"Inconvenience: Introduction to Dysfunction"
<i>”Welcome to <b>my</b> nightmare.”</i>
--Freddy Krueger in “Freddy Vs. Jason”
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<b>I</b> am the reason that gas prices are so high right now.
<b>I</b> am the reason why beer and cigarettes are so expensive.
<b>I</b> know everything that is going on, where it is going on, what time it is going on, and the quickest way to get there.
<b>I</b> know everything that can be known about any vehicle, and how to fix them.
<b>I</b> have never felt any weather of any kind, and must be told by every person what it is like outside, even though I am constantly looking at what it is doing.
<b>I</b> am everything for my job rolled into one. I am security, the greeter, sales associate, customer service, maintenance, and big, evil demon.
God wishes He has the kind of power that I possess, or at least the power that all the idiots seem to think I have. Superman would be my bitch.
Forget the Alpha and the Omega. I am the Dante, and I am the Randal.
<b><u>I am a clerk.</u></b>
In the movie Clerks, Randal said “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.” If I have ever heard a statement that is truer, it doesn’t come to mind right now. I’ve been doing this job for over two years now, and I feel that I do a pretty damn good job. I don’t need to tell myself that, because I am the current employee of the year.
Right about now, other than the question “Why am I supposed to care,” some are probably thinking “But Burgess, how can <i>you</i>, someone who is such a dick, do a job like that where you have to constantly deal with people in a somewhat pleasant manner?” My answer to that is that I don’t really know. I guess the closest that I can get to something feasible is that while yes, I am a dick, I am not like this all of the time, and am not this bad in real life. I am a dick, but I know that in the real world, there has to be a level on control maintained. Me here and me there are two different things. Not completely, but different enough. It happens to the best of them, and while I am above the best, it can even happen to me.
What this and future articles like this are going to be about though, are times when even the control that I have fails and things happen. It might give you an insight to me. Hell, it might even give me an insight to myself. For the most part, it will give you some idea as to how goddamn stupid 99% of the public is, and why I am so cynical.
Kick back. Have some laughs. Have some dry-heaves. Have some fun with it. While there might not be much to this particular one, just keep in mind that they call it an introduction for a reason. There will be much more to come.
Just remember, while you get to read it, I’m the one that had to actually live through it.
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