A year and a half later, love continues to suck.
Wow, another article by me~! Consider yourself lucky. Since I never get to write late at night anymore, I only get to write during the daytime, which, as you probably know, I am not too fond of. Fortunately, I’m in a very depressed mood, even though it’s the daytime. And you, mon ami, are about to find out why.
As you may also know, I switched schools this year, which has been good for the most part. There is little to no homework each night, and people don’t talk down to you like they did at my old, expensive, preppy private school. Now, I’m at a slightly less expensive private school that isn’t the least bit preppy. In fact, it’s just about the complete opposite. Like I said, at my old school, EVERYONE would talk down to me. Hell, even the seventh graders talked down to me, which was positively humiliating, yet funny at the same time. But at my new school, oh…let’s call it Metro…I never get talked down to. By the way, I’m calling it Metro because that's what it’s called. But there’s several schools called Metro where I live, so I’m not concerned about security. Anyway, here, I actually feel like my peers are, well, my peers. But enough of the positive shit. Let’s mosey on over to the negative, shall we?
Of course, like every other school in the nation, it’s not perfect. A lot of kids there are fuckin’ crazy. It’s like a nuthouse. One kid constantly talks to himself. I don’t mean when he has free time, or when he feels like it or whatever. I mean he does it the entire time during class, even while the teacher is lecturing. And he makes these insane facial expressions while doing it. The other day, I saw him make this really weird face with his eyes wide open, and he said “It’s power!” And this was during a lecture, mind you.
Let’s see who else there is that’s nuts. Well, there’s this one guy in the group of people that I have been hanging out with, but after this weekend don’t planning on hanging out with ever again, and you’ll soon find out why. Anyway, this guy got kicked out of his old school for threatening to kill his entire class with scissors. At first, I thought it was funny. But as I have begun to see just how crazy he is, I’m trying VERY hard not to get on his bad side. I really don’t want to get killed before I get the chance to lose my virginity. Oh, and did I mention that he worships the devil? In addition to that, he also writes “hellfire” across his knuckles, and draws a pentagram on his palm. And there’s many more crazy people that I could tell you about, but I’m far too lazy for that, since it would take up at least five pages.
Anyway, on to my worst day ever. Thursday, September 2, 2004. A few days earlier, I had told my friend Chris (I’m not changing his name because I don’t give a shit about his safety) that I liked a certain girl, who I will call Jane. (Even though I no longer like her, I am going to change her name anyway, because none of this is her fault). Anyway, as soon as I told Chris, he immediately became determined to tell Jane that I liked her. I, of course, did everything I could to keep him from telling her. After all, I had only known her for a few days, and to expect her to want to go out with me when she barely knew me was absolutely ludicrous. I tried to explain this to him, but of course, he didn’t listen.
So after about a week, he said that he was going to tell her that day. I figured he was bluffing, since he had been saying he would for days, but hadn’t done a thing. I wasn’t too concerned, until that morning, when he told a girl that I apparently used to go to church with but don’t remember at all. After he told her, she too became dead-set on telling Jane. Again, I tried to make clear how there was no way that she would say yes at this point, but to no avail.
That day at lunch, I saw Chris and this girl talking, and I knew that they were plotting to tell Jane. And something told me that they were serious this time. So I walked over and pleaded with them not to tell, but the girl said that if I didn’t tell her, she would. I explained to her to just give me more time, but Chris shouted “Jane!” My head sunk down into my hands. I knew before anything was said that it was over. I no longer would have a chance with Jane.
It all happened so fast that I barely knew who said what. But I heard somebody say “Do you have feelings for him?” and point to me. I practically said “No.” along with her. Then as she was walking away, some guy that had also butted in blurted out “Would you go out with him?” Again, of course, she said “No.”
It’s not like I expected her to say yes. After all, like I said before, we had only known each other for a week. I wasn’t even interested in going out with her yet. It was just a mere crush. I was planning on getting to know her better and becoming good friends with her before asking her out, but now those plans are ruined. She’ll never look at me the same way again, and now I won’t even be able to become friends with her.
After lunch, I still had one more class with Jane. I wasn’t too worried going into it, because we had assigned seats and I was at a different table from her, and we were both facing away from each other. But, for no fucking reason at all, the teacher decided to switch things around, and I ended up sitting next to Jane. I couldn’t bear to look at her. Once she asked me to throw something away from her, and I made sure I didn’t make eye contact with her. I was humiliated.
Jane was a great person to have as a friend. She and I sat across from each other in American History, and would always make jokes about whatever happened to be being taught at the time. At this point, all I want is to be her friend again. To be able to laugh together in history again. I just want things to go back to how they were before, but the chances of that ever happening are extremely slim. It’s like toothpaste. It’s easy to squeeze it out of the tube, but getting it back into the tube is impossible. Funny how you think you can trust people, you think that people are your friends, but they pat you on the back and slip a knife between your ribs. I have officially lost whatever faith I once had in the human race. If you learn anything from this article, I hope that it’s to stay out of other people’s personal lives, and to think about the effect before executing the cause.
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