The Year of...
It figures.
It really does.
Hours over at work are getting cut. Well, to simply say they're getting cut would be an understatement. Eviscerated would be a better word.
Anyway, I work one day this week. Of course it's the first, and I have to be in there at 10am. That of course means that instead of going out, here I am. Not like I would go out anyway, or at least enjoy going out if I did.
So I spent my time today doing some things that I have been meaning to get ahead on, or at least get them done. Finished my laundry, cleaned my room up, kicked something in the living room, installed my new digital camera stuff on my laptop (yar, there soon be more bad pics here), and went through and organized all of my picture files.
I have a crapload of cat pictures. Why must they be so hilarious?
Of course, since it is also New Year's Eve (and into day by the time I get this done) I am also sitting here, watching the Bears suck huge ass (welcome back, Rextard) and also watching the Metalacolypse marathon while drinking some Club & Coke and allowing myself a smoke (only one, so relax).
This year has been...interesting to say the least. To say the most would take far too much time, way more booze, and fluent french, and I only have access to two of those things. Which two, I'm not sure.
First third of the year, standard.
Second third of the year, intruiging.
Last third of the year...oh holy crap. Frustrating, tiring, and confusing. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
I was thinking about doing another resolution list like I did last year (which was pretty much a copy/paste from the year before over on TFN [kind of sad that it can carry over like that ain't it {yeah, a lil bit}]), but decided against that. Instead, I...hell, I don't know what this is. I guess it's a resolution list, but a bit more lengthy since I'm probably not going to sleep so I need something to do for a little while.
...the year of a quest completed.
After five years since it started (and six since I walked out of Fulton), I am going to graduate with my BA in psychology.
Trust me, you're not the only one who is staggered by that.
I'll be honest. I didn't think that I would make it. Being too dumb was never the problem. Never has been. It's actually doing it that was the hard part. The doubt that I had when I started was a problem. Shit, the doubt that I have about EVERYTHING is a problem.
That said, I'm going to be the first in my family to graduate from college.
Wow.
After that...I don't know. I often seem like I always have an idea about what is going on around me or what will be going on, but about this I have no idea. Do I keep going? Do I head off and start the career? Do I stay where I am because of pointless and selfish reasons?
No smegging clue. Half of life is making choices. The other half is working with those choices.
...the year of cleaner lungs.
Yeah, I smoked tonight, but it was out of my month old emergency "Burgess gonna kill something~!" pack, so of course it tasted like shit. Then again, that's what smoking is, but whatever.
It's now just over three years since I started smoking. I know that because yes, I remember the exact day that I started smoking. It's amazing the information that I have inside of my brain, but so much of it is completely useless. Well, maybe there's a point. I mean, if I didn't need it, why would it still be there?
So it's been bout a month since I quit, but there's been a day here and there when I needed something or I would go out and crush the face of a squirrel, so the unofficial clock starts now. Here's to making it six months for all the nicotine to get out of my system. Now I just have to see about cutting back on the caffeine too.
...I'm going to get so fucking fat.
...the year of answers.
There's a lot of questions in my mind right now. More than usual. Not the normal questions that are in there either, like "so if someone made a car out of diamonds (which is one of if not the hardest metal known to man) and they rammed it into a wall made of diamond, what would happen?"
It sounds rather...philosophical I guess, but the main question that is in my head right now seems like something simple, but all it does it spawn more questions.
What am I?
...to myself, to others, to whatever. Sometimes the answer is hard to come by, and sometimes it seemingly can't be found. I would like a definitive answer, but I know that is something that can't be had. Not now. Maybe before, maybe later.
...the year of finding the path.
Nine years since I had enough. I used to be religious. Used to, y'know, fully believe. Then something happened and I walked away. Well, walked is the nice term. Basically I looked everyone and everything in the eye, raised my left hand, threw up my middle finger, and THEN walked away.
Catholic by birth. Right now though, they've got a lot of things to work out before I go back to that. My decision was made way before it, but first off: stop with the kids and the sex. That shit is messed up. There's a whole slew of other things that they need to get their act together on.
It's not so much about becoming religious again. That would involve going to chruch and all that entails. Right now, I just feel that I need to be more spiritual. There is something out there. For a while, we weren't on speaking terms. Hell, we would throw crap at each other if we saw the other one on the other side of the street and key each other's cars, but that time is passed.
The rest might fall into place at a later time, but for me, babysteps, which is a bitch when you wear size 13 boots.
...
Lot of things on the horizon. Of course, that's every day for everyone. There's just something about this day that makes you take a step back and try to encompass all of it. Some things will get accomplished. Some things will not. Other things will pop up and have to be dealt with. Some things will fall by the wayside.
The same can be said about people unfortunately.
Nonetheless, I say that from the start, this has the potential to be my year. Yeah, there's countless others that are saying the same thing. There is one thing that separates me from them though.
I'm me.
They're them.
Whatever that's worth I guess.
Until then, raise em if you got em, and here's to another year.
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