Love: it might end in a draw.
They say that means that we all win
But in life there's no victory at all
What you just read (including the title) was part of the song that I wrote to end my old life. And begin life I'm currently living.
I know that with the exception of Pavs, none of you heard much from me since last year. So let's play a little catch-up.
Let's rewind all the way back to the end of 2005. My band, Capture The Sun, was coming along nicely. However, I had a bit of a problem with songwriting. You see, all my songs were about love or heartbreak or just something about a particular person. My style had worked for a while, but it was starting to get old. It would be a while before that changed.
As for my love life, I was starting to get close to a certain girl. A fucking gorgeous girl. Well, the new year came and went, and I was still alone.
But then I met the girl in person (I admit it, I met her online) and we really hit it off. So near the beginning of 2006, I asked her out, and she said "yes." So, we hung out for a second time, and had a nice little make-out session in my van. (My van...I sound like a rapist, don't I?) Well, things were going well for a while…I wrote her a love song (she never got to hear it, though) but we went like three weeks without hanging out (her fault; I can always make time for people I care about) and we finally went to a movie on a Friday. Well, I put my arm around her and everything, but something was wrong. The magic...it was gone. In fact, it kind of donned upon me that the magic hadn't EVER been there. I wasn't sure if she still liked me, and I started to worry. A lot. Which I hate. Worrying clashes with my laid-back, worry-free personality. So you can understand that this was pretty shitty.
Well, Super Bowl Sunday came around, and I was hanging out with two of my bandmates and some other people who came and went as the day went on. We were at the lead guitarist, Austin's house (as I write more and more articles, you'll hear that name a lot). Well, I was enjoying myself, killing brain cells and whatnot, when I decided (being the good boyfriend I've always been) to get on Austin's computer and see how my girlfriend was doing. Well, I was worrying again, and, being a tad inebriated, made the mistake of asking her if she still liked me. And she said that she of course did. Let's just say the conversation went downhill. Fast. I'm not talking about running down a hill. I'm talking about falling off a fucking cliff, bouncing off outcrops, and getting my shit fucked up on some sharp rocks at the bottom. You see, she apparently wasn't in a good place for a boyfriend at the time, and ended our three-week relationship.
I was pretty pissed. I tried to throw the mouse, but in my drunkenness forgot that it wasn't wireless. So I threw a phone and went in the basement to where my buddies were. My rage (which wasn’t real rage, because I’m too easy-going to get really mad) turned into…I don’t even know what. I sat down and almost instantly became sick to my stomach. So I ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out, and began crying my eyes out in mid-puke.
So after a long booze-induced crying spell, I ate some meat for the first time in three weeks (that’s right, I went vegetarian for that fucking tree-hugger), Austin and I went back to my house, and before we crashed for the night, we watched some music videos. Well, certain video came on…“At The Bottom Of Everything” by Bright Eyes. And if you ever see it, you’ll find it’s pretty crazy. But it struck something in me. For the first time all night, I smiled. I never thought a song could change me that much, but this one did.
The next day, I was sitting at school, feeling really weird. Not depressed, just weird. So I sat down in English class and during journal time, wrote a new song. A song unlike anything I’d ever written, and to this day, can’t seem to match. I’d written quite a few songs before this one, but this one was different. You’d think I would have written a song about a breakup, but I didn’t. I wrote a song about life, and love, and how it’s all just a game. And tons of other stuff. I just wrote everything that popped into my head, and it turned out better than anything I’d ever written. But more importantly, it marked the end of the old Mike Lasater, and the start of a brand new me.
Since that day, I’ve been even more carefree than before. I don’t worry about shit that used to worry me. I just breeze through each day, and enjoy my life. I even decided, “Ah, what the hell!” and got a job. A couple weeks into it, they made some cuts, and I was one of them, but hey! Who gives a shit? I sure don’t. I made over $300 and gained experience. I’m not going to get another job for a while, and I don’t need to. I’m just going to take it easy. Play guitar. Write music. And you know how I always wrote novels? Well, I decided to take the new one I had started and turn it into a movie script. I’m actually going to make a movie. A real feature-length movie!
The movie idea is just part of my philosophy of doing what I want to do and having fun with my life. “Fuck tomorrow, love today,” a line from my song, describes how I always live in the present, and never worry about the future. Because the way I see it, you’ll never enjoy today if you worry too much about tomorrow. So that’s the advice I want you to take from this article: don’t worry about the future, don’t worry about the past, just live your life so that you enjoy every day. Thanks for reading, folks. It’s damn good to be back.
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