay in the seat to get back up there and try to reach for it again. However, it's nothing but a cheap metaphor, the premise does somewhat hold, but to just simply think that it's still there, waiting for me when in fact it almost feels like the other way around
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