Concerto di Shitbag #7
I’m sure all you geniuses think you know what I’m about to write about. About how my ex-girlfriend, who most of you know as SimpleMinded, completely screwed me over. About how fucking tired I am of being in relationships in which the other half for some reason chooses not to communicate to me her feelings and such. Well, if I could think of something else to write about, I would.
SM and I have known each other since I was about four years old. We went to the same church, and didn’t get along too well, considering I was a little prick back then. After a while, I moved to a different church and we didn’t see each other for several years.
Then, I switched from Whitfield School to Metropolitan School (a significant step down, mind you), and I was sitting at a table one morning, when to my surprise I hear a girl’s voice say “Michael Lasater?” Upon confirming her belief that I was, well, me, she introduced herself as some name I could never remember until we actually went out. (Meara, for those of you who don’t know.) Anyway, the whole Jane (oh what the hell, it’s Kassie) fiasco involved Meara asking Kassie if she would have gone out with me even if they hadn’t told her I liked her and all that shit, with Kassie still barely knowing me and of course saying “no.” (For those of you wanting an update on Kassie, she is currently going out with my good pal Jim, and she and I are great friends, so no worries.) Because of her participation in the whole mess, I was extremely mad at Meara for quite some time.
But somehow, we got to be good friends one day, and I thought about asking her out, but my shyness, left over from a year of torment at Whitfield, showed through and prevented me from doing so. And when I had finally mustered up the courage to ask her out (because I was that fucking desperate) it turned out that she (being desperate as well) had gotten some random guy who had visited our school to ask her out (he must have been desperate too) and they “went out” for a while. Then, she and I started growing closer, flirting with each other and stuff. I guess I realized that she was really starting to get close to me when we were on a field trip, watching a movie, and we somehow ended up holding hands at the very end. Eventually I found out for sure that she liked me. Then, one day, I babysat some kids with her, and she promised to break up with her boyfriend for me.
So, the next day, we were officially a couple. We ended up going to Six Flags on a Friday, and we had our first, and second, and, well, let’s just say we did a lot of kissing. It was quite wonderful. In the next few weeks, we graduated to making out, which was something I had never before experienced. I had never been so happy.
Then, she started to get cold. It got to the point where she was a different person, and didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me. I don’t really understand what caused it, as she won’t fucking tell me anything. Anyways, the rest you may have already seen on the Divine Thought boards. It may still be in TFN Social at
divinethought.com/boards
To sum it up, all my friends were telling me that I should break up with her. In fact, people to whom I never really talked were talking to me just to tell me that I should dump her. So one day, people were saying that if I didn’t break up with her they’d do it for me. In order to make everyone happy, I decided I would talk to her about how I felt like she was treating me like shit. But when I went to talk to her, she took it as a breakup…or something…anyways I ended up in tears, thinking we had broken up. But then I called her that night and she officially broke up with me. Apparently we hadn’t broken up and she was breaking up with me.
See, I tried to give her a second chance, but she stabbed me in the back. Well, since she treated me like shit, she lost most of her friends, which were, in turn, picked up by me. I’m now fairly popular, and very single, which makes me very happy. Apparently Meara is going from guy to guy fairly quickly, which obviously means she’s very desperate. Unlike me, baby. I take my time.
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