MATH: Mothers Against Teenage Happiness
Hello there, (your name here). You are reading this for one of two reasons.
1. You clicked the wrong link
2. You for some reason enjoy my depressant writing style.
Frankly, I don’t care how you got here as long as you’re reading this. It almost kind of slightly sheds a little light on my miserable life, but not quite, and as you may know I hate light anyway. Bah humbug.
Tonight, I’ve decided to talk about my parents yet again, and more ways that they restrict my life. I honestly don’t know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if they lay awake at night thinking of new restrictions that they can add to my life.
The thing that’s been bugging me the most about them lately is that despite the fact that I work hard to earn my money, my parents feel the need to restrict what I can do with it. Every purchase that I make MUST be approved by them first. For example, there’s this Star Trek light controller thing that you plug a lamp into, and you say “Computer, lights at 100%” or some silly shit like that and it turns your lights on. It’s a really stupid thing, but I want to buy it anyway. However, my parents won’t let me, because they say it’s a waste of money and I’ll probably only use it once or twice. They’re probably right, but for God’s sake, it’s my money!
At this rate, one day I’ll be going to the grocery store and my parents will ask me “Mike, you don’t REALLY need those groceries. I mean, you’re just going to drink that milk and eat that bread once and then never use it again! It’s a total waste of money, and I think you should think about that before you spend your money on something like that.” The thing is, once I tell my parents that I’ve thought about it, they explain to me that I actually haven’t thought about it. Well, damn, I could have sworn that I knew what thoughts were going through my own head, but boy was I wrong!
As I’ve said in past articles, I hate it when parents bug you about “who’s going to be at that party” and “where is it” and shit like that. And to top that, they have commercials that actually encourage parents to commit these heinous acts. I don’t go to parties, because I’m antisocial and have no life, but if I did, I certainly wouldn’t be telling my parents where the party was going to be, and have my mom show up and embarrass me in front of my friends. And this, evidently, could certainly happen, as we see in the new Coke commercial, where a kid is about to score with a hot girl, when all of a sudden his mom shows up at the party and drags him away. And while I’m on the subject of that commercial, you may have noticed a slight change toward the end of it. (Note: I’m having to retype the rest of this article because God hates my writing and through divine intervention forced my toe into the reset button on the computer.) If I remember correctly, it originally said something like “My advice to the guy, don’t tell your mom where the party is.” Now, it says “My advice to the guy, don’t hit on girls after your curfew” or something shitty like that, which there’s no way in hell that a teenager would say. This change in the commercial was probably the result of some group of moms called MATH, or Mothers Against Teenage Happiness, who, instead of getting a job to help support their families, were prancing around outside Coca-Cola headquarters with picket signs while their husbands worked their asses off, complaining that the commercial encouraged teens to avoid communicating to their parents where they were going. Therefore, the Coca-Cola Company is clearly encouraging drug use, teen sex, alcohol consumption, and smoking. What pisses me off even more is that Coca-Cola gave in to all that crap. It almost makes me want to drink Pepsi, but not quite, because Pepsi sucks and Coke is superior in every way.
Oh, by the way, before I go, I’d like to make a shout out to everyone at my old school:
GO TO HELL.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day. But not too nice, because then you’d be in such a good mood that you wouldn’t want to ruin your bliss by reading my articles.
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