The Kenri Column: There's gold in these here hills!
Hello fans, and welcome to another installment of "Kenri talks about stuff". Today, I'm giving something back to the community, by showing off a handful of free, unlicensed games that only take a few minutes to download and are tons of fun to play.
I'm sure none of you care about any actual talking, right? You want the games. So let's get this show on the road.
Within a Deep Forest
http://withinadeepforest.ni2.se/
WaDF is an excellent game, and one of the only games on this list that doesn't seem like it would be at home in an arcade. You play as a small ball, and you're trying to defuse a bomb before it explodes and coats the world in ice. Or something, I didn't pay too much attention to the story. To beat the game, you must discover and complete areas in the Pinewood Heights (the main 'hub' of the game) in order to unlock new ball materials - rubber, glass, etc. These, in turn, give you access to more areas, and let you unlock more ball types. After collecting all ten, you must travel to the Underwater Lab, the final level of the game. WaDF has no fighting mechanic - in fact, there are only a handful of enemies in the entire game. Most of it is a bizarre, but fun, mix of platforming and puzzles that involve using your best reflexes and -gasp- your mind to solve. If you've played and liked Kirby: Canvas Curse, you should download this game immediately. If not, do so anyway. The game controls beautifully, has a great artistic style, and the minimalist music suits the mood perfectly. Let's see the loggers chop this forest down.
Progress Quest
http://www.progressquest.com/
Progress Quest is an MMORPG, in a sense. It's also the best of its genre. You see, the MMORPG is, in and of itself, a flawed genre. With no supreme quest to save the world, it becomes a chore, really. You have to get that next level up, or that next spell, or what have you. After a while, you stop caring about actually _playing_, you just want to have your character mine, fish, kill, etc without you having to press any button over and over. Enter Progress Quest, the only game you don't have to play. To start Progress Quest, simply name your character, choose your class and race, roll until you have decent starting stats, then minimize the window and forget about it. The game keeps going whether you're paying attention or not. The game has no music, no controls after the first minute or so, and the graphics are all text and progress bars. But who doesn't love a game where you can kill Porn Elementals and have a spell called "Tumor (Benign)"? It's a line drive to the killing field.
Cave Story (Doukutsu Monogatari)
http://www.gameflaws.com/cavestory/
(This is not the official site, however, it contains links to download both the actual game and the translation patch, and has a lot of useful information, making it much easier to use and more helpful than the official site)
Cave Story is an odd little Japanese freeware game that plays much like an 8-bit or 16-bit Castleroid. I'm can't really say this game is my favorite of the bunch (that honor would go to either WaDF or a game I've yet to reveal), but this is most game-y of all the games on this list. This is a full sized game, not a collection of levels or a single stage you play to get a high score. This is a journey, and it's excellent. You are a little figure, one that looks vaguely human. You wake up with no memory, and you must rely on the people you meet to help you discover who you are - while you help them to not be killed. Unlike most of the games on this list, Cave Story has an amazing, well, story. I don't want to tell you about it, though, because it would really be better if you found out yourself. Cave Story's got a complete package. There are bosses, multiple endings, a story, character development, tons of weapons, wonderful music, and the graphics are 8-bit greatness. The only real complaints I have are the controls - using a keyboard to play this game just feels wrong, and really interfered with my enjoyment, and the difficulty - some of the bosses are just pains in the ass. If you can ignore these slight flaws, Cave Story should be able to hold you over until the next 2D Metroid or Castlevania. A story as old as time itself...
Plasma Pong
http://www.plasmapong.com/
Plasma Pong shows how you can take a good, classic idea, and improve on it in so many ways. I simply cannot describe how cool this game is, but I'll try. Take Pong. Add really dramatic music. Add one physics engine. Add a rainbow. Put in a blender, and liquefy. You all know how to play Pong. This plays the same way, with three new additions. By pressing/holding the left mouse button, you can shoot plasma from your paddle into the area. This disrupts the path of the ball and can be used to cancel out your opponent's plasma. Holding the right mouse button creates a suction, drawing in the ball and any nearby plasma. Releasing the right mouse button launches a shockwave as it fires the ball across the screen. The colors constantly change and the music and sound effects set the mood so well, you can actually go into a trance while playing this game. It's by far the coolest game on the list, and considering it's Pong, that's saying a lot. We've come a long way, baby.
Magic Set Editor
http://magicseteditor.sourceforge.net/
I'm cheating a little. MSE isn't a game, per se, but it's so fun that I felt the need to include it on the list anyway. Only for fans of Magic: The Gathering, MSE lets you create very real looking proxies, with minimal effort. You can change just about everything about that cards - border color, picture, artist, copyright, rarity, set icon, mana cost, color, card type, subtype, rules text, flavor text, what have you. This is an aspiring Wizards of the Coast employee's wet dream. Containing all sorts of card layouts for you to fool around with (including: Modern Style, Modern Flip Cards, Modern Promotional Cards, Modern Split Cards, Old Style, Old Style Tokens, Textless Modern Promotional, and Vanguard (I cannot express how cool making Vanguards is)), you can tell a ton of effort went into this. Now including a keyword creator, an improved icon creator, and the most realistic looking proxies I've ever seen, MSE is a must download if you're at all into MTG (and you should be). Real magic does exist.
N
http://www.harveycartel.org/metanet/n.html
N, or N-Game, as it's sometimes incorrectly called, is possibly the most famous game on this list. It's fun. And it's HARD. N presents you with over 100 challenges to complete, and considering the difficulty of some of the levels, N may well be the longest lasting game on this list. You are a ninja. You want gold. If you run out of gold, you lose. You're also a wimp. If you are touched by an enemy, or you fall from too great a height, you die. However, at your disposal is one of the craziest, off the wall (literally) physics engines to ever grace gaming. If there's a ninja-y maneuver you want to do, you can probably do it. With enough practice, that is. This game just oozes style once you get good. The controls are excellent, and the graphical style works perfectly. I'd love this game... if only I were a little better at it. The game is 'N' - got it memorized?
I'm OK
http://imokgame.com/
(Warning: This game is M rated and should not be downloaded by gamers under 17 years of age. This is just my attempt to sound professional, by the way. I know you won't listen to me.)
Moving right along from the famous to the infamous, you all may be familiar with this game already without even knowing it. Remember that crazy kook Jack Thompson, and his modest proposal? Well, someone decided to call JT's bluff, and they actually made the game. Although I'm OK plays less like GTA and more like Metal Slug, I can't deny that it's still a lot of fun, if only for the 'guilty-pleasure' factor. This is also the first game on the list to get an M rating. Let's go down our list - WaDF? E-13. Progress Quest? E-13. Cave Story? T. Plasma Pong? E. MSE? E-13. N? T. But I'm OK? No, this game is definitely M rated. Thompsonsoft, the creators of I'm OK, boast that it makes Postal 2 look like Ms. Pacman. Considering this is a game where you can kill a family with a baseball bat and then pee on their brains, I'm liable to agree. In I'm OK, you play as Osaki Kim, a perpetually crying half-Korean half-Japanese man who's angry about the death of his son. The story goes that his son was killed by a kid who played GTA, or some such thing, and the kid 'only' got life in jail. Osaki Kim gets mad, so he goes on a killing spree. Let's face it, you're not playing this game for the story. You're playing it to pee on brains. And I'm OK doesn't disappoint in that department. I also must say, the sound effect for when you hit someone with a baseball bat? Wonderful. That is all.
Halo Zero
http://www.halozero.new.fr/
I'm not the biggest Halo fan, but I can't pass up a good free game. Halo Zero takes the Halo universe and throws it into the shell of side-scrolling shooters like Metal Slug. I'm not even going to try to explain the story, as I paid no attention whatsoever. I think it takes place before Halo: Combat Evolved, and is based on a story in one of the books. Not sure, though. Regardless, the game is fun. The controls take a bit of getting used to, but overall they work well. You play as Master Chief, hero of the Halo games, and your job is basically to kill everything that looks vaguely alien. I'd say more, but again, story, didn't pay attention, etc. The problem is, Halo Zero is a bit easy. It uses the recharging shield mechanic, which is possibly the worst thing ever to happen to video games, which means that when you're about to die you can simply walk a bit to the left and wait for your shield to recharge - the enemies won't follow you. However, most of the Halo flavor is here - or I think it is. I haven't played Halo's single player campaign, I don't even own an Xbox, what do you people want from me?! You're got a variety of weapons, both human and alien, and... I dunno, the game is fun. It's better than what I've played of the real Halo games, at least.
There you go, eight completely free and very fun games for you to waste your time on. You can leave the thank you cards and chocolates downstairs.
Until next time, remember: the best things in life are free.
~Kenri
Kenri of the Yuri is just this guy who writes silly things, sometimes. He is profoundly embarrassed about a good 60-70% of the stuff he's written. You might know him better as your friendly neighborhood Level 43: Editor. View his or her author page or author profile.
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