Relation Shipwreck
lol u c wut i did thar?
Also, don't tell me it's Monday, I'm claiming this section. Well, ok, not really, but considering this directly relates to my last article, I figured it'd be best to have them in the same spot.
Anyway, standard-fare warning that there may be angst in this article. I don't know, last time I said that, it turned out people thought it wasn't as bad as I thought it. Naturally though, since I think this article will be better in this regard, watch as it becomes an angst-fest. These opening segments are annoying to write [and read, I imagine], you know? So - to the story!
[Insert witty opening catchphrase here]
So, remember the bit in the last article talking about how xp wants to be in a relationship, but can't, because he has no social skills what-so-ever? Well, this is about that, sort of, I think... I might end up veering off course a bit while writing, it should be somewhat related to that, in any event.
Ok, so let's really start now, so, here's what we have, xp wants to be in a relationship, however, he's a hopelessly foolish romantic... or so he thinks, because this is all hypothetical due to the whole not having competent (if any) social skills to actually verify this. However, that is at the very least, my view on relationships and love, and all that other wonderful stuff. You know, the stuff you see in games, anime, stories, the stuff that may have occurred like three times during all of human history, and that's really pushing it.
A bit of a flash forward to present day, so we've established that - Here's the trick, I find the idea of "asking out" someone you don't know to be absurd, or at the least, pointless. Now, by "know" I don't mean "Well, we know the other person exists", I mean "Good Acquaintance/Friend" (IBOMGButTheFriendZone). Actually, more precisely, I probably mean that you know each other's interests and personalities pretty well, from interacting with each other, not trying to assemble vague observations.
Iceberg spotted dead ahead... and to the sides... and... oh, we're surrounded.
You may have guessed the imminent problem I'm about to mention if you've put together this article and the last one. Since my social skills/anxiety is against actually being assertive/confident and initiating the acquaintance, my hope would fall to them being either in my group of friends, or pretty close to my friends' groups of friends. Problem, my friends, at least when we're in a group, are all guys. Or, at least 99% of the time. So, uh, well, I haven't come up with a solution yet.
What makes this worse, is my fluctuating mood. When I'm in a good/happy mood, my confidence, optimism, and determination shoot through the roof, and I think to myself, "Heh, I'm over this, I actually have the confidence and other social skills to do this. (This would be meaning initiate acquaintance if you aren't following me)", however, then, inevitably, at some time my mood will drop back down to normal, or even crash a bit, and I'll be back to, "God damnit, I'm screwed.". If that wasn't enough, I remember the feeling of confidence and all that, and seeing that evaporate just makes me feel worse and more self-esteem goes down. This is a typical cycle that repeats itself, though it naturally makes sure that I don't have the confident part at a time where I'd ideally like to try and use it.
Oh, xp, stop whining. You're not special.
Despite the sarcastic intent I had behind that title, I'm perfectly aware that it is true. I'd be insane to suggest that only I have this problem and not like... nearly all adolescents at one point or another, but hey - I like to write about things that interest me/are on my mind, and well, this is way up there, if not the thing on my mind.
I could have sworn I had something more to add, but I can't think of it. Anyway, I'm sure the sooner this ends the better for anyone who's reading.
-xp
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