Let's Read Reviews! catfriedrice's Super Smash Bros. Brawl review (S1R3)
I have to wonder how long I can keep writing these. I mean, I enjoy writing them. And it's not like it's too difficult or requires too much of my time. But do you have any idea how much lower my faith in humanity has been driven since I started this? And it was just starting to recover, too. Ugh. Anyway, today we have GameFAQs user catfriedrice's Super Smash Bros. Brawl review.
Title: Melee 1.1, 2.0, 1.5, whatever you want to call it? They can only change so many things...
dey tuk our wavedashing
Alright. First thing. Right now. Right here.
Gimme an S! Gimme a U! Gimme a -per Smash Bros. Brawl! What does that spell?!
This is Super Smash Brothers Brawl.
I'm with you so far!
This is not Melee.
...You lost me.
O HAY DIS IS MEELEE 1.5!!!
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|......O...._....O.....| NO THIS IS ZOLOMY
|__.......<_>.....__| I'M NOT MEELEE 1.5
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No.
No, I'm pretty sure that is, in fact, Midgar Zolom.
There are new stages, new characters, new moves, new music, new modes, and a bunch of other NEW things.
By this logic, Pokemon Platinum is a different game than Pokemon Diamond/Pearl and not just an improved version.
It could not be any less like Melee unless they changed the game completely.
You could have just mentioned how wildly different the gameplay is and-
...You know what? I really don't think anybody even cares about this.
Seriously. I'm tired of hearing that.
Let's go over it another fifteen times, just to be sure.
Gameplay - 10/10 -
Sectioned review! Everybody playing at home, take a drink.
This game has great gameplay, but it's not one of the things you're going to be paying attention to.
A fighting game where you don't notice the gameplay. Clearly worthy of a high score!
If you're playing with friends you'll be to busy (hopefully) laughing to even control your character.
Let's say I'm not playing with friends. How's the gameplay then?
I'm serious, this game is hilarious.
are you cereal
Graphics - 9/10 -
Oh. So we're... so we're done with gameplay then? We're moving on now? I... okay, sure, fine.
Another thing you'll be to busy laughing to notice.
Are you depending on people being too busy laughing to notice that your review is terrible?
Because if so, I'd throw in a couple jokes or something. Maybe hit someone in the face with a banana cream pie?
The graphics in this game are nice, and have a few handy features to customize them to work best with your T.V.
catfriedrice, you give a bad name to both cats and fried rice. Your new name is Tim.
Features - 10/10 - There are many features in SSBB.
Okay, let's go over some of them.
Coin launcher, stage builder (we'll get to that later), Master Pieces (I'll tell you about this later on, as well),
Welp, this was definitely worthy of its own section. It's not like this is a long review, either. How much "later" can you possibly get in a review with less than 800 words?
uhhh... I forget what it's called that thing with the hammers and the glass and the blah blah blah... the part where you can see what you've unlocked.
I'd criticize this more, but this is like the only part of the entire review so far where he's given an actual description of something.
(For those curious, he meant the Challenges mode/Challenge Wall.)
Stage Builder - 8/10 - The stage builder is nice, but there aren't many things to do with it.
Clearly worthy of an 8/10.
Sure, you can manipulate it in plenty of ways, but there could have been maybe one or two more sets of pieces. Also an event editor or something like that would be nice.
Are you sure you're not too busy laughing to notice the lack of two extra sets of pieces and an event editor?
Master Pieces - 2/10 -
Is this really worthy of its own section? Really?
Hey, woah, I can play the games that the characters came from originally!
Big deal. I was doing that years ago.
Also, I hate you spelling "whoa" wrong.
Wait... I can play for... 30 seconds? That's right, the most time you get is 5 minutes on Ocarina of Time, I believe.
Who gives a shit?
This is some seriously irrelevant nonsense. You've spent more time criticizing the part of the game that's basically a glorified Virtual Console advertisement than you spent describing the gameplay. Pick something else, anything else, to talk about. Voice acting, soundtrack, characters, the story mode, the event mode, the co-op, anything.
And Sakurai decided to give Japan better games.
Who cares?! You just said that we can only play for 30 seconds! Why do you even give a damn?! Why are you still talking about this?!
Characters - 10/10 -
Thank you!
Wow. I honestly can't wait to see the next character roster.
Okay, but for the time being, can you talk about the current one?
How many more characters are they going to add to this game?
It's been released, so... zero. But I'll assume by "game" you meant "series".
Tim, you're not allowed to say this about a series with a total roster of about 45 characters (and I'm being very generous with that estimate). There are Dragon Ball Z games with over 170 characters; I'm pretty sure there are at least half that many when you total up every Nintendo game ever made.
Stages - 10/10 - All the stages are awesome, go play this game.
Well, you've convinced me!
Well I'm tired of writing this review now
And I'm tired of reading it.
so go get this game, if you don't already have it, which you should.
If I didn't already own this game, I would not get it just to spite you.
So... bye, I suppose.
Goodbye and good riddance.
I'm gonna give this game a 9/10... it's awesome. I'd give it a 10 out of ten but it has a few flaws that I don't like.
Flaw: Incites uncontrollable fits of laughter in idiots.
Flaw: May cause you to believe that 45 is a very large number.
Didn't you hear the first time? 9/10.
If you keep saying it, maybe it will come true! I have a million dollars, I have a million dollars, I have a million dollars...
...
Fucking damn it.
Overall, I give this review a 1/10 for getting my hopes up.
catfriedrice's unaltered review can be found on GameFAQs:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/wii/review/R124816.html
Kenri of the Yuri is just this guy who writes silly things, sometimes. He is profoundly embarrassed about a good 60-70% of the stuff he's written. You might know him better as your friendly neighborhood Level 43: Editor. View his or her author page or author profile.
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